I'm so tired of the bullshit.

I thought we lived in a society advanced enough to have moved past this. I know on a college campus, we're safe. I bet the majority of our generation (I'm 22) is ok with it.

But we share this society with a few other generations and some of them aren't very tolerant at all.

It's not completely bad but dumb things happen often enough to remind you that you're bucking a trend. It's coming from my people and from her people (although a lot more from my people).

Now to add a face to this:

I'm Asian and she's Hispanic. I chill out in her part of town a lot. You feel the dirty stares. People are seldom upfront about it, but they have their obvious reservations.

*MY* people (parents included), man what a nasty bunch. Their disdain is more open. They pretend like she's my toy or something. They'll tell me behind her back about what they think of her -- as if I won't tell her or as if it doesn't hurt me.

Hello... Please just pretend to accept this is a relationship that has mutual respect and genuine equality.

I feel like I'm damming a river. I'm giving 110% shoveling sandbags. I'm getting tired and falling behind.

Has anybody had this experience? How do you keep going. How do you bridge two worlds or do you even try?

 

You cannot control what others think of your relationship, regardless of whom you are with. What you can control is the way in which you interact and display your feelings around certain persons.

I went through this for about 10 years, interracial relationships with all sorts of different backgrounds.

First you have to understand this will always be the case with many, My suggestion to you is be yourself, your partner in this is with you cause of you and the way you are, and you with her for the same reason. Bridging the two worlds, may not be the right term in this case. I would suggest you stop looking at those who do not agree with your hearts desire. Parents, are looking at this as a game your are playing, perhaps cause you are not showing that your truly care about her. Your attitude and behavior is the key. Do not share the crap they say about her, it seems you have a bunch of old school thinking family members (nothing wrong with that, it's there choice), you must address the issue with a clear and calm head, or you will kill this relationship, before your family does.
Family members may never like the idea, but you must always be calm and be sure of your relationship. Talking and learning is really the key to a successful inter racial relationship, actually any relationship. Worrying and looking for the negatives, (the way people look at the two of you together) is going to drive your relationship to failure.

 

110%

I'm hispanic and i have a very good relationship with my caucasion (soon to be wife) fiance... I just have to tell you one thing... In interracial relationships... If you know it isn't a joke and you are serious with this girl... Then don't mind what other people say (including your parents) What matters is what you think of your relationship... Now if you are in it for the booty only... then don't feel bad when people talk smack about your relationship because it really isn't a relationship... Still, if you are serious with this chick... GO FOR IT!!! REGARDLESS of what other people think/say...

Another thing... If you go as far as i have... Be ready to get confertable with nicknames such as Chino etc... it's a racial word for Asian... but you shouldnt take much offense to it... because a lot of hispanics use that word to either 1. Name of curley hair (ask your GF about it) 2. If you have eyes well like an Asian person would... Hispanics tend to use Chino as to say Chinese eyes... regardless if you are chinese or not... In General Asian... No offense on this post... just a warning on what to expect from her side...

My girl has gone through it with my family, them calling her guerra... and i've gone through it with her family with them trying to speak spanish to me... and always when i'm around they wanting to go out for Mexican... i take no offense... towards it... just makes me laugh...

 

I hear you man.

You bridge what you can, with those who accept you and your relationship. You dam the ignorant.

I'm in an interracial relationship now. I hear it pretty bad from my mother as well. It sucks at first, but then you just learn not to value the opinion of those people when it comes to your relationship. (You should still listen to your mother in other areas though.)

If there is one thing I've learned through all of this, is that it is only you and your partner that matter. F' what other people say or feel. Ignorant people surround us in daily life; whether they choose to identify themselves through your relationship, at work, in public... the fact is they exist and will always exist. So just don't let them get to you.

Just remember that Bubba Redneck, Shabazz Ali, Mao Chi, and Carlos Sanchez are not involved in your relationship. It's just you and your lady, so don't sweat it.

 

I have been with her for a while (almost a year).

This will be our first holiday season together though. I really wish I could spend it with her family, or her with my family. But that doesn't look like its going to happen without a Romeo and Juliet civil blood makes civil hands unclean kind of thing.

