I have been going out with my gf for almost 5 years now . I am pretty sure she is the one so we have been talking about getting married. During the 5 years of the relationship, I have talked to her mother once or twice and said hello to her dad once lol. The problem is that for some reason they think I am not good enough for their daughter, so they have never given me a chance to talk or interact with them. The other day I heard my gf talking to her mom about us getting married , and her mom was like " Are you sure you are not doing this because you are just used to being with him" . I am a very honest ,hard working man . I put myself through school and I have a very good job.

My question is what would you do in my situation ? I love my GF , but I dont feel I should have to humiliate myself to get them to like me.

 

Be civil and respectful to GF's parents. You don't need them to like you-- their daughter is the one that matters.

If her parents learn to like you, that's great. Otherwise, you can't force them to like you. They haven't had much chance to get to know you either.

Hang tough, and best of luck!

 

Once the lock is set, then they will have to like you. Otherwise, they won't be seeing their grandkid.

 

Hang in there and stay confident. Most parents think that their daughter deserve better but don't worry about it. Just make sure you know that she is the one and you would always take care of her.

My mother in law initially didn't think I was good enough for my wife but now she knows me better. She knows I will always love and care for my wife.

 

No wonder they don't like you - you don't have any kind of a relationship with them. Attend family functions, interact with them (no matter how wacky they are), get to know them and let them get to know you.

No need to humiliate yourself, but you do need to treat them as people who matter. If someone were dating my daughter for 5 years, and had said hi to me once I'd think he was an asshole.

 

+1

My mother in law doesn't like me very much. We butt heads all the time. But she knows I love my wife and take good care of her, which is all that really matters. I am always polite and civil and social when we see them.

She even tried setting up my wife on dates while we were engaged. Consider yourself lucky.

 

It's important you get their blessings. Though you do not need them to like you but it's always a plus to get along with them ( ) However, I'd find time and try to get to know them more and perhaps hang out with them more. Have lunch, dinner or even a cup of coffee with them can help. If you are serious about this girl, you should take the time to let them get to know you and you get to know the "future in-laws"

 

Dude, my fiance's sisters tried to split us up. It didn't work, though. His parents are ok, but I won't even look at those hens. All that matters is that you love each other, and that you never badmouth any relatives in front of your children! Also, I wouldn't leave my children alone with anyone who has hostile feelings towards you, they can say mean things and really affect the child for life(I say this from experience). Good luck, I hope it works out, and just be civil to the parents, you don't want to look like the rude one.

 

Ever see Natural Born Killers?

 

yes but don't recall anything happened from that movie.... it's been way too long.

 

My sister in law didn't like me for the longest time either. She was quite rude to me thru the first 4 years of me going out with her sister, now she loves me.

 

^ what changed her mind?

 

The common bond of Acurazine?

Mike

 

My outlaws...I mean...Inlaws, hated me from the start. I lived in VA and she in NH. She ended up moving down here to be with me and we obviously are married now, but it took years for them to respect me. Now they call me for computer support. Just have to keep being nice, polite, and in the end, they will respect her decision and try to make it work wit you. That's not saying you don't have to put in the effort too, like was stated above, go to the house and TRY to talk, go out to dinner with them and offer to pay, stuff like that should help your standing.

 

In 5 years why have you never sat down for dinner with them? I could see the whole "mystery" aspect coming into play. I could see getting a bad vibe from someone who never wanted to meet with me and had been with my said daughter for 5 years.

Mike

 

When she was in college, she went to a party with a group of people she didn't really know too well. By the end of the night, she realizes all of them had either left for another party or gone home. Since she didn't drive, she didn't have a ride and didn't know how to get home. Her sister was interning at the hospital, her brother wasn't around, and she couldn't call her parents because it was past 3am and they lived about an hour and half away so I was her last resort. I drove 1.5 hours to pick her up and dropped her off at her dorm before I drove another 1.5 hours home.

