gatrhumpy

iTrader: (1)

I had a family member just tell me that happened to her from a friend that his wife WATCHES MY SON periodically. How do I support this family member without resorting to contract killing?

RaviNJCLs

iTrader: (4)

IMO, do not even try to understand what she is going through. We have no frame of reference unless we have been through what she has. This is truly one of those times that you need to shut up, listen and offer no advice. Just be supportive.

I can definitely understand wanting to beat the crap out of the dude, but that won't help.

gatrhumpy

iTrader: (1)

Yes, that is what I am doing, along with supporting my wife (my wife was not the one that this happened to).

A cop came over and the family member gave her statement. Apparently the sick fuck took her underwear as a trophy. I hope the cops get a warrant to search his house and finds them.

Also, this SOB called my wife and told her that he was going to turn himself in. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

His wife is devastated, as could be expected. I hope she divources him.

RaviNJCLs

iTrader: (4)

^^^

Hope they get him. And he in turn becomes a nice bitch to some big guy named Bubba in prison.

HittingDaLine

MY gf's cousins got molested by their grandma's new husband. The dad of the child that happened to wanted to beat his ass but didn't. The grandma turn her back on the family and took the new husbands word and claims they are all liars. If that would happened to my kids I would probably end up in jail for minimum of castrating the SOB.

teranfon

I agree. Also be as supportive as you can to other family members and friends. They will also have feelings of anger and hurt.

If you can, make sure people closest to her are aware that she has access to as many counselors and professional help as possible. Whatever happens, I hope she can recover as best she can. It will most likely take some time, and everyone such as yourself will need to support her for some time yet. And I sincerely hope she doesn't experience feelings of guilt.

All the best to her, her family, and you as well.


Terry

gatrhumpy

iTrader: (1)

Unfortunately, he's not going to jail. My family member told us a week later after the incident. It now becomes a "he said, she said" thing. Plus, the family member said she mostly likely does not want to press charges to make him go to jail, and that astounds me, but it's up to her.

My main job is just to be supportive and be there for her.

LuvMyTSX

This is one of my worst nightmares. I feel terrible for her.

csmeance

The best thing to do is support her and help her out, this is going to be a very tough time for her and as well her family. Try to talk about other things and get her to cheer up and not concentrate on what happened. Doing otherwise may cause to to withdraw which = BAD.

Thats the only advice I can give, I did the same with a good friend of mine and she got through it ok...

Anachostic

You always have the most dramatic posts. I don't wish your life on anyone.

phee

iTrader: (5)

im confused.

care to explain the situation with punctuation?

DarkSithCL

iTrader: (1)

This is so sad... I will be praying for all included / involved... this is a life-time hurting thing... I do not think anyone ever truly recovers... be supportive, but realize that very little, if nothing is done in the majority of these cases... it is a major failing / flaw in our American way of life... if you ask 10 women, 4 to 6 of them have been raped or molested and never told anyone... as a doctor, I have heard stories that have shocked me,as a father I have had my heart broken.

I think sex crimes should get a mandatory death sentence... my personal experience as a father as well as my experiences as a doctor has colored these times very poorly...

#1 STUNNA

A good friend of mine was raped when she was 15 (before I knew her) and her life is still a mess because of it. After that event she became real rebellious and ran away a couple times, did lots of drugs (was already doing drugs to begin with), started having bad panic attacks, became really depressed, attempted suicide a couple times, dropped out of school, got pregnant at 16, was forced by her parents to marry her baby's daddy who treated her like shit, beat her, cheated on her, made her become a stripper to feed his drug habit, had her 2nd kid at 19, etc. She still has bad panic attacks, she's bipolar (IDK if you're born bipolar or become bipolar) and still goes to see a psychiatrist (she's 25 now) and has to take pills to help calm her. Sometimes she calls me and begs me to work for her cause she's having a bad time and can't work. I've pretty much heard her whole life story and her life goes to complete shit right after she got raped and it's still pretty crappy.

gatrhumpy

iTrader: (1)

A family member was raped. That easy for you to understand?

RaviNJCLs

iTrader: (4)

That sucks. But I can understand she not wanting to make it more public than it needs to be. Like you said....be supportive. And hopefully this incident doesn't completely ruin her life.

myron

iTrader: (4)

that is just messed up. She wont press charges on him and he wont face the consequences even tho the cop was there to take the statement? where did this happen and hwo do they know eachother. So sorry about the sitiation but she should go ahead and press charges. or he might do that to someone else.

95gt

Same here. Not to belittle the topic but I was very confused as to what the hell he was saying.

subinf

You could have done a better job explaining your first post

gatrhumpy

iTrader: (1)

A family member was raped by a friend that watches my son periodically. We were at a party and she went for a walk, he followed her and raped her.

p.diddy

iTrader: (3)

i have a friend she was raped in college and it fucked her head up for a while. she became very promiscuous and withdrawn in other ways. i would definatly get her to talk to someone about it like a psychologist or something. dont rush her but definatly be there for her.

subinf

Ok that makes much more sense. Thank you. And holy shit

gypsygirl

Anyone wondering why ALL the women in this forum aren't jumping at the chance to post in? After all, it is to us that you asked the question.

