Swinging: Your thoughts?
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justnspace (08-16-2011)
08-16-2011 | 11:20 AM
#162
Here is a recommendation for you. Take your wife to a bar. Sit back and let her get hit on by guys, let her have drinks with them, let them dance, etc. Set boundaries on what she can do and not do. All you are there to do is observe. The next day switch rolls and let her watch you hit on random chicks.
After you both did this for a night or 2, and no one has has sex with someone else, discuss it. If there are ANY hurt feelings or jealousy then swinging is not for you. If someone is hurt over just casual flirting then they will never be able to handle the thought of sex with another person.
08-16-2011 | 11:24 AM
#163
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From: Waffles, BU
Do you guys care about the backlash from your families? What if in the end, you're okay with it and she's repulsed by you and wants separation.. or in the opposite spectrum, she really enjoys swinging, you want to stop, but she does so anyways. Are you willing to live with that?
Regardless, my opinion doesn't change. You're opening pandora's box in your relationship by following this path. Marriage to me is a sacrament, the creation of a family and the bond of two into one. You're turning away from the hand of god by following this path and tainting your vows. How can you say you love and honor her by giving her to the hands of another, while you take someone else.
Thoughts about STD/I's? Do you really know who you're having sex with? Herpes, Syphillis and HPV are spread easily even with the use of condoms and at times when the symptoms aren't apparent. Condoms do break and there are demented mfr's out there that will poke holes in the condom or will remove them. In the heat of the moment, caution is thrown into the wind. Who wants to fuck with a condom on, it feels like shit.. especially when they know your wife has only had one partner, that's like the holy grail. For final thought (link below), sure you'll reply that it doesn't represent your demographic because you're playing "devil's advocate", but in reality you've sent the ship to sail already.
http://www.businessweek.com/lifestyl...ay/640460.html
Regardless, my opinion doesn't change. You're opening pandora's box in your relationship by following this path. Marriage to me is a sacrament, the creation of a family and the bond of two into one. You're turning away from the hand of god by following this path and tainting your vows. How can you say you love and honor her by giving her to the hands of another, while you take someone else.
Thoughts about STD/I's? Do you really know who you're having sex with? Herpes, Syphillis and HPV are spread easily even with the use of condoms and at times when the symptoms aren't apparent. Condoms do break and there are demented mfr's out there that will poke holes in the condom or will remove them. In the heat of the moment, caution is thrown into the wind. Who wants to fuck with a condom on, it feels like shit.. especially when they know your wife has only had one partner, that's like the holy grail. For final thought (link below), sure you'll reply that it doesn't represent your demographic because you're playing "devil's advocate", but in reality you've sent the ship to sail already.
http://www.businessweek.com/lifestyl...ay/640460.html
08-16-2011 | 11:29 AM
#165
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From: MD
Originally Posted by milellie111 View Post
You're a big boy now so you can take this:
1. Man Up! Stick to your commitment and stop looking for cowardly ways to cheat your vows you made before you wife, God an family. Dude, listen to different folks if you want call it "swinging" "consensual swapping" "open marriage" yadda yadda yadda, all just different names for cheating and adultery. Don't let folks try to wrap up trash in a pretty box and make it seem like it's treasure. Be realistic and view things for what they REALLY are.
I don't know how to explain this in detail nor do I have time. But you really need to look at the foundation of things and wonder why you call this particular thing cheating or adultery. How can you have infidelity if there is no expectation of exclusivity? To us cheating can only happen if deception comes along with it. There is no deception here.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/adultery- Adultery-"voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man and someone other than his wife or between a married woman and someone other than her husband". Yes, so no matter if both of you consent to it or not, deception or not, it's still adultery. The definition is clear and leaves no room for rationalizing.
And we learn ourselves, take small steps ourselves. I've said that many time already. We don't let anyone sugarcoat anything.
2. I bet you in 99 percent of the cases, the male is the one who introduces or brings this up FIRST to his wife. Sad but makes sense, as he is more prone to be driven and influenced by his sexual desires and women are more emotional .Rarely does a wife approach a husband coming home from work and say "hey honey, i was thinking about swinging with another couple so that you could enjoy another woman and me another man." If you did introduce this to your wife and somehow convinced her that this will strengthen your marriage and she gives in because of emotions and wanting to keep you happy, you are a sad excuse of a man and family head. You are no different from a man who leads his family into pain,turmoil and financial debt because of HIS bad decisions. Man Up! Be the man that your wife can respect and look up to for support, guidance and comfort. Not a man that she will lose respect for because he wants to sacrifice years of a perfect marriage for an orgasm?
