Why does this seem to happen all the time? I've been talking about it with my girl for the past couple days and although we haven't really argued, neither of us left the convos in the best of moods. I've noticed in the past couple months she hasn't been as willing to put out, and even less likely to initiate anything herself. We started hooking up over a year ago, had a little "break" over summer and into fall, then got back together and got more serious. Then gradually the sex died down. I pretty much had to wait for her to get drunk, or for that one week before her period when she's a fiend. The other 3 weeks was kind of blah. I can't even remember the last time i got a BJ.

So I asked her what was up and she said sometimes I can get to be too much of a hornball and "maul" her all the time and "constantly be trying to touch her" and it makes her go the opposite direction. I'll admit i've done this, and i can see why it would have said affects, but i don't do it all that much. In fact I'll have stretches where I act indifferent and just plan on going right to bed, etc. and not even trying anything, and seeing if she'll do anything....nope. But nothing works. I've tried flat out asking for things, letting them come to me, yet nothing really works. Maybe im wasting my time trying to get things back to where they were the first few months seeing each other, i dunno.

So she told me back in the early days she didn't feel comfortable saying no because I would have up and left (which was prob. true), so she would just let me do my business and be done with it. So that kind of disturbed me today when i found that out, that i had been hooking up with someone that sometimes was into it, and sometimes wasn't. So i said "oh so thats why sometimes i would be like dayum she was really into it, and sometimes it would be, she just kind of layed there and didnt do anything" so naturally she got insulted

Finally, she seems to think it's normal progession of relationships (which is why i dont plan on getting hitched anytime soon) but i know there's gotta be people out there who still have exciting sex and often even after being with that person for a long time. Right??? And she also brings up "i let you do stuff with me that 80% of girls would let happen." But I think its just because she wants to shut me up and doesn't really enjoy it.

Thoughts?

Cliffsnotes:
Me and my girl hook up less often now that relationship is past "puppy love" stage.
I tried to ask her what the prob is, she says most of it is normal, but she gets turned off very easily
Im pretty much my same old self as I was in the beginning, so what am i doing wrong, if anything?

 

edit

 

Yes, the sex does tail off as a relationship progress. It goes from getting comfortable, to relaxing and having lots of sex, to trying new things. The key to having great sex in a long-term relationship is keeping things new, being romantic, etc. But it sounds to me like she wasn't even into in the beginning, which is unusual. Maybe she just has a low sex drive?

And what exactly is the "80% of stuff most girls won't let happen"? Maybe you're making her feel uncomfortable in bed, perhaps?

 

so how often do you do it per week? do you live together or does she sleep over all the time?

what kinda stuff are you doing to her that in her opinion 80% of other females don't do? maybe it is like what tlover said, she's not comfortable w/ that.

 

Ehh things like PIITB, sex in weird places, etc... Yeah i think she does it just to shut me up. She tends to be submissive like that, and I dunno if that's good or bad.

Well she was into it a lot more in the beginning, there were just those rare times where i thought she was rather boring. Now that problem is solved since she'll just say no. I think she might have a low sex drive, it's hard to tell though because this is by far her longest relationship (previous and only other one where she had sex was like 6-7 months). She is experienced though (# of partners well into the teens) but most of them were drunken hookups or flings that lasted a week or 2. So I can't really compare it to anything else.

Well we went to school together and it was pretty good then, but last semester she withdrew but we saw each other pretty much every other weekend, and that went well for a while, until closer to the end of the year. I guess all my frustrations were bottled up from all week and I tried to let loose but instead it backfired. Now we're long distance with me in MD and her in phila. but we try to see each other every other or 3rd weekend.

When it started it was like 4-5 nights a week, multiple times per night, then slowly went to 2-3, etc. If those weekend trips resulted in 2-3 times, i considered myself lucky.

 

Time to find a g/f on the side. That will change everything for you.

 

Heh, well I'm not a cheating person, but I can definitely see why people do, or get new girls every few months. I wish I would have known this earlier....

 

Wait until you get married. You will D/L porn like never before.

 

so if you don't see each other that often and when you do finally meet, she's not into it, there could only be a few things (in no particular order)

1) she really does have a very low sex drive, which is possible but not likely
2) she doesn't want to be w/ you anymore
3) she thinks that all you want is sex. you don't do anything special to her anymore.
4) she's getting some on the side

this is what i think. so have a mature talk w/ her and really see what the problem is.

 

Well she calls/IMs/texts all the time and says how we really need to see each other again. 1 might be true but not very likely, 2& 4 are 99% not likely, maybe ill have to look at 3. Most of our time together was spent at school, where going out meant going to a bar and getting drunk. Now she says she wants to do more stuff like go out to dinner, etc, so we'll see if that works.