I did this a few times and have always been nice to her despite her resentment towards me. After awhile, she came to realize I was serious about her sister and I wasn't so bad. That was 5 years ago, now she respects me and actually lives with me until she went away on travel.

 

Is not because I didnt want to , I have literally seen him about 3 times during those five years. My gf is afraid that if we have dinner or something else together they are going to say something to make me feel bad, so we have avoided it.

Her older sister had the same problem , once she brought her bf for dinner and when the dinner was ready , her dad sent her little brother to let everyone know that he wont be having dinner until the bf was gone .

 

Well it can't get much worse than it currently is. Well it could, but it would be hard. Tell her you need to meet her parents. Or better yet, give them a call yourself and say you'd like to set something off. If you get the same response her sister got, well than I dunno, that does suck.

Mike

 

I'm going to swim against the flow here and suggest you keep away from showing interest in socializing with the girl's parents.

That is until your girl makes a request for you to meet them in a very civilized, polite and pleasant manner. That's when you can keep your head up, walk into their place and expect to be respected. If her parents act like asses, then you have just won the first of many to come conflicts.

It really is not your job to make her parents like you. It's their DUTY to respect their daughter's choice - YOU - in every way possible. If they can't do that, then it's your girl's DUTY to handle the situation. If she can't do that, then she's weak and needs to fix herself(note I didn't tell you to dump her. Help her fix her weakness).

Speaking from personal experience, a girl's parents are usually like poison for a relationship. It's not their fault. It's usually the girl's fault for not being strong enough to deny her family the ability to swing her mindset.

Don't sacrifice the least bit of pride/dignity if you are to regret it in the long-run. Some people have no problem being humble and taking a beating(good for them), others usually try to make up for the lost pride by turning into an asshole later on in life and taking a dump on their spouse/kids when faced with hardship.

 

I don't have a problem advising you to keep your head up and act proud. First of all, you deserve it, if you made all the steps to make your life better and stand out from the rest.

You have to look at it from a parent's perspective. They raised that girl since birth, and parental instincts are hard to break, especially if they are a closely knit family, which you should also appreciate as opposed to a girl coming from a broken home. Family values are uncommon these days on women or men. And saying this, there are many different cases on how a girl can be close to her family.

I myself would not call them "In-Laws" unless you are actually married or living common-law. They are simply you girfriend's parents, nothing more. If you BOTH decide to take the next step, then I think it should involve the families, yours AND hers. Remember that respect is not granted right away but is earned over time. If you do decide to turn this into a marriage, then it's a god idea to keep good relations with not just her parents but with yours as well.

If you came across as reclusive and distant, you cannot help but make impressions like the one you're experiencing now. I say this as a parent. If they are a closely-knit bunch, they expect their daughter to be married to someone they can consider as a son. And if they actually do accept you, expect to be treated like a son, where they may be giving you advice and checking on you ever so often. Don't take too much offence to this.

Just be yourself and let them accept you as such, don't show any artificiality that they can pick on and find out later that it's not really you. Bottom line is, if they still don't give you their sign of approval, then you'd have to move past it. It's the quality of your relationship with your GF that will stand the test of time and will be the foundation of your good and long-lasting marriage.

 

I have to disagree with you. Marriage is not just between you and your woman. Marriage is like union of the two families. As much as your are respectful to your parents, you must be respectful to your SO's (or future SO) parents. And, you cannot just claim it's the girl's duty to make her parents to respect you. In fact, YOU're the one who should respect them, since they are the ones that raised your girlfriend. She became who she is because of them.

There is a limitations to how far she can persuade her parents of you. Afterall, it is your job to break the ice and stand up. Show yourself to them. If you are who you claim you are, there is no need to worry about anything. It is something you have to work together with (same goes if your parents don't like her)
Sure, most gir's parents won't like you at first (though it's not always true, from my experience), but it takes time and effort to get there.

Also, why do you think there's any sacrifice involved in this? I don't see why you have to give up your pride to make your in-law's to like you. If I was a parent, and my daughter has a boyfriend, I would want him to be a firm, strong and proud person of himself.