timecop

Man, I've never done this before...seems a little weird, but I feel I'll get some broad answers from the AZ community.
I'll try to make a long story short (try). I've known this girl for about 4 years now. I met her when we were doing an internship. At the time she was a 16 and I was 18. She was really cool and we became good friends. I didn't realize I liked her until maybe a year or so after we first met. We talk on the phone every few weeks, but we rarely get to hang out b/c of school. I normally get to hang out with her on our birthday or during a school break. So essentially our friendship is over the phone. But I'm crazy about her!
The problem is, I KNOW I'm trapped in the friend zone. Now this summer, I'm still at home working, but she's in PA doing a summer internship. I decided I should call her and just tell her I have feelings for her than more than just being friends. And I'm gonna ask her if she feels the same way about me.
I guess my question is, do you all think this is the right approach? Or should I do something else. If you all need more details, I can always reply back, but I felt this info was most important. Thank for the help AZ community!

justnspace

iTrader: (1)

no, that is not the right approach.

dont talk about your feelings.


casually flirt by upping the sexual innuendos

timecop

Well, not really feelings, just that I like her as more than just a friend. I dunno, I'm not really that type of guy and I dunno if she'd like that. One of my friends said I should send her flowers and a card with how I feel and then call her, but that just seemed to weird. Although, she could be right.

justnspace

iTrader: (1)

those my friend, are called feelings.

timecop

haha true. But I dunno if I could go that route and I feel she wouldn't like if I did it. It would be the complete opposite of who I am.

justnspace

iTrader: (1)

you already lost this game.

timecop

True. Well if it helps any, I did try once when I first realized I liked her. But I got scared and asked her as a hypothetical instead. So I was like "What if I told you I liked you". Or something...and she did say she had feelings for me, but the conversation kinda fizzled from there. She could of just said it, but who knows. I do appreaciate you trying to help me though

justnspace

iTrader: (1)

its going to keep fizzling if you keep at that approach.
instead of asking her if she likes you,

FLIRT with her.
UP YOUR SEXUAL ADVANCES!

Rockstar21

iTrader: (1)

^^^ man knows what he's talking about.

has worked for me before.

timecop

I'm not trying to reject your advice, I really do want to try it. But even if I did go that route, I wouldn't know how to. I've never had a gf, never dated, never flirted. Not that I'm weird or anything (I guess there's no way to prove that), I just never did that stuff. So I don't have the swag to accomplish it. And she knows I'm that guy, so wouldn't it be weird to see me change the way I sorta act around her when I try?

justnspace

iTrader: (1)

when you guise talk about shopping....

say something like....I bet that would look sexy on you.

or

when are you gonna try that on for me?
extra points if its lingerie

Scottman111

Robocop you're failing miserably

But you're new at this, so it's cool. Don't do anything over the phone or with flowers or any of that crap. You won't be able to effectively read her body language unless you're doing things in person.

Just take the AZ advice and you'll be fine

SharksBreath

iTrader: (33)

just be subtle about your advances. don't go over the top and weird her out.

if you think you're the coolest motherfucker on the planet...then you are INDEED the coolest motherfucker on the planet. project confidence, try some light humor, make her laugh. putty in your hands.

justnspace

iTrader: (1)

Right, scottie!

Pics of said friend, before we can move on to the real advice

TheLowLife

^this

timecop

So it's out there, I've known her for a good 4 years, which is why it's time I think I tell her.
That's my mindset every time I talk to her. I do make her laugh (when I'm trying to be funny), and I'm always confident when I talk to her (I don't mumble or stutter haha). And I think she knows that I've got confidence.

I knew this would happen. Since you've been helping me out since the start, I'll send you a pic of myself and her and you can be the judge for the rest of AZ.

Scottman111

Seems fair!

sixsixfour

never talk about your "feelings" and any "hypothetical questions". you're already in the friend zone, dont dig a deeper hole.

justnspace

iTrader: (1)

She's cute, Scottie!

timecop

Thanks. I've got that much down Hopefully a female AZ member will eventually see this and chime in.
Gracias!

1StGenCL

Go visit her and get it in.

Don't talk about feelings, take her out, have a good time, take her home and take her pants off. Win.

Oh, don't forget to take pics for AZ since we were the ones that got you laid, it's only fair

doopstr

^what these guys said.

