this girl and I have been talking and i told her i like her more then a friend and she told me the same. So we both have some attraction for eachother, but she just got out of a relationship that was pretty damn bad and said she wants to go ahead with being more then friends but she is scared to fall in love. So by that she has told me she wants something but is scared. I told her that im not going to promise anything out of this world but i would be there for her, that i would respect her , and that i would value her. she smiled and we left it there i didnt want to continue annoying her about it so i just dropped it there. We have been out in dates she has opend up a lot to me and she is aware that i want more then a friendship but her fear is there. i know there is no way around it but what can i do? just wait it out? talk to her more about it? take her out a bit more? she wanted to meet my parents and she did... so she puts signs up like she wants to but dont know what to tell her or do so she can get over that fear. any ideas?

 

how long was she in the other relationship for? ANd also, how old are the both of you?

 

she was in a relationship for about 3-4 years. but she has been out of it for over a year. Im going to turn 22 and she is on her way to 21. she is got a divorce. just to put that out there...

 

hmmm. She probably fell in love to early. Before she was mature enough to understand. But as the old saying goes, you can't help who you love. Unfortunately, that one bad relationship she had could screw her up for life in terms of love. Since its hard for her to trust anyone, she won't let anyone in close enough to change her mind. The problem is there isn't much you can do about it. It has to be her decision to want to be in a relationship again. You can be the sweetest guy in the world, and it won't matter. Because to her, her ex probably was a sweet guy at first too. I dunno what to tell ya, you already put your feelings out there, thats pretty much all you can do at this point. You can wait for her, but if she's been out of the relationship for a year already, and still needs time. Who knows how long it'll be.

By the way, I'm not a professional by any means (if there was only enough bandwidth to tell all my trainwreck relationships). But I was with a girl once who was in kind of a similar situation. She had major trust issues, even though I was completely true to her. It made her crazy because she couldn't trust anyone, including me. BTW she cheated on me and dumped me. go firgure right.But to her, she was kind of hurting me before I could hurt her, even though I had no intent to hurt her.

 

damn it sounds like you know what you are talking about. her and I have talked about what we stand for and so on and she agrees with me in most things. She is opening up to me and also trusting me with a lot of info other people dont know about and will never know. I did tell her how I feel and that I can't promise that she will always get what she wants but that I will be there as much as I can be there for her. I guess I showed her a lot of friendship before anything but also letting her know that I want more then a friendship. I dunno either.... wait it out I guess..

 

be careful with being too friendly though, because it might end with the dreaded, "I like you too much as a friend, I don't want to mess that up." line.

 

Relationships are a gamble, in order to find the right person you have to take a chance, if the feedback you are getting makes you think you should hold back, then you already know the answer. However you could wait for her to be "ready", that's the gamble right?

Keep the relationship moving in the direction you want to. Being 'friends' is always nice, and has little return. Not saying having a female friend is bad or anything, but the truth is you want something more. Ensuring you don't get too friendly, being the buddy, stay away from conversations about the "ex", this will help you build a future with her.

It seems time will only tell where this will take you, make time for yourself, if she is not serious, you must not let this relationship rule you. Do thinkings for yourself, you would love her to be a part of the "fun", but if your just a "friend" then you'll not get want you are looking for.

Good Luck!

 

There are 2 dangers with this situation... maybe 3... one is that you end up being a good friend and she chooses to never move past that so that she can have that as something to fall back on when others mess up... two is that u get frustrated with her inability to make up her mind and give up on the relationship.. or three you hang in there indefinately as other oppurtinities pass you by...

Honestly, how you proceed depends on what you can tolerate... and if you think she's worth the frustration. Personally I'd tell her one last time, "this is how I feel about u, and when you think you can take that next step, holla at me, but until then, I can't deal with the uncertainty".

Otherwise, be patient with her, and keep it real, but don't pressure her... and she may choose to open her heart again... either way, its her choice... bottom line.

 

thanks for the info i just got home from a day at work. I sent her a text message asking what was for lunch and she called me after work and we went out to lunch (around 3pm) we didnt really talk about the future today just about what happend today and i kept hughing her and just making her laugh but other then that didnt push the thing about hooking up but she did say she wants to come over to the house and go to my home town for the weekend with me... so ill talk to her about next time when her and i have more time togethere.

 

hmm, but be careful going this route though, cause she might feel pressured about a relationship and just bolt on you altogether. I'd say give it some more time. It seems you guys feel the same about each other, but she is just trying to protect herself from her past experience (nothing against you). But definitely avoid convo's about the ex and hopefully everything will pan out like u both want.

 

I got to see her today and she was able to just read me with out me even saying anything about my day. She said you had a long day at work all i said was wow you can tell that much? and she said i can the sister couldnt. So her and I appear to be spending a lot more time togethere and the nice thing about it is that she wants to come over i dont even have to ask her to come over at all or anything..