 

Sounds like you need to rethink the way you treat her OUT OF BED. Women like to be loved, not sexed. The women I've been with like to be romanced! Flowers, cards, saying sweet things about her and how you feel about her, etc. All those things make the relationship happen for her. If all you want is sex, then move on now, if you really want a complete relationship, treat her as an equal and make sure she knows how your HEART feels, not just your anatomy...

that is from my experience what keeps a relationship fresh

(been with my current girl for a year and we still do the fun stuff nearly every day!)
but then I'm very talented too....

 

I feel you man. I moved in with my gf last summer. At first it was like 3-4 times a week, now it's only 1-2. And usually that is only on the weekends. She's "too tired, too stressed, etc." to do the deed during the week. So I just play GT4 instead.

I can only imagine what the married guys go through!

 

GT4 instead of sex.

 

When I got amrried 3-4 time a week, after 3 years, 2-3/month, after 7 years 1-2/month, 22 years 5-6/year
(I realized after the fact that a lot of the lack was my fault!!!! (see my previous post....when you stop trying, guess what, so will she!!

Act like your in love and so will she (assuming you are...)

 

aren't you a lil too old for that? how's your heart?

 

Good points, I'll try them out. She announced that now that I have a real job, I can take her out to dinner when we visit each other. YAY!!! Thing is though, I've always pictured myself as the affectionate, lets-hold-hands-in-public type of guy, sending flowers, etc. But she is very unaffectionate and likes to keep her emotions bottled up, doesn't like to hold hands, doesn't like to sit close on the couch, petting, etc, so I figured she'd get freaked out if I did all that lovey-dovey stuff. I think she's afraid of being romanced, but she's kind of hard to read in that sense. I guess I'll start with the dinner thing, although I hate to feel like I'm purchasing her affection and services instead of earning them.

 

Yeah man I agree. I mean I hold her hand all the time, give her hugs and kisses, snuggle with her at night, blah blah, say I love you etc. I definitely love her just as much as when we started going out 3.75 years ago. And she does the same stuff. But it's when it I try to initiate, she's too tired, stressed, not in the mood, etc.

I know she enjoys the sex. I'm the only bf she's had that can give her an orgasm (so she says ). So I'm pretty sure I'm doing it right, that's not the problem. I just think she has a low sex drive. I have been with other girls who wanted it once a day at least, and others who have been fine with once a week. On the weekends, when she isn't stressed out and tired from work, the gym, running around, making dinner, etc. we are just fine and that is when we usually have sex.

I'm not saying I want it every day, but once in awhile during the week would be nice. We both have busy schedules, so this inhibits it, but we do our best to spend time with each other. I also think that we're at the point in our relationship where sex is not the only thing. It's more about companionship and friendship now, which is where long-term relationships usually go.

 

New girl needed. Simple.

 

Here's a thought, why don't you talk to her? Ask her what she likes/dislikes/what romance is to her?

 

do some surprise-role-play


as a rapist

 

sicko!

 

Absolutely. Unless she is definitely THE ONE for you, you're young enough not to have to put alot of work into trying to figure this one out. Start working on a new [local] girl right now, so if you do decided to spend a bunch of time and money "working it out", it won't be a total loss.

I remember putting a lot of time and money into some relationships where I don't even remember the girl anymore, I just remember I put a lot of time and money into it...if that makes sense.

 

OMFG, that was wrong, but I haven't laughed so hard in days!

 

Just wait till your old enough to really enjoy it!!!!

 

You may just be mismatched. there are people of both sexes that just don't have the drive...It's sad but true.
But by all means talk to her about it!

 

Yeah i agree, a relationship is 50/50, if she wants you to be commited to her 101%, she needs to be more affectionate to you.

IF you stay together, (and trust me on this one) and she stays the same, YOU will get bored and find a fuck buddy on the side.

Sounds to me theres more going on than shes telling you. i mean come on..sex 5-6+ times a week to really 0 times. I think the low Sex drive is just an excuse, i mean she wont even hold hands with you.


I've known a girl for 6years now, we used to have sex aleast once a day, about 2 years ago it went to once a week. I told her point blank if she wants me to keep seeing her the sex part is going to have to pick back up, if not i will find someone else, and we can be just friends. she quickly turned around.




I mean look, thats bad if you have to get her drunk in order to have sex with her. Sounds like you need to give her the talk like i did above. after all you dont want it to get worse do you >>>>

 

i had the best sex i've ever had with my ex...FOR FIVE YEARS STRAIGHT. i think thats what kept us together to be honest. only days we didn't have sex were the days she was on her period.

so...it is possible.