gf and I broke up. I hate these freakin things and I really dont understand this one since I finally found a normal girl. What really sucks is it happened at the airport on the way to the Bahamas.

We have been dating since mid Dec, things were going great and then I started to feel like she isn't as fun as I would have liked (never wants to go out, likes to stay home almost all the time etc). About a month ago her friend was in town and my friends were having a little party for my bday. She was going to hang out with her friend and then come join the party but instead came to my place with her friend and we ended up freakin shopping and I was really late to the party. I was annoyed and after her not making it to my place a few times during the next week and being super late on the next Saturday, I ended it.

Now, this seemed like a good idea and I should of stuck with it but didn't and got back with her the next week. Things seemed fine but she wanted more time to herself and thought we should only see each other 1-2 times a week. I wasn't thrilled but whatever. A week later, I went away for work for two weeks and she wants a break during this time but doesn't want to break up, doesn't want to see anyone else, and wants to continue talking, which since I was outta town I didn't understand the break. Only thing I could think of, is she wanted to do something else and not feel guilty but I really don't see it from her.

This brings us to yesterday, break is up and we are supposed to talk about it after we get back from the bahamas (supposed to leave last night come back on her bday on monday). Things were weird on the drive to Miami so I caved and asked what the deal was. After a bit of digging she told me her feelings changed and didn't love me anymore, which I kinda knew. She also added I was the perfect guy for her and all her friends loved me and I should come on the trip still. I thought this would be terrible to share a room with her after this so I dropped her off, gave her her bday present, and she went to meet her friends out there. She cried a little and seemed generally concerned I was so upset but I still don't really understand.

Now I sit alone and wonder why the fuck I try. I really don't know what I did to change her mind. I kind of feel I broke it off to start with to try and spare me getting hurt because it seemed something had changed.

I was really upset driving home but seem to be ok now. In the back of my mind, I knew we wouldn't end up getting married but I just hoped we would because I hate dating. On the plus side, this one has ended pretty tamely compared to others in the past. When I first met her I was just getting good at living and functioning alone and really started to enjoy things by myself. Now I feel I can't live w/o her :-/

Cliffs
Dated since Dec
Said she didn't love me anymore on the way to Bahamas
I dropped her at the airport and ate my ticket
I hate life

Sorry for the long post, hope others Saturdays are going better

 

Two things...

It's a strange thing to put a specific time limit on how long you want to spend with someone you enjoy seeing and really care about. Who the heck says, "I only want to see you 1-2 times per week"? At least let things flow naturally....who actually breaks things down like that?!

Marrying someone just because you "hate dating" isn't a good enough reason to marry a cow. Usually you marry for the positive things someone brings to your life, not to negate a negative.

 

Yea i thought it was weird but she said things moved so fast. They did move fast and she has never been in a normal long term relationship, used to having lots of time alone, etc. Things just naturally moved quickly and she actually invited me out to OR to join her on a trip to see her best friend the 2nd week we met. It wasn't just me moving things along. Her being 30 and myself not much younger, I don't want to just casually date and I think that is what she may have been getting at.

As for marrying, I know it is a terrible idea to do that. She is a beautiful girl and hardly a cow but I think work and money issues were stressing her out a bit.

I grabbed my stuff from her place and her roommate told me she was really selfish and they were surprised she made such an effort to be with me (she would always come over since I have my own place and she lives with roomies). They also added that it was probably best for me which I thought was odd

 

I'm not suggesting that couples need to spend every waking hour together, or that it's even unusual to discuss needing some alone time. I just found it odd that she would break it down to such a precise number. I've usually found that people simply carry on doing some of their normal routines to get some time apart, but it just goes with the flow of their lives - not by number of minutes, hours, or days.

Sorry, I wasn't literally implying she was a cow. Perhaps a better way of saying it is that the reasons you suggested in your first post, IMO, don't sound like convincing arguments to marry anyone (or anything).

 

Haha I know you didn't really mean she was a cow. I don't know why I felt the need to address that but you are right it is no reason to marry someone.

