Hi Guys,

Here's the story:

I travel to Singapore quite a lot for work. I was there for a period of three months last year and for Halloween, my boss threw a party and I met this one girl there. My boss has a massive crush on this girl and even though he currently has a girlfriend, he would dump her in an instant for this girl. This is one of the reasons that I didn't try anything with her. Basically, I don't want to piss off the person who decides my salary and even more important, my bonus! At the time of the party though, he didn't have a girlfriend so he was still trying to pursue this girl who is not attracted to him at all.

In August, I went back there for another three months and this time I saw her more often. We hung out whenever I went out with colleagues from work. This girl is almost five years older than me (I just turned 25 and she's turning 30 in Feb) and she's gorgeous. She got divorced about four years ago and has a son who lives with her Ex in another country but that's another story. Anyway, I didn't think I stood a chance, mostly because of the age difference.

Whenever we hung out, we would always flirt but nothing ever happened. Now’s where the story gets interesting. Since the day I arrived in Singapore, people from work (I work in trading) were trying to convince me to move there. Even people whom I never spoke to tried to convince me to move there. Furthermore, people were being exceptionally nice to me and going out of their way to do things for me which was definitely noticeable and uncomfortable at points (like taking me to a place called Orchard Towers which is known for prostitution and trying to get me to take one home which I wouldn’t do). Anyway, at times I got frustrated because they kept on asking why I wouldn’t move there and kept trying to sell it to me. Therefore, I thought that she was doing the same thing because she works with the people who would benefit from me being there and she’s in the business of keeping good relationships with her customers (i.e. my company) so that they would do more business with her.

This past weekend was my last weekend there. I went out with her last Friday (with a couple of people who ended up leaving early) and we ended up hooking up. I spent most of the weekend with her and headed back to the US on Monday. I speak to her almost everyday now and she keeps telling me she wishes I was there and that I should work there (not gonna do that for someone I hooked up with for one weekend). Anyway, I’m trying to figure out what to make of this. Would people go this far for something like this?

One more thing - today, after she said that I should go back there for the umpteenth time, I recommended we should go on vacation together. I didn’t think she would go but she’s actually serious about it.

Am I looking too deep into this?

 

Damn, so are you thinking she's for real or trying to manipulate you to move their for business gain?

 

I think it's too early in your "relationship" to base such a huge move solely on her influence.

You should move out there because it's good for you with or without her. She may not work out and you may be left regretting your move.

 

Divorced with kid = lonely. But it's too early to know 100% considering all those people you barely know were being so pushy. Why don't you ask her to come visit the states for a few weeks? Or just wait until your next regularly scheduled trip over there.

 

Sounds like there is some promiss. Why not? You only live once, and it seems like you like her.

I agree and disagree that she may just be lonely since she's been divorced for a while and her son doesn't live with her. If her kid did live with her it would be a different story.

 

Not really sure. I would like to think that she's for real but I wouldn't be surprised if this was part of trying to get me to move there... crazy huh?

 

not smart ti mess with someone the Boss is crazy about....

her or the job.....

 

Keep your personal and professional life separate, ESPECIALLY if it involves your employer.

 

Indeed sir. I don't know what to say besides keep on your toes about this one and it seems you already are.

 

I asked her to keep the fact that we hooked up a secret and she has so far. There is one guy who pretty much knows because he has been trying to hook us up for the longest time and was there the night we went out. He left early (on purpose to leave us alone) and was teasing her about it on the Monday she went back to work. He's a cool guy though. I think other people suspect it but no one has said anything. That's what she tells me because she talks to them everyday.

As for my boss, he can't really get pissed because it's not like he is single anymore or went out with her. She doesn't like him and probably never will.

Her son is going to visit her from Dec 24th to Jan 21st so she said if I wanted to hang out, it has to before/after those dates. She's going to be in London for a day after she drops him off and suggested that she come visit me for a bit on the way back. To be honest, and this is embarrasing, I don't want her to come because I live with my family (because I'm out there so often and am still getting started in my career). She thinks I live with roomates but I never explicitly told her this. Anyway, as mentioned above, I recommended we go somewhere else. I'd prefer to go before Dec 24th since Jan is a long time away. The problem now is figuring out where we should go. I'd prefer to go somewhere nice and warm for a duration of about 7 days. I thought that since we're so far away from each other, Europe would be a good place since it's in the middle. The problem with it is it's cold. The alternative is I could fly back out there and go somewhere like Phuket, Bali, or Tibet (she's been wanting to go there). Anyone have any other recommendations?

