Getting Divorced :(
Safety Car
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 4,246
Likes: 0
From: Philadelphia, PA USA
never have been divorced, but my knowledge of divorce and its sequalae are based on my wife's eight-year brutal divorce saga with her ex-husband. She ultimately bought her way out of the marriage, knowing that his health was crappy and their son would inherit stuff that she might have gotten if she had hired a shark. She ended up with sole custody, I ended up with a wonderful stepson. (BTW, I was not the causative pressure for the breakup, which begaqn before my wife and I met - his unremitting substance abuse was. ) But some suggestions anyway, some of which are very parallel to ZQQM's, who has been through the wringer and is walking out the other side.
Get an attorney: Keeping this clean is best done if you have a legal advocate in your corner. You need an attorney who understands the specifics of divorce law in your state. They will save you innumberable hours and a great deal of frustration - and quite possible a great deal of money. Hiring a lawyer is not a form of disloyalty to your soon-to-be ex, it is a form of self-protection during a time when you may not be at your best in even the basic negotiation and paperfiling that the simplest divorce requires. There are dozens of legitimate, nice, effective divorce attorneys who are used to the challenges and understand the issues. Interview three over the phone, pick one then trust him/her to lead you as qickly as possible through the traces and get through it quickly.
Get rid of most of the vestiges of your shared life, including, if financially possible, the house and all the "stuff". Living in the shattered memory of your marriage is bound to be toxic. Even if you move to a minimalist residence as a "swing site" between where you've been and where you're going, it's better than shrouding yourself in memories. When you get rid of it, think carefully about what you replace it with, if anything. If you've always wanted a billiards table in your dining room, now's the time - or a small putting green in the living room - or wanted to put a mirror on the ceiling -
Get a life - somewhere, someplace, you have some interests that can be pulled out of the closet - golfing, gardening, bridge, chess, working out, jogging, collecting bottlecaps, traveling - time to dig those out and see how do do that activity with other folks. If its politics or religion, get involved and volunteer. Take a night course or weekend continuing ed course at a local school; virtually every college or university has some form of adult "life enrichment" courses - its now time to enrich your life. The people you meet may not be best bud candidates, but spending time with other folks keeps the isolation from turning into chronic depression, which then develops its own negativistic cycle. Make a list of the three most improbable activities that you might ever consider doing, and then pick one and get involved in doing it............Skydiving? Small airplane flying? Bungee cord jumping? Glacier skiing? driving trucks in a demolition derby? The more outrageous some of these activities are, the more likely they are to help you redefine a new way to live - even if you only skydive once.........(hopefully successfully) .
Get someone to talk with, pastoral counselor, therapist, relative, whatever - someone who can listen reflectively, provide some level of coaching and be "in your court". Posting on this webpage, which I sometimes think of as a replacement for the corner pub, is not a bad place to start..........just don't let it stop here. Talking with a therapist about the grief of loss is not such a bad thing to do, nor is pursuing professional help a sign of failure or weakness, it is actually a sign of strength. A couple of guys have posted on the subject of antidepressants; you might consider that route. I've successfully used antidepressants once in my life - was materially helpful as a crutch for about two years.
Get moving every day, depresssing as it may seem. If you can tie that to a careful regimen of diet and exercise, it will help fight the natural tendency to isolate and self-depress. Work out a a gym, one that you're comfortable at, and become a "regular".
Recognize that obsessing about her, her relationship with her parents, her former relationship with her, is not all that useful now. Over time, as you have a chance to develop some perspective about your relationsihp with her, some "lessons learned" may emerge that you can objectively look at and absorb - that therapist or best bud may be able, three - six - twelve months from now speak to those issues with you. Right now, it is too easy to get into who was right, who was wrong - and ultimately, that doesn't matter much. What is important is that a chapter of your life has ended, and you need to write the first paragraph of the next one. And - it appears to be one without your former wife.
Self-pity and moroseness are well-deserved for about two or three weeks, after that, you're coasting..................
Find creative ways to deal with the holidays, which can be brutal if you are still in the throes of being single. Maybe find a way to completely break your old habits - volunteer to do something on Christmas Day, rather than stay at home.
The ancient Chinese symbol for "crisis" and "opportunity" is, I believe, one and the same. I've always taken great heart in that when something in my life blew up in my face............. Good luck and keep posting...........
