My girl of over 4 1/2 years broke up with me today. I feel like i'm dying. I hate this feeling. Why does shit like this have to happen? This is the girl I planned on spending my life with. We were looking for places to move in together. I had planned on proposing to her once we moved in. Things had been rocky the past few weeks, but I thought we would get passed it. Then today she tells me that she can't get passed it and that it's over. Someone please tell me it gets better.

 

Sorry to hear. It does get better, but it'll take some time.

Why did you guys break up? Perhaps she's just scared because you were about to move in together? It's pretty coincidental that trouble would flare up right as your about to live together.

And the best thing you can do right now is leave her alone, as tough as that might be. The natural instinct is to want to talk to her, see her, etc. Leave her alone and perhaps she'll miss you enough to come back.

 

Something really bad must have happened for a 4 and half year relationship to go sour over a few weeks and then fail beyond the point of return. Are you sure that there is no potential for you to get back together?

NetEditor's theory sounds right, if nothing out of the ordinary seems to have happened. But from your attitude about it all it seems like there may be a bigger picture?

Good luck and hang tough

Mike

 

You know, it's not one thing that happend. There were several fights and incidents that added up over the course of the relationsip. Then a few weeks ago we had a really bad few days in a row and we decided to take a break. I thought the break would be good and we would get back to our old ways, but it didn't work out that way. She told me she wasn't getting happier and this morning put an end to it. I feel like i've been punched in the stomach by Kimbo Slice.

 

Sorry to hear this, Gibson. You've got some time to ride out before you feel better. May as well spend it drinking.

 

Well, that's the truth. I'm heading into Manhattan in a few minutes to meet some people and drink a bit.

Thanks for the kind words everyone

 

hm are you sure its OVER OVER and not just a small temporary breakup..?

 

Sorry to here, man. I guess we need more details of why you broke up before we can dish out opinions on if there is a chance to salvage.

Next month or two will be rough, about 6 months from now another woman will catch your eye and you will be all better.

 

Sorry to hear about that man. Be optimistic because better days will come. Today may be rainy, but just wait it out and the sun will come out. That's the only thing I would think about when I was in a simliar situation.

Good luck man!

 

...this, too, shall pass

^ I keep that in mind all the time. For your situation, it's true whether you guys never get back together or get together to patch things back up. If she has legitimate complaints about you, fix them regardless of any of your gripes about her or whether you think it'll help. Other than that, just remember not to use alcohol to make decisions or to clear your mind - it won't truly help with either.

 

sorry to hear that dude. i know it will be hard for you for the next few months, but try to get any object that reminds you of her out of your life. also try to take up a new hobby or find a new bar to hang out at. think of it as just one chapter of your life story ending and another one beginning. keep ya head up

 

Hang in there Gibby. Time will heal all wounds. Keep yourself busy and try to take your mind off of her if you can.

 

Oh man, sorry to hear this! I sincerely hope things will get better, but as people have already pointed out, it will take time. Hang on tight!

 

I think its breakup season

 

this is true.. the spring and begining of summer always seems to have the most break ups.. people want some strange .... gibson im not saying that this has anything to do with you. but this might just be one of those break up and make up fights. i hope so.. hang in there it will get better.

 

Women suck.....

 

Especially the good ones.

 

Gibson....Keep you head up man. Stay busy and it will get better.

 

so, what were you guys fighting about?

 

I hope you guys are right about it being temporary. I can't tell, but we were already taking a temporary "break" just to let things mellow out and try to get the relationship back to a better place. Yesterday she told me that it was getting any better for her. The break had been going on for about 3 weeks. So I don't know

As for what we were fighting about, you know, the fights that everyone gets into. When your with someone for 4+ years you get comfortable and have no problem pointing out each others flaws. Thats basically what happened here. It's unfortunate, but I really love the girl.

On a side note, I just woke up, I was partying in a 3 million dollar apartment in Manhattan last night till 8 in the morning. It was crazy.

