When do you know a relationship is over?

I've had ups and downs with my current gf... I don't know how much longer we'll be together.

I know the obvious stuff - her cheating, her slashing my tires, etc.

But let's say there was a point in your current/former relationship where you were really, really happy... and then, for certain reasons, the relationship deteriorated.

What would/did cause you to exit the relationship and date other people?

I care for my gf a lot... But there have been a lot of things that have tarnished how I feel about this relationship. I'm not sure if I've been overreacting to things or if I've been unreasonable about them. But, I'm pretty certain I have not been.

I guess my question can be answered generally...

I'm dealing with jealousy/trust issues in my relationship and I don't know if it can be repaired... I love this girl and I don't want to give up easily, but if it can't be worked out then I don't think I can be with her anymore.

I just don't know when and where or how that decision is made...

 

Your gut just tells you that as much as you still care for the person, the relationship is not going to work and you'll eventually be unhappy (or more unhappy).

If you are thinking about ending your relationship, don't rush into it. Make sure you analyze the circumstances well and figure out if you still love her enough to continue it even though things are tough right now. Are there reasonable changes that can be made that will make the relationship better? Do you love her enough to forgive her and move on from the hurtful things she did? Can you picture your life without her?

 

Yeah but even if he loves her to death, he should still step back and look at things objectively to see if she's reciprocating.

If she's starting to act differently than in the past, it might be time to cut your losses and move on.

 

For me I draw the line the instant I can tell that I can't see myself marrying the person... as soon as I can see something in the person that I know i don't want to deal with in the future I get out... that might seem harsh but I don't see the point in wasting time in a relationship when I don't see things working out down the road...

to me things like trust cannot easily be repaired and the only time I would probably try very hard to repair them would be if i knew i really wanted to be with this person or I was already married and wanted to make it work... but once your trust is broken it will NEVER EVER be the same... no matter how hard you work @ it...

 

I agree, he should always consider what makes him happy and what is healthy for a relationship. In this case, he mentioned that she cheated on him. If I were in his shoes, I would have left her because the trust will never be back. But he decided to work it out and now, he's unhappy dealing with all these trust issues. One of the many questions now is if he thinks she's exerting any effort to regain his trust and if she's worth all the trouble.

Some people can change, but the past can't be other than what it was and that's what can haunt a relationship.

 

No, I'm sorry I might not have been clear, she didn't cheat... I meant that it's obvious to leave a relationship if you're cheated on or you get your tires slashed because your S.O. goes mentally crazy, etc.

My trust issues lie elsewhere...

 

As much as it hurts to admit, I think she has been acting different... But that may be subconsciously in reaction to my feeling less and less hopeful about this relationship? I'm not sure.

 

how can you still be with someone who cheated and slashed your tires? wow, she's lucky you're still with her now. i would've been out long time

 

do yourself a favor and end it now rather than later. your happiness will come sooner

 

lol - see post #6.

 

Pics first....Judgement second....

 

She's good looking. I promise.

 

^^I like how you think

I think you should step back and analyze the relationship and see if you think there is still a future with her. You have probally been with her a long time and she is probally all you know. I can see where that would make it even more difficult to leave her.

Can you tell more about where else the truth issues stand? that could help us out a little bit

 

Its a sliding scale...The better looking she is, the more shit you should tolerate...

 

i missed that

 

well then i think you should give the relationship more time b/c if you're asking this question, you're not sure what you should do. you should only end things when you are sure it's the right decision

 

Well, I've put up with a lot already. I have limits dude...

 

You draw the line when her asshole is so loose you can mount her to your rims and use her as a replacement tire.

In all seriousness.....get out.

 

Care to give a little bit of insight into your opinion?

 

Ah, ok. Sorry if I misinterpreted what you wrote. If you don't mind, can you share to us how these trust issues developed?

 

Sad but true.

 

If you think it's not right, then its not. The whole go with your gut feeling.

 

When you are reconsidering the status of your relationship for more than a fleeting moment, it's your own check & balance system telling you to break out of there.

If you are not happy, even though you have strong feelings for her, you need to do what's best for you in the long run.

Good luck man

 

I could never love a girl that I didnt trust.

Were you always the jealous type or is it just with her?

 

So what are you trust issues based on if she didn't cheat or slash your tires? It might be things others would find insignificant and you are blowing them up for whatever reason. The only time's I've had trust issues has to deal with cheating/screwing you someway.

 

I think the reason you have trust issues needs to be explained to give better advice. If its a "you just think something is going on" issue then maybe she is too good looking and you just figure everyone wants to tap her. If its a "She told my best friend she wants to have sex with the football team" issue then leave her when she gets to the punter.

Honestly though, only you can be the judge. If you spend all your time thinking its time to move on, then move on. Its easier said then done but you might miss the "right" girl if you spend too much time deciding if you can "settle" for this one.

 

Honestly though, only you can be the judge. If you spend all your time thinking its time to move on, then move on. Its easier said then done but you might miss the "right" girl if you spend too much time deciding if you can "settle" for this one.[/QUOTE]

 

It all boils down to one thing. Are you BOTH happy in the relationship? If not, then either you need to resolve the REAL reason(s) for the unhappiness, or move on. To fix anything requires a great deal of open honest communication. Very calmly and with as little emotion as possible (the really hard part), talk to the girl about your feelings. Make sure she understands how strongly you feel about her, and make sure she understands that you are having issues with whatever it is that brought you to this point. Think it through BEFORE you talk to her and try to anticipate her questions or concerns. Her reaction to what you have to say will speak volumes...I hope it works out for you.

 

Interesting scenario bro,

Personally, I have a very low tolerance for what I refer to as 'drama related' events in a relationship. If I have to come home and think / worry/ ponder whether or not my g/f is fucking someone else I would most likely realize at that point that the relationship was on it's way out. If I came out of work to slashed tires she'd come out of her house when the police were knocking on her door asking questions. I never really understood the need to destroy property over a relationship. My ex used to throw things, she once threw a candle sconce across the room I think that's about equivalent to what a 5 year old does. I've had ex girlfriends smash my car window, key my car, etc. I never really understood what they were trying to accomplish. I have the attitude that I can always repaint a car, fix a window or patch up holes in a wall it's just money and I'll make more of it but you can't erase the relationship harm these things do.

It sounds to me like your girlfriend is immature and you don't have the right mindset to make a clear decision. Things in her past are now haunting you and have had a permanent effect on your psyche in respects to the relationship. I personally find it very hard to try and salvage a relationship with this many holes. I can't really categorize your issues as 'ups and downs' i think that expression minimizes the fights / drama where they don't sound minimal at all. What you need to do is take a deep deep breath, sit down and be completely honest with yourself about her. Forget about her looks and other superficial things and think about her core, who she is and whether or not you want to either help change her (doubtful) or whether or not you simply want to put her on ice and find someone else.