Aight, I am posting this question for a friend at work. Here's the situation:

She's been with this dude for almost a year and he has already asked her to marry him. He is currently in the military and has been notified that he will be doing a second tour in Iraq later this fall or next year [img]images/smilies/patriot.gif[/img] . She's been in a funk at work and I finally got it out of her that she hasn't been laid [img]images/smilies/banana.gif[/img] in a while, like over 2 months. She claims that whenever she tries to initiate, he's unresponsive. Even when he is in the mood, his "friend" doesn't want to stand at attention. But he'll watch internet porn and wack off [img]images/smilies/jack.gif[/img] (she's found porn on his puter and she's known that he's masterbated to it before).

She's not bad looking and is doable (especially when she wears her "clubbing" clothes). Given this information, what do you think his/her problem is?

 

Simple, he doesn't find her attractive anymore. That's not to say he isn't losing it in his head too. Most likely he gets off on things which are pretty far removed from reality and his girlfriend or any real woman for that matter that isn't paid with Benjamins can get him off. The wee-wee isn't the real sex organ, the brain is. If the brain isn't turned on, then the little head isn't either.

 

Thats pretty much it... its a combo of #2 and #4

 

He is unresponsive to her advances and his member doesn't stand in attention, yet he can whack off to porn? Sounds like she doesn't sexually arouse him anymore and/or he's too stressed to enjoy sexual pleasures with someone else. I suggest seeking professional help.

 

:ghey:

 

maybe you should be the one satisfying her while she waits around for him to get his soldier together...


BTW, no strings attached kind of

 

It is an issue with being intimate. He has de-synthisized his feelings of intimacy and can no longer associate these feelings toward a person. Hence the porn, which doesn't require a real person or intimacy on his part. Has nothing to do with how hot, or good looking she is.

He needs to seek professional help.

 

It is not about her, it is about him. For whatever reason, he can't/won't deal with intimacy. If his reliance on internet porn is obsessive and compulsive, he may have a significant challenge of "displacement" at hand, no pun intended......

He may have control issues, and of course, using porn eliminates that, as the editorial process allows him complete control, as does jerking off solo. He may have challenges with a woman being assertive, which might suggest a level of self-esteem that is not exactly very high. And, if he is facing another tour, he may be withdrawing from intimacy in preparation for being away for a long time. If it is the last of the three above, that can be addressed with a few succinct sessions with a marriage counselor. If it is one, the other or both of the first and second I note, then he has specific challenges, and she needs to run, not walk, out the door before marrying the dude, unless she wants a long and chaste run in the marital bed.

What can she do? Define her limits, tell the dude that he needs to focus on the quality time they have, and that internet porn is no long-term substitute for an attractive, warm, caring and passionate woman RIGHT THERE. If mr johnson ain't saluting, that is not because she is messing up. What she can't do with any success is browbeat him; if he needs help, that can only be achieved with some gentle acceptance. If she doen't have the patientce for that, and/or if he doesn't go for it, she needs to blow that popsicle stand now, not later.

And, by the way, Viagra and Cialis work only when the brain gets turned on. They are not an automatic bloodbased hydraulic system....... As such, they are great for horny men who are either old or have some dysfunction - diabetes/circulation. If he is not turned on by his gf, pumping him up with the little blue diamond is only going to give him a headache.

 

maybe she is high maintenence in bed. I know I have had a few girlfriends where I'd rather than have to work for an hour to make them have an orgasm. I had one girl that wouldn't let me make her orgasm by giving her oral because she preferred one from penetratrion (I would be eating at the clam bar and she would stop me before the check came) , and then if she didn't get one from penetration (for whatever reason) then she would complain that I was "not sensitive to her needs". I started to rather than have sex with her because it was easier on my life than stressing over her needs.