I'll tell you why. There is a very good chance that there are a number of us that have been raped. Us. The chicks of AZ. I'm not talking about an over reaction to playful rough-housing either. So don't bother jumping on that bandwagon oh nay-sayers.

Gatr, I wish I could talk to her. I not only have personal expertise in "How to heal" from trauma, I know a wide variety of spiritually powerful women that have had similar triumphs (No, I didn't say religous).

It is unimaginably common, and the damage can and often does, spiral outward. These memories cannot be erased, but they can become less powerful. In fact, they can even become great sources of healing and compassion for others that may be struggling through the same.

She will need help. Probably years of it. The bastard didn't know how many people he would be affecting nor for how long... husband, children, friendships, work enviornment, other family members.... the list goes on and on. I'm sure he wouldn't care, even if he did know.

Listen, my friend. Just listen. Don't even hug unless your invited to.

Please PM me.

EL19

iTrader: (4)

I wont really get into great detail about the situation but when I was 15 my gf (who had also been a good friend for about 4 years) was raped and I had no clue on how to deal with the situation. I had to ask God for strength for myself as well as for her. She was in a very delicate state. Needless to say I did everything I could for her. I went with her to therapy, we went to church very frequently and I did my best to help her heal her spirit. I know the burden of what happened to her is still there but to this day she is a much more spiritual person and leads a very healthy life. Our realtionship ended mutually not too long after the incident as we agreed it would be better for us emotionally for me to help her deal with what happened as a friend. Til this day we are still good friends. And she mentors other young women that this has happened to.

LuvMyTSX

I don't care to talk about it, but I agree with you.

gatrhumpy

iTrader: (1)

Women: I won't ever try to imagine the pain that you all went through if this kind of thing did happen to you. These sick ****s deserve to die.

SwervinCL

I guess the question I have is why is she not going to press charges? I get the fact that it is her choice, but really? I mean, she knows who did it... It only makes sense.

Things like that make me question if it really was rape or not. I am not doubting your friend specifically, but if they were raped and knew who did it, why would a woman not want to press charges.

Maybe that question is aimed more towards teh women on the site. I am not one and do not even want to begin trying to think like one.

95gt

^^^ kind of agree with this. Why not press charges, it is the right thing to do. what if this dude does it again and she could have stopped that? Not saying going through with charges would not be hard as hell and a terrible ordeal but it seems like the right thing to do.

LuvMyTSX

Some people just don't want to keep re-living the horror and pain. They just want to move on and try to forget about it.

SwervinCL

But wouldn't you find some peace in knowing that the dude is in jail and that he can not do it to anyone else?

LuvMyTSX

Maybe. But it's hard to judge when it has not happened to you. These things are very traumatic and everyone reacts differently. I personally would want him off the streets, but I can't speak for someone else. Maybe she will change her mind in due time.

SwervinCL

I completely agree with you in the aspect that everyone is different and that it is hard to judge. I am sure that it is a pretty traumatic event, but I would just think that it would help the recovery process in knowing that the guy was behind bars.

I can defiantly not speak for every woman. I am sure that there are cases that the woman is just destroyed and probably does want to try to forget it and not report it. But I know there are other cases that it was not rape, but being overcome by guilt and they use that as an excuse to relieve themselves of fault.

I do not know the whole situation that Gatr posted, I am just saying how I feel about the whole rape situation.

gatrhumpy

iTrader: (1)

Bingo. Rapists a lot of times know this.

gatrhumpy

iTrader: (1)

I want this a-hold in jail just as much as the next woman, but it's her choice. Since pretty much a week went by before we were warned of the rape, there is no chance he is going to jail.

LuvMyTSX

So who's watching your kid now, Gatr? It is frightening to think of someone doing this, when they have been caring for your kid.

MWalsh9152

I had a friend that I became very close to shortly after being raped. She met this guy online, and wasnt interested. He however was, stalking her and so forth. Finally he called her one time and asked to come talk to her, and that if she agreed it would stop. She agreed, just wanting it to end and not thinking it through.

He beat her pretty bad, then dragged her upstairs and raped her. She never reported it, truely thought it was her fault because she let him in and should have known better. While it was never reported, 3 of her friends made sure a justifiable punishment was handed down and beat him mercilessly.

So as for why they wouldnt press charges? Unless youve been in the situation you can never truly judge why anyone does something

Babnik

Maybe she made it up, or at least exaggerated it? I know people always believe their own family members over strangers, but it's possible.

LuvMyTSX

Why would she make it up and then not report it? I highly doubt this is the case.

95gt

Attention? other issues? Hates the guy? There are plenty of reasons this could be true.

Not saying that is the case but it is not all that far fetched that something like that could happen.

LuvMyTSX

If you read further up in the thread, you'll see that the guy took her underwear and called Gatr's wife and said he's going to turn himself in. If that's not an admission of guilt, I don't know what is.

95gt