99% eh? What are you basing that off of? And women more so then men, especially at a certain age, have more desire to look outside their relationship then men. However, like you said, emotion stops them more then a mans head stops him. Funny but it all comes down to biology at the deepest level.
My wife does respect me, and I her. No one is convincing the other to do anything. I made it very clear we have come to this idea mutually. And we will take every step mutually, with complete respect for each other.
Okay, so you should have no problem with telling us who brought this concept up first. You or your wife? Please, don't lie and say it was her so that you don't look like the sleazeball husband who wants to justify swinging as a way to please his own sexual desires
And if your wife was the one that happened to introduce this first, communicate with her and listen to her feelings of why she feels the need to introduce someone else into your marriage. Something is lacking. It's your job to discern what it is. Be a man and build her up and find other ways to enjoy each other, add enrichment to each others lives. Traveling, volunteer work, helping less fortunate kids, some activities that involve giving time and energy to make others happy and will bring you guys closer together as well.
My wife is my queen. I build her up every day. And like I said before, we do a lot of those things. It's not like we a shut ins that just want to get out. We are busy, active, giving people.
If your wife is your queen, then stop exploring for ways to put your penis in someone else
3. Man Up! Stop trying to rationalize something wrong into something right. Listening to your mind and following your heart is not always going to lead you on the right path. "Millions of people are swingers"? Okay, millions of people are drug addicts and criminals. Wise lifestyle to follow?
Age has nothing to do with it. There are people who are 50 and 60 years old who will give you bad advice and make terrible mistakes and there are folks in their 20's and 30's who make sensible grounded decisions.
"There are alot of swingers statistically who have happier marriages" just like the more money you have, the happier you'll be, everyone in Hollywood who is a celebrity lives the lavish life and smiles on camera so they must be genuinely happy behind the scenes and don't resort to drugs or suicide.
Stop listening to reports. The worlds propaganda will lead you to unhappiness.
"Buy a home, live the American Dream!"=Watch the housing market crumble and owe more on your house than what it's really worth.
You're really stretching yourself thin here. From my 3 years of being somewhat involved in this lifestyle I see three things and only three things. Either the couple loves this, everything is grand, it only strengthens their ties. Or, it exploits weak areas that may possibly lead to separation. Or, it brings those weak areas to light and they are better off.
I see three things as well-1. Folks looking to swing should have never gotten married 2.Swingers aren't enriching their marriage, rather they are finding ways to escape a troubled one 3. Swingers are narrowminded pleasure seekers who hold sex as a the #1 priority in their lves and who have no respect for themselves, their marriage mate, someone else's marriage mate or the marriage arrangement
4. Man Up! You got something good, keep it. Don't trade in your diamond for a rock. Don't cheapen your marriage, add value to it. Marriage is more than just sex.
Again stretching yourself thin on your bias opinion. Which is fine. Obviously this is not for you.
Thanks for the great reply though. And again I hope I don't come off as defensive. I'm just rebutting responses to drive the convo.
You're a big boy now so you can take this:
1. Man Up! Stick to your commitment and stop looking for cowardly ways to cheat your vows you made before you wife, God an family. Dude, listen to different folks if you want call it "swinging" "consensual swapping" "open marriage" yadda yadda yadda, all just different names for cheating and adultery. Don't let folks try to wrap up trash in a pretty box and make it seem like it's treasure. Be realistic and view things for what they REALLY are.
I don't know how to explain this in detail nor do I have time. But you really need to look at the foundation of things and wonder why you call this particular thing cheating or adultery. How can you have infidelity if there is no expectation of exclusivity? To us cheating can only happen if deception comes along with it. There is no deception here.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/adultery- Adultery-"voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man and someone other than his wife or between a married woman and someone other than her husband". Yes, so no matter if both of you consent to it or not, deception or not, it's still adultery. The definition is clear and leaves no room for rationalizing.
