Hello, I'd love to gain a man's perspective because I've done the dating, platonic friendship thing and well just hasn't worked out. You know that saying as you get older you get pickier, well I cant say that I have gotten pickier but wiser. If anything what I have come across is that as a man gets older he becomes complacent, especially if he's been divorced and/or has kids as well. I would like a man's honest opinion and see if there is something I am doing wrong or was it him or just not meant to be.

Basically, I am not your typical female. I love sports, love modding cars, the import scene, don't care to shop, love ESPN, love football, love to work outside and mow the lawn do little upper fixers around the house. BUT, I also love to cook and bake and I keep my place clean. I wouldn't say I'm tidy but clean. I love gaming, anything and everything that has to do with Android because of the programming side of it. I love being in control of my phone and to me a iphone is just boring. I'm a socialite and love to talk and get to know people. The problem is with the opposite sex, they can never just be my friend. If I just want to have a beer, a drink or something to watch a game, I guess that turns them on and want to pursue more. I am very honest up front and say I am not interested. I am not your typical female in that I lead you on for 3 months, take you for your money, wine and dine me and then I pull the classic line of, "I think your a great guy but I just want to be friends."

At this point in my life I have not dated anyone since 2010. Why? Because it all ends the same, I like a guy and I want to go 35mph and he wants to go 100mph because he falls so hard for me and I'm like WOAH...so that goes south really quick. I haven't given up on love but maybe I'm too much woman if there is such a thing. I can come off as intimidating maybe with my knowledge of sports, and I love to cook, bake and well no man seems able to commit or he doesn't know what he wants.

The last 3 guys that were interested in me and I was not were as followed:
1. Was seperated, as soon as he divorces wants to date me and has a 1 yr old with previous wife. Yeah, umm no, I wont be the rebound. Oh, tries to play the race card and says I want to know what its like to date a "Latina" because he's black.

2. Had 4 kids from previous marriage. NOPE!

3. In his early 30's, never been married, no kids but is frugal as they come. Was burned in his previous relationship because apparently she was a gold digger, got in debt because of her and now he has his defense mechanism to the sky. His mom has married and divorced 3x, his dad twice and now has a live in gf. So yeah, that was short lived.

If you have made it this far, I commend you and I am interested in hearing ya'lls insight and give me your opinions.

I don't think I'm ugly, I'm not a model either but somewhat decent

 

It is not easy to meet people. Guys always think that if a single woman ask them out for a drink or want to hang out then that means she is looking for more. Most of us are just wired that way.

I think a lot of it has to do with how and where you meet that person. If you are searching for a platonic relationship then I think a good place is a class or team sport. I met a bunch of girls through soccer and pool. I dated a few of them, married one of them but the vast majority were just friends.

To me that is a pressure-free way.

If you are looking for more than a platonic relationship and you have tried the friend-of-a-friend thing or bar, etc then I hate saying it but try online dating. The other stuff is a PITA.

 

One last thing....don't just stop dating because you feel it will end the same way. That's like complaining that you haven't won the lottery yet and it's because you just don't buy the tickets.

 

You cook, clean, play video games, and can turn a wrench? No wonder you are in high demand.

The kind of man you attract will be dictated by your environment. If you place yourself in areas frequented by divorced men then that is what you will get. Likewise if you troll the college campuses you will get young single men.

I know women like to think that they can have "man friends." But believe me when I tell you that they want to get in your pants, unless they are gay.

 

Ravi and doop are right, most men take a female being nice to them the wrong way. I think its just the fact that most men get rejected so much by women, that when one actually shows SOME interest in simply going out for a beer or hanging out they automatically think the woman REALLY digs them and wants more.

The fact that you are into a lot of things guys usually like is great, and guys of course will be drawn to that. But at the same time it also draws a lot of unwanted attention from all types of guys.

There are some guys out there that are the type you are looking for that don't want to go 100 MPH but they are few and far between. I don't think your necessarily doing anything wrong, you may just need to try different avenues in the places you meet guys. Most laid back guys will probably resort to online dating anyway or appear as the quiet shy guys in places you go. Even the ones that may be interested in you well probably never outwardly show it simply because of their personality. The ones that are always up in your face are usually the ones you may want to avoid or at least be cautious of because those are usually the types that want to rush everything that you seem not to enjoy.

^^^

 

I think you're just attracting the wrong guys, or have unusually high standards. most women do either or both. think about it, you seem ready to settle for a relationship but the kinds of guys you are ending up with arent exactly ready. How old are you btw?

sometimes you just have to settle for the guy who may not look like much but has all the right qualities you are looking for. you cannot have it all.

truth.

 

If you're looking for a candid opinion...after reading that blurb, mine is that you come across like a man. No offense, and I truly hope you're open to the criticism (most people, man or woman don't have that trait!)...but if I read that without the blurbs about wanting an opinion, I'd think you're either a woman that grew up a big time Daddy's girl or that you're looking to be the butch 1/2 of a homosexual relationship.

Men like that you humor their passions and play along, but they don't want you to chest bump and "bro" them till their erections go away. Soften up a bit, even if it's just to play stupid and let a man pretend to be in charge (think My Big Fat Greek wedding...man head of household, woman the neck). It'll probably go a long way in finding what you want long term.

The ones that want to drop everything and be with you forever probably have issues with being alone or with Mommy. Envision how you're acting and how it keeps attracting weak men that "need" or "want" you forever IMMEDIATELY and you'll understand why it keeps happening. Soften up and you'll get that manly man that wants to take things slowly and let them build a relationship with you at the same pace you're looking for.

No healthy straight man wants to have a relationship with a masculine energy woman any more than a woman wants to have a relationship with a spineless man (no matter how much they keep wishing they could find a "nice guy").

That's my opinion.
And that you're cute.