Anyway guys, thanks for the words of encouragement. Both of us decided early on that we had something special and it would be worth fighting for. Its just that I've always been close to my family and her with hers. This holiday season is making us realize our future together might come at the expense of alienating our families.

 

Check this out... for Thanksgiving... what time is dinner at her place???
Now answer this... What time is dinner at your place???

You know where i'm getting at??? lol...
Don't eat to much at one place because then it'll be bad at the other...

One rule of thumb... Most women are attached to their family... and like big families... so, naturally it would be best for you to go over and spend your holiday seasons with her family (assuming she has the larger family besides, it'll aslo show how much you care for her to her family... Now for X-mas... i don't know how Asians do it... but most hispanics don't celebrate X-mas in the morning on the 25th... the 24th is where the party is at and thats where you'll find us So, most likely you'll be opening presents with her at exactly 12:00a.m. midnight on the 25th... Staying up late... its the best... and then you can spend your X-mas with your family in the morning... is this a plan or is this a plan...

Just a couple of ideas... according to the situation, you should just try and manipulate/budget your time between... then again... it also depends how far you two live... lol... good luck these holiday seasons... hope you get to unrape THE present... good luck...

Remember: its better to spend more time with her family (cuz she'll like it) then actually spending time with yours... small sacrafice for what you want (whatever that is)... In other words, you are trying to win her family over... so, just go and !!!

Just my From a Hispanic hommie helping his Asian hommie...

hispanic family not likeing more people over??? odd... maybe in between you two can have your own celebration... take her out for a while then take her home intime for her families party... and intime for yours... Definatly romeo and juliet thing going... Just don't kill yourselves!!!

 

We can't spend our holidays together because neither of our families will like that.

 

Hmmm. Now, I'm 31, married, and pregnant...white and the baby's daddy is latino.

Anyhow, as the older voice of reason here, and speaking from experience and watching others go thru this stuff, you've got to stand up for your girlfriend to your parents. Basically, you need to say that if they can't at least respect her and you, then you will take yourself away at special times like THanksgiving. Don't give them the privelege of having you around if they can't show respect. You know, in a way, they are like children. You take what they like away till they behave. Sorry, but it's true. As far as her family goes, I'll bet they'll warm up to you as the years go by if you're serious about her. Latinos typically are VERY family-oriented, so if you want to impress, show that family is important to you. Spend time with them, listen to their stories,etc.

I know Asian parents can be some of the toughest in this situation. NOt from my own experience, but I've had friends who've been in your shoes. They may honestly NEVER approve of your relationship. But, you can demand that they respect you and your decision for a mate like I said earlier.

In this country and many others, racism has DEEP roots. It's ugly and sad. Think, it's only been about fifty years since Martin Luther King had to fight against this ridiculousness within our culture. Our race (humans, there really is only one), has a long way to go. Eventually, we'll get there, but it's going to take people like you to require respect from others. Your family is prejudging your girlfriend and it's not right. THat's all there is to it. Be strong. Love who you love. F everyone else.

 

to make it short and sweet...

I've come to realize that a lot of the world is full of fucking assholes. I fucking mean it. If you truly love her, or care for her, you would stand up for her and what you believe in and tell whomever what's up, and they can take it or leave it. That's their fucking problem, not yours. I can relate because I've been w/ my girlfriend for over 2.5 years now; I'm white and shes half Japanese / half Puerto Rican...so I dealt w/ the BS for a while. You just need to set your priorities straight and decide what you think is right to do in the given situation. If I were you, I'd tell your family members whassup, and set their ass straight.

 

encore... encore!!!
Experiance always, for some reason always rules over knowledge and wisdom... then again to gain wisdom you must experiance... with experiance, knowledge is gained... I don't know i'm just rambling now... i'm out... but i totally agree with jencatt...

Edit: Congratulations jencatt...