And we learn ourselves, take small steps ourselves. I've said that many time already. We don't let anyone sugarcoat anything.
2. I bet you in 99 percent of the cases, the male is the one who introduces or brings this up FIRST to his wife. Sad but makes sense, as he is more prone to be driven and influenced by his sexual desires and women are more emotional .Rarely does a wife approach a husband coming home from work and say "hey honey, i was thinking about swinging with another couple so that you could enjoy another woman and me another man." If you did introduce this to your wife and somehow convinced her that this will strengthen your marriage and she gives in because of emotions and wanting to keep you happy, you are a sad excuse of a man and family head. You are no different from a man who leads his family into pain,turmoil and financial debt because of HIS bad decisions. Man Up! Be the man that your wife can respect and look up to for support, guidance and comfort. Not a man that she will lose respect for because he wants to sacrifice years of a perfect marriage for an orgasm?
99% eh? What are you basing that off of? And women more so then men, especially at a certain age, have more desire to look outside their relationship then men. However, like you said, emotion stops them more then a mans head stops him. Funny but it all comes down to biology at the deepest level.
My wife does respect me, and I her. No one is convincing the other to do anything. I made it very clear we have come to this idea mutually. And we will take every step mutually, with complete respect for each other.
Okay, so you should have no problem with telling us who brought this concept up first. You or your wife? Please, don't lie and say it was her so that you don't look like the sleazeball husband who wants to justify swinging as a way to please his own sexual desires
And if your wife was the one that happened to introduce this first, communicate with her and listen to her feelings of why she feels the need to introduce someone else into your marriage. Something is lacking. It's your job to discern what it is. Be a man and build her up and find other ways to enjoy each other, add enrichment to each others lives. Traveling, volunteer work, helping less fortunate kids, some activities that involve giving time and energy to make others happy and will bring you guys closer together as well.
My wife is my queen. I build her up every day. And like I said before, we do a lot of those things. It's not like we a shut ins that just want to get out. We are busy, active, giving people.
If your wife is your queen, then stop exploring for ways to put your penis in someone else
3. Man Up! Stop trying to rationalize something wrong into something right. Listening to your mind and following your heart is not always going to lead you on the right path. "Millions of people are swingers"? Okay, millions of people are drug addicts and criminals. Wise lifestyle to follow?
Age has nothing to do with it. There are people who are 50 and 60 years old who will give you bad advice and make terrible mistakes and there are folks in their 20's and 30's who make sensible grounded decisions.
"There are alot of swingers statistically who have happier marriages" just like the more money you have, the happier you'll be, everyone in Hollywood who is a celebrity lives the lavish life and smiles on camera so they must be genuinely happy behind the scenes and don't resort to drugs or suicide.
Stop listening to reports. The worlds propaganda will lead you to unhappiness.
"Buy a home, live the American Dream!"=Watch the housing market crumble and owe more on your house than what it's really worth.
You're really stretching yourself thin here. From my 3 years of being somewhat involved in this lifestyle I see three things and only three things. Either the couple loves this, everything is grand, it only strengthens their ties. Or, it exploits weak areas that may possibly lead to separation. Or, it brings those weak areas to light and they are better off.
I see three things as well-1. Folks looking to swing should have never gotten married 2.Swingers aren't enriching their marriage, rather they are finding ways to escape a troubled one 3. Swingers are narrowminded pleasure seekers who hold sex as a the #1 priority in their lves and who have no respect for themselves, their marriage mate, someone else's marriage mate or the marriage arrangement
4. Man Up! You got something good, keep it. Don't trade in your diamond for a rock. Don't cheapen your marriage, add value to it. Marriage is more than just sex.
Again stretching yourself thin on your bias opinion. Which is fine. Obviously this is not for you.
Thanks for the great reply though. And again I hope I don't come off as defensive. I'm just rebutting responses to drive the convo.
And you made a comment earlier about the consequences of if your wife gets pregnant and one option is to just abort?
You sound like a real stand up family guy
fdgdgdg
08-16-2011 | 06:16 PM
#167
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You are so far off in so many ways that it's not even worth the trouble.
And obviously it would be her child and her choice and I would stand behind her. Don't lecture me on that. Personally, I know better then most about being the "other" guys child.
