Say you've been going out with them for a year and a month, and now all of a sudden they don't want to have sex anymore (well it declined over the past couple of months because of school stress or other unknown factors). What do you do to get things going again?

 

Hit the road man.

IMO, if your partner turns away from sex for a lengthy period of time, it isnt a phase; it's who they are. Sex is want, not a need for them. People who need it will have sex in their relationship regardless of the external circumstances in their life. People who see it as only a want will cut it out of their life when things get hard.

So you'll do the obligatory finding the root of the problem, fix it, and go back to regular sex again. Sooner or later they'll find something else to turn them off of sex and you repeat the cycle.

So, sure there are ways to bring them back around...but they are likely only temporary. Sooner or later when life gets tough, you see that frigidness all over again.

 

I pray your wrong.

 

Dude, if she is turning you down its because she's getting it elsewhere. Sad but true. Move a long and get something better.

 

I was afraid of that. SHIT. I guess another problem is I haven't really been around for him because of school. Maybe this is my fault too. Oh and I know the sex drive is still there, and it's going strong, and I know for sure it's not with someone else because there would be a breakup before that happened. The problem is everytime I try and initiate sex, it's never the time because there's always some of his friends phoning, and he won't tell them to just go away for awhile. It's like I'm the second choice or the backup plan in case nobody else wants to do something...but we've been going out for a year and a month, and things seem fine. I just don't get it.

 

did you gain some weight?

 

how long have you gone w/o sex? Sometimes people just get in ruts, doesn't mean you love your partner any less. Do a search for a thread called what do you do when the passion goes

 

are you a guy

 

Ditch the Bitch, shes probably fucking someone else.

 

Welcome back, you got some catchin up to do

 

Congrats on your marriage.

 

Oh this is a guy we are talking about? Then what I said has even more weight than I thought. If a guy won't put out its because he is getting drained elsewhere. Don't give me this "he would break up first." That is

 

i agreed when we were talking about a girl, when i realized we were talking about a guy i completely agree, no question.

i dont know a guy that would turn down sex with his gf to talk on the phone with his friends

hit the road

 

LOL i'm lost.

 

I think there's been plenty enough "he's" referred to in this thread to do the math. I guess your math just sucks

 

well ive seen some girls here called 'dude' and 'man' on accident...just asked for verification purposes. and yes, i'm no mathlete.

 

I'd say barring outside circumstances(like depression, etc)...they sre getting their needs fulfilled elsewhere or about to...

 

i would have to agree with that. esecially since it's a guy. guys are very simple to figure out...if we don't want sex...there's something very wrong.

 

^^^true.

 

I guess you just don't excite him any more? Time for some toys.

 

Guys use toys?

 

 

I HAVE NO PERSONAL KNOWLEDGE OR EXPERIENCE WITH THIS.

Ok, I feel better now.

 

I'm guessing this is whats happening. Thanks for the info, I'll read that thread.

Let me tell you guys a little about him and why I think he wouldn't be cheating. He's the kind of guy who prides himself on his honesty. I have never heard a lie come out of his mouth. And yeah, I've gained weight but its the good kind (muscle), so there's nothing wrong with me in the looks department.
Some new info too, yesterday he complained about not getting any chances to see me. I told him that HE was the one who said that schoolwork comes first. I told him I would see him next friday or saturday (the 15th or 16th of this month, when class is done), and he said "that's such a long time!" I can tell he's excited to see me. It's just weird that he hasn't been in that sex mood for awhile. Like, come on, what kind of guys "just want to cuddle" UGH!

 

I'm the one with the higher sex drive. I think the problem is his damn double life. Half of his friends know that we're dating, and the other half think he's single because he's too scared to tell them. This was a problem since DAY ONE. I should have not even got started into it. But now that I've gotten really attached I want to work through it. By the way, ALL of my friends know that I'm dating him. It just makes me so mad sometimes that he won't just tell his so called "friends" (you know, the fairweather type), that he's even IN a relationship. He doesn't have to say who he's in one with, just that he's in one! :endrant:

 

IF you really feel like the backup to this guy, then end it, with the last woman I was with, things started to feel this way when she started hangin round her ex again...about 4 weeks later, things ended after she shared some wine and 'spent the night on his couch'

 

That would be the non-butch :ghey: kind.

Mike

 

 

how long are we talking about?

 

About a month. There's been dry humping and making out, but nothing else.

 

At the end of next week he and I are going to have a serious talk. One of "those" talks. I'll let you know how it goes.

 

He's one of those manly acting muscle guys, a year younger than me. But yeah, that raw animal lust isn't reallly there with him.

 

My boy did that to his girl. I don't know why because his girl kept talking to me and telling me how they weren't doing anything and if he was unattracted to her or something. Truthfully she was hot so I doubt that was it and since my boy doesn't need to know I was talking bout his sex life with his girlfriend I never really knew what was going on with him but after she started talking about breaking up he changed pretty quick.

 

That gives me a little hope. I KNOW exactly what he wants sexually. He's mentioned before that he's afraid to try it though. Maybe that's the problem.

 

dry humping and making out but no sex? Now that's a weird one. Caliadria and I have probably gone almost 2 weeks w/o sex at one point or another, that's an eternity when you live together. But then again, we didn't really even notice it had happened.

 

Your right, that very well could be the problem.

Could he possibly be getting "very" sacred of the inevitible happening?

Well considering that 1/2 of people know he's with you, and the other do not, he might be getting torn in two directions and quite possibly be trying to figure some things out.

Sounds like you surely should have a talk with him and see what he says he wants or doesn't want.

 

The ideas of doing certain things sexually excite him a lot, but when it comes time to do them, he says he's scared because of certain things about me (you guys dont need TMI probably)

 

You guys really need to talk! What is it about you he finds so hard to tell his friends about? It doesn't sound like he should be ashamed of your looks (some guys ARE that shallow) There is a lot of psychological crap going on here...if you're sure he isn't seeing someone else and doesn't want sex, then he's got some deep seated problems.

 

What is it about me? Hmmm let's see, I'm a guy. That about sums it up. My mistake for dating a guy with one foot in the closet.

 

Shit. See my other thread. "So...that's it"