Get an attorney: Keeping this clean is best done if you have a legal advocate in your corner. You need an attorney who understands the specifics of divorce law in your state. They will save you innumberable hours and a great deal of frustration - and quite possible a great deal of money. Hiring a lawyer is not a form of disloyalty to your soon-to-be ex, it is a form of self-protection during a time when you may not be at your best in even the basic negotiation and paperfiling that the simplest divorce requires. There are dozens of legitimate, nice, effective divorce attorneys who are used to the challenges and understand the issues. Interview three over the phone, pick one then trust him/her to lead you as qickly as possible through the traces and get through it quickly.
Get rid of most of the vestiges of your shared life, including, if financially possible, the house and all the "stuff". Living in the shattered memory of your marriage is bound to be toxic. Even if you move to a minimalist residence as a "swing site" between where you've been and where you're going, it's better than shrouding yourself in memories. When you get rid of it, think carefully about what you replace it with, if anything. If you've always wanted a billiards table in your dining room, now's the time - or a small putting green in the living room - or wanted to put a mirror on the ceiling -
Get a life - somewhere, someplace, you have some interests that can be pulled out of the closet - golfing, gardening, bridge, chess, working out, jogging, collecting bottlecaps, traveling - time to dig those out and see how do do that activity with other folks. If its politics or religion, get involved and volunteer. Take a night course or weekend continuing ed course at a local school; virtually every college or university has some form of adult "life enrichment" courses - its now time to enrich your life. The people you meet may not be best bud candidates, but spending time with other folks keeps the isolation from turning into chronic depression, which then develops its own negativistic cycle. Make a list of the three most improbable activities that you might ever consider doing, and then pick one and get involved in doing it............Skydiving? Small airplane flying? Bungee cord jumping? Glacier skiing? driving trucks in a demolition derby? The more outrageous some of these activities are, the more likely they are to help you redefine a new way to live - even if you only skydive once.........(hopefully successfully) .
Get someone to talk with, pastoral counselor, therapist, relative, whatever - someone who can listen reflectively, provide some level of coaching and be "in your court". Posting on this webpage, which I sometimes think of as a replacement for the corner pub, is not a bad place to start..........just don't let it stop here. Talking with a therapist about the grief of loss is not such a bad thing to do, nor is pursuing professional help a sign of failure or weakness, it is actually a sign of strength. A couple of guys have posted on the subject of antidepressants; you might consider that route. I've successfully used antidepressants once in my life - was materially helpful as a crutch for about two years.
Get moving every day, depresssing as it may seem. If you can tie that to a careful regimen of diet and exercise, it will help fight the natural tendency to isolate and self-depress. Work out a a gym, one that you're comfortable at, and become a "regular".
Recognize that obsessing about her, her relationship with her parents, her former relationship with her, is not all that useful now. Over time, as you have a chance to develop some perspective about your relationsihp with her, some "lessons learned" may emerge that you can objectively look at and absorb - that therapist or best bud may be able, three - six - twelve months from now speak to those issues with you. Right now, it is too easy to get into who was right, who was wrong - and ultimately, that doesn't matter much. What is important is that a chapter of your life has ended, and you need to write the first paragraph of the next one. And - it appears to be one without your former wife.
Self-pity and moroseness are well-deserved for about two or three weeks, after that, you're coasting..................
Find creative ways to deal with the holidays, which can be brutal if you are still in the throes of being single. Maybe find a way to completely break your old habits - volunteer to do something on Christmas Day, rather than stay at home.
The ancient Chinese symbol for "crisis" and "opportunity" is, I believe, one and the same. I've always taken great heart in that when something in my life blew up in my face............. Good luck and keep posting...........
Thread Starter
Suzuka Master
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 6,546
Likes: 0
From: TN
Originally Posted by ric
never have been divorced, but my knowledge of divorce and its sequalae are based on my wife's eight-year brutal divorce saga with her ex-husband. She ultimately bought her way out of the marriage, knowing that his health was crappy and their son would inherit stuff that she might have gotten if she had hired a shark. She ended up with sole custody, I ended up with a wonderful stepson. (BTW, I was not the causative pressure for the breakup, which begaqn before my wife and I met - his unremitting substance abuse was. ) But some suggestions anyway, some of which are very parallel to ZQQM's, who has been through the wringer and is walking out the other side.