08-16-2011 | 07:14 PM
#168
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Posts: 54
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From: MD
I've been kind to everyone in this thread so far. And I'll continue to do so even though I feel in your particular case I shouldn't.
You are so far off in so many ways that it's not even worth the trouble.
And obviously it would be her child and her choice and I would stand behind her. Don't lecture me on that. Personally, I know better then most about being the "other" guys child.
You are so far off in so many ways that it's not even worth the trouble.
And obviously it would be her child and her choice and I would stand behind her. Don't lecture me on that. Personally, I know better then most about being the "other" guys child.
In your own words from post #159:
As for pregnancy. Hmmm. Condoms plus her BC should be fairly adequate. If it were to happen, well we would either raise the child or abort it. Not like it wouldn't be loved if we kept it...
How am i so far off??
I am being civil as well, but you two sound like you weren't ready for marriage. (based on your responses)
08-16-2011 | 07:17 PM
#169
If your wife starts falling for another guy you can always tell her..
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy
I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand
Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy
I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand
Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.
08-16-2011 | 07:23 PM
#170
You want a good perspective, rent zebra lounge.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0271884/
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0271884/
08-16-2011 | 07:56 PM
#171
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From: Columbus, OH
In your own words from post #159:
As for pregnancy. Hmmm. Condoms plus her BC should be fairly adequate. If it were to happen, well we would either raise the child or abort it. Not like it wouldn't be loved if we kept it...
How am i so far off??
I am being civil as well, but you two sound like you weren't ready for marriage. (based on your responses)
As for pregnancy. Hmmm. Condoms plus her BC should be fairly adequate. If it were to happen, well we would either raise the child or abort it. Not like it wouldn't be loved if we kept it...
How am i so far off??
I am being civil as well, but you two sound like you weren't ready for marriage. (based on your responses)
And I just reread that quote...what am I not seeing? Are you saying it's wrong for a married couple to abort? That's it's not Ok for her to want to abort? Or that I can't let her do that? Lol
Last edited by maharajamd; 08-16-2011 at 07:59 PM.
08-16-2011 | 08:01 PM
#172
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Joined: Mar 2004
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Nothing you do now or try to experience to take the place of "what you missed out on in college" matters. When you write about what you feel you missed out on, it's regret. You cannot change how you chose to live in the past. Nothing do you now or in the future will make your college years more exciting. Furthermore, doing something so you "have stories" to tell like all of your friends do of their adventures just doesn't seem like a reason to base any life decision around. Sounds somewhat like you are doing this not only to try and fill a *past* void but that you are also trying to impress or feel included in your group of friends, whom you seem to think live - or have lived - a more adventurous life. In other words, your reasons (your own words) suggest that you're trying to fix a feeling or sense of 'something' from past years that simply can't be changed no matter how you spin it. Move on. You're not in college anymore. You're at a different point in your life. Who cares what you missed out on when you were 21, 22, 23....it's over with no matter how much you wish it was different.
Last edited by Street Spirit; 08-16-2011 at 08:04 PM.
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08-16-2011 | 08:42 PM
#173
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In a way, I kinda wish I'd partied a bit less focused on college and loving the right person and been smarter about my finances AND been more like you and the wife. Unfortunately there are no parties I can go to to make up for that! LOL...
It is what it is...
About the abortion comment, wtf are you (not OP) focusing on the aborting it part? He said he would either raise it (your fav) or abort it (the other option). So negative! Lucky for us none of the options were leave baby in dumpster or you really would have gone to town on him!
It is what it is...
About the abortion comment, wtf are you (not OP) focusing on the aborting it part? He said he would either raise it (your fav) or abort it (the other option). So negative! Lucky for us none of the options were leave baby in dumpster or you really would have gone to town on him!
08-16-2011 | 08:54 PM
#174
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From: MD
Youre so far off center man. You're posts are being demeaning because for whatever reason it seems you're writing off emotion not civility. There are better ways to convey your opinion without literally trashing or me, my wife, or our marriage.
