I've been with my girlfriend for almost 9 months now, and its pretty serious...I mean I could really see my self with her long term, shes close with my parents, I've met hers on occasion. The problem is that she lives in southern california, and I live in washington. I always though she would move up to me, but now shes thinking about an MBA and absolutely does not want to go to University of Washington for it. I told her she is young (23), and that maybe she should wait for a few years before persuing an mba, but she thinks now is it. PLUS, her parents (in typical Indo fashion) would freak out if she moved to washington, even if she found a good job here.

Now, i cant stand the distance. I fucking hate seeing her just once a month. Yea we talk at least 2-3 hours a day, but its just not enough for me. I told her i couldnt deal with it if she got an MBA and was away form me for 2-3 years. At this point im almost feeling i'd rather feel alone than depressed that shes not arround.

Am I horrible for putting her in this position? I know would have to fight her parents, AND potentially put her career on hold for me to move up here. Maybe I'm the one thats totally being unreasonable and non-compromising (I have a great job here, and just bought a house last month)? Is there any way to save this relationship?

 

good luck. Long terms suck, it's gonna take some comprimising on both her part and yours. You shouldnt feel like a jerk, you told her your feelings on it, that's about the only thing you can do. the rest is up to her.

 

geez, doesnt anyone still do cliff notes these days?

 

I don't know her background, but it's uncommon for someone to get into a top level B-school without some professional experience.

Most 1st tier schools average 5-6 years of post baccalaureate experience, and with good reason. A student that graduates with an MBA and a BA, but no professional experience is arguably in the worst position when it comes to potential employment. They are stuck in a sort of limbo, overqualified for entry-level positions, but lacking in experience needed to break into the higher level management positions common for MBAs.

This is the general thought process when it comes to B-schools, so I'm sure she'll discover this as she gets closer to actually enrolling, and plans will likely change. Good luck!

 

thats exactly what i thought, and told her, but she still thinks that now is the time. To be fair, she has been working at a software company for almost 2 years, and has a couple of internships from microsoft, but i still think she'd be in a better position 3-5 years from now

 

You're definitely not being unreasonable, considering you just bought a house for chrissakes. My gf is the same way. she wants me to move up to philly (which thankfully is closer than your distance) but she is still in school with no job lined up and i have a good job and just bought a house too. So you can't feel like the jerk here. But it's not a good idea to get in the way of someone's career/educational goals. They'll just resent you for it anyway.

 

Relationship aside, she's definitely not going to benefit AT ALL going to grad school at this age. Tell her to talk to some professionals in her field that have their MBA, I guarentee you they will tell her to wait, or have her ask her undergrad profs, they will say the same thing. I'm 25 and probably won't pursue my MBA till 27 or 28 at the earliest...

As far as you being a jerk, no you're not, you are telling her how you feel and what you want, if she can't at least see where you're coming from, she's not being resonable.

 

MBA is more important them women never put women infront of your career or education.

 

I think you misread it; the girl wants to do the MBA and doesn't want to move up to Washington to be with him until she gets it.

:ibeyeexam:

 

That's going to be tough. Good luck.

 

I disagree with the whole "wait til you're older to get your MBA" thing. I was advised to finish it while you're young and can handle the heavier schedule, and definitely before kids pop out. I figure I'm 22 now and probably won't start til 23 so I could be 25-26 before I'm done, and I don't want to have kids much later than that. So I can see why she wants to get it done sooner rather than later.

 

i would tell her to move up here because there are more job opportunities in WA than CA plus the housing is cheaper. and there are alot of jobs that will help pay for school too.

i was in a similar situation except my girl is from denver. she wanted to stay there and finish school (which she wouldve had to pay for) but i convinced her to move here before finishing. she listened to me, and 1 month later she found an awesome job where she's already been promoted and pays in full for her to finish school. she's been here just over a year now.

 

Im in the same boat.

Do what I do, ignore the issue and hope it goes away.

 

word just be cool dont be a bitch

 

The above posters are right, she should wait a few years for grad school. I believe top tier schools won't even consider taking applications from recent grads. Work experience is a must.

That said, you can't put it all on her to just move up to you. I realize you are settled with your job and house, but it's still a big risk for her to move. Not saying you should drop everything and move to socal, but you can't expect her to do something you aren't willing to do.

 

Ahh yes, the tried and true Ostrich approach.

As for the MBA thing, I am a corporate shill working for a large firm and everyone agrees to wait and get experience before going for an MBA. The work experience allows you to determine what your exact focus will be once you get into Business School.

IMHO she is setting herself up for some tough times, unless she is a super star and knows some people.

 

Every bit as eloquent as Water-S yet far more terse!

 

If you don't want a long distance relationship and she doesn't want to compromise for your relationships' sake then at some point in the near future you should really tell her that it's not going to work out, it just sounds like it's not.

 

Personally, although easier to say cuz I'm not in that situation, I'd never want to get in the way of someone's goals and dreams. In fact, if I loved them, I'd really want to be the one to support them, help them, and be there for them along the way.

Education is a wonderful thing, and the fact that she wants to pursue it and make something of herself should be a great thing!! I think it'd be cruel to want to take that away from someone. She's on the right track for what *she* wants for herself right now and in the future in terms of career options. Sounds like she's got a good head on her shoulders.

If both of you really want this to work, I'm sure there's something both of you can figure out that will make both of you happy, even if it's not the easiest option.

EDIT: I agree that she will either end up resenting you for not following her plans - if she does choose to drop things and move with you, or she might not even want the ultimatum and end the relationship.

 

Enjoy the great job and place, and stop California dreaming.
It'll nevar happen.

 

you my friend are a selfish prick. What if shit doesnt work out in the end? Then she has changed her life for something that didnt work. Let her go for the gusto. Support her dream to the fullest. Thats what true love does. It is about sacrafice. If you love her then you are willing to sacrafice your own happiness for hers.

 

Hey man, you've been with this chick for 9 months.
Who knows who else is tapping that ass.
She is obviously not ready to throw away her life for some relationship.
Socal>>>>>>>Washington

You do the math. no offense or anything, but reality check, think about this in terms of life for a second and not some feeling you might think is "love"

 

are you Indian?

 

yep

nope

I agree, and i do feel guilty, but it doesnt really change the way I feel

We worked it out, and she'll work on both fronts...studying for GMAT, and I'll try to help her find a job her

 

Nope what? there was no question.

 

tell her to apply at Microsoft in WA

 

nope as in i have no doubts about her faithfulness

Tried...its funny my idiot friend got TWO interview here, but she hasnt gotten one

 

I moved from Cali to WA to work here for a couple years, then I'm planning on going for an MBA later as well.
An internship does not qualify as real work experience. If you go to grad schools' websites, most usually want at LEAST 2 years of REAL work experience.

I hope it works out for you. I'm surprised you are so serious about her after only 9 months.

 

Looks like someone found an 'entry level' job that required less than '10 years' of experience.

Yes, I know that postings labeled 'entry level' that ask for '8-10 years of experience' are stupit.

<= thinking about dating in the next life, after I get experience with life in general in this life

 

We're just a couple of sentimental fools

OffTopic...but how do you like the transition? The fucking rain has been KILLING me the last couple of weeks...I need to go back to the dry single-season weather of so cal

 

I heard it's rained 24 days straight in Seattle or something like that.

 

Rain doesn't bother me too much... and I try to get over the lack of sunshine by being outdoors more often on the weekends.

I've been on the slopes almost every weekend
I'm going to whistler this weekend