I frequent this site because i have a TSX...i usually hangout over on A-TSX. But anyway...this might be long so you don’t have to read it all, I am just venting.

Me and my girlfriend of 6 years ago just broke up, and it kinda sucks. Basically she brought up the idea of us taking time apart, and at the time I thought it was a good idea because I have been interested in this other girl that I work with. So me and my girl both agreed that it will be good for us in the long run to do our own thing for a while. She thinks that it will reinforce our love for each other, etc, and that it will bring back the romance into our relationship; that it will make us stronger as a couple. I agreed at the time because I wanted to pursue this other girl. (BTW, me and my ex-girlfriend are going to Las Vegas together next week for vacation- we had this trip planned for a year so we both still want to go together)

Anyway, this other girl and I have really hit it off at work, and she was very interested in me a month or so ago. She does have a boyfriend though. What happened was we had a really intense connection starting about 2 months ago, but we didn’t act on it because we were both involved with our other counterparts. Since then it seems like that connection has diminished a little, and she really isn’t as into it anymore. However we still eat lunch together everyday and talk through email all the time. She tried dumping her boyfriend a few months back because she wasn’t happy with him. But now he has completely changed and is really trying to make her happy, so she is staying with him for now because of his 180 degree turn. Basically I think that I missed my opportunity with this other girl because I was faithful to my current girlfriend.

Now my problem is that I found out that, during our “time apart”, my ex-girlfriend has been hooking up with somebody else - she told me over the phone. I think part of the reason she wanted to take time apart is so she can pursue this other dude. But she insists that she has no intentions of pursuing this guy in a serious way. My ex-girlfriend and I are still on friendly terms…we still talk on the phone and I spent Easter Sunday with her and her family. And she still wants me to go to Vegas with her and insists that we will have a blast together.

SO, my mind has been going crazy. I wrote my ex-girl a long letter saying that I am having a hard time dealing with her being with someone else. I said that I will always love her and that I am grateful for the 6 years that we spent together. However I need to have some respect for myself and I can’t wait around for her and take her back when she is done having fun (she really thinks that we will end up together forever). In the letter I wished her the best and said that I have to move on and pursue this other person I like (even though that may no longer be possible, I didn’t mention that). Well she didn’t take it too well. She emailed me back (and left me a voicemail) saying that she truly loves me and doesn’t want to risk losing everything that we have together, and that all I have to do is say the word and she will stop seeing anybody else. She says that there isn’t anybody else that she would rather be with but me. Now mind you we have been together for a long time, we went to college together and have all of our memories, the same friends, vacations...etc. So there is a lot of history there between us. We are like best friends as well.

Now my problem is I don’t know what to do, or even what I want to do. It seems like I kinda missed my window of opportunity with this other girl. And on top of that, I am going crazy thinking that my ex-girlfriend is out having fun with some other guy, doing God knows what. Basically my girlfriend did to me exactly what I didn’t have the heart to do to her a few months ago with the girl that I work with. After we go to Vegas, I don’t know whether I want to get back with my girl or continue to take some time apart. I am scared of her falling for this other guy or something. And the thought of her with anyone else is hard to deal with. I really could see myself spending the rest of my life with her, but I also had these intense feelings for this other girl (which isn’t really happening anymore). Should I get my girlfriend back? Or should I “set love free, and if it comes back then it was meant to be”? I guess if I had someone to be with it would take my mind off of her it would make things easier...it sucks cause she has moved on and I am stuck alone at the moment.

I need advice!!

 

I dont care if you been with your girl for over 6 years. If you are "Sizing Up" other gals...and thinking of pursuing something with this other woman...you are nowhere near ready for a long term commitment with the 6 year girlfriend.

I have been married for 7 years to what I believe is the most wonderful woman on the planet. Sure...I "LOOK" at other gals...but it stops there.

If you are at all questioning and or thinking about doing the other girl...your current relationship is NOT "THE ONE".

NOTE: Can't have your cake and eat it too.:P

 

While I completly agree with you that if I was interested in somebody other than my girl, then we arent meant to be. However, in the 6 years we were together my mind NEVER strayed from my girlfriend. I always was truly happy with my girl.

The deal with this other girl is that 1) she is incredibly beautiful. 2) we connected on different levels then what me and my current girl connect on. Not necessarily better, just different. For one, she loves talking about cars, and so do I. We just hit it off really well, but mainly i think i was interested because it was different. For a while i thought that maybe i would rather be with this other girl instead. But i think that kinda faded away.

But in the end I feel that I would rather be with my girlfriend over this other girl. I really dont know anymore...

 

if i were you, i would tell your ex to go fuck herself.

girls are like buses man. another comes along every five minutes.

maybe you missed out on that chick from work, but there will be another one.

at the very least, i would not get back together with your ex until you have slept with at least one new girl.

 

It sounds like she made up this "we need time apart" bullshit to fuck around with the other guy. You stuck with it and didn't fuck the girl at work, yet she wants someone else's cock and it's OK for her to do it? Telling her to go fuck herself like wipe0ut said sounds like a great idea.

