Seriously, I knew it was just a thing for 'fun' and all that shit. But why did she have to go and do it the way she did, flirting with another guy, right in my face and then running off to her room with him? I know it was nothing, I knew going in, but I would hav expected more from her, I would have wanted to know in a manner other than this. But no...she has to go and do it this way, the most painful way possible. With a fucking douchebag who is all dirty, disheveled and a general piece of shit to boot. This kind of shit tears me up...it breaks me. Over and over again.

It hurts so bad now, I have a knot in my stomach...

Why did she have to do it like this? Why?

Is it something about me? What the fuck did I do? Why does this kind of shit ALWAYS happen to me? I was at least laboring under the impression that I was the only one that she was fooling around with. I hear from friends that this is the 'unattainable fantasy'. Fucking great, even better, so she has been thinking of this guy while we were fooling around. Yeah, I knew, but this is bullshit. She could have done me the service of telling me that it was over, if it really is.

Fuck. It hurts. Sometimes, I wonder why I even deal with it. Don't worry, I won't do anything drastic. What does a good, decent guy have to do to find someone that won't completely shit on him the first chance she gets? I've just about had enough. Why did I rick life and limb in the blizzard last week to go and hang out with her when she wanted company and nobody would? What was I thinking, why did I put so much effort into her, when I could have gone tow other routes which would have at least done me better than this? Again, is it something with me or what?

God...sorry everyone, it just hurts and I wanted to talk about it.



Another Holiday season in the shitter, alone, with nobody to talk to, nobody to hold, even if it means little if anything, alone again, the way it seems things will be for a long time. I don't know if I can deal with this kind of thing too much more. It just eats away at me. It kills.

Rivers had it right: "Why bother, its gonna hurt me, its gonna kill when you desert me."

More wisdom...in my sig...these guys had it right, and women wonder why we get pissed, and why men are so guarded sometimes. Maybe if your peers had not fucking done us like this, we wouldn't be this way. God, and her friends told ME not to hurt HER.

Fuck it. I'm gonna crawl into bed and try to sleep it away, maybe I can get a few hours. Goddamnit and right before the stress of finals. Could she have AT LEAST fucking picked a better time.

Do I even talk to her again and risk losing all the friends that I made? Does she get another chance, if there was nothing going on with el douche here? Where do I go from here?

Enough...I'll shut up now, y'all are probably sick of me anyway.

 

Wait, so were you two exclusive? Not that it would have hurt any less if you were. I hate when this shit happens so close to the holidays. It sucks that bitches have to ruin good men for the next woman who probably does want to try. Same goes with guys who fuck over a good girl giving her a cynical view of others. If she deliberately did it in front of you I'd say there is little use in giving her the time of day, you've been thru enough with that person. I'm sure theres not anything wrong with you, its just that there seems to be more bastards in the world than anything else and chances are before you find the person you're made for you'll go thru a good # of them. Hang in there man!

 

We were not, but I was led to believe that I was the only guy that she was 'fooling around' with. Maybe still so, she would do it this way, since she cannot do confrontation, but I have yet to confirm if this was her intent.

Thanks...I appreciate the words.

 

She just called, wants to know where I am, she is on a room all by herself. Wants me to go back.

What do I do?

 

time to throw down the gauntlet. either be with her (have some sort of commitment) or stay away from her because she will just hurt you again.

 

like they say, what goes around, comes around.... if ur not gonna get into this chick then pull the same stuff she did to you. throw it right back in her face and see how she likes it. if she doesnt care then all well, u gotta hookup and got rid of her. if she cares and gets upset, then thats all the better....keep your head up brotha, we all know the games some women play...

 

word. gott aeither understand that it's not exclusive and deal with it, or just realise you can't deal witha non-exclusive "fooling around" relationship thingy adn cut it off. It's relaly hard to not get attached during something like that.