Get an attorney: Keeping this clean is best done if you have a legal advocate in your corner. You need an attorney who understands the specifics of divorce law in your state. They will save you innumberable hours and a great deal of frustration - and quite possible a great deal of money. Hiring a lawyer is not a form of disloyalty to your soon-to-be ex, it is a form of self-protection during a time when you may not be at your best in even the basic negotiation and paperfiling that the simplest divorce requires. There are dozens of legitimate, nice, effective divorce attorneys who are used to the challenges and understand the issues. Interview three over the phone, pick one then trust him/her to lead you as qickly as possible through the traces and get through it quickly.
Get rid of most of the vestiges of your shared life, including, if financially possible, the house and all the "stuff". Living in the shattered memory of your marriage is bound to be toxic. Even if you move to a minimalist residence as a "swing site" between where you've been and where you're going, it's better than shrouding yourself in memories. When you get rid of it, think carefully about what you replace it with, if anything. If you've always wanted a billiards table in your dining room, now's the time - or a small putting green in the living room - or wanted to put a mirror on the ceiling -
Get a life - somewhere, someplace, you have some interests that can be pulled out of the closet - golfing, gardening, bridge, chess, working out, jogging, collecting bottlecaps, traveling - time to dig those out and see how do do that activity with other folks. If its politics or religion, get involved and volunteer. Take a night course or weekend continuing ed course at a local school; virtually every college or university has some form of adult "life enrichment" courses - its now time to enrich your life. The people you meet may not be best bud candidates, but spending time with other folks keeps the isolation from turning into chronic depression, which then develops its own negativistic cycle. Make a list of the three most improbable activities that you might ever consider doing, and then pick one and get involved in doing it............Skydiving? Small airplane flying? Bungee cord jumping? Glacier skiing? driving trucks in a demolition derby? The more outrageous some of these activities are, the more likely they are to help you redefine a new way to live - even if you only skydive once.........(hopefully successfully) .
Get someone to talk with, pastoral counselor, therapist, relative, whatever - someone who can listen reflectively, provide some level of coaching and be "in your court". Posting on this webpage, which I sometimes think of as a replacement for the corner pub, is not a bad place to start..........just don't let it stop here. Talking with a therapist about the grief of loss is not such a bad thing to do, nor is pursuing professional help a sign of failure or weakness, it is actually a sign of strength. A couple of guys have posted on the subject of antidepressants; you might consider that route. I've successfully used antidepressants once in my life - was materially helpful as a crutch for about two years.
Get moving every day, depresssing as it may seem. If you can tie that to a careful regimen of diet and exercise, it will help fight the natural tendency to isolate and self-depress. Work out a a gym, one that you're comfortable at, and become a "regular".
Recognize that obsessing about her, her relationship with her parents, her former relationship with her, is not all that useful now. Over time, as you have a chance to develop some perspective about your relationsihp with her, some "lessons learned" may emerge that you can objectively look at and absorb - that therapist or best bud may be able, three - six - twelve months from now speak to those issues with you. Right now, it is too easy to get into who was right, who was wrong - and ultimately, that doesn't matter much. What is important is that a chapter of your life has ended, and you need to write the first paragraph of the next one. And - it appears to be one without your former wife.
Self-pity and moroseness are well-deserved for about two or three weeks, after that, you're coasting..................
Find creative ways to deal with the holidays, which can be brutal if you are still in the throes of being single. Maybe find a way to completely break your old habits - volunteer to do something on Christmas Day, rather than stay at home.
The ancient Chinese symbol for "crisis" and "opportunity" is, I believe, one and the same. I've always taken great heart in that when something in my life blew up in my face............. Good luck and keep posting...........
Get an attorney: Keeping this clean is best done if you have a legal advocate in your corner. You need an attorney who understands the specifics of divorce law in your state. They will save you innumberable hours and a great deal of frustration - and quite possible a great deal of money. Hiring a lawyer is not a form of disloyalty to your soon-to-be ex, it is a form of self-protection during a time when you may not be at your best in even the basic negotiation and paperfiling that the simplest divorce requires. There are dozens of legitimate, nice, effective divorce attorneys who are used to the challenges and understand the issues. Interview three over the phone, pick one then trust him/her to lead you as qickly as possible through the traces and get through it quickly.
