I've been seeing this girl for a couple of months now, and things are going very well. She has shared a lot with me, including that she used to be very depressed and attempted suicide before. The other day, we went to the pool and I noticed a group of scratches on her inner leg- almost like a scrape. I asked her about it, and she said she ran into something. I really didn't give any additional thought to it... Well, last night her and I got pretty drunk, and she started to get really emotional and eventually revealed to me that she is a cutter, and that's what those scratches were. I want to help her, but I know how sensitive this area is, and she told me this morning that she doesnt even remember anything from last night, so she doesnt know that I know. She's such an amazing girl and has so much going for her- i hate to see this.. so if anybody has any experience or insight on the subject, please share.

 

Don't save her she don't want to be saved!

Meh I would just be her friend if I were you. Because lets say you stop her from cutting or something like that and she gets a high self esteem she is going to leave you alone. But what will most likely happen is you will have a nut case on your hands

:IBMTR:

 

et her to see someone if you can and:ibmovetod&r:

 

Don't move this! It's about cutters, not whether or not it hurts when he bangs her!

<-- very interested in hearing more

 

Hide the knives.

 

Pics of the inner thigh in question for us to properly assess the situation?

 

I have a good friend that was a cutter. One day while we were driving in his civic at night he told me about all the stress that his pseudo-girlfriend was causing him (she refused to actually go out with him, it was fucked up), and he started bawling and admitted he cuts his arms every day. I made him pull over and I drove us back to his house. I got him to slowly stop cutting by telling him how good it feels to take out his frustrations on other things. When we got back to his house, we walked into the forest, and I told him to bring a baseball bat. I told him to go wild and attack the small trees with everything he had until he couldn't swing the bat anymore. I encouraged him to destroy them, and when it was over he felt so much better he told me. I told him that every time he felt like shit and was gonna cut, to call me and we'd go out into the forest and do that again, even if it was in the middle of the night (he did call me at 2:30 am one morning and I came there). It took him a few weeks, but after awhile he didn't need me to help him anymore. Fast forward to 16 months later, and he doesn't cut anymore, and finally isn't afraid to wear a T-shirt again. I don't know if this works for everyone, but it worked for him.

 

see the movie 'the secretary' the answer lies within. trust me on this.

 

Talk to her and let her know that you really care about her and suggest seeing a therapist. All you can do is be there for her. Do what ever you feel is right.

 

 

What is this about and how is it relevant?

 

before she cuts you.

 

props dude, you the man. Great job of sticking by your friend.

 

such a fuckin movie

 

it's about a secretary thats a cutter and her boss that gets her to stop cutting herself by spanking the shit out of her and ordering her around like a dog.

crazy movie...kinda hot in a wierd way ..but it actually does give some insight as to why people cut themselves..and what alternatives they have...however strange those alternatives may be.

 

"Cutting" is BS.

Grow up.

 

I've never understood the whole concept of "Oh, I am in such pain that I need to fuck myself up somehow. Hitting myself in the head might cause brain damage, so I'll pull out a knife and start cutting myself."

 

Cutting is a cry for help! This girl needs professional help and soon. If you can get close enough to her to make the suggestion, please do so. Obviously she has a serious emotional/mental illness that needs to be addressed before it gets worse.

growing up has nothing to do with it

 

If you can't solve this heart to heart with her, then she NEEDS professional help. Unless she's like my friend who refused to talk to anyone like that because he didnt wanna reveal his personal feelings toward someone he hardly knew.

 

cutting and other forms of self-injury frequently show up in adolescents and young adults that have sustained significant trauma in their youths, generally physical, and frequently sexual. Some may interpret it as a sign for help, some may interpret it as just really, really wierd. Have known too many cutters in the circles I travel in to put it in either heap.

The fact that the young woman did not remember the conversation about the cutting the following morning probably means she has some fairly skilled competencies at dissociation, attaches a significant amount of shame to the activity, and does not, in fact, really "remember" the conversation. The interpretations I tend to look at it have manifold implications; it can be a sign of anger, directed inward since, in some settings, directing the anger outwards is dangerous, it can be an effort at self-disfigurement, in an effort to put off a potential sexual predator, and it can be an effort to break through the sense of numbness that comes with repeated trauma, an effort to just confirm that one is alive. Over time, the behavior becomes habituated, and the reasons driving it can become much less specific; they migrate from the original source, and she may not have a very clear idea as to why she does it.

If she is a consistent cutter, she does have issues best dealt with in the office of a skilled therapist, not some numnuck used to dealing with mild neuroses. Usually cutters have serious issues. If you really like this girl, you can support her, but you probably cannot lead her to the process of getting help solo, particularly if she is not in a space in her life where she thinks she needs it. Your best bet is to encourage her to talk with you freely if you can handle those conversations, and then support her in seeking a pro.

As to youngTL, kudos to you for hanging in there with your pal. Gave him a way to direct the anger out of his body, rather than inward, where it would self-destruct. Maybe, sometime later in life, he'll take a look at the reasons why he chose that particular form of anger management in the first place, but until then, you gave him an elegant working tool as a genuine safe substitute

 

That actually is not the driving motive of those who habituate this behavior..... most feel, in fact, little cognative pain, and do it to see, if on some level, they are still alive. Most of the time they are not aware of the level of pain they are in, internally.

 

Thank you. But I just threw it out there because he said any information might be helpful. I don't know if the same strategy would work for a girl since their brains work differently.

Yes and no; I've known both male and female cutters. What you did was a behavioral intervention, in which you gave your friend another way to move anger out of his system, rather than letting it implode. It might have also worked for your friend if he were a she. However, I would guess that the habituated behavior comes from "somewhere" with your friend, and when he is in a better space, he'll deal.

 

I was somewhat aware of that, but was attempting to make a bad joke.

If people want to check if they're really alive, go stand in on-coming traffic and see if cars start to swerve.

 

another wilbanks basket case :shakehead

 

So my two cents are for a young man of 19, your time could be better spent elsewhere instead of dealing with people with such complicated problems that require professional help. Unless you're ready to deal with some pretty explicit and graphic issues including death, you should steer clear and save all the crazy, terrible stuff for later in life where you might be able to deal with it better. IMO

 

This is what I would have said...plus that bitch is probably doing it for attention, there was this chick in HS I knew who was just like that. She kidnapped herself and looked like a dumbass when the police concluded that it was staged. Be concerned with the bitches that let you take advantage of them.

 

I understand this concept, but if I would have used this methodology my whole life I would be nowhere right now. There is never a "right" time to deal with negativities that may come your way.

 

I know you want to help, but this should be a really big red flag that something in your head should say "end it now, nothing good will come of this" Its an instinct that one eventually learns.

Once you have a psycho for a girlfriend and go through that hell you learn that all partners after that should not have that quality for a healthy relationship. Its just impossible to have a healthy relationship when one partner is mentally ill. Man, save yourself the drama and heartache.

 

I agree. One more thing..... RUN- as fast as you can.