And I just reread that quote...what am I not seeing? Are you saying it's wrong for a married couple to abort? That's it's not Ok for her to want to abort? Or that I can't let her do that? Lol
And I just reread that quote...what am I not seeing? Are you saying it's wrong for a married couple to abort? That's it's not Ok for her to want to abort? Or that I can't let her do that? Lol
Really? You start a thread saying that your willing to let another man who's a complete stranger boink your wife while you have sex with his and yet i'm the one "trashing your wife and marriage?" lol. okay.
I am not being demeaning at all to you, i am just being frank.
You started this thread for one reason and one reason only: to see if the married folks here on Acurazine fantasized and acted upon the same dirty thoughts that you think about. You would use it as a justification to carry it out say "hey, i'm normal, everybody does it!"
When your plan backfired and you didn't get a gang of guys here high fiving you for you and your wife wanting to cheat on each other in front of each other, you started trying to rationalize on how it is normal and all types of people do it. Point is, the majority of folks in this thread feel that it is unnatural (with the exception of a couple of hedonists), just as unnatural as you probably would view sleeping with a family member.
Just trying to warn you and help save your marriage. But if you really want to, you can rationalize anything wrong to make it right for you to do.
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HondaCrazy (08-17-2011)
08-16-2011 | 09:27 PM
#175
Chapter Leader (Southern Region)
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 88,888
Likes: 11,843
From: Waffles, BU
Do you guys care about the backlash from your families? What if in the end, you're okay with it and she's repulsed by you and wants separation.. or in the opposite spectrum, she really enjoys swinging, you want to stop, but she does so anyways. Are you willing to live with that?
Regardless, my opinion doesn't change. You're opening pandora's box in your relationship by following this path. Marriage to me is a sacrament, the creation of a family and the bond of two into one. You're turning away from the hand of god by following this path and tainting your vows. How can you say you love and honor her by giving her to the hands of another, while you take someone else.
Thoughts about STD/I's? Do you really know who you're having sex with? Herpes, Syphillis and HPV are spread easily even with the use of condoms and at times when the symptoms aren't apparent. Condoms do break and there are demented mfr's out there that will poke holes in the condom or will remove them. In the heat of the moment, caution is thrown into the wind. Who wants to fuck with a condom on, it feels like shit.. especially when they know your wife has only had one partner, that's like the holy grail. For final thought (link below), sure you'll reply that it doesn't represent your demographic because you're playing "devil's advocate", but in reality you've sent the ship to sail already.
http://www.businessweek.com/lifestyl...ay/640460.html
Regardless, my opinion doesn't change. You're opening pandora's box in your relationship by following this path. Marriage to me is a sacrament, the creation of a family and the bond of two into one. You're turning away from the hand of god by following this path and tainting your vows. How can you say you love and honor her by giving her to the hands of another, while you take someone else.
Thoughts about STD/I's? Do you really know who you're having sex with? Herpes, Syphillis and HPV are spread easily even with the use of condoms and at times when the symptoms aren't apparent. Condoms do break and there are demented mfr's out there that will poke holes in the condom or will remove them. In the heat of the moment, caution is thrown into the wind. Who wants to fuck with a condom on, it feels like shit.. especially when they know your wife has only had one partner, that's like the holy grail. For final thought (link below), sure you'll reply that it doesn't represent your demographic because you're playing "devil's advocate", but in reality you've sent the ship to sail already.
http://www.businessweek.com/lifestyl...ay/640460.html
08-17-2011 | 07:48 AM
#178
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From: Columbus, OH
I also wanted to say don't hang your hat on the missed college days comments. That merely sparked the fire, planted the seed, for this thought. It's not even a reason we would do this, it just was a reason that convo started.
Trust me, sitting where we sit now compared to some of our other "had fun in college" friends, well let's just say I'm glad we choose the path that we did.
Trust me, sitting where we sit now compared to some of our other "had fun in college" friends, well let's just say I'm glad we choose the path that we did.
08-17-2011 | 08:28 AM
#180
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From: Queens, NY
The first time (and there will be a time) your wife denies you sex because she's not in the mood, the only thing you're gonna be thinking is that she wants to bang some other dude(s) and how into it she was and how she looked while she was enjoying it. This is when you will re-think the whole thing. She will always want more, and it may not be from you.
