ok, so i was talking to one of my really good guy friends, and he was saying how his gf (of over a year) won't tell him how many guys she's slept with before him. This really bothers him, as he really loves her but is afraid she might have a past..

he thinks her number is under 5, but even that makes him uneasy. i mean, she's 22, if she's had a few boyfriends at least since high school, what is so outrageous about sleeping with 4-5 guys? now i'm pretty sure he has slept with more girls than she has slept with guys, but why does the number make a difference?

do all guys think like this? if a girl has dated a few guys, and had a couple one-nighters, is she doomed from settling down with "the one" b/c he won't be happy with her past? does this really bother guys?

this was also discussed in one of my classes, when we went over the dating chapter. our prof said most guys aren't comfortable dating a girl who has slept with more people than him (even if it's just one or 2.)

your thoughts?

 

Well, 4 to 5 is hardly excessive. Its quite normal.

I think someone is blowing it out of proportion.

 

4 to 5 might be normal now, but if she keeps adding to the list, the number could get up there.

personally i wouldn't "settle down" with a girl that has high numbers....don't get me wrong, i'm not saying she has to be a virgin

 

Damn 4-5...that's nothing
Wish I could find a girl @ ASU that I believe has only slept with 4-5

Funny thing is I had this convo with friends from ASU vs NY friends

In NY
Girls said if they hear more than 3-5 it's too many
Guys said more than 5-7 is too many

ASU friends
Girls said if they hear more than 10-15 it's too many
Guys said more than 10 is too many

I always get asked by girls how many...I have honestly lost count and I find it offensive when they ask more than once.

 

I can count on one hand.

And no, don't have pity on me, the quality was worth any quantity.

 

I agree...I can count the quality ones on two hands

All the rest...shit I forget half of them. Ahh ASU. Freshmen & Soph years were the worst...or best, depending on how you look at them.

 

quality is always better than quantity

 

Any chick can bag all the guys she wants. It shows a large lack of self respect for a woman to bang a new guy every week. Some guys are okay with it, I'm not.

You almost never hear about women complaining that their men have been with too many partners. That's because women love to compete. It's a well-known fact. Just ask any guy who's had chicks all over him when he had a girlfriend, and then they wouldn't pay him any attention at all once he broke up with her.

 

Hey, a ho gotta eat too.

 

I feel the same way. It might be because you think about it and you think that she was been with other guys like that and it just kinda is like ... oh ... well ... then im not that special or something. Or cuz you dont want to be compared, or to have the doubt that you might suck.

I definately take sex more serious than most guys, I would not go hook up with someone for one night. But thats just me. I do not really see how people can do it. And i think the fact that i have had sex with this girl i was with is why its so hard for me to let her go, cuz it would just be weird. But everyone says its too early to be with someone in a long term relationship, but its all relative ... time has no meaning.

 

I can count mine on one hand...numbers aren't a huge deal to me. I've never had a one night stand, and I've had an emotional connection with the guys I've slept with.

 

The problem that I think some guys have with a girl who has had alot of sexual partners is that he might be a terrible lover compared to her previous sexual partners. A guy wants to believe that he is the best she has ever had. If a girl has had 1-2 guys, then it doesn't seem as bad.

But more than 3, the guy may feel insecure about his techniques...knowing full well that the girl may know more about having sex and getting pleasure from it than he does. He may feel that she is constantly comparing him to the other guys she's f*ck and psychologically it messes with his self esteem.

The thing about a guy and a virgin is that she doesn't know if the sex is bad b/c she hasn't had sex with anyone else besides the guy she is with, so the guy feels like a sexual God and his self esteem is good.

This doesn't apply to all guys or gals, but I think it is safe to say that most people feel this way sometimes when it comes to the numbers game. My

 

When a guy bags alot of girls he's a pimp. When a girl bags alot of guys, she's a whore. It's just a historical double standard that society has applied to keep women believing in the idea of what a decent woman should be and how she should conduct herself.

 

I think it reflects the fact that, traditionally, men are the ones who go after women. To paraphrase Chris Rock, women are offered dick every day. Men have to go after it, they have to have some skills to get laid.

When a decent looking girl brags about how many guys she's banged, it's like Mike Tyson bragging about kicking a 12 year old kid's ass. Big whoop. But when i guy has taken home every girl in the bar, it's like he's won the Super Bowl a couple times.

 

^^^^^ numbers dont mean jack shit as long as their clean.... tell him to look at it this way he dosent have to teach her very much because she has learned it already along the way

 

If he's asking, than he's got issues.

#1 worst question anyone in a committed relationship can ask. If someone spends a year or 5 years with you and they are committed & you have no doubts as such, what does it really matter how many partners they've had. Only real concern is do they have STD's, etc...and that can be checked aside form knowing how many(plus, only takes one time to get an STD anyhow).

A girl can have 4 partners and still be a whore or have had 20 and be ready to commit for life.

 

Numbers mean a great deal. If a girl sleeps with 20 or more guys, it means she has trouble settling down and is not ready for commitment. A girl who has had multiple partners can grow tired of a guy pretty quickly and she'll be ready to move on in a short time. The only exceptions to this rule are girls who have not been promiscuous in a long time or have been in a committed relationship for more than a year. Your guy friend has nothing to worry about, she's been with him over a year.

 

the love doctor strikes again

 

That's that double standard again. The same can be said for males.

The # shouldn't even come up in a committed relationship. It's the past. It should not be brought up. If the guy can't let it go then he has some problems he needs to work out, & he will never be happy till he does.