Get rid of most of the vestiges of your shared life, including, if financially possible, the house and all the "stuff". Living in the shattered memory of your marriage is bound to be toxic. Even if you move to a minimalist residence as a "swing site" between where you've been and where you're going, it's better than shrouding yourself in memories. When you get rid of it, think carefully about what you replace it with, if anything. If you've always wanted a billiards table in your dining room, now's the time - or a small putting green in the living room - or wanted to put a mirror on the ceiling -
Get a life - somewhere, someplace, you have some interests that can be pulled out of the closet - golfing, gardening, bridge, chess, working out, jogging, collecting bottlecaps, traveling - time to dig those out and see how do do that activity with other folks. If its politics or religion, get involved and volunteer. Take a night course or weekend continuing ed course at a local school; virtually every college or university has some form of adult "life enrichment" courses - its now time to enrich your life. The people you meet may not be best bud candidates, but spending time with other folks keeps the isolation from turning into chronic depression, which then develops its own negativistic cycle. Make a list of the three most improbable activities that you might ever consider doing, and then pick one and get involved in doing it............Skydiving? Small airplane flying? Bungee cord jumping? Glacier skiing? driving trucks in a demolition derby? The more outrageous some of these activities are, the more likely they are to help you redefine a new way to live - even if you only skydive once.........(hopefully successfully) .
Get someone to talk with, pastoral counselor, therapist, relative, whatever - someone who can listen reflectively, provide some level of coaching and be "in your court". Posting on this webpage, which I sometimes think of as a replacement for the corner pub, is not a bad place to start..........just don't let it stop here. Talking with a therapist about the grief of loss is not such a bad thing to do, nor is pursuing professional help a sign of failure or weakness, it is actually a sign of strength. A couple of guys have posted on the subject of antidepressants; you might consider that route. I've successfully used antidepressants once in my life - was materially helpful as a crutch for about two years.
Get moving every day, depresssing as it may seem. If you can tie that to a careful regimen of diet and exercise, it will help fight the natural tendency to isolate and self-depress. Work out a a gym, one that you're comfortable at, and become a "regular".
Recognize that obsessing about her, her relationship with her parents, her former relationship with her, is not all that useful now. Over time, as you have a chance to develop some perspective about your relationsihp with her, some "lessons learned" may emerge that you can objectively look at and absorb - that therapist or best bud may be able, three - six - twelve months from now speak to those issues with you. Right now, it is too easy to get into who was right, who was wrong - and ultimately, that doesn't matter much. What is important is that a chapter of your life has ended, and you need to write the first paragraph of the next one. And - it appears to be one without your former wife.
Self-pity and moroseness are well-deserved for about two or three weeks, after that, you're coasting..................
Find creative ways to deal with the holidays, which can be brutal if you are still in the throes of being single. Maybe find a way to completely break your old habits - volunteer to do something on Christmas Day, rather than stay at home.
The ancient Chinese symbol for "crisis" and "opportunity" is, I believe, one and the same. I've always taken great heart in that when something in my life blew up in my face............. Good luck and keep posting...........
Great words, thank you! I am really in a hole right now and need to get out. The worst thing is being stuck here in Tennessee! Seeing your little profile, you can probably understand missing my former home state! I lived in Bucks County for 20 years before moving to this disaster of a state.
Anyway, I am thinking about moving, just not sure where. Right now, I have two job leads. One in Rogers, Arkansas and the other in North Dakota. Time will tell.
Thanks again.
Safety Car
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 4,246
Likes: 0
From: Philadelphia, PA USA
Originally Posted by EmuMessenger
Great words, thank you! I am really in a hole right now and need to get out. The worst thing is being stuck here in Tennessee! Seeing your little profile, you can probably understand missing my former home state! I lived in Bucks County for 20 years before moving to this disaster of a state.
Anyway, I am thinking about moving, just not sure where. Right now, I have two job leads. One in Rogers, Arkansas and the other in North Dakota. Time will tell.
Thanks again.
Anyway, I am thinking about moving, just not sure where. Right now, I have two job leads. One in Rogers, Arkansas and the other in North Dakota. Time will tell.
