Went to visit my gf in Cali over thanksgiving weekend... spent a week there. My instinct is telling me that she might be hiding something from me... you think it is me getting paranoid?

ok, when she checks her email while I am next to her, she will ask me to either get her a cup of water, or warm up her water when the water she has is already hot enough. And by the time I come back, she'd be doing something else on the computer.

And one day, she received a letter from one of her friend, John, from overseas. Well, that John actually had one of his friend delivered the letter to her door (I overhead their conversation). Anyway, I found it strange that she hesitated to open the letter while sitting next to me in the sofa... in stead, after few minutes, she went to the bathroom with the letter and, of course, opened the letter in the bathroom.

It just makes me scratch my head, because she never behaves that way before. I don't think she is cheat, she is not that kind of girl, but I do think she does not want me know something, such as talking to her ex-boyfriend?

 

she lives in CA and you live in NY?

she is acting really suspicious around you?

































she is cheating on you.

 

always expect the unexpected with girls.

 

Girls are bigger players than guys, they just dont get caught.

 

and you have more of a chance at knowing then us, how could we help, we dont know what shes thinking

 

ask her about it

 

well, I am going to ask her tonight straight up, tell her about my suspition.

Unless there is another better way... if anyone were in same shoe.

 

Ask her. It's better to find out what's going on now than later...

 

Yeah you should ask, what she is doing sounds really shady. Why would she be hiding a letter if there were nothing incriminating in it? I agree with TSX, better to know now than later.

 

here are two rules i've heard but do not live by

1. in diferent states...it's ok to cheat
2. in different countries...not considered bf/gf

*shrug*...i hope its not the case with you but better to find out now then later

 

Go with the gut feeling. That is really odd.

 

Take some time and ask her and try to be honest about your feelings that she is hiding something(try not to get upset if you either get the TRUTH or what you know is a line of bullS%&T)....all-in-all when the grass is cut the snakes will show...time for some yard work...Sith

 

Something is DEFINATELY suspect. She should trust you enough to look at it unless its "girl talk". The other thing is she could be talking about you with her friends, but the letter is definately suspcious. I would ask her up front, but don't be accusatory. Like maybe ask her if this long distance thing is working for her and if she's happy with it. Maybe you could say when she hides her email, "there must be something really juicy in there! Can I see?" in a joking tone. That's how I'd try and handle it. Of course, I can look over my bf's shoulder when I give him a message as he types on msn and he doesn't mind at all.

 

man ... if she is cheatin on you .. thats when you fly your ass down there ... show up at her door step ... give her the middle finger ... than fly back home and say fuck that bitch ... or say fuck that bitch to her face, that might get the point across a little better as well ... just my two cents

 

dude how often do you see her? and im really sorry man but move on. . . get a girl in nyc (my sisters available get her out of the house for me)

seriously man long distance relationships are fuckin stupid.... your being faithful and loving to that chick, and shes being grimey and shit... fuck that... shes piping some scum fuck that live down the block from her... i hate grimey chicks

listen the best thing you can do is leave her... or if you want things to work... confront her, tell her everything you just told us se why shes closing emails and not opening letters in your presence... my girl hides nothing from me and i hide nothing from her thats how it should be

 

Thanks everyone. Did not get a chance to talk to her last night, due to the time differenece.

Anyway we been together for more than 3 years. She was in NYC with me, but recently due to family issue, she went back to CA and now is deciding to move overseas back to taiwan. So things are quite difficult for me.

I am normally a very trusting person, personally I don't quite know why I am very paranoid recently. I even thought about hack into her email and stuff, but that is just not right and not ethical. Man, I was brought up the traditional asian way, so I am very critical of doing things ethically (do no harm to others even others do upon you...), which sucks!! Anyway, I know the best way is to confront her.

Wish me luck.

 

She's screwing someone else dude, long distance relationships don't work for chicks, they have no self control. Find a chick in NYC. Good luck.

 

sounds fishy. i would call her out on it. no need to do it in person. at least if its over the phone all you pay is 5 to 10 cents a min. rather than the cost of a plane ticket. good luck brother but im sorry but its not looking to good for you right now.

 

If I was a betting man - which I'm not - I'd say it's pretty clear that she's cheating.

 

ohh fuck no.... shes sending secret letters back and fourth back and forth to "john" and now she has to move back overseas?!?!

dude there's a fine line between paranoid and naive. . . c'mon man i hate to see a fellow man being owned by a goddamn chick...

punch her in the face and walk away

 

and guys DO?!

 

Guys dont even have self control when dating a girl in the same room

 

i have done exactly that! hacked into my ex's email.... only to find.... SHE WAS BEING SCANDALOUS... save your time, don't hack.... dump tha chick bro... shes goin to another country anyway FUGGIT!

 

 

that's the first time i've heard anything like that


but if i were you, i would get another girl and just keep her on the side (cause that's what it sounds like she's doing to you)

 

 

well, I confronted with her over the phone last night. She seemed surprised that I felt that way, and she told me that she is not hiding anything from me, and she can show me the letter if I want.

I do not know what to make of it.

But she is going overseas anyway... So let it be if it is true or not that she is hiding things from me. I do not like the feeling of doubting someone that close, and I do not like feeling this way at all. Maybe friendship is the way to go, it would be easier for me.

Thanks everyone for your help.

 

one of my friends always says "as soon as you start having trust issues in a relationship, it's over."

i used to think that wasn't necessarily true, but now i kinda think it is.

 

YEP....I can atest to that!
No Trust = Bitchy, questioning girlfriend = NO relationship.

 

When a girl acts strange around you, there's something wrong. You have 2 choices, either you get to the bottom of things or you bail out right now.

 

i have asked a few girls about this and the ALL said something is going on. but if she is moven anyway give her a hug or handshake and move on to some one who is worth you time effort and feelings. thats just my

 

thanks so much everyone.

It sucks that I can not really talk to any of my female friends, because they all know my gf very well. I don't want to spread any rumor, you know. All the anger/doubts/mysteries just get stuck inside me, and the more I think about it, the worse I feel... well, thank god, ACL

But thanks to all ACL friends, been great help alleviating some load off my back.

Yeah, I am more positive now.