 

I agree with everything that was said...But one thing I would not do is repeat what someone says about her to her, most notably from the parents. It's only going to put a bad taste in her mouth, and there will always be a sense of hatred when there's confrontation. Stuff like that would make her not want to be with you. It's better to get the parents to accept her with time than for her to always know that your parents said things about her behind her back.
Ed

 

Yah, there is no shortage of stupid people in the world, that's for sure. Stay strong!!

 

Going into an interracial relationship is looking for troubles. Life is just not fair. I slept with mulatto women but there is no way I would have brought her to my family.

 

Sounds like she lucked out.

 

I hope this is a joke post.

 

I do not think people that do not like or condone interracial relationships are assholes or stupid. I think a lot of people are scared of the unknown. I mean, let's face it, most ethnicities tend to stick together. Blacks tend to live in black neighborhoods and assiciate with other black people, hispanic people do the same, asians do the same, indians do it, etc. One needs to realize that most older people within a culture are set in their ways and have learned that way and therefore are unaware of the various other cultures.

Parents just want to see their kids with someone from the same culture and they perceive that people within the same culture share the same values and ethics. But they do not realize that other cultures also have high values and ethics, they just do not see that. It is no surprise that the divorce rate in America is hovering at about 60%-70%, and that scares asian cultures where divorce is taboo. It is assumed that westernized individual do not value the sanctity of marriage and that scares folks. No one wants there kids in a divorce much less a nasty one.

Another fact is that cultures tend to get along with cultures that relate and resemble eachother. Many Chinese people can marry or get with Koreans or Vietnamese and have less problems than if they would get with a white, black, or indian person. The cultures are similiar and the two can assimilate. But is harder for the families to get along with cultures that differ drastically....

It is the same reason why people make a huge deal when you marry someone that is not of the same religion. I know I wrote a fuckin' novel, but I would not call people stupid, just misinformed and not prone to change, maybe narrow-minded, but not stupid....... My advice to you (because I have dealt with it before with a previous chick I dated) live for yourself. If you and your girl know eachother and ya'll are happy, in love and all that other stuff, then do your thing. Never live your life for your family, which our cultures tend to do, the asian and hispanic culture have a heavy emphasis on family, but do not let your culture dictate your life. Do what makes you happy and will bring you the greatest benefit, your parents will die and leave the world and your siblings will also marry and start their lives, so in the end, it will be just you and the person that you love, and that is all that matters my friend..... I hope every thing works out.....



btw.... you live in H-Town, does your girl have any sisters or fine ass friends? then pass them my way...

 

Thanks for the advice everybody.

Don't take it the wrong way. I love her and I'm prepared to face the challenges, but reading what you guys are saying has given me that extra resolve.

Anyway Indo, she does have a sister. They might be sisters but they aren't very similar. It is pretty much a toss up. Sometimes the sister will get the looks and sometimes my gf does. Kind of depends on which one has an off day or something. Unfortunately, her sister is already "deeply" committed with somebody.

As for fine ass friends, she's in a sorority. Good odds some of the pretty ones are single too.

 

Why? This is my opinion and facts & personal experiences support it. I don't care about flames of frustrated people.

There are differences among races, want it or not and it has nothing about superiority or not of one on the other; denying this fact is like putting your head in the sand.

It is getting way too much politically correct.

 

what ethnicity are you?...

 

I agree. What an ass he is.

 

There are differences between PEOPLE too, jackass. Are you saying that all members of a race are the same? Are you saying that Puff Daddy and Colin Powell are just alike because both are black? Are you saying Kidd Rock and Donald Trump are alike because they're white?
There are cultural trends, sure, but relationships are between PEOPLE, not cultures.
They say it takes all kinds to make the world go round. Hopefully it takes fewer people with this mindset.

 

Mmmmh, no.

 

Sorry, you'll need to do better than that. I married my wife, not Mexico.
Besides, you addressed absolutely ZERO of the points in my last post.

 

dude, I'm asian (chink) 22..I know how asian parents are VERY STRICT about there mates. But if you truly love her...I mean seriously...see yourself marrying her..vice versa...fight for it..because if you don't see yourself marrying her...you are wasting your time. On the brighter note...F* what your family says about her...because its YOU thats being with her..not them. I would do what jencatt would do...impress her side of hte family first...try to get to know more about her side of culture and family. More like...become a son to them. Hopefully everything goes thru...and don't rush things..respect both sides of family's...and try to make them realize that you guys are in love...and there is nothing they can do about it...tell them that you love them (family) and that you love each other alot. It will take time.....eventually it will break. Good luck to you dude.

