7. Much-celebrated new Lions offensive coordinator Mike Martz didn't produce much in Detroit's first game, a 9-6 home loss to the Seahawks. Martz's offense put up just 251 total yards and no touchdowns. Meanwhile, Detroit's defense held the potent Seattle attack to just nine points and Shaun Alexander to 51 yards rushing, and the defensive line -- which dictated play all day -- tallied three sacks. And who coaches Detroit's defensive line? The great Joe Cullen. (Or, as he is better known: Joe "The Guy Who Rides Buck-Naked Through Wendy's Drive-Thrus" Cullen.) Obviously then, Detroit's players respond much better to coaches who don't wear pants. And it's not surprising. There are so many distractions to the modern player that sometimes the only way to get their attention is to get naked. So the choice is yours, Mike Martz. You can continue directing a weak Lions offense, never to sniff a head coaching job again. Or you can lose the pants and restore your reputation as a genius. It's up to you.

8. Brett Favre threw two more interceptions in Green Bay's shutout loss yesterday, giving him 257 for his career -- just 20 shy of George Blanda's all-time record. Will ESPN start running a Bonds-esque "Chasing Blanda" scroll at the bottom of the screen as Favre goes after -- and inevitably passes -- this historic mark? I have no idea, although they should. But I'd like to throw a bone to all of the Favre apologists out there. In order to prevent their hero from breaking Blanda's mark, I say Favre's picks no longer be recorded as interceptions. Instead, they shall be called "gunslings." It's simply disrespectful to say: "Brett Favre stinks. He threw five more interceptions last night." To me, this sounds much better: "Did you see Brett Favre throw five gunslings last night? Man, what a gunslinger. He threw them so hard directly into the defenders' hands that he made them bleed. No one throws gunslings like Brett Favre."

9. I read an interesting article in last Friday's USA Today that said many NFL teams are now going with just two quarterbacks on the game day roster as opposed to the traditional three. According to the article, nine teams are doing so this year -- more than twice the number of a season ago. Yet when I watched the games yesterday, I discovered that several teams -- the Titans, Cowboys, Broncos and Packers, just to name a few -- are playing with zero quarterbacks on their roster. (Assuming, of course, that Kerry Collins, Drew Bledsoe, Jake Plummer and Favre aren't supposed to be actual NFL quarterbacks.) But there was no mention of that in the article. Strange.

10. You have to feel bad for Javon Walker. After playing the first four years of his career in Green Bay with Favre, and now moving on to Denver with Jake Plummer, I honestly wonder if the guy even remembers anymore that he is supposed to be a receiver and not a defensive back.

11. We are all fortunate that the Cowboys laid their egg yesterday on the road and not at home. Just think how much worse it would have been in Dallas. It's almost a given that Bill Parcells, hearing the cries of the home fans, would have started lactating through his uncomfortably snug polo shirt right there on national television. And no one wants to see that nastiness. Or at least I hope no one wants to see that nastiness.

12. By the way, Drew Bledsoe, the media would like to thank you for throwing three interceptions yesterday, thereby laying the groundwork for a Terrell Owens blowup. As a reward they are buying you a Segway. Feel free to use it for daily errands, or in the pocket to make you more mobile. (I suppose the use of "more" wasn't necessary in the preceding sentence.)