dating my fiance for 5 years and we are getting married in a few months. find out she cheated (not sex) but other stuff and more than anything a deep emotional relationship. this happened within the past year!

she claimed she was nervous about getting married etc... once a cheater always a cheater, no? all the plans are done for the wedding...

once i found out, she begged for my forgiveness. she claims it was something she needed to get through as part of her nervousness of the marriage. exploring feelings etc.

anyone ever go through this or can shed some light?

 

Yikes, sorry to hear man. I dont think i could deal with that.. the whole trust thing is hard to get back.

So she was nervous so she had a emotional relationship with someone else? Thats more fucked up that sucking a guy off. IMO

Ask her what she would do if you told her that you were seeing someone else also because you were "nervous". That totally wouldnt fly with her is my guess.

Flipside, you been with her for 5 years and its up to you if you can trust her again. You know her better than we do, you think you can get pass her cheating?

 

first post huh? Well break it off. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I know i couldnt deal with it. Im sure she did more stuff, she just didnt want to tell you the details.

 

Kill her or self.

 

Bail out man.

 

Get out. The fact that she attempted to justify it by saying that "she needed to go through" it is a load of shit and is an extremely selfish statement.

 

She doesn't sound very trustworthy at all. Personally I would have left her as soon as I found out...but it's your choice.

 

Once someone cheats you loose all trust and in the back of your mind you will always be wondering. It will start to eat away at the relationship.

For me once you cheat i am out.

 

No one needs to just get screwing around out of their system. Either you want to be with the person you're with or you don't. You don't need to go about testing the waters with other people.

 

Yeah that's a bitch. I think that would sting me for the rest of my life with this chic. I would always wonder if she was out banging some other guy when we have a fight, I'm away on business, etc... If you can forgive her and believe that this was the one and only lapse in her judgement and you truly feel that she is the one, then go ahead with the wedding. Just make sure she's okay with you having one lapse in judgement sometime during your marriage.

With all the shit ya'll went through over the last 5 years and she pulls this stunt...I, personally, feel that if she did this to you once, it'll be that much easier the second, third, fourth.....time. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Or you can go through with the whole wedding and at the reception during the slide show, expose her with the guy she cheated on you with in front of everybody and then walk out. Make her daddy eat the wedding cost.

 

Yeah, of all the things to post about in your first post on a car forum, whether OT or not...

Anyway, just be sure to get the ring back, and enjoy your new-found freedom.

 

This is AT LEAST good enough reason to call off the wedding and spend alot of time thinking about things. If you want to try and work things out, well good luck but I wouldnt plan on getting hitched for at least a couple more years. Trust takes years to build and only a second to lose.

 

Oh, and she DID have sex. Dont be naive.

 

You said your wedding is coming up in a few months. Is that like 1-3 months or like 6-9 months?

The reason I ask is that you two need to see a counselor. If you are still serious about going through with the wedding you need go with her to get professional help. In your mind you could say you forgive her and 2yrs into a marriage it could be eatting you up ending your marriage in divorce. It might be a wise idea to postpone the marriage a few months if it's coming up fast and talk to each other with a counselor to get everything out in the open.

 

thanks to all for the advice... i thought of all the things that everyone has said until it actually happened to me. i guess i am trying to see if anyone survived going through that sort of a situation.

its a lose lose situation... just sucks - period.

thanks again everyone.

 

Yeah, sucks man. Just think what will happen when you guys have issues during your marriage. Is she gonna go blow some other guy to deal with her feelings? I just don't think it will work now.

 

My fiance cheated on me and I caught her doing it. It took 3 months of us being apart but I missed her and forgave her. We spent the next 6 months together but the fact that she cheated on me was eating me alive. Ultimately, I left her as I just couldn't stand it.

My advice is to dump her now or as someone else said, seek couples counceling.

 

If you are a good couple, and your personalities are compatible along with the financial aspeects I would just forget about it and get married.

Think about it, in 15 years, you'll probably be looking for some young chicks to bang and she'll be fucking the pool boy.

 

Could you elaborate on how you found out she cheated on you? If you can explain in some detail on how you confronted her and what she said initially before confessing to cheating on you. It might help some of us understand and figure out if she is worth redemption. I give some credit to cheaters that come out and confess on their own but that doesn't give them a "Get Out of Jail Free" card.

