FYI, Perfect genes don't produce ginger kids.

 

Intelligence is very important to me. A person having a post-secondary education or not isn't a refection of intelligence, but the ability to be articulate and creative certainly is. I've dated professional women such as physicians to those who have had more mundane careers, but the biggest attraction in each instance was their intelligence.

I find an intelligent woman also to be more confident, secure, humorous, and even physically attractive. I'm certainly not the world's brightest individual, but I love a woman who keeps me on my toes on an intellectual level.

Terry

 

very important, if they look pretty and can't speak somewhat intelligent? hard to deal with

 

Intelligence begets education. Intelligence means "To Understand". If you can't understand/comprehend things, its much more difficult go about getting an education. But it doesn't mean that all uneducated people are unintelligent. Bill Gates is a perfect example of this. But he was intelligent enough in the first place to get into Harvard.

 

Internet dating. At least you can gauge their intelligence by their grammar and composition. It's important to me, too. I used to really jab at my wife for the "your/you're" typos. It's still a running joke.

 

Similarly, being "ignorant" is not always meant as an insult. It just means you've never been taught or never learned. It has no bearing on your ability to understand the concept.

 

You must LOVE AZ then. Somebody makes that mistake in every thread

and lack of intelligence is a major turn-off

 

My sentiments exactly. You would be surprised at how many of our collegiate members have no clue when it comes to this. Yet, claim to be "educated" in front of God and everybody. I would say those supposed claims, depict a lack of intelligence on their part...

 

Its hard these days though to find a girl who is actually interested in real events like whats going on in the world and actually understands intelligent conversation. I feel like an asshole saying this but most smart girls are not very attractive so its even harder. But yeah intelligence should important right up there with personality and looks.

 

I am a lucky bastard. My wife is brilliant and beautiful. I STILL dont know how I pulled it off, we have been married 11 years now.

 

I think intelligence and ambition is very important. It has nothing to do with formal education, but more to do with having knowledge. My wife and I get along great and I spent about 7 years in college and grad school. She has her Associates.

 

 

Maybe you should spend your time looking at pictures of YOUR wife rather than other peoples'.

 

maybe you should wash the sand out of your vag

 

 

Yeah, Ravi. Jeez.

 

Oh no you dit-ant...

Just remembered why I'm glad its mostly a sausage fest around here...

 

Calm down man. I was just kidding.

 

 

I have a Masters and my wife graduated from a trade school. But, she is gifted in ways I am not, and visa versa. She has a high "emotional intelligence" - if you're familiar with the phrase. She's amazing with people. Knows their feelings, knows if something is bothering someone, knows how to cheer them up. And she has tons of common sense. We don't sit around talking about engineering, but after 10 hours of it I'd just assume talk about Grey's Anatomy.

Question isn't about matching IQ's - it's about common ground, where ever that ground is.

So since I haven't dated in 20 years, I can't give you much advice. Nothing against clubs or women who go there, but I just have to believe your odds of finding what you are looking for are low in that environment.

 

I knew I had to ask my fiancee to marry me when it dawned on me she was the first girlfriend I had where I didn't worry about her saying something foolish while conversing with friends or family. I guess the fact she has a doctorate doens't hurt, either. Even though she has 4+ more years of education than I do, she's in the medical field and I'm in the arts, we are on the same page conversationally. She has her quorks as do I, but at the end of the day I know she gets it. We tend to finish each others sentences and say exactly what the other person is thinking. I've experienced the dumb but hot girlfriend before and it boiled down to being in lust, not in love, with them. I never really believed in love being blind until I felt as much in love with my fiancee's brain as I was with her looks.

 

The brain is one sexy mother-shut-your-mouth! The body may get you in the door, but the brain will keep you! How's that for intelligence?

 

I have to say...I spent 4 years in university and I wouldn't do it again...tech school is the way to go all the way...at least for what I was studying

 

Its important to me. I hate not being on the same page with someone; it's such a turn off. If I can't have an intellectual conversation with someone without them having no idea what I'm talking about, blowing me off all the damn time or talking about some stupid TV show, I just won't talk at all. Having a college degree per say is not important as I have known some complete dumb asses that have degrees.

 

How is it for you in Lawrenceville then? Just curious as far as dating goes, I don't make it to that side of town much.

 

...and some of the smartest people I've met were High School graduates.

I think it depends a lot on how you define yourself or what you are strongly drawn to. Some people define themselves by what they do - "I'm a doctor, or an engineer". Some by their hobbies - "I'm into cars, or I knit". For those people, finding someone where that's the common ground would be very important. For me, I define myself more as a husband and father. So I could care less if my wife can speak engineering - our common ground is in other areas where we share common interestes (family, etc.). I don't think intellect is an issue unless you just happened to be wired in a way where that's the place you'd seek common ground. It's not a bad thing, but it's good to know.

 

I know, I know....you engineers aren't big on the grammar.

I'd just as soon talk....

 

Rats. Back to huked on foniks for me. So much for that Masters....

 

Easy on the eyes, can hold a conversation, understands what's going on in the world, there are a few more things you can ask for in a woman. Sane too? Shoot, it's a gold mine.

I want it all. Intelligence ranks high and is extremely important, I wouldn't use them not graduating college as a deal breaker though.

 

For me, it was a must. Fortunately my g/f has the general idea of what I'm talking about 99% of the time. She is very intelligent and relatively street smart.

Previous g/f's didnt appreciate my past or have a clue about the world.