If I can't plan anything before Dec 24th, I was thinking of having her meet me in Miami in Jan since she'll be in London anyway. 7 days too long in Miami?

What do you think?

 

I would normally say go for it, but the only thing that stands out... Why does she not have her kid. A mother that does not have custody of her child, seems a little weird to me...

I ran into this once before with my friend. His then wife didnt have custody at all of her kids and she turned out to be a fawkin whack job, just like I told him she was gonna be.

 

^ Dude ... is the girl Asian? I have been to Singapore many times (at least 10) in my life and I know how pretty nasty the vast majority of Singaporean girls are. If she is hot (not relative to the locals ... but on a American scale of hot) ... I would have a hard time to give you any advice. The kid thing would bug me ... but now that I'm in my 30s ... wouldn't bug me as much as I was when I was 25. If the woman is non-Asian ... then it would be an easy "NO" ... (I'm 1/2 Singaporean, by the way)

If you can live 3 months of the year in Singapore without complaining about the heat / humidity (Singapore is 1 degree north of equator = tropical climate) ... kudos to you. And I cannot understand how traders can wear suits to work. I would die from dehydration.

As for you meeting this person -- perhaps it might be easier for you all to rendezvous in a more 'central' location ... LA / SF ... maybe Hawaii? And I do think you're looking a little too deeply into this. I think she is lonely and likes the way you make her feel (for now). Consider the consequences when your boss finds out about this. (I don't want to say it ... but hook-up or career?)

Lastly ... going back to your story ... Orchard Towers where the prostitution is? Really? I thought all the nasty stuff was down on Desker Rd where the Indian people are?

 

I'd recommend a hotel room as opposed to your parents place if she does come.

 

What da eF???? What is "American scale of hot"? Is there a difference???????

I'm sorry, but if a girl is hot, she's hot no matter what race/nationality... a hot asian girl is just as hot as a caucasian girl....... don't you think?.....

 

Not if she's hot by villager standards

 

id go for it.

sounds exotic

 

Sorry ... I was talking like a [local] Singaporean. If you're not from there ... or ever visited, you wouldn't "get it".

But ... reading what I typed originally ... I agree ... hot is hot. There should be no differing scales.

But going back on topic ... what happened, dude?!

 

^ to think about it... now I got what you're trying to say...

 

Just hit it and get some material incase she tries to pull some shit. I think you're looking into it too deep. Would you really move somewhere for some broad?

 

so how did it turn out

 

Ya what hap?

 

im awaiting this one.....

 

OK, sorry to keep you guys waiting so long but i have lots of updates.

First, I stopped talking to her end of December. It's not like anything happened that we stopped talking. I was actually an asshole in that I started to realize that I had started liking this chick too much and it scared me off since I would talk to her at work all the time (which slowed down my productivity) and still thought that it wasn't "real". After a month, I receive an email from her saying "what happened to you? is everything okay? what did i do wrong that you don't talk to me anymore?" I sent her a reply saying that things had been busy (which they were), and asked how things were going. Her response was that if I wasn't gonna keep in touch with her, than neither was she. That was the end of it. I am now back in Singapore (came here about 1.5 weeks ago). It's obvious that people at work know what happened. They were even joking around saying stuff like "hey, ***'s boy toy is back!". Anyway, I saw her online last week and so i sent her a message. Her reply was "yeah, i heard you are back". You can pretty much guess what happens next. For about two hours she was very cold to me (which i deserved) and said that what i did was messed up. I explained to her that things were not going that well (work and family) and that that it was just a bit much for me. She said that if that were the case, I should have told her so and she would have understood.

The next day, she sends me a message saying that she forgave me and that she wanted to know exactly what it was. I told her, and she understood. I didn't see her after that for a few days, but we talked on IM for a bit every night - just casual conversation. Today, I was chatting with her for a bit and flirting a little, and now she has asked me to come over her place. I am going in a bit, but I there is one thing on my mind. I like her, and like hanging out with her, but know that this can't really become serious because she would never be accepted by my family because of the fact that she is quite a few years older, divorced, and has a kid.

I don't want to hurt her again, but i want to somehow put it out there that this can't lead to something serious. I know that this is a very dick thing to do to someone but i want to hang out with her.

I will post an update on what happens tonight.

 

well, if you really don't want it, tell her now!

Don't lead it on, just explain yourself, and keep her from getting hurt.

And WTF is with people saying "he/she won