As for the time thing, it is weird. I have never really had a gf say she wanted more time to herself like this. I told her from the start I didn't want to ditch my friends like I did in other relationships and she didn't either. Every Thursday was a girls Greys Anatomy night for her and then we hung out most weekends and a night during the week on average. I wanted time to myself too and I had it, thought she did too.

She also added I was too available. Uhh, I actually wanted to hang out with her so if possible I would. All the girls I know said it is incredibly stupid of them but they like a guy to be unavailable sometimes. I just don't get it, we aren't in HS here

 

sorry to hear, man.

 

hmmm that sucks man but at the same time if it wasn't going to work then there was no sense in dragging it a long any further.

You might hate life or feel you hate life for the next couple months just get out and do something hang out with your friends. Trust me you are still young just like me, you should just enjoy being single for now sooner or later you'll be back in a relationship and you may be married for the rest of your life.

 

Sorry dude, I think you'll be able to bounce back pretty quickly.

 

Hang in there. You sound like a good guy. You'll find the right one.

 

girls like the guys they can't have.. thats what she means by always being available

 

Oh, I am well aware but when you hit 30 it seems like things should change. I mean you can't have kids forever so if you want to get married and have a family you gotta stop the games. Like I said, she will be the first to admit she has never been in a real relationship so maybe she is just unsure of what to think or has grown to expect the drama

Thanks for the kind words tho

 

That's because you made your life revolve around her. When she's gone, it hurts. She knew it, and it was why she was no longer attracted to you, and why she "fell out of love" with you. It's not conscious, it's part of a woman's wiring. She won't ever admit it, because it would be antithetical to her good girl image and rep as a stand-up, honest girl who is most concerned with higher principles. They're not, though, and they can be just as amoral as a guy cheating with a younger girl just because his dick was hard.

 

Sorry to hear bro but you have a nice crib and run game so no worries, you'll meet someone more deserving of your attention.

I believe the biggest red flag is she's 30 and has never been in a long-term committed relationship. WTF? Most people get that shit out of the way in HS or college. That's why she was socially retarded when it came to your relationship and selfish to boot. That's a bad sign when her roommates are hating on her

 

^^ I agree 100%. Speaking of which, are her roommates hot?

 

Post nudes, It will help with the healing process.

 

Update: I have been doing well with no contact but last night she sent me an email just to say hi and said she wanted me in her life even though we are no longer together. She said she has wanted to call or text me but figured I may not want her to. She also said she is going up north on Saturday for a summer job she took there and wants to at least talk or give me back some of my stuff before then.

Now, I have been told by her friends she moved her to get away from the on off ex of 7 years and I kind of suspected they were talking again, he lives in her hometown which just happens to be where she is staying this summer. The job probably pays better then it would down here so I kind of understand but at the same time it is a big coincidence.

Do I call her or email her back? I really want something back she has but not sure I really want to talk to her. I also don't understand why in the world she would still want to talk to me, is she going back for this guy and feels guilty, is she just fucking with me? She signed her email with a heart, wtf?

 

She wants to have her cake and eat it too. Chances are shes getting back with the EX, and chances are she's not ready to burn her bridge with you yet JUST IN CASE.

I would not look into small details like that - move on brotha.

 

Kick the ex to the curb. WTF trying to play mindgames with you? You deserve better. Think with your head and not your dick and you'll be all good

 

Haha thanks guys, I know you are right and I have actually been doing pretty well with it but this threw me a bit. Things didn't end great but I'm going to get my stuff and just want to nicely tell her what I think and to have fun with the ex. I'm not really upset anymore and should have known when she brought up the ex breaking up all her relationships that it would end like this.

I didn't want to email her back but I knew I needed the closure, leaving her at the airport was hardly a good ending and I wasn't thinking clearly. I think I will feel better to let her know how I feel in a quick calm matter. Then I leave wednesday for work and wont be back until she leaves for CT so I won't be able to see her even if I wanted to.

You guys along with friends have really made me realize she isn't for me and she needs to know I am in no way going to be her back up when this ex doesn't work. It is weird I feel I should be upset but I guess I know how it is going back to an ex

 

the second she told you her ex breaks up all of her relationships you should have had your guard up from then on.