 

Thread revival.

Struggling with this a bit right now...

I grew up in a household with two teachers (middle school science, college science) where education was a daily part of life. Book smarts, expectation of 'honors classes' daily learning about the world around us, watching the news, reading books, exploring, etc...

Other half did not have the advantage of this kind of upbringing. TV was a babysitter, everyone gets a trophy, learn stuff for a test and forget it, etc... It's not that she is not intelligent and creative, just that I am a decade older and had a very intellectual upbringing (read: nerd).

She sometimes gets pretty upset when we have conversations and she says "I didn't understand half of what you said", or when I read an article about some world event and can discuss it, but she reads it and does not entirely understand the issues.

I am concerned about this going forward since she seems to be worried about it ("I am not smart enough for you")...

She has a tough time learning new stuff because she was never taught HOW to learn, HOW to read critically, etc... I try to gently show her alternative ways of thinking about things she encounters, try to encourage her to reason things to their logical conclusions, etc. but it is a bit frustrating for both of us. Me because it's tough to understand how someone could not "get it" when I get it, for her because she was taught to try twice and then give up and someone will rescue her...

Anyone else had a similar situation? Looking for good ways to be constructive.

 

still married!

 

Stogs, that sucks especially because if I remember your other thread in here...yea, that blows. Not to be rude but I think that is the biggest problem with dating someone that has a decent age gap. Yes, it can be done but it is getting harder and harder with all the technology younger people have.

She is in a different generation and while my upbringing was like yours, MANY I know did not have this luxury. I dated low 20s in the last few years and wanted to kill myself when it came to anything but sex. I don't think there is a good answer and it seems this is going to continue to bother you.

Only thing I can suggest, which I'm sure you are trying to get her to do, is possibly do fun, educational-ish trips like museums, arts galleries, and as gay as it sounds maybe read the paper over coffee in the morning. I know my gf was like yours and have found if I bring her the paper (hers is on the iPad ) and some coffee in bed, we read together. Now, I will say she loves to read but mostly trashy stuff. I watch squawk box while getting ready and she doesn't understand why I care what is going on but is getting better.

Good luck man!

 

Stogie - I don't know that I have a magic solution, but I have a few thoughts about the situation you described.

I would be very careful about any attempt to change who she is when it comes to complicated topics like academic habits, deep emotional issues, etc. I think coaching her to "become more academic" is a mistake, however well intended. If she wants to better herself, that's great but it has to come from her - because she wants to. If she feels pressure to become more academic because she feels that's what you want, then that becomes an unspoken condition to your relationship. In her mind, she'll think "I need to be more intellectual or he'll leave me". And you will forever be having the "I"m not smart enough for you" discussion. It's an unhealthy means to a noble end.

My 2 cents would be to reconcile yourself to who she is when it comes to intellectual conversation. Maybe you'd prefer better but it doesn't sound like that's who you have. And that particuar issue is difficult to change without making her feel guilty or resentful. However, it is possible to push her now and again to stimulate some thinking, but I would be very careful to stop short of the point where she might get resentful.

Second suggestion is if you really want to have those conversations, I would figure out a way to meet regularly with some friends that challenge you. I have some friends I meet with every other week - it's a standing time and place. Same coffee shop. I usually can get through topics with them that would bore my wife to tears. I think the important thing here is to find yourself another outlet, so all the pressure isn't on your significant other.

 

Stogie it's going to be REALLY hard to help her raise her intelligence at this point in her life. Not knowing how old she is, I'm sure she is old enough where improvements would be very little.

I wouldn't say my wife is unintelligent, and I hate to use this word but she is not "street smart". She was brought up with VERY strict parents that did everything for her and would not let her listen to the radio, watch much TV, and hang out with friends. So because of this, she doesn't get a lot of the "street stuff". She's sometimes awkward, can't make decisions quickly on her feet, can't operate many of the appliance at home (washer/dryer, vacuum, stove), sometimes awkward socially, etc. I think the closest description I would give her would be she is your stereotypical "blonde".

I can't teach her to be more street smart and sometimes I get frustrated. I know it's probably not the same situation as yours but it's probably the same frustration. So I just slowly take over for her. I do a lot of the house work, show her the ropes slowly, point out what she is doing awkward socially, how to wash the dish without leaving grease behind, all that stuff. I slowly understood that it was her parent's fault for always doing things for her and restricting her of everything. So I just accept it and as a man, took care of her but at the same time slowly teaching her to be independent. Yes sometimes we have arguments about her obliviousness but it's something that is getting better each day.

You can't flip someone around in under a month. It's been years and my wife is still improving. She still awkwardly operate the vacuum but what an improvement from when I first met her!

 

I've dated dumb girls before Stogs, it happens. It can be frustrating when you're not on the same intellectual level. It is good that you are trying to help her learn and expand her mind, but I'm not sure how much luck you'll have. I wish you luck sir

 

Dude, you know the rules..... We need the hotness to smartness ratio...

 

Does her knowledge complement yours, i.e. does she understand and discuss things that you know less about? Does she have her own interests and hobbies? Does she have common sense and social skills?

If the answers are "yes" to all of the above, you shouldn't be concerned. Couples do not need to have similar intellectual interests or capacities to make a good couple.

If the answers are "no" to all of the above, !

If the answers are mixed, I will need pics to give a better opinion.

 

 

All I ever hear outta them is "Hmmmmerrrrr, uck, cough, spit."