man i need to start saying dumb sh*t to chicks sober or not sober

 

hahaha wut r u talking about $20 quickie i got a 3 hour quickie in the back of my blazer lol ohhh and i didnt buiy a picture or a rose from her

 

hahaha wut r u talking about $20 quickie i got a 3 hour quickie in the back of my blazer lol ohhh and i didnt buiy a picture or a rose from her oh yea and not to mention i was 18 she was 22 ......... its amazing wut alcohol can do

 

A few weeks ago we were up in Lake Tahoe and I was walking around a swap meet while Scottie was at the casino. This dude walks up to me and says, "Am I allowed to talk to you?" I'm like, "WTF? Uh, why wouldn't you be allowed to talk to me...?" And he said, "Well, I mean, I don't want to get punched." So I talked to him for a minute (mostly cuz I never get hit on, so I don't know how to like, politely explain that I'm not available, and I didn't want to interrupt him as he started his monologue on Lake Tahoe and its available entertainments), and finally his friend walked up to us and said to me, "Is this your boyfriend?" He was pointing to the first guy. At this point I recognized this as a "hit", and so I gave them both the look and said, "No, that's not my boyfriend, but if you'd like to meet my husband, I'm sure he's around here somewhere..."

I must have blinked, because suddenly they both disappeared.

Anyway, my point is that the "am I allowed to talk to you?" line was one of the best conversation starters I've ever experienced. Use it.

 

try this one:

YOU: "....do you know the difference between a blow job and a "Big Mac?"
HER: "..ummmm, no"
YOU: "...well, then you and I oughta go to lunch sometimes...."

 

 

Lol!!!

 

 

Stalking a girl on a car forum seemed to work.

I have said many stupid things to her just on here alone.

 

if you cant figure it out... then you shuddnt get laid! LOL!

juss kiddin!

 

 

One dumb/stupid shit that worked for me was go up to a girl and say "Hey what are you selling?"...

 

^^^ and then,,,,,,,,,,,,,?

 

This had me laughing out loud in my office. Great shit, you should be a writer.

 

NO AND THEN!!!

 

Was thinkin that too

 

Hahaha or do you just go right in for the OUCH OUCH you're on my hair!

 

dubble

 

i got head within 15 mins of meeting a girl and not saying a word to her... true story...

basically my friend has 4 little brothers and they had a babysitter at the time so he had just gotten home n the girl was there and so he calls me and tells me to come over... anyways i get there not knowing she was there and the 3 of us r in his room n im a bit shy cuz idk the girl so i didnt say anything ... he says ill be right back shuts the light n closes the door she proceeds to unbutton my pants n the rest his history.... after this all happens i come to find out he just basically said to her "its my friends birthday (which it wasnt) and he hasnt gotten ass in a while so take care of him" (girl is clearly a big whore .. pretty girl though so im not complaining).. in any case i have good friends what can i say haha....

another quick one though its a bit off topic but still amuses me... i was getting with this 1 girl for a few weeks and apparently she started getting feelings and i wasnt into her... one day she says to me "i love you" at this point i look at her very seriously and say "i love me too" i dont think i ever got a more repulsed look in my life from someone. haha. needless to say it didnt work out.

 

hahaha thats hilarious

 

Saying "I know" works just as well too.

 

so does "thank you"

 

man i need some friends like that...

 

"I love me too".....haha...good one

 

One time i pretended i was delivering a pizza, and i cut a hole in the bottom of the box and stuck my dick inside. When the girls opened it up i was like "who wants a big sausage pizza"

has not failed yet.

 

(trying to get a visual) do you do this while standing up or sitting down?

 

wait, you only did it once but it hasnt failed YET? That's such an old prank btw, i bet 100% you never did it.

 

 

I never saw the jerkoff smiley so I had to quote you to see what it is.

yay

 

After I got divorced a while back, I was real anti-relationship. As such, I used to tell girls straight up, "I am not looking for a relationship and I don't want to lead you on...I just want to fuck." You would be surprised how often that worked for me. I really was being honest and I guess they appreciated that. I haven’t employed that strategy for some time now...considering I have a GF who loves porn more than I do!

 

That's definitely worked before and I've seen it work all the time. Women are tryin to get theirs just as much as we are so that kinda thing isn't uncommon.

 

Lol i guess none of you guys have seen the porno series "big sausage pizza", nah of course ive never done it, but their very funny pornos to watch.

 

the same thing worked for me. well i don't know if i can say it "worked" because i wasn't using it as a tactic, i was just being honest. people can tell when you're being honest with them, and most girls will tell you that they like a guy who's honest.

 

I was thinking about that porno series the whole time I read your post. I am also suprised no one picked up on that!

 

Yeah...I say it worked, because looking back on it, I can't believe how ballsy I was at that time. I was definitely being honest and you’re right, they would have picked up on it if I wasn't. What is funny, the majority of the girls who were eager to get boinked were the "innocent looking girls" who tried to act all classy.

 

guess i should look into that, sounds hilarious

 

At a random party off campus and saw a girl from school that I didn't know.

Me: How much does a polar bear weigh?

Girl: Ummmm, I don't know.

Me: Enough to break the ice, my name is.........

result =

 

Caught a girl at a bar that I hadn't seen or humped in over a year... told her "Well, it's not like you would have to feel guilty.... I mean if someone asked you tonight how many people you've slept with, and then they asked you after you left my house in the morning, it would be the same number..."

Bow chicka wow wow

 

At first I was like but now I get it. That's not so dumb afterall.

 

thats a booty call. "fuck?" would have sufficed.