I am new to the group so let me start out by giving a quick shout out. I need some quick advice on my relationship. My ex-girl and I are getting back together which is a good thing. We were broken up for about 1 ½ yrs and over that period we both have changed. This time around I want more but I am worried that there still might be skeletons still in here closet that make me wonder. My question is what should I do? We have discussed what we both want but how can I be sure her closet is cleaned out.


Keep It Real!!!!!

 

Hi There!
I am new as well so welcome. All I can say is that if you decided that you want to be together again then you are going to have to let go of the past. Unfortunately we all have skeletons in our closet at one point in time and sometimes certain things should be left unsaid. It has been a long time since you guys have been together so whatever she tells you would not matter now. My advice is let the first day of your relationship be the first day of a new start. Forget about the old because all it will do is taint the way you feel and probably cause issues that may lead you to end up seperating again. Does this make sense to you?

 

If you have doubts then you are in your relationship for the wrong reasons...

 

what do you mean skeletons in her closet.. you are being vague here

 

You're 31, and I assume your girlfriend is approximately the same age. Perhaps she did not enter a cloistered nunnery during the period of time you two were not seeing each other.................... and had a life. If you really love her, you'll need to set aside your issues of jealousy and territoriality in order to focus on the present. Unless she was a moll for the Hell's Angels, I doubt that she did anything that scandalous, and you and she, if you are going to build a life together, need to move forward, which is best achieved by NOT looking in the rear view mirror.

My wife and I met in our early 30's and by that time had enough skelatons in our respective closets to staff a nice anatomy lab. We laugh about it............. and have developed a relationship with each other that is exclusive, specific, enduring and quite rich. I really don't give a damn who she slept with twenty years ago...................

 

The way I see it is that you truely love her, then it really shouldn't matter. You're dating her and not her past. I'm sure there are concerns that she has about what happened in the time you guys were apart and she's OK with not knowing because she trust you. Everyone has a past, just laugh about like Ric said and realize that it has nothing to do with you.

 

I think the past is the past...I am sure you BOTH made mistakes and if things are better and they have changed...then you both obviously learned from them. See what happens. Were you guys just dating or were you married?

 

At some point , I would want to know about all the skeletons, ensure all skeletons are actaully dead and not just on the death bed. If she tells you all - don't punish her for it! Its called trust. Move on from there. Be prepared to hear things you won't like and keep your thoughts at that time to yourself - don't make those faces of shock iether. After youve digested it all ( this will take a few days) and your willing to accept , remember its your turn soon. Good Luck!

 

it's hard for me to start over because you gotta solve all the old problems

anyways if that's what you want, then good luck and we will be supporting you with any decisions

 

MAN I HAD THE EXACT SAME PROBLEM

when i asked my girl about her past i nearly shot up a high school....i got real fuckin mad about guys she had been with years before i even met her.....i started to swear that i would hunt down each guy and shit on his face before cutting off and feeding his balls to him

after a while i sorta of just got over it...i realized none of those fucks could treat her the way i do.....i still get a tension feeling in my chest when its brought up but its nowhere near as bad as it was before

 

Sorry maybe not something you wanna hear but:
women NEVER EVER clean out their "closet" - they may put the "skeletons" or whatevr you wanna call them wayyyy back in the deep dark corner but they are there and will be there to the end .

 

If this story does not convince you to leave sleeping dogs lie, nothing will. You will just make your life more stressful if you find out.

 

Past is past. You have to accept the other person whole-heartedly.