 

He called himself a chink..... Your so racist.....





sorry, I did not mean to post whore....

 

What makes you think that I care about you? So we agree to disagree and that's it.

 

Well the idea of a FORUM is that people post back and forth. I think the concensus is that the point is to discuss the things that are posted. I see you were cornered by my logical points and rather than explain yourself, you surrender, leaving the nonsensical remarks out there to tarnish your reputation.

Obviously you care because you returned to the thread. It's pointless to post things and never go back to discuss what you or others have posted. All I ask is that you concede that your opinions make no sense: all members of a race are not the same, and therefore you have to judge each relationship individually, not because someone is a mulatto or white or asian. At 37, you should know this by now.

 

Here is my $0.02s..

In general, most people aren't subsist to CHANGE. Majority of the public will look at a interracial couple strangely, they may not come right out and say it, but you see it in their eyes, action, etc., I myself, have dated caucasian, hispanic, and asian (my race) and I do see there's a difference (difference of each personality) just remember


your better-half is the one that will be there for you when you're 80, 90 years old. Not your parents, their parents or anybody (assuming no divorce)

good luck and alot

 

You are just another young imbecile with an high testosterone level. Get back to your toys now.

 

I agree with F-ing her family....if you F them, they'll like you cause they did it with you.....jk...

just think about it this way...when they are dead...is it going to matter whether they liked you or not...?

 

I am in an interracial relationship. Her parents are fine with it. My dad is fine with it, but my mom is old school and always gives me shit about the relationship. So I tell her, "you know what, this is my life and I will do what I want." She thinks that my fiance will just sit on her ass, have kids, then leave me and take all the money. So I point out to her that people of our race do the same shit so it's not a characteristic of a certain ethnicity.

If you are happy and she is happy, that's all that matters.

 

That's my main point: there are examples of bad in ALL races as I pointed out in an earlier post, so it's difficult to say it's bad to date another race. You have to find a good partner, as with any relationship. Some here were too simple-minded to grasp the logic, but he knows who he is.

 

There is no logic whatever in this process - all subjective. But not differences in different cultures; they are facts.

 

me azn, wife white. we are happy. you can make it work out if you want, alone or not. if your parents really dont approve, they will someday or become very bitter. it took some time for my mother to fully adjust i think but right now all is very well. regardless of whether or not they approve it is your life, and your wife/gf so unless you rely entirely upon your family for some level of support, do what you have to.

for the most part. some people (parents or not) will not approve, ever. it all comes down to who you want to please and how you want to live.

 

asian guy + white wife = pimp

 

wOrd !
hahahahaha

 

Isn't NJ on the East Coast? Maybe you're representin' the west side of town?

...I have that same halogen lamp!

 

DAMN!, I thought you Canadians were polite, open minded people. Woops, I just totally generalized about a culture didn't I. Woops.

Anyways, I'm a non religious Japanese/Irish guy from San Pedro(gheto part) living in Chicago. I just got engaged to an Irish/French "country club" girl whose dad was almost a priest. Talk about differences. Trust me, all you can do is keep loving her and do what you do. If your family or her family come around to the idea so be it, if they don't they'll just have to miss out. I know it's easier said than done though. Good luck.

 

I agree it's the couple who will have to live with each other on a daily basis; not their family members. They have to worry about what works for them in their own household, and not give too much weight to the opinions of others, ESPECIALLY Saintor!

 

Unfortunately the world in which we live is still basically uncomfortable with IRR's. It is strictly a social issue. Bottom line is that you have to decide if you both love each other enough to deal with the negative reactions from others. A second thing to keep in mind would be the effect on any children you may have down the line. The social implications will be far more difficult for them. I'm not bashing IRR's and not against them, but as a Baptist minister I have seen too many of the negatives. You just need to go into it with your eyes open.