me and my girl were talking about engagement the other night. im not quite there yet but i know she's the one. anyways she just happened to mention her brother would have to be in the wedding party. i dont know her brother that well. met him a few times. so i sort of objected. saying its my side and im gonna pick my brother and a few close friends. people that i am close with. she said its somewhat customary and she was stuck on the fact that he should be in. i raised the BS flag. whats the deal with this???

 

Stupid thing to pick a fight over. Just add two to the wedding party, and ask her brother and invite your friends too.

 

I can't even imagine having a wedding party that didn't include immediate siblings (+friends). Everyone's different though. Wedding parties usually include people close to both the bride and the groom, not just men vs. women/bride's side vs. groom's side.

You might want to spend some time getting to know her family well in advance of getting engaged, as they will eventually be family too. Sounds like you're not there yet though.

 

yeah i have always seen at least one representative from the brides side...

If she has only 1 brother it probably isn't a big deal having him in the party... If you has 3 or 4 brothers I don't know how you would deal with that, you can't just pick 1 so i would suggest just going with your brother and your friends.

 

i guess maybe i didnt look at it that way. her brother lives out of state. thats why i have only met him a few times. i just didnt see it being neccessary. we arent fighting over it, just talked about it.

 

^ A bridal party is there to support and honour BOTH of you... So there's usually a good mix of people representing both the bride and the groom. I would never exclude a sibling.

 

Word of warning. This is just the first of many crazy requests that she will want.

My advice, just submit and let her do what she wants. You don't want anything to do with this battle. A wedding is her day, don't forget that. If you interfere you will feel like a truck just hit you.

 

Why is wanting your brother to be a special part of your wedding a crazy request? Wasn't your family a part of yours? My guess would be "yes".

 

Yeah, I don't know why anyone would think it's crazy if the bride wants her brother to be part of the wedding party. In the last 2 weddings I attended, the bride's brother was part it (and in one case, the brother only spent time with the groom a couple of times before).

As someone already pointed out, the wedding party is the support system for both the bride and groom.

 

LOL

My wife has 4 sisters and I have a sister and they were all part of the bridal party (plus one of her friends). Wasnt even a question. Luckily I had 6 friends

 

Brides will have lots of crazy requests, but asking for the brother to be one of the groomsmen is not one....

 

Groomsman is decided by the groom! PERIOD.

You know the requests and rants only get worse when you get married.....just what I've heard, not that Im married

 

Some people are so melodramatic.

 

Apology in advance if this quote was sarcastic.

Bridal party is decided by the bride and groom. They will need to consider a number of factors in making their selections, some of which may be input from outsiders (parents, aunts, uncles, etc....). The possession of a penis does not make the groom uniquely qualified to select members of the bridal party with penises.

Any groom who takes this stance seriously probably isn't ready for the give and take of marriage.

 

My brother was a groomsman, his sister was a bridesmaid. Neither of us required it of the other, but both felt it was a nice gesture, even though his sister lives across the country & neither of us are very close to her. It's a nice way to ensure that your family feels included.

It's not like she got to pick whether her sibling was male or female. I don't see what the big dealio is. Do you have a sister or brother?

 

The groom selects all of his attendants, frankly, and who he selects is nobody else's business but his. howver, the groom frequently DOES select the sibs of his bride to be in the bridal party, as it is a way of establishing his intent of inclusiveness. This is particularly the case if the wedding is large, and there is plenty of room. If adding your future brother-in-law bumps the number too high, add a bridesmaid to the bride's party to balance it out.

At the very least, it is a way of reaching out to your future brother - in law. For all you know, he may be a great guy, and the two of you will become good friends post-wedding. Worse things have happened.

 

This is probally why im not married which is fine by me

 

just have your friends and her brother. it'll probably make you guys closer, which will make her happier.....which will make you happier

 

You don't just marry a person, you marry a whole family.

 

No, it's not a crazy request at all. I've been to a few weddings where the bride's brother..etc are in the party. If she asked you to have him be your best man...that would be crazy.

:ibshejustwantsaspyatyourbachelorparty:

 

Yea, I agree, that would be crossing the line a bit.

 

I would agree with most and let him be in the wedding. My wife's little brother was in "my" line as per her request. Now, I like him, hes a good guy so it wasn't a big deal for me, I just stuck him at the end of the line.

The other thing I figured was the wedding day was really for her. I mean, yes, it was my wedding too but I wasn't the one dreaming of my wedding day since I was a wee widdle child...

 

There would have been no way I would have allowed my wifes brother in my wedding. I would never expect to be in his. I had 6 groomsmen already. I dont care what she said about it- she sticks with her side, I stick with mine.

 

My brother in law was in mine.. No biggie.. Just add him in and tell her make room for one more because you are not cutting one out to make room for him...

There is no set limit to how many people can be in your "party"

 

Just make her have one more bridesmaid...

 

there is no set limit, but it does get to a point where it starts looking ridiculous

 

Sure, but in the end, it's up to the couple how big or small they want their wedding party. Personally, if it came down to it, I'd rather not ask some friends to be in my party if it meant having my siblings in the bridal party. Having my siblings stand up there with me is just as important (to me!) as having my parents walk me down the aisle. I just couldn't ask a group of friends to be there with me and not have my and my fiance's siblings up there too. I can appreciate that some people don't have strong relationships with family though.

 

I agree. In the OP's situation, this is a chance for him to show some good will by having his soon-to-be wife's brother as part of the ceremony. Its a good foot to start off on with her family and should give him huge brownie points.

On the other hand, if he dosent, then her family might be disappointed with that choice. Heck, they may even be expecting you to ask him, and if you dont they might be REALLY disappointed with him...

 

hehe, dont mind me, Im an only child

 

right

wrong

 

in my friends wedding, the grooms sister was a bridesmaid, and the bride had her best friend Jorge as one of the groomsmen. I was a groomsman myself, friends of both the bride and groom. The brides brother in law was a groomsman, so who says it has to be divided by his family to his side and her family to her side?

 

He's gotta be in there

 

My fault, I was thinking the best man is decided by the groom, PERIOD. The groossman can consist of whomever. I dont know what i was thinking when i wrote that

 

Actually, that would suck.

 

Beg to differ, I loved being an only child. Ive watched all the bs my friends went through growing up and am HAPPY I never had to deal with it. Its one of those things where you cant put yourself in my shoes, and I cant put myself in yours. I made up for it by having many friends.

 

Yeah.. Me too...

Especially about the friends part... My wife hates that I have a bunch of good friends... But thats how I made up for not having siblings. I had many close friends..