The visions of her fucking someone else will haunt you. You will never trust her after that and the marriage will fail. It's just human nature. Any time she goes out on her own, you will be thinking about her cheating, it's just how it is. Are you ready to live like that? It all looks great on paper. No feelings, no emotions, just sex. But it doesn't work like that. She's a woman, she's always gonna want to feel hot and sexy. And when there's a line of dudes "here for the gang-bang", eventually, you're opinions of her will start to matter less and less. Be very careful. This is going to fuck with your head like you can't imagine
The visions of her fucking someone else will haunt you. You will never trust her after that and the marriage will fail. It's just human nature. Any time she goes out on her own, you will be thinking about her cheating, it's just how it is. Are you ready to live like that? It all looks great on paper. No feelings, no emotions, just sex. But it doesn't work like that. She's a woman, she's always gonna want to feel hot and sexy. And when there's a line of dudes "here for the gang-bang", eventually, you're opinions of her will start to matter less and less. Be very careful. This is going to fuck with your head like you can't imagine
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08-17-2011 | 09:48 AM
#181
After so many pages, it almost seems like you're trolling. Just posting to push people to their limits to see how mad you can get them. I'm sure that's not your intention but do you see where I'm going with this?
If you're looking for excitement in the bedroom, have you tried using toys? Lube? Sex swing? I really think you should explore ALL other options before letting someone bang your wife. I'm not even married but when I was in a relationship, I could not fathom the idea of another guy touching my girl like that. I really don't know how you can entertain that thought. Good luck in whatever you decide. I think your idea of a happy marriage differs from mine. If you both were truly happy, I don't think this swinging idea would've gotten very far. That's just my opinion though. I'm sure you'll say you two are extremely happy but like I said...not in my eyes. Just my
.
08-17-2011 | 10:52 AM
#184
Ok. It just kinda sounds like it is something you already did, enjoyed it, don't regret it and want to know if we feel that is normal. You're arguing pretty strongly for "someone just thinking about it." Either way it sounds like you already have your mind made up.
08-17-2011 | 11:31 AM
#185
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From: Houston, Texas
/end thread.
Your mind is set. Everyone has given you there opinion and most of them you disagreed with and still wanna go swing. If you're not going to be open, what's the point in making this thread?
Both of you are insecure. I don't care what statistic or what article shows that couples swinging are closer together because in reality they're not really in a relationship, but in a fantasy relationship with no real commitment. Also in the article it explains that none of them have kids. I wonder why.
We can go over this again and again until you're 50 and you'll still agree. It is time for you to read our opinions, re-evaluate your life, and decide on what is best for both of you.
Because at the end of the day, if you make the wrong decision, you could be without a wife.
Your mind is set. Everyone has given you there opinion and most of them you disagreed with and still wanna go swing. If you're not going to be open, what's the point in making this thread?
Both of you are insecure. I don't care what statistic or what article shows that couples swinging are closer together because in reality they're not really in a relationship, but in a fantasy relationship with no real commitment. Also in the article it explains that none of them have kids. I wonder why.
We can go over this again and again until you're 50 and you'll still agree. It is time for you to read our opinions, re-evaluate your life, and decide on what is best for both of you.
Because at the end of the day, if you make the wrong decision, you could be without a wife.
08-17-2011 | 12:31 PM
#186
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I wanted to hear people's opinions and that's what I got. That doesn't mean I have to agree with them. Some of you have brought up valid points that I obviously take into consideration. Some times you do get in too deep and it takes an outsiders opinion to make you realize things.
If you notice, I haven't replied to posts or pieces of peoples posts for a reason. Then again some I didn't respond to because it's not really an opinion, just spoken degradation of me and mine.
Just as I may not see things because my mind is in a place you all may not see things because your mind isn't in that place. I see nothing wrong with how the thread has been. Trust me, I could have really gone off on the dude above last night and didn't.
Out of everything though I feel that I can say that no matter what you all do or don't, I would never say your relationship with your SO isn't a commitment. That you aren't a MAN because you choose to do what you did. That you CAN'T love your wife because you choose to do this or that. THAT'S the narrow minded part that I haven't liked in this thread. Say what you want about the discussed activities, but don't you dare question my love, trust, respect, and commitment to my wife.