 

Yeah I think they've tried Viagra and it didn't work. We make Alprostadil injections at work that will make you stiff for 30 minutes or longer depending on the dosage. I jokingly suggested she try that instead. lol. She says that she doesn't need to have intercourse, but a little "licky, licky" wouldn't hurt. I was out with them last night and boy you could see them digging at each other. She was a lil tipsy and he seemed to like to put her down in public. Same situation today when they came over for a bbq. Seriously, I think they are going to have worse problems when they get married.

I know that the first time they met, he was leaving for Iraq 1 month later and before he left, he asked her if she would wait for him/be his girl. She said yes, but dated some other dude while he was gone. Now that he's back, he moved straight in with her, bought a new truck and motorcycle together, etc..etc.. I told her I thought they were moving quite fast. Now it seems that it is gonna be that much harder to break up b/c: 1) they live together 2) they have stuff (credit) together (truck, motorcycle, etc) 3)they are engaged 4) He's heading to Iraq.

Oh well, I tell her she needs to think about if he's marriage material and if she can see them together down the road with kids and etc... All I can do is offer advice and another point of view. BTW, she's not my type.

 

Good advice to her, because she now sounds like she's in a worse situation than you described in the first post. Putting your woman down in public is a bad sign for a relationship. Then again, some people have to learn the hard way... I hope she chooses the right path. He does sound like he needs counseling on several levels.

I think its time for you to do some charity and wake this girl up into seeing that she's in a bad situation.

 

I think he needs to seek some professional help.

 

sounds like she needs to stop being a dead fish in bed


cause even an ugly chick should be able to get someone to stand at attention

 

Spoken like a true master...

It sounds like they're both a little immature, also. You always hear about war weddings, people who start intense relationships and marriages before going off to war, because it may be their only shot. It's possible that he's really not ready to be married, and she's not really sure about him either.

Let's put it this way: if they were really ready to be married, she would NOT have come to YOU with this problem. She'd have talked it out with him, without any outside interference beyond a marriage counselor if they deemed it necessary. The person you tell that kind of stuff to is the person you intend to know longest... so if she's not talking it over with him, she shouldn't marry him.

And the putting down in public... that leads me to believe that he has self-esteem issues; he feels that by making others see how "worthless" she is, or how little regard he has for her, it will prove how strong and good he is by comparison. Scott used to do that a lot, but he grew out of it after I kicked him in the balls a few times.

 

A lot of great points here. Does he know she was seeing someone else while he was away? Maybe he doesn't trust her anymore and is worrying about their relationship when he leaves

 

2 months and no play? And the dude is in town? He is either pullin his junk too much or gettin it from someone else. Also, I bet he's not in to her the way he use to be since he might be leaving again.

BTW-The fact that she told you she hasn't been laid in 2 months is damn near an invite. I say hit! Don't baby sit it!





After 2 months she may even take it out and for you

 

i didn't read that, that's FUCKED Up, that bitch should be killed. I constantly hear about military wives and girlfriends cheating on their men, completely fuckedup

 

Killed? I think that's a little harsh... he IS denying her, after all...

 

Hahaha....really she's not my type (only if I was really really really drunk). Plus we work together. Not to mention that I am engaged myself. I asked her today about the way they fight in public and she just said that that's how they "play" with each other. I'm like "uh huh, suuuuuure."

As for when she was dating someone else while he was gone, I don't believe that she ever said to him that she wouldn't date anyone else while he was gone. He also has an 8 year old daughter from a previous relationship and was "married" to another chic in the military when he was in Iraq. She only found out last year about this "wife." I guess that is the thing to do in the military (getting married pay). They are supposedly divorced now, but there seems to be alot of secrets with these two.

 

 

.....and she's gonna marry this guy?

 

I'd agree with this.

 

Jerking off to porn too much can kill your sex drive. He needs to lay off the internet porn.

 

see needs to go down on him and let him spray it in her face. Just like the pron

 

they need to make their own pron, then he can to a video of himself. and that could hardly be considered cheating on her, since it is to himself that he is -ing. It might stimulate further explorations, and maybe even make it onto the internet for us all to see