Thanks again.
I love cars!
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 3,807
Likes: 2
From: TEXAS
Originally Posted by Saintor
Don't get married without a CONTRACT detailing what will happen if you separate.
Spidey, your approach is provocative and not much strategic when there is a possibility of counciliation.
A coworker is in process of divorce. He got 50% shared custody, no child support and keep all his retirement funds, despite he has 4x the amount of hers, and 70% more income. He also got the house for under market value.
** No sure that any lawyer would ever get that much. **
EmuMessenger, be happy that no children are implied. Anyway, 60% of women are just crazy.
Spidey, your approach is provocative and not much strategic when there is a possibility of counciliation.
A coworker is in process of divorce. He got 50% shared custody, no child support and keep all his retirement funds, despite he has 4x the amount of hers, and 70% more income. He also got the house for under market value.
** No sure that any lawyer would ever get that much. **
EmuMessenger, be happy that no children are implied. Anyway, 60% of women are just crazy.
EMU - I'm just coming to this thread, but here's a good link for those divorcing:
http://www.equalityinmarriage.org/wd.html
Those married, and those getting married can also benefit from the site:
http://www.equalityinmarriage.org/
Now, lemme finish catching up on the thread.
Thread Starter
Suzuka Master
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 6,546
Likes: 0
From: TN
Hey guys, thanks for the inquiry. Doing well, thank you. Things are moving along. Just wondering where life is going to take me. I do not believe I will be staying in Memphis, although, the housing market may dictate my departure.
Anyone want to buy a house?
Anyone want to buy a house?
Thread Starter
Suzuka Master
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 6,546
Likes: 0
From: TN
Shot caller..... Anyway, thank you. I am trying to decide whether or not to keep the house. If all goes well, I will end up leaving TN, but who knows.
In reality, it is too much house for one person, IMO.
In reality, it is too much house for one person, IMO.
Burning Brakes
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,122
Likes: 0
From: Louisville, KY
Originally Posted by EmuMessenger
Shot caller..... Anyway, thank you. I am trying to decide whether or not to keep the house. If all goes well, I will end up leaving TN, but who knows.
In reality, it is too much house for one person, IMO.
In reality, it is too much house for one person, IMO.
Hope you have an attorney already lined up.
lover and fighter
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 2,417
Likes: 32
From: St Augustine, Florida
Originally Posted by EmuMessenger
Yep, I have already been fleeced by an attorney. Nothing like like dropping thousands for nothing.
Thread Starter
Suzuka Master
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 6,546
Likes: 0
From: TN
Originally Posted by r10apple
I know that feeling: First hers, then mine. But all that money was WELL WORTH IT! Never been happier!
every dollar I spend makes me feel better! Meaning, every dollar is one step closer to freedom! 
Awesome to the Max
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 1,105
Likes: 0
dude, after reading four pages ...it might seem like i'm taking crazy pills or something...but it seems odd that the guys that got cheated on don't kick the crap out of your wives/ex-wives and their new lovers...maybe it's me or maybe it's because I'm young and not married yet...but if my future wife cheated on me...i'd beat her ass for doing that to me. I would probably tell her prior to us getting married that I would do that....and if I cheated her ..she can castrate me or something.....I think it is justifiable..after all, you can always have sex with the person you would want to cheat with after getting the divorce....but maybe that's just me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a wife beater and would never lay a finger on my wife if/when I have one, but I think cheating while married is a whole different story...
btw...i'm sorry for all of you guys that had to go through divorces....
divorces do suck...
btw...i'm sorry for all of you guys that had to go through divorces....
divorces do suck...
Burning Brakes
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,122
Likes: 0
From: Louisville, KY
Originally Posted by terse
dude, after reading four pages ...it might seem like i'm taking crazy pills or something...but it seems odd that the guys that got cheated on don't kick the crap out of your wives/ex-wives and their new lovers...maybe it's me or maybe it's because I'm young and not married yet...but if my future wife cheated on me...i'd beat her ass for doing that to me. I would probably tell her prior to us getting married that I would do that....and if I cheated her ..she can castrate me or something.....I think it is justifiable..after all, you can always have sex with the person you would want to cheat with after getting the divorce....but maybe that's just me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a wife beater and would never lay a finger on my wife if/when I have one, but I think cheating while married is a whole different story...
btw...i'm sorry for all of you guys that had to go through divorces....
divorces do suck...
btw...i'm sorry for all of you guys that had to go through divorces....
divorces do suck...
