Okay, here's the situation in brief... I've been dating my girlfriend for almost 2 and a half years now and we're about to graduate from college. We've literally spent almost every waking and sleeping hour together and have been through the ups and downs... so the relationship is going strong and it's likely we'll get married (Once I get a ring and think of a kick ass way to propose)

So we both have job offers (I took mine already) in the North shore area of Chicago. Her parents really like me and I don't mind them (Though they are 1st gen Korean and my Korean isn't fluent). Since my girlfriend is going back home until she can save up for a condo they asked me to stay at their place as well.

They have a really nice house in Northbrook... so pretty much I'll have my own room Full bathroom and I'll be near the laundry room and kitchen. I guess I won't really get in their way that much.

I'm assuming they want to help us both save some money until we can get hitched.

My parents think it's a nice gesture, however they believe that I'll be a burden on their family (no matter how much they like me I'm still not "family"). So my dad offered to buy a house or something in Chicago (so now he owns property and my brother can get in state tuition and I get a place of my own).

I don't mind either or, but I think my girlfriends pushing for me to stay with her and her parents because I'll be closer to her and I can help out a lot around the house. In both cases I'll save money... and if I live at her place I'm about 10 min from work.

This move will most likely be for less than a year, I just need to save enough for a ring and down payment on a condo (very feasible after a year with my pay so I won't stay for the long haul for sure)

What do you guys think I should do?

 

Personally If I was 22 just graduated from college the last thing i'd do is get married.

But maybe thats how it is in your culture..... Korean I assume.

 

Korean wedding drama

Marrying young: Water-S drama

Drama all over

Let's do a Jerky poll.

 

So your gf and her parents want you to stay with them - nice gesture on their part and they get to know you better. But, your brother (and dad) could save some money by having you own a house that dad would pay for?

Unless you're saving daddy alot of money, I'd be weary about potentially upsetting/insulting the person who will largely be responsible for your happiness or misery for the rest of your life. I got no problems with inlaws - granted I'm not 22, but still - either you get along or you don't. The fact that it's less than one year is a failsafe - if all else fails, find a polite way to bail out of the house and y'all get hitched. I'd go with gf just for convenience if nothing else. But, I'm kind of an odd ball when it comes to family I guess.

 

 

eeeek, i dont know about all that man. Personally, unless i was strapped for cash, i would not want to move in to my girlfriends parents place, that's just asking for wayyy to much drama.

 

Yea, I'm Korean

I guess it's not the fact that I always planned on getting married early. All my friends think I'm crazy, but they don't blame me with my relationship. I'd figure I'd get engaged and married around 24-25.

Culturally I just think we were both brought up sort of old school... so our parents expect a few grand kids before they get too old.

 

I agree 100% here. SAfer to take your Dad's deal. There's moving in with your girlfriend, then there's moving in with your girlfriend's family. Two VERY DIFFERENT things. Thread title is misleading! IF it were just the two of you I'd say go for it. However, in THIS case, you have to get used to EVERYONE's quirks, not just your girl. You may have habits they can't stand, and vice versa. It could doom the marriage before it starts. Get your own place, where YOU (of your Dad) makes the rules, and save the potential for drama about when you eat, how often you come and go, whether you help out "enough" around the house. Seriously, now that you two are out of college and the girly is entering the working world, you never know who she could end up spending 8 hours a day with; relationships change adn nothing's written in stone yet, but you're already moving in with mom and pop in law? That could be awkward if things go south, or the frist time you guys have an argument that the parents will want to butt in on.

Too much potential for drama. My wife and I lived with her folks for 1 month between the sale of our condo and the purchase of our house, and things were fine, but I will NEVER repeat that process. As an adult, you lose too much control.
So I guess I second the "don't do it" opinion.

 

That's what I'm worried about.. how I can't be me all the time. I'm figuring I'll just sacrifice my comforts to save some cash. Or maybe I'll take my dad's offer... but also depends on if my brother plans on staying at the U of I or transfers to Northwestern.

 

If you got a iffy feeling about this situation....I say don't do it and plus your young and fresh out of college. Get your job on the go and be financially stable you got plenty of time. The most important thing is that you got a great vibe from your girlfriends family. I know how it is with traditional asian parents (according from my experience) my ex was korean and it didn't last even when we we're together for 5 years because my ex's parents didn't agree since I was chinese. but hopefully you know what to decide on when you get a little older

 

I think it's best to take your dad's offer. Although you can see yourself settling down with your gf and consequently be part of her family, living with your gf's family means having to get along with all of them on a daily basis and following the rules of the house. You are still young and I think it would be good to live independently while you can.