I am currently in teh same situation, but the girl jsut doens't want to do anything with anyone anymore, becasue she's afraid of that exact thing.. someone getting hurt.

edit: ask her what that thing withteh guy was all about, and if she seems like she's trying to make excuses, then get over her. just don't lie to yourself about what she's saying. dont' be super parnaoid like me either, because then you'll lose everyone .

 

Good advice.

 

So, you thought you were Hugh Hefner and had you an exclusive f*$k buddy........well, most chicks don't like to be just a f#$k buddy, they will play that role for a while usually hoping it will lead to some kind of relationship. Your first mistake was to catch feelings for the girl if you only wanted her for sex. If you do not have a mutually exclusive relationship, you really can't assume you are the only one. You were'nt gonna bite on the relationship so, being evil and vindictive like women can be she ended it her own way and got her revenge. Now, if you were a real pimp you wouldn't give a shit right now because you wouldn't have feelings of love for the Ho, you would be working on your backup girl. If you had these feelings maybe you should have had a relationship, but, from the sounds of this girls moral standards you are better off without her and thank yourself for NOT getting serious w/ her. Remember, casual sex partnerships usually only last a couple of weeks..............and even if they go longer than that, the plan in the back of the woman's mind is usually ALWAYS that the sex is a gateway to a relationship/ marriage, etc......
You fooled yourself on this one, but you can recover, it is a good lesson for you. Hold your head up, forget about her, get on with your life, have fun and meet other chicks. Find another play-toy, just don't catch feelings for her if all you want out of it is sex. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Live life, and whatever you do do NOT take the skank back. Best of luck dude.

 

is this the same girl?
https://acurazine.com/forums/dating-relationships-14/what-should-i-get-her-christmas-161950/

 

Sorry to hear about this.

But the truth is, you guys are not exclusive. You cannot assume that she is only seeing you. Girls usually do not mind hooking up with another guy who seems more interested if they feel that the guy is taking not taking them seriously.

I'm not her condoning behavior. I have to agree with you that it was rude of her to do that right in front of you. I would be pissed too. Maybe she was making you jealous?..

 

Yep, I agree. Good advice...

Sasha' got a good point too. Maybe she was trying to make you jealous. While it's a hell of a way to do it, I've never totally understood the thought processes of some women.

Maybe this was her way of telling you that she wants an exclusive thing

If you're hurting over this, you must care for her, so at least talk to her about it.

GM, who is old enough to fall in love, but young enough to cry...

 

So did you go back ?, sounds like, shes likes playing with the boys.

The only option i see is walking away....

 

he did want a relationship.. she didnt.

 

^
Cute, old man! Hehehe...

Sasha, who also loves tapioca pudding

 

Yeah smae girl as before...and to you that said I though I had an exclusive fuck buddy... I was always for more happening if she wanted more, she was the one that did not want to take it anywhere.

I went back last night, we kinda talked, and she apologized. I got two thinks from some of her friends...she likes me but won;t say it...and she also things I am too good for her. These will both be brought up soon, I think...

And if it was over, there are better ways to let me know that she is moving on, although I don;t think that is the case.

There was a misunderstanding on my part...there were other people in the room, and they were the ones that shut the door, and nothing happened.

 

Don't try to explain it away dude...if you are not an anal-type jealous person(you never sounded like one to me), then it probably was just what it looked like...don't let her come back & play you...Not like it's that big a mystery being able to tell that you were into her(even a little bit).

And there is certainly not a damn thing wrong with being a bit upset if somebody treats you poorly...no matter if it's a fvck-buddy or otherwise...If someone wants to be an ass...it's 100% OK to treat them appropriately, there are other girls(fvck-buddies, etc) out there. Don't have to be nice all the time.

You've always seemed like a pretty easy-going guy...but that doesn't mean you have to let her/her friends play you/walk on you, whatever...

 

I think you are trying to rationalize what you saw. It is much easier to blame yourself and chalk it up you your misunderstanding. However, you mentioned a few things that just do not add up to it being your misundertanding.