Awesome to the Max
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 1,105
Likes: 0
Originally Posted by spidey07
for a point of reference for me it took every ounce of strength not to beat the crap out of the both of them - the anger/rage you feel is unbelievable. everything I had. But I didn't, and never would stoop so low.
i guess that's a cool answer...i was just concerned cause everyone was writing like they just let it go..
I love cars!
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 3,807
Likes: 2
From: TEXAS
Originally Posted by terse
dude, after reading four pages ...it might seem like i'm taking crazy pills or something...but it seems odd that the guys that got cheated on don't kick the crap out of your wives/ex-wives and their new lovers...maybe it's me or maybe it's because I'm young and not married yet...but if my future wife cheated on me...i'd beat her ass for doing that to me. I would probably tell her prior to us getting married that I would do that....and if I cheated her ..she can castrate me or something.....I think it is justifiable..after all, you can always have sex with the person you would want to cheat with after getting the divorce....but maybe that's just me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a wife beater and would never lay a finger on my wife if/when I have one, but I think cheating while married is a whole different story...
btw...i'm sorry for all of you guys that had to go through divorces....
divorces do suck...
btw...i'm sorry for all of you guys that had to go through divorces....
divorces do suck...
Awesome to the Max
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 1,105
Likes: 0
Originally Posted by fast-tl
About the best thing to do is make sure you're legally covered, and get away from them as soon as possible. You're only screwing yourself if you try to "straighten" them out with a beating.
yeah...i guess..or you can pull an OJ Simpson...and no jail time...
Community Architect
robb m.
robb m.
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 72,841
Likes: 660
From: ON
wow, great thread.
I don't visit this forum much, but i'm glad I checked in here today.
Glad to hear your keepin on Emu, you're never alone, we are always here for you!
I must agree with the sentiments offered to sell the home, and move on. I can't imagine being stuck in the same place I last lived with my Ex...
I don't visit this forum much, but i'm glad I checked in here today.
Glad to hear your keepin on Emu, you're never alone, we are always here for you!
I must agree with the sentiments offered to sell the home, and move on. I can't imagine being stuck in the same place I last lived with my Ex...
Thread Starter
Suzuka Master
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 6,546
Likes: 0
From: TN
Originally Posted by Astroboy
wow, great thread.
I don't visit this forum much, but i'm glad I checked in here today.
Glad to hear your keepin on Emu, you're never alone, we are always here for you!
I must agree with the sentiments offered to sell the home, and move on. I can't imagine being stuck in the same place I last lived with my Ex...
I don't visit this forum much, but i'm glad I checked in here today.
Glad to hear your keepin on Emu, you're never alone, we are always here for you!
I must agree with the sentiments offered to sell the home, and move on. I can't imagine being stuck in the same place I last lived with my Ex...
Thanks for the offer of support, as I mentioned on page one, it was weird for me to post this here.
I will probably choose to sell the house, but I cannot stand the thought of packing and moving my crap to another state, AGAIN!
Time will tell.
Drifting
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 2,242
Likes: 0
From: nerdlingerton
sorry to hear about all of the things you guys had/have to go through. hopefully, all of this will be for the best. but i've never been married, so i'd be lying if i said i know what it's like. all i can say is that it's good to have people support you or pick you up when your down, even if they may be on a forum. 
i go through a lot of rough stretches and i'm usually alone when i do. i manage to get by keeping myself busy. anyway, hopefully all the advice given here helps. good luck with moving on and also finding a new home. 
i go through a lot of rough stretches and i'm usually alone when i do. i manage to get by keeping myself busy. anyway, hopefully all the advice given here helps. good luck with moving on and also finding a new home.
I love cars!
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 3,807
Likes: 2
From: TEXAS
Originally Posted by EmuMessenger
Hello all,
After three years of job hunting, lay-offs and relocation, my wife and I are getting divorced. We have been separated for more than six months. The final decision was made last night.
I was upset last night, but am totally devastated (sp?) today.
For those of you, male or female, that have been through this, what should I expect, when, if ever, does the hurt subside?