 

Did the arguing happen to get worse as the two of you became more serious about moving in together? It's pretty typical for that to happen. Every little thing becomes an argument because someone is trying to derail the moving-in plans but doesn't want to say so.

Just leave her alone. If it's meant to be, she'll come back.

 

You know, I understand the concept of wanting to de-rail moving in together, but I don't think it's the case here. She was doing to get a place while we were looking, doing a lot of research, spending hours upon hours go around and looking. She was excited about it.

Also, if she wasn't ready to move in, she could have just told me and we would have put that on hold. I really don't think that the moving in together aspect of this is the cause for the breakup.

There are some other deep seated issues that would make more sense. I went through a terrible tragedy 2 years ago and it has cause some serious emotional stress that has come out in various forms, including anger and frustration. Because she is the one around I sometimes take it out on her. It's not fair to her but it's also not like I do it intentionally to hurt her either. Without getting too far into it, there are things that make a lot more sense than the moving in part of this being the cause.

I do appreciate your analysis though and everyone's advise. Thanks guys.

 

Ah, OK.

Perhaps you should seek some therapy. Because this kind of thing becomes routine. Maybe you can't save this relationship, but for the sake of future ones, you might want to get professional help. And maybe if she knows you're seeking help, she may consider coming back. Good luck.

 

I recently started therapy and she knows, but she still ended it. I don't know,

 

Hearing that, maybe this could serve as a wake up call that you need to get some help with your anger issues. I hope to god that you aren't physically abusive, but being emotionally abusive can be close to as bad. If you recognize that you are treating her unfairly I can guarantee she sees it, and feels it as well.

Edit: missed last post

Mike

 

You're 24. Spending the rest of your life with some broad you met when you were young doesn't sound like the greatest idea anyway. Plus her plans were obviously different than yours. Move on. Where in NY are you?

 

Yea that's another point, but right now there is that rejected feeling and my self confidence isn't very high.

Westchester

 

I feel you bro, just forget that ho. There is plenty of other hole to be had. Don't let your confidence be hurt, fuck her, the best thing for you to do now is to stay focused on life, make it big and show her what she lost. Then make her one of your sexual slaves for you and your friends. Hope that makes you feel better.

 

@ Titand19

I understand the motivation behind the message, but still...

 

While that idea is all good and nice, and albeit I have never been in a serious long term relationship, it realistically doesn't work. They have been together for 4.5 years, they seemingly love each other, its not as easy as saying just give it up and move on. Oh, and I have plenty of friends whose parents are still together after they met in high school.

Mike

 

^^^Sounds like a midwest love story

 

Sorry to hear about what happened GIBS! Things will only get better in time, maybe she will start missing you in a couple of weeks, maybe you might meet someone new while your out partying it up!

 

Just wait about 4-5 years and watch how many of them are together. My friends parents from high school were the same way until all the men had mid life crisis' etc and the divorces just kept on comin. It's amazing how many people from that generation stayed together "just for the kids".

 

You can always rely on Andy.

Not sure about the "sexual slaves" part, but some of what he says is somewhat true.

 

The drinking won't help. Getting pissed at her and ignoring her won't help either. If I were you I would be civil with her and throw my energy into the Mets. In October you'll feel better whether you're back together or not.

 

haven't seen you in a while

Back to the OP - GIBSON, it WILL get better - in time. It won't be easy, but try to figure out what went wrong - not to fix this relationship, but to fix how you deal with relationships in general. 4.5 years is quite a long time to be with someone when you started as young as you did, don't expect things to get better overnight. Spend some time with family and friends and doing things that make you happy.

Good luck and hang in there.

 

Let baseball be your therapy



Seriously though, good luck Gibby.

 

Nothing will help, but post her pict will help.

 

Come on man. Not the type of thread to be asking for that.

 

hey! Yeah its been long enough. I'm back


Any word from Gibby on this? Updates?