 

I'm pretty much traditional on issues like this; "We're either together or not and if we aren't together, then I don't see a reason to talk. I'll be nice if we see each other on the street, but I have no further need of your attention." That is even more evident now that I've been married for almost 8 years and have two sons. One of my ex-gfs is my sis-in-laws best friend, so I just play it cool when she is around. Another one of my ex-gfs has tried to become "friends" on facebook with my wife. My wife just deleted the invite and we had a good laugh at the desperation. Point being, if you need closure, then close the door. If you email her, she'll certainly email you back with an apology or a rant or something to continue the chain of communication. After all, isn't that exactly what she wants? I suppose there are some that might say, "If you don't express yourself to her, then it makes a future encounter awkward and you carry the weight of not having expressed yourself." I say I don't care if you both broke it off in a very compassionate manner on common grounds, you see them later... its awkward no matter what. So I fully respect the depth of your emotions about the situation, but I recommend some beer and clean cut.

 

She just left, we went to dinner, talked, and I feel a lot better. Afterwards we walked back to my place, snuggled on the couch (nothing more), laughed, and I walked to her car. I gave her a hug, cried a little, and she left.

While I will probably never know for sure what just made her turn the switch off, we both left on better terms and now I feel I can completely move on. I know everyone is going to say she did this to make herself better which may be true but I feel like I know how I stand and we got to spend a good last hour together just watching TV and being happy to have met, it was like we just met for the first time.

Oh, no we didn't hook up one last time. I don't think I would have objected but I'm glad we didn't because I know deep down it would have made it worse

 

^Sounds like you're better off with her. There's nothing wrong taking care of and enjoying yourself for a while.

 

I'm glad things ended well - sounds like you have some good closure there. I'm a little late to the discussion, but my thoughts as I was reading:

Selfishness is the enemy of all relationships. If you are with someone that can't or won't be unselfish, red flag, move on.

Don't beat yourself up over what you did or did not do. Sounds to me like you were dealing with the situation in a mature manner.

While broad-brushes are always dangerous, people are usually introverted or extroverted. That is, they gain energy/recharge/relieve stress by being quiet and by themselves or doing an activity with people. You are better off as a couple if you are similar in that regard. Not fatal if you are not, but you have to understand that's what's going on and be ready to occasionally behave counter to your instincts to get along with the other. Selfish people won't do that.

You have to walk away from relationships that have underlying incompatability issues *unless* they are small enough, you both are aware of them and are willing to work on them. Every relationship will have some amount of that, however you can't be with someone where 50% of your interaction is at odds and you are constantly having to overcome something about the other person.

And if you only read this sentence - do NOT marry someone just to not be alone or avoid dating (but I think you know that ). When you meet the right one, she'll just "fit", and the thought of being without her will never cross your mind.

Good Luck!

 

Well, the worst month is behind me I suppose. Been good with the no contact and she has made no effort either. I am kind of surprised I haven't gotten a call or text from her but I guess it is good. No contact at all is the easiest way to go but it still sucks. My buddies keep taking me out but banging random girls just isn't doing it for me. Why do I have to be old and want a relationship

Thanks for the support guys

 

Just be patient and you'll find a quality girl. When I was 27 I had just gotten out of a 5 year relationship and was trying to tap everything in sight. Now a few years later I feel I got most of it out of my system and am stoked to be in a serious relationship.

 

Don't beat yourself up for "being old, and wanting to be in a relationship".

There's nothing wrong with that, if that's what you want man.

 

dude, she aint the one, move on, take a few days to get over her, delete every email, trash her #, get rid of any evidence of her existence. If she calls you, tell her to never call or talk to you again and go out with your boys to a bar or club, get another chick to take your mind off here, she ain't worth it.

 

I wanted a serious relationship at 19. Got married at 23, first child at 27. In contrast one of my best friends is just now getting married (for the first time) at 42. When it comes to wanting a more serious relationship, everyone is different. The only "right answer" is the one based on how you are feeling and what you are ready for. Age is not a factor in that process. Don't let your friends or anyone else tell you how you should be feeling or acting based on the fact you're 27. Go do your own thing and happiness will eventually follow.