And stop putting hand prints on the GTR.

 

BTW....where is Mizouse....he's usually here when single women pop up.

 

I lol'd BIG TIME.

 

Wow, rough J, rough.

 

Me too!

 

she can put hand prints on my GT-R lol

 

she wanted an honest opinion...she keeps making the same mistakes...figured telling her the real reason she's attracting these types of guys would be helpful...wasn't trying to be hurtful. I could be wrong, but it might help. OP, please don't take my opinion or advice the wrong way.

 

You are a rare breed of girl, most guys don't know how to handle that. Sadly, the older you get, the slimmer the pickings will be. I give you props for putting yourself out there on a car forum like this. Hopefully most of the replies you get will be helpful, but not all will be. There's nothing wrong with being single and waiting for the right person to come around. Have you looked into online dating sites at all? I have never used one, but a number of my friends have met their wives on sites, so it's an option.

 

Since I'm kinda like her in most respects (except the sports part...I could care less about that), I really don't think she's that manly, J....

As you know, trying to find someone SUCKS, Steph. I got to the point where I quit looking! Then, I found someone without knowing it....albeit he lives in F'n Pittsburgh!!

All the males that expressed interest in me were not what I wanted either...I think it's because I just wear jeans, steel-toed boots, and a shirt everyday so I don't look unapproachable......unless I scowl

 

^Welcome to the great state of Texas

 

catfisha, you're a girl!?!??!?!?!?!??!

 

.....Dorkus!

 

Last time I checked

 

lol! see ya in a week.
P.S. Steph, we're having a meet in Dallas.

 

LMAO...I guess the way I meant "manly" is that a lot of guys would construe some of her hobbies as masculine and might throw them off. That's how I felt but I did leave the disclaimer that I could be wrong. Just the way I interpreted what she wrote.

My other disclaimer is that I met my fiancee on the interwebz... Match.com to be exact and going 6 years strong this year.

 

@Rockstar, your good and if I couldn't handle opinions and.or feedback then that I wouldn't have posted.

I did grow up as a daddy's girl and tomboyish. I can be super feminine when I want to and can be tomboyish too. For the most part I do enjoy wearing light makeup, fixing my hair and dressing nice but I am a simple girl at heart. I am Latina and can be too opinionated at times, but have mellowed a lot in the last few years. For the most part, I'm just super chill and easy to talk to.

I know that a man does not want his masculinity taken away just like a woman wants a "MAN" and not a weakling but I guess its hard for me since I've been married once and been divorced now for almost 6 years. I've done online dating, guys from church and even friends of friends and nothing. Like I said I have not given up on dating or love but at this point I am like when I am not looking it will be meant to be. I also have joined social sport leagues but nothing hasn't happened. So my attitude is enjoy my single life, LIVE LIFE to its fullest, go back and get my MBA, travel and whatever else.

By the way I am 32.

Whatever is meant to be will happen. I am in no rush to be in a full on committed relationship, much less marry. Just trying to get input from my fellow males

Thanks guys!

 

I have 2 really good friends in Austin

 

Details? I might just take a drive out there!

 

Thanks girl for the encouragement I know i am not getting any older, but I refuse to settle just because I do not want to be "lonely" screw that.

 

Well, I originally was gonna drive up to Dallas from houston.
then decided why not make a meet out of it.

the meet is on the 16th at around 2pm at bone daddies(not sure on which location. can give you more details if you're super interested)

I think catfisha said she'll be there.

 

Justin, I thought it was the 17th?!

https://acurazine.com/forums/showthr...8#post14306708

 

2 Things:

First - Enjoying life is a good attitude to have. At least you're not out there doing something stupid. Like you said....you're 32, take it easy. Something will happen.

My wife and I knew each other for about 4 years before we dated. We met on a pool team and played pool and soccer together. We were both enjoying life and decided to enjoy life together. Next week we would celebrate our 7th anniversary. And she is still putting up with me.

Second - Who the F wants to live in Pittsburgh.

 

damnnit, I suck at dates.......
yes the 17th.

 

 

Aww the 16th like next weekend? I can't make it, parents are coming down for mom's bday...maybe the next one

 

catfisha and I were just in Austin 2 weeks ago, wish you would have posted sooner

 

Must be somewhat successful because you teh crabz.

 

 

Stephanie, you sound like you've got a great head on your shoulders. I was in a similar situation in 2005 or so, getting over what might as well have been a divorce with an ex, her kids and paying her off to take name off home title. I got to a point where I realized that working on me and making myself better would eventually attract the right person. And it did.

You're going to be A OK...just keep doing what you're doing...the right one will come along. Latina in Texas, huh!?! Orale, no mames whey! (probably bad spelling...a good portion of Mom's side is from Merida).

 

hate to burst your bubble and be *that guy*, but while that is a brave mindset, you do know that older women's options get slimmer the older they get?

there is a reason why its called "settling down". while I do not condone you settling just for any guy with a pulse, again, it comes down to realistic expectations. we dont know what your criteria is for looking for a mate. most if not all women have unrealistic expectations and their views are so skewed, they blur the line between reality and fantasy.

a word of advice, I would stop categorizing yourself as "one of the guys" (even the title of this thread is not a good start). you dont improve your chances with that. a guy wouldnt want to be with "one of the guys".

 

^Bullshit. 'Settling down' and settling are two completely different things.

She's 32, not 45 people. I know people that are around that age that are fresh out of school (medical of course). And for them, at that age, their life is really just beginning.

You may feel like you're "getting older" simply because you were married young. And now the time since has probably felt like forever. Well it's not and hasn't been.

 

Grrrr. Blackack and your mod powers.
at least it was quoted.

 

I didn't do anything, he double posted and deleted 1

:crabman:

 

back on topic; Steph dont get crabz.