Just plain telling her that you want to up the status of the relationship is going to make you fall off the friends ladder into the abyss. Happened to me.

aznboi2424

iTrader: (10)

I wouldn't tell her on the phone especially if she's far away and you guy's can't do much more then talk on the phone about it. At least wait until she comes back if your going to tell her.
Also, just keep in the back of your mind that things might get awkward if it doesn't turn out happily ever after and your friendship with her could very well start falling out. Just something to consider before you tell her. I'm not saying don't but just be rational about what could happen from it.

MissAlyyTL

...here I am, "chiming" lol... Nothing is definite but I can tell you the friend zone doesn't have to be that bad. The man I married began in the "friend zone", so there is still hope lol.

If u really are friends, I would just put it out there. Sending flowers and all might be a lil overwhelming if she is caught off guard. I'd just bring it up non-chalantly, like hey, so what do you think about us hangin out when u get back into town, u know just the 2 of us. If she sounds freaked out by the idea- then run. But if she doesn't, she already knows the deal. Usually if we know the guy ahead of time, we can catch the vibe. If she asks why, then just tell her how youve known her for a while, like the friendship & want to see what more could possibly come of it. If you have a phone friendship with her odds are that she prob feels the same way about u, we don't go out of our way to BS over the phone for no reason. In person, sometimes chicks do, to get free dinner/drinks and whatnot, but not over the phone.

97BlackAckCL

iTrader: (6)

^ great advice from Ally

I would definitely not do that over the phone, you need to do it in person

MissAlyyTL

Oh, forgot to add... Whatever u do, DO NOT WAIT until she comes back. What if she finds a guy over there and is with him, forever? Do it ASAP, before u start kicking urself bc it's too late. Sometimes a female can meet a guy, at a resturant or gas station or whatever and fall head over heels in a day. It'd be nice to tell her face to face if u can make a visit or something, but I think over the phone would suffice. Plus, it takes away from that awkward feeling & gives her time to answer honestly opposed to being put on the spot.

timecop

That's one of my biggest fears. Thanks for the advice!

Alright, "chiming" ftw! I feel like she would be fine with us going out, if I asked anytime...so no problems there I guess.

I'm gonna try telling her sometime this week and I'll let you all know how it goes. I know most of the guys said no, but I should at least know where I stand and see how she feels. I guess I'll update ya'll after I talk with her...The next question is, if she really does just wanna be friends, how can I reverse it? And I'm not so good at the flirting thing, do you all have any tips.

timecop

If I don't tell her, how do you suggest I try and step up my game? I'm not a natural when it comes to flirting. I wouldn't even know what to do, how how to do it. You've seen a pic of me...I definitely don't look like I have swag Do you got any tips?

justnspace

iTrader: (1)

yeah, dont say swag.



you got this, my man.
think like you're the fawking man!!!

97BlackAckCL

iTrader: (6)

If she isn't into it and doesn't want anything more than friends, you're SOL and will be banished to the friends zone forever

oo7spy

Nice signature. You need to put that on your ceiling above your bed. Live it; it works. It doesn't matter what you look like; it matters what you think like. Once you get the idea planted in your head, you can remove the motto from your ceiling and put mirrors up.

Majofo

I texted her a picture of my cawk. We're going on a date tonight.

Majofo

Sorry OP.

1Louder

^THIS.

This is going to be a very quick, yes or no deal. There will be no convincing or charming her with gifts, so don't send stuff. Definitely handle this in person. I think you just put the "hey you want to hang out" thing out there you'll know everything you need to know in the 10 seconds that follow. But if she turns you down, brush it off, clear your head and move on.

MissAlyyTL

LOL. there's no such thing as forever friend zone. If that's the case, then once she dates a real douchebag and he cheats on her or so,ething, and ur her shoulder to cry on, she might realize how sweet you are and give it a try. But is that really what you want? My motto is and always has been I don't want anyone in my life who doesn't want me in theirs.

Majofo

Every guy friend of yours whose not your man. Forever friend zone.

Majofo

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Majofo

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97BlackAckCL

iTrader: (6)

MissAlyyTL

Well that's only because I'm married and my hubs motto is "it's cheaper to keep her" LMFAO. If she's single, or even dating there's always the possibility. I've dated 'friends' in the past tho lol.