 

I don't ask the number, it would bug me to no end if it was a number that I didn't like, and conversely if I think it's too low then I'll think that she was lying, and THAT would bug me to no end. It's a no win mind-fuck if you really care about the person so I just avoid it.

I'd rather to know how many boyfriends she's had and how long those relationships were, that is better indicator of her rating for relationship stability.

 

I don't ask the number, it would bug me to no end if it was a number that I didn't like, and conversely if I think it's too low then I'll think that she was lying, and THAT would bug me to no end. It's a no win mind-fuck if you really care about the person so I just avoid it.

I'd rather to know how many boyfriends she's had and how long those relationships were, that is better indicator of her rating for relationship stability.

 

x 2

I think the older we get, the easier it is to realize the question is fruitless & counter-productive to a healthy relationship.

 

Now this isn't a golden standard by any means but....

If a girl tells you how many people she has slept with, add 3 to that number.

If a guy tells you how many girls he has slept with, subtract 3 from that number

Now of course this is really dependent on whether what one considers sex. Giving head, intercourse??

Because some people will say shiet like, "I've had sex with 20 women/men." But they might really mean, I gave fallatio/cunnilingus to 15 people and had sex with only 5.

 

If she is a nice girl, who cares!? Experience might be a GOOD thing! As long as you enjoy each other no biggie!

 

lies!

 

Well i just found out the other day that the girl im seeing is up to about 15. It took about 8 months of hooking up on and off for her to reach an appropriate comfort level to tell me, because she knows i don't see eye to eye with her tactics, and she knew i thought she was high before she told me the actual number.

So since she was nice enough to tell me that (i don't even want to think about if she's sugarcoating or not haha) I figured i'd tell her where I got my school of thinking from. It's that I've only known 1 or 2 girls that are well into their teens, and they both come from broken homes/bad family life, one was told she was a "mistake", there's probably some cheating in there too. Plus they get attached very easily and basically get affection through sex, cuz thats the only way they could. So I told my girl that all along i thought high numbers = emotional wreck/excess baggage.

So she told me that her first bf was a long term thing and they never had sex, then he broke her heart. So she basically said fuck it and lost her virginity to some dude whom she forgot his name the next morning. And she also said that about 50% of them were meaningless and there were no feelings involved. So i asked, "what does meaningless mean?" And she said "having sex a few drunken times with someone, then realizing you don't even like them." So basically she gets liquored up and stops caring.

So basically it's not so bad as I once thought. Funny thing is, those other girls were well into their teens before graduating high school, my girl didn't even start until the summer between college and high school. I guess what I'm tryin to say is everyone has a different story and background, and it's not right to generalize people that have had high numbers. Yeah i'd still prefer a <5 type girl, but it doesnt really matter I guess, just as long as she's capable of commitment (which mine is).

 

"A slut is a girl that's had more sexual partners than you have..."

 

any girl, that did not make me #1, is a slut. If i didnt hit it first, she's a ho.













hehe jk

 

or maybe she just has better game than you.

 

dont ask, dont tell....nnuff said.

 

It's a huge double standard. It kinda makes you feel unimportant when you find out that your girl has slept with a large number of guys. When she tells you how many guys she slept, is it supposed to help your current relationship with her? I don't see the purpose of telling, because it ultimately will hurt your pride/ego in the end. Because you think she's a slut w/ no self respect to just go out and fuck every guy she sees.

Even in my short 6 years of activity, my list of women is really short. I can still count on 2 hands how many.

When my g/f told me she was promiscuous quite a bit in college, it didn't earn her any brownie points whatsoever. I kinda lost respect for her in a way because no dude wants to know how many guys have been in her box b4 him.

It's common knowledge for big school girls to get banged alot so I wasn't more or less surprised that she fucked alot in school, but more dissappointed that she voluntarily told me in a our convo.

So, If I had it to do all over again, I wouldn't want to know the numbers.

 

Girls don't need to have game. They just need to be able to say yes.

 

When I first saw your response in my inbox, I thought it was directed at me and my first instinct is to get upset, but I didn't because, yes, mine at least probably has better game than me.

But then I remembered she is an attractive girl, and as we all know it's a lot easier for even ugly girls to get action than guys.

 

Or "do you need a place to stay tonight?"

 

Girls don't really have "game." The closest thing would be their ability to make themselves look nice. A guy can be the damn ugly and still bring home the hottest chick at the bar/club/party/bible study if he knows what to say. I won't be going home with a 300lb hepher no matter WHAT she says to me (other than "ill give you $1 mill to come home with me" ).

 

a girl can have game...but its more as to them getting all the stuff they want...sex isnt shit for them since all they have to do is touch me.

 

a girl can have game...but its more as to them getting all the stuff they want...sex isnt shit for them since all they have to do is look at me.

 

well the ability to look nice and be attractive and have a good personality IS "game". I am completely capable of going out to a bar, chatting with a random guy and getting him to buy me drinks.. THAT'S game

 

umm, it doesn't make us feel any better when a guy has screwed a lot of girls either...

no one wants to feel like they're just another number on the list. that's why it's important that if you're going to be commited to someone, you need to show it and make sure they know that right off the bat if you want the relationship to go anywhere, even if they know your sexual history. actions speak louder than words, or numbers in this case.

 

important lesson:

whether or not you're being truthful about your number, consistency is key. if you tell me that you've slept with 15 other girls... don't come back a year later and say you've been with 13 girls. that's just retarded.

(this happened to me recently... yea i get all the winners)