I can't even imagine how that trip to vegas will be. Do you honestly think she'll stay with you the whole time? That she won't call the other dude from Vegas?

 

JUST GIVE HER THE BRICK..........it will solve all your problems

 

uh, so its ok for him to want to go hook up with another girl while theyre on time apart, but its not ok for her to hook up with another guy while theyre on time apart?

please. you both took time apart. you wouldve been hitting it with the other girl if the opportunity hadnt passed you by. I dont see where you can hold it over her head for doing something that you wouldve been doing as well.

what it comes down to, is you guys broke up, both did your own thing in the mean time.. and now youre looking at getting back together or not.

you cant look at what she did while you guys were broken up as reasons to go back/not go back with her.

maybe shes telling the truth that she didnt intend to get with him when she said you needed time apart.. only you know if shes the type to lie to your face about something like that.

and you say part of the reason she wanted time apart was to be with this guy, but in your post, you admit that part of the reason you were ok with time apart is because you wanted to hook up with the other girl.. how are you any different from her?

 

It's perfectly fine they're seeing other ppl when they're apart! I was making reference to the time they were together.
What I was saying was that he wanted to spend time with the other girl a few months ago but didn't take it farther because he had a GF he'd been with for many years.
But, when she wanted to spend time with the other guy, instead of going 'I won't pursue this because I'm in a relationship' she basically put the guy she's been with for 6 years aside.

 

"Basically she brought up the idea of us taking time apart"

and then she fucked another dude.

case closed. give her the brick. whatever that means.

or fuck TWO chicks, then get back with her.

 

but he didnt have any qualms about it because he wanted to fuck another girl.

 

yeh but chances are she wanted time apart specifically to fuck that dude.

he could have decided to take time off to fuck that girl at work, but he didn't.

so now here it is, she fucked some dude, he didn't fuck anyone and she wants him back no harm, no foul?!?!?!?

that wouldn't fly with me.

i think he is more confused than anything. being together that long definately messes with your head. and he probably thinks that he missed his chance with that work girl, so now he thinks he has no other options but to get back with his ex.

he shouldn't let her actions slide.

 

but he didnt fuck anyone because the opportunity wasnt there. the point is he WOULD have, if the time had been right.


it just seems to me hes thinking along the lines, I didnt fuck anyone and she did and i cant bear the thought of her with another guy..

but really to make things even, he should fuck another girl.. it evens out the cards.. and then judge her reactions when she finds out..

 

THANK YOU! Thats what sucks. I was the nice guy and felt guilty. The nice guy always gets shit on. Lesson learned.

 

well thats what sux is that i could have DEFINITLY hit that shit back then, but now it isnt really possible anymore...

 

well also take into consideration, if this other guy was the whole reason she broke up with you..

at least she had the decency to break it off before fucking another guy.

lots of women just fuck them while dating you..

 

This is exactly my problem. I valued my longterm girlfriend over some "fling", even though that fling could have had a lot of potential. I honestly thought it would devastate my current girl if I brought up the idea of spending time apart for someone else. And I would have at least had the honesty to say that i am interested in somebody else. She played it off as she needs time apart from us because she wasnt happy with us at the moment. When really she wanted to be with this other dude.

I shouldnt have hesitated with this other girl. At least now i know. After being with someone for 6 years you think that you have this connection with the person and know them inside and out. But apparently that isnt the case, because she is now putting everything we had together in jeopardy. Already I cant get over what she has done in the last month since we split up. Its pretty much ruining my impression of her.

There is no way i can ever get back with her at this point. It just isnt the same. Because she did exactly what i couldnt do to her, to me. I am more pissed at myself than anything else for not going after something that i wanted. Vegas will still be fun. I will just make sure i f*ck her brains out the whole trip so she realizes what she is missing out on, and then after that i am moving on. At least leave on a good note.

 

Yeah but see I very well could have hooked up with this other girl. There were many times when we were alone in my apartment both sitting together on my couch and talking about shit... but i thought it wasnt right to cheat on or break up with my girl.

Just so happens that now that i am a free man that opportunity is gone...oh well there will be others.

 

just keep repeating this to yourself.

don't fuck her and fall back in love with her.

hit it and bounce. or if you really want to be mean, don't touch her at all. try to find some hooker in vegas and fuck the hooker instead. haha.

 

It's over man, no way I could reconcile with my woman after she fucked some other dude. I could have sex with her again but I could never enter into another relationship, she tainted goods in my eyes after that......

 

Just to clarify, when you guys use the term "fuck" i take it as hooking up. She didnt fuck anybody else. Or at least that I know of. Who knows though...the thought has crossed my mind.

Either way i do feel like our relationship is over, things are different in my eyes. And I do feel like she is tainted now. Why did she go and do this...she did it to her self.

 

Well she is a truly good person and would never cheat on me. She told me before that she would break up with me first before cheating on me, which is exactly what she did. So there is her admitting to breaking up (she told me this after we split) so she could be with someone else.

 

yeh i figured when you said "hooking up" in your first post you meant fuck. she probably did.