If you want to move ahead with this marriage, go seek counseling. It's going to be difficult but if you want to give this marriage the best possible chance then you should go. Counseling will be helpful in rebuilding bridges of trust and it's something the both of you will go thru together and can bring closure to this chapter in your relationship.

 

Who needs "professional help" when you have AZ? Bail !

 

That I don't necessarily agree with.

That I do.

 

OK. This is coming from someone who listens to a shitload of talk shows. As for getting married, you have to decide yourself. The main hurdle here is you have to decide if you want to let this go. Don't sit on the fence and retain it inside. Either forgive/forget and let is go. Or call it off and move on. It's a decision you alone can make. Is she worth giving another chance and if so, give her another chance and don't look back.

 

^^^ This guy for the most part is right, no matter what you do its going to tear you up and the fact you caught her doing it.. I'm sure its the last thing you expected.

You also got to ask yourself this, has she cheated on you in the past 5years ? if the answer is I don't know, my advice is DO NOT Marry her.

Sooner or later the whole issue is going to come up when your fighting... I know you have 5years into the relationship, but consider it a blessing you found out BEFORE you got married.


The the whole "she claimed she was nervous about getting married" Is 110% BS

Not only is she a cheater she's a fucking liar too....

And just think back, when you where fucking her, did her pussy ever feel "loose" ,

Again can you be soooo sure she did not have sex with another guy in a past 5years....

I personally know its easier said than done, just to give up everything you have done to get this far, but is it really worth it to loss more and you will if you end up getting a divorce.

At the very least, i'd say delay the wedding, until you sort yourself out 1st, I'm sure inside regarding this your torn with alot of emotions. The last thing you need to do is marry someone you can't trust. Give it time.

 

i totally agree with you here... can't linger on if we decide to go forward. it seems like most would not forgive, but given our history it is hard to just throw it all away... despite her actions in disregarding myelf and our relationship and all the issues dealing with respect.

that being said, i also can't have that same level of trust no matter what. you guys were right, who needs therapy when you have this place!

 

So you're saying that it's ok if someone wants to go do someone else just so they can scratch that one off their list? Have you ever been in that position? The relationship is NEVER the same after something like that. If you're happy with the one you're with, you shouldn't have to worry about doing something like this. If it's crossing your mind to go mess around, you're not in the right spot with the right person. That's part of what my point was.

 

BTW who are you, how did you find Acurazine ?

 

No no no... i should have clarified. I would never advocate cheating. Nobody needs to get cheating out of their system. But screwing around with lots of people, yeah, some people need to scratch that itch. Just don't do it while you're in a relationship with someone.

 

The second part if you decide to forgive, is it takes time to rebuild the trust. In that time (at least 2 years was the concensus), you both have to bond again and trust.

I would seriously start thinking about pushing the wedding back. It's hard to do that, but you do not want to wake up one day and realise you made a mistake.

 

 

You need to get out or at least postpone the wedding. She may never cheat again, but it will always be in the back of your mind. Whenever she's out of your sight, your mind will start racing. It's not worth that agony and torture. Trust is now gone and can never be acheived again.

 

 

Her ass meeting my foot = her ass finding her new home on the curb

 

If she cheated on you within a 5 year period, BEOFRE marriage, BEFORE the stress of kids, mortgage, work, etc etc... what makes you think she won't do it again anytime in the next 40, 50, 60+ years you'll be married? I say bail while you still can..

 

stay with her til the wedding then when the priest or whoever asks 'do u take this woman' blah blah tell her fuck no u fuckin cheatin ass bitch. or anything similar to that.

 

If it was me, I'd leave. I wouldn't be able to trust her. But it's up tp you man, that's a tough situation. My take is this, you aren't married i.e. you won't have to go through a divorce and lose half your stuff to her. If you do go through with this and get married, and she does it again, you can't blame anyone else but yourself for letting it happen.....Sorry for the tough spot your in, but if I were you, i'd cut and run.......

 

 

she's a whore like the rest, it's something you need to come to terms with to have a relationship

 

Nothing wrong with a good whore, just don't marry them

 

just and say that "it was something you needed to get through as part of your nervousness of the marriage." If she wigs out, then punch her in the head and leave. if she lets you do it again, then marry the girl.

 

1) Once a cheater always a cheater. She will do it again.

2) Cheating is relationship cancer, you never really get over it and once the tumor is there it always will be.

3) I agree with Sellout that having a "deep emotional relationship" with someone else is worse than if she just sucked his cock and swallowed his load but didn't give a shit about him personally.