And Champ: The kids thing makes no sense. I know plenty of people with kids in the lifestyle. But one would generally assume that once your lifestyle has the possibility of affecting other lives, you probably start to put an end to it. Right? I mean, in our discussions we both agree that once we have kids the play time would stop. It doesn't have to that's just the precaution we would take. Then again, we have the same rule for smoking pot.
If you notice, I haven't replied to posts or pieces of peoples posts for a reason. Then again some I didn't respond to because it's not really an opinion, just spoken degradation of me and mine.
Just as I may not see things because my mind is in a place you all may not see things because your mind isn't in that place. I see nothing wrong with how the thread has been. Trust me, I could have really gone off on the dude above last night and didn't.
Out of everything though I feel that I can say that no matter what you all do or don't, I would never say your relationship with your SO isn't a commitment. That you aren't a MAN because you choose to do what you did. That you CAN'T love your wife because you choose to do this or that. THAT'S the narrow minded part that I haven't liked in this thread. Say what you want about the discussed activities, but don't you dare question my love, trust, respect, and commitment to my wife.
And Champ: The kids thing makes no sense. I know plenty of people with kids in the lifestyle. But one would generally assume that once your lifestyle has the possibility of affecting other lives, you probably start to put an end to it. Right? I mean, in our discussions we both agree that once we have kids the play time would stop. It doesn't have to that's just the precaution we would take. Then again, we have the same rule for smoking pot.
08-17-2011 | 12:55 PM
#188
Suzuka Master
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 6,558
Likes: 7
From: Queens, NY
I just want a straight response to this question:
How is swinging going to make your relationship better? Answer that
08-17-2011 | 01:29 PM
#189
but don't you dare question my love, trust, respect, and commitment to my wife.
Maybe what your not conveying are solid reasons you feel swinging will fill this void you have. Who brought this up 1st your or her? Whoever did has the problem here. Not your relationship. Your trying to rationalize a personal void one of you feels as a relationship problem when it's not. And then forcing this idea(or another) to the other to fix it.
Most of us are not telling you to not do it, but simply trying to understand the reasons why you want to.
Have you asked the other poster here who was into why they stopped? And what made them stop? I would think you'd ignore us & take it from the mouth of someone that actually did it.
08-17-2011 | 01:45 PM
#190
Thread Starter
Race Director
iTrader: (1)
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 13,382
Likes: 1,544
From: Columbus, OH
So say we swap with a couple. There is no love between different partners. There is, at that point in time, IMHO, more love for each other! Getting high off each others excitement, pleasure, the boost in egos, the feeling of being desired. All of that from the rock of love that I'd call our relationship.
The so called controlled environment is only that way because we walk in mutually. No deception or lies. You may even call it a practical thing. Planned out.
Well I'm not sure. Openness, communication, trust, independence, revitalization, cured curiosities, general satisfaction, ego boost, fun, a rush.
It's a lot easier to pick out the negatives then the positives, that's for sure. But like I said before, it just amplifies previous issues, not create new ones.
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08-17-2011 | 01:49 PM
#191
Thread Starter
Race Director
iTrader: (1)
Joined: Jan 2008
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Likes: 1,544
From: Columbus, OH
Lol. Obviously completely different things. That was meant to show that we do plan our future and do so responsibly and with diligence. Don't get so caught up on every single word that I say because if so I'm going to have to start paying more attention when I write.
08-17-2011 | 01:53 PM
#192
Thread Starter
Race Director
iTrader: (1)
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 13,382
Likes: 1,544
From: Columbus, OH
There are many valid reason to stop, and they had them. And it is not my place to say any more about it.
Hey obviously this thread has run it's course. Lock, delete, do what must be done. This isn't the kind of discussion I expected.
08-17-2011 | 01:58 PM
#194
Thread Starter
Race Director
iTrader: (1)
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 13,382
Likes: 1,544
From: Columbus, OH
Oh and I guess since I answer questions I want one, just one, answered back.
How many of you would have a threesome with your wife and one of her friends if she brought it up herself? Just riddle me that.
How many of you would have a threesome with your wife and one of her friends if she brought it up herself? Just riddle me that.
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gypsygirl (08-25-2011)
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08-17-2011 | 02:11 PM
#199
Chapter Leader (Southern Region)
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 88,888
Likes: 11,843
From: Waffles, BU