She was flirting with this guy and then went into a bedroom and allowed the door to be shut. Whether anything happened or not isnt the point. Her going behind clothes doors with a guy she flirted with while you were in the house was a huge statement, whether or not they did anything. Its a statement that said, i dont care that what im doing may me misunderstood by anyone here. If she did, she would have opened the door. Or at least talked to you IMMEDIATELY after she came out. She did none of that and now you are trying to regard that statement as something different than it really was.

In addition, please do not allow yourself to be manipulated by her weak justification about being with you. Her saying that you are too good for her is the biggest crock of shit ever invented by women. It's wildly overused and is only said only as a cover-up for the true feelings they dont want to reveal for the sake of not hurting you. That comment has been covered by every dating show under the sun (love line, Tom Lykus etc.) "You are too good for me" is a weak scape goat and please dont convince yourself its true.

Sorry, Im not trying to be harsh and i wish i had some advice on how to proceed. Im just trying to see her comments and actions for what they are, and im not sure your allowing yourself to do the same

 

Man...that was very well stated! Exactly what I was thinking above...

 

Old Man ?? Jonesi is (was) the only one who calls me that

 

That mean dawg taught me to call you just that!






Peace, daddy!

 

Yeah. Maybe I just let this one go and don;t deal with her anymore. I really don't know at this point. I thouhgt I would be able to come to a decision tonight after some thinking during the day, but I still cannot figure it out. What I thought was going on before this thing happened may or may not be the case. We edned up talking for so long last night that I ended up falling asleep on her bed, so I know nothing happened with this guy, and I know that he kept trying, to come hang out near her and all that, even as her and I were talking.

I'm so conflicted right now. I told myself that I would not get this way over a woman again, after the last one. I guess I should not have read too much into the things that she said when we were together. I still don't know what to do. I have some friends that know some things, that have my best interests at heart, and they have told me a few things, actaully mirroring the above. I also know from talking to her last night that she felt terrible, and I do know for a fact that nothing happened with her and this guy while they were in there, according to some friends that were in the room at the time, and would not lie to me about that, having my interests over hers.

Oh well, time for more

 

Hmmm.. that's a sexy accent, young lady

back at ya'...

GM, who never realized people could type with an accent...

 

- =

 

No one's sick of you man.

 

Oh,....I thought I remembered reading that he said he DIDN'T want a relationship...

 

Feel better dude..

 

Naw...you've already put too much thought into this...

Just go out tonight, have dinner with a friend, get a movie, sit at a club, hwatever...just get out of the house & away from the situation(for a few days would be better). Clear your mind, etc.

Don't talk to her for a bit & then see how you feel...let the emotion simmer down for awhile before you give it anymore thought.

You'll be fine. Besides, too much thinking makes your hair fall out...

 

Yeah. Well, its over, I'm 90% sure at least. I bet anything she slept with the focker last night. I was studying today with my roomates girl and this chicks roomate. She called, I overheard s snippets of her conversation. Did you smoke, adn how much did you drink. She also mentioned when my roomates girlfriend asked what she did last night that she was in her room when she got home and when she left this morning. So shes been cooped up, not feeling well, and she smoked for the first time Friday with this guy, while I was there.

So I'm pretty good at basic math and 2+2 = she slept with him.

Fucking hell. I'm going to see her if I see her, talk to her if she talks to me, and if it comes up, then it comes up. I'm done seeking out any contact with her though, and if that did happen last night we'll be friends (we have to be since its a large group of people, if I want to continue to hang out with them.) but its defintely over, if he was NOT there last night, then we see what happens, but I'm almost sure as shit that she had him over last night.

For chrisssakes, what do I have to do to find a decent girl around here. And again, like I need this during the week leading into finals...