This will be the first time EVER in my family tree someone will be divorced.
She wants to sell the house and I am fine buying her out, but at the same time, I am not sure if I would want to live there anymore.
Any thoughts, comments, etc. would be appreciated.
Thank you in advance for kind commentary.
PS - Obviously, I must have some issues if I am pouring my heart out to a bunch of guys on a car board.
After three years of job hunting, lay-offs and relocation, my wife and I are getting divorced. We have been separated for more than six months. The final decision was made last night.
I was upset last night, but am totally devastated (sp?) today.
For those of you, male or female, that have been through this, what should I expect, when, if ever, does the hurt subside?
This will be the first time EVER in my family tree someone will be divorced.
She wants to sell the house and I am fine buying her out, but at the same time, I am not sure if I would want to live there anymore.
Any thoughts, comments, etc. would be appreciated.
Thank you in advance for kind commentary.
PS - Obviously, I must have some issues if I am pouring my heart out to a bunch of guys on a car board.
http://www.equalityinmarriage.org/wd.html
My brother's wife just started the filing process yesterday, but he deserved it.... The site abive deals sort of step-by-step with the process.
Pro
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 697
Likes: 0
From: Here
Originally Posted by EmuMessenger
Wow, RH, thanks a lot.
We talked about an uncontested divorce. What did you mean by a six month waiting period.
We also do not have any kids, just the house a dog and some furniture. I am not sure if it will be feasible to buy her out of the house with an unstable income, but it is just one of the options I am considering. If I cannot buy her out, I may just move altogether to put this behind me. Time will tell.
Thanks again for the candid comments.
We talked about an uncontested divorce. What did you mean by a six month waiting period.
We also do not have any kids, just the house a dog and some furniture. I am not sure if it will be feasible to buy her out of the house with an unstable income, but it is just one of the options I am considering. If I cannot buy her out, I may just move altogether to put this behind me. Time will tell.
Thanks again for the candid comments.
Burning Brakes
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 779
Likes: 0
From: NJ
the one year for every two is crap, there are no experts, everyone is different and every situation is different. Once the woman checks out of the relationship, its rarely worth it to try and salvage it. You are only digging yourself deeper, making the break worse, and giving her time to plan her exit strategy. And its stupid for trying to stay just because of the kids, they are not stupid and they know when something is wrong. Its better to create two loving environments for them, rather than having one crappy one.
All that said, I am now planning my 2nd wedding, this time with a truly wonderful woman
All that said, I am now planning my 2nd wedding, this time with a truly wonderful woman
Banned
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 316
Likes: 0
Maybe this will make ya feel better.......
Pro
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 697
Likes: 0
From: Here
Originally Posted by fast_daddy_car
the one year for every two is crap, there are no experts, everyone is different and every situation is different. Once the woman checks out of the relationship, its rarely worth it to try and salvage it. You are only digging yourself deeper, making the break worse, and giving her time to plan her exit strategy. And its stupid for trying to stay just because of the kids, they are not stupid and they know when something is wrong. Its better to create two loving environments for them, rather than having one crappy one.
All that said, I am now planning my 2nd wedding, this time with a truly wonderful woman
All that said, I am now planning my 2nd wedding, this time with a truly wonderful woman
Senior Moderator
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 20,067
Likes: 4,698
From: Cleveland area, OH
Holy $hit, emu, I just stumbled onto this thread, I had NO idea you were going through this crap. I've read every post and damn, I don't know what to say. I hope and pray you're doing OK. I wish I could've been there for ya at Thanksgiving when this blew up.
I've never been in this situation (married 10 years), but it seems that moving back near your own family would do a lot to help your emotional situation. That's what I'd do....the only reason I live in the rathole of a city I do is because of my wife. Being around people who give more than half a rat's a$$ about you has to be helpful. Enough with the unsolicited advice....all I can do is to say that I (and everyone else who's posted) is with you...
I've never been in this situation (married 10 years), but it seems that moving back near your own family would do a lot to help your emotional situation. That's what I'd do....the only reason I live in the rathole of a city I do is because of my wife. Being around people who give more than half a rat's a$$ about you has to be helpful. Enough with the unsolicited advice....all I can do is to say that I (and everyone else who's posted) is with you...