 

:shakehd:

 

actually she told me about it only after i brought up the fact that I had somebody else in the back of my mind. She went on to sat that she kissed someone else, and it was left at that. i doubt that she fucked him in that short amount of time.

she still calls me everynight and says that she loves me. my head is so fucking messed up right now.

 

wait.. so youre getting upset because you thought she kissed someone else?

 

yeh. if your upset over a kiss then you teh suck.

but wait....where did she kiss him?

 

No, we were split apart when she kissed somebody else, i am not necessarily upset about it because we both decided to take some time apart. And it was only a kiss.

However, there is more to the story. A few weeks before we split up, i went to the bar, and it just so happens that this friend was there. I was introduced and all, and played some pool with everybody. I got the weirdest feeling between them.

Then i had to leave to go see my sister, and i eventually came back to the bar, but nobody was around. I called my girl repeatedly but she would not answer. Finally i was in her driveway just about to pull out, and she pulled up, alone. I asked her where she was and she told me that she was with him, talking about "his 6 year relationship".

I immediately freaked and I insinuated that i know something is up between them. She cried alot and strongly denied that this was this case. So i ended up staying with her that weekend.

She claims that she split up because she wasnt happy at the time. Yet that night after the bar i heard NOTHING of this unhappiness. I feel like she played her cards, so to speak, and when the time was right she split it off with me to be with this other dude. This is my problem, not necessarily the kiss, but everything in general.

And the subsequent weeks after we split up, she would not give me the time of day as far as seeing each other. You would think that she would still want to see me once in a while, after being together for 6 years. I wanted to see her. I didnt know lover cared about a technicality of whether or not we were a couple or not.

There was even one Friday night that i was trying to get a hold of her all night because i wanted to see her. she wouldnt even respond to me. So finally i called her house and asked her dad if she was there. He put her on the phone and she talked all quiet and shit. Now, granted we were taking time apart, and i know damn well that this other guy was probably there with her. But it is fucked up that she just suddenly wouldnt give me the time of day. I mean, this other dude obviously knows me, and who i am and the whole situation. So i dont think it would have even been a shock to him if she took the call of her ex-boyfriend of 6 years while they were together.

And the worst part of that night was, that i live 60 miles away from her, and i was depending on her for a place to crash. So when i left her voicemails and texts, i said that i was in town and had nowhere to go. And that even if you dont want me around, tell me, because i am driving around in my car waiting for an answer. And yet she didnt reply back.

The situation is fucked beyond repair at this point.

 

as far as i know she only kissed him after we split up.

 

hehe WHERE mangg but anyway...I agree with the others, if it bothers you so much you should move on. I think that you feel strongly about this because as you said, she moved on and you are alone now. You do have a lot of history together but that can't be reason enough to stay with someone if things just aren't working out. And there is really no excuse for her intentionally ignoring your call while you were in town with no place to go. I dont know if I could forgive that :shakehd:

 

yeh it is sounding more and more like she thought the grass was gonna be greener with this other dude, and it turned out not to be all she hoped, and now wants you back.

fuck that. give her the brick.

 

I know, my thoughts exactly. And she is really stupid for doing this to herself, because she has claimed the whole time that all this has nothing to do with this other dude, and that it just so happened to be when we split up that it happened. But i dont believe her anymore, and that scares me, because i have always trusted her. She has directly lied to me, and i know it. It just wont ever be the same anymore.

And i dont know what she was thinking anyway. I mean i aint exactly a bad looking dude (not being conceited, just trying to look on the bright side). I am 24 years old and i have a degree in engineering from Penn State, and i am currently going back to school for my MBA. I work at a large phamaceutical company making over 50K per year. I drive a 2004 TSX and have my own phat apartment. And this other guy is nothing close to any of that. He is trying to become a male nurse, lives in a crappy area with his parents, and isnt too high up the ladder as far as being an attractive person, IMO (No offense to anybody that is a nurse). He certainly isnt that "catch" that parents would like to see their daughter bring home. Thats another thing, her parents absolutely love me, and were shocked when she told them we split up.

I dont know, i guess those things dont necessarily mean that much. But i am trying to see myself as a good guy to be with. I really have to get out there and find some other bitch to get with, it will at least make me feel better.

 

yo, she is playing her cards and killiin you in the process

1) you write really clearly, most people say "cliff notes" after 1 paragraph because they obfuscate it beyond comprehension

2) your pretty strong to be able to see the truth and act upon it after 6 years

 

Well to be honest i am dying inside over all of this. I swear to God this is the hardest thing i have ever had to deal with in my life, and sometimes i cant take it. The hardest part is that I live 60 miles from all my friends and family, so i'm pretty much alone.

Anybody have any advice? I just need to get out there and meet some new people. A hard thing to do in a new area.

 

 

You have to move on and forget about her. She already proved she will dump you in a second to try someone else. She will do it again. No mater what she says, she will do it again. You are just being used. Tuck your tail between your legs, face up to it, move on, and don't look back.

 

This girl is showing you that her curiosity of being with another guy is more important than the 6 year stint. I don't buy that time apart story for a second, she already planned on getting with this guy, and she probably got with him before your time apart agreement. Get yourself another girl, someone who'll be more honest with you.

 

a man is only as faithful as his options.