 

Wait until your late 20s to do anything like that!

 

Take your dad's offer. You're probably nervous that her parents would be insulted if you don't take their offer (I would be too). But just tell them that your dad would be really insulted if you didn't take his offer. They can't really argue with that.

 

Sacrifice your comfort for a YEAR? C'mon, man, reconsider. A year is a long time for a 20-soemthing to live under someone else's house rules.

 

Wait a few years..

 

Dad's offer for sure. Her parents offer can open up a whole new can of worms.

 

Just because no one has said it

 

I seem to be the only one saying try for the gf's house. He has an out if it looks like it's going to get ugly - my dad needs me to buy something so my brother can save money, etc. If he goes straight for dad's offer he'll risk offending the gf's family (potential inlaws can be downright nasty, ask Water-S) and maybe even her and has effectively burned that bridge.

I'd probably rather go for dad's offer too, but that is a one way street - once you go that way there is no going back where as he has the money and the excuse to back out of the gf's parent's offer if it goes bad.

 

Dude, get your own place.

You know you want to. Tell your gf that you're doing it for your brother's tuition sake.

 

not to get off topic or anything, but do you eat at LaBamba's down there at UofI?


its the shit............

 

 

I love that place. I lived around the corner from the LaBamba on halsted and wrightwood in chicago. I used to eat that stuff in college and haven't stopped since.

In one sitting I ate 3 super steak burritos w/extra meat and sour cream. It was a bet, I'm not that addicted to it.

 

That's sick....

I actually don't eat there that much. I don't really have a taste for mexican cuisine (authentic and americanized). We now have a Qdoba and Chipotle so if I had to eat a burrito it would be from Chipotle most likely... but Labambas is still a popular venue..

I work at Kamakura Japanese Restaurant and the owner of Labambas (now a very wealthy individual) comes and eats about once a month. Pretty nice guy, says I can have free burritos if he's ever around when I go in.

 

God just imagine you banging her at her parents house?? Think they would be cool with that knowing you guys rnt married? :suicide:

 

Shouldn't your girl be moving in WITH you?
Not the other way around

and living with her folks, too

Maybe it's a Korean thing, or more precisely, a 'her parents have a shitload of money' thing.

 

Well my folks are in Cincinnati, and I'm working in Chicago (Buffalo Grove) and her parents have a really nice place in a neighboring suburb (Northbrook) which is also about 10 minutes from work.

Yea, I'd much rather prefer it the other way around if that were the case. I'll try ASAP to find a condo or something to purchase before the year is over.

 

Is it possible to do both? Your Dad's offer has implications that move well beyond just you; it allows for an instate residence to be established with very real tuition gains, no small thought in today's education marketplace.

You COULD let your dad buy the house, also have a bedroom in your future in-law's and get to know them better. They might actually be nice folks.......In any case, living at your future inlaw's is an immediate step; buying a house will take months under the best of scenarios

 

You sound like you will do well, buy a condo. Does the Barrington/Buffalo Grove area have any new construction? The northern Detroit suburbs have too much new construction, compared to the number of jobs.

When I move to Chambana in June, I'll check it all out I'm sure.
I can't think that there are any friends-of-the-family in Chicagoland or elsewhere in Illinois, though. oh well, I like checking out stuff without too many 'preconceived notions.'

I don't know the Cincy area. When I was in the Cleveland/Akron region, I often looked around Columbus and Pittsburgh too. I figure Urbana/Champaign is a good base for nosing around mid-Illinois, Chicago, and Indy.

 

Hey, we didn't get 'pics' yet.

 

Couldn't agree more. Moving in with not real inlaws right out of college sounds terrible and is asking for problems and drama. She should be moving in with you, not the other way around and especially not her parents. You have an easy out like this guy said.

 

Does anyone think a condo is a bad move? I will be looking for a place maybe next year and this might be something im going to consider since I dont know exactly how long I'll be living in the area. I know a condo would be better then an apartment, but is it worth all those extra yearly fees?

 

Why not post in home and garden?



Thread jacking is an art form, and you're only at 1st grade level. It was blatant and obvious, that's a fact



I give you an F

:iwonderwhowillgetthis:

 

bc condo's were mentioned above?

 

Im not even gonna read it.

Dont do it. Youll regret being tied down so young later in life.

 

nah, just wanted to give you shit.

I cant believe no one got that, i bet Sarlacc hasnt checked it yet.