Maybe I can take slight comfort in knowing that karma is a bitch and this will make her get hooked on weed(not that smoking it is a bad thing, I partake occasionally myself, but this dude cannot, even when sober form a complete scentence, and he looks as if he has not even seen a shower. Maybe that or she will get syphillis from him and her brain will rot to shit.

 

You know what they say about admiting there's a problem...

1. You're 23...stop looking so hard for someone...when the time is right, she will find YOU or you'll find EACH OTHER. Give yourself time.
2. You're 100% RIGHT!!! You DO NOT need this during finals, so don't do it to yourself...seek time to relax, put the biatch out of your head & concentrate on your schoolwork.

And thus we conclude our trip through the lovely range of human pain-in-the-fockin-ass emotions...sadness/denial/accepatance/anger... Good. You've learned that much more about her & how to handle this situation in the future.

Bottom line...people who want to be around you/with you/whatever...will be, because they want to be. If she felt the need to be with you instead of that other dude, she would have, but she didn't...I wouldn't take it personally, even though it's seems tough not to. You'll be OK dude.

 

^ Thanks Chris

 

Y/W Art...

Once you reach the big 3-0...you try to impart some wisedom on the young grasshoppers...It's a bitch being a 'nice guy'...

 

^ Tell me about it. I really should just become an asshole...

 

Your first step would be throwing away your DMB records =P

 

^ hah, sorry mang...Halloween got me through a rough day today. Belting that made me feel GREAT.

Maybe I should change my attitude of trusting until proven otherwise. Just be weary of everyone, especially once I start having feelings for them. Damn, and I even told myself that I would not become this guy, but I don't have many more of these in me. I have just felt unmotivated all day. Took the drive right out of me. [/ramble]

 

well, you should gaurd your feelings, you're human, and you're capable of being hurt.

it's not exactly a wild proposition. let women prove to you that they're worthy of your attention and focus. you don't want to be in the same situation again.

btw, i'm having an issue with a girl, and it's been bothering me all weekend, and i have finals too... i'm actually supposed to be writing a report right now but i'm procrastinating, oh well.

 

Sorry to hear that Gilgamesh.

In my experience (with something just like this) it taught me the value of a committed friendship that later led to the dirty deed.

Lets face it, sex is a very tempting and short term thing when its not done between close friends. Quite frankly I've learned its about the most shallow thing ever. I'll risk getting flamed by saying that its best to learn that and find someone who you'll respect and most of all will respect you back. Its saved me some heartache.

In a nutshell, sex buddies are teh lame.

 

Chris has it right. If your early 20's, just relax and go with the flow, don't try so hard. You have time to "find" the right one, by the way, the right one will find you if you let it happen. Gil, do yourself a really BIG favor, don't let yourself be anything but a nice guy, you will discover in a few years that that is EXACTLY what that right girl will be looking for. When they mature tehy realize what they've been missing, in the mean time? HAVE SOME FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

By the way, going to come out to Park City to ski in March, maybe we can hook up and have a brew or two...

 

Yo Gilga two things.

1. Listen to what Chris posted above, best advice in the whole thread.
2. Listen to me and my friends when we say "Fuck em and feed em fish", it basically means "Don't let girls get to you, just have fun and don't sweat chicks."

Here are some more snippets from Waddy to help you out:

-Don't put all your eggs in one basket, always be working on other chicks, a man with options is man who reduces his chances of getting hurt.
-Never, ever, EVER, EVER trust a girl when she says that you are the only person she is messing with, unless you have explicitly agreed on an exclusive relationship, and even then keep your guard up.
-Do not ever let a girl affect the things in life that actually mean something like work, school, and your family. Chicks come and go, some stay longer than others but they eventually go, the sooner you completely accept that fact the easier situations like this will be for you.
-If you aren't an asshole you can't become an asshole, I have tried many times to be the asshole and it's just not in me, if being an asshole is not in your nature, then you will either get laughed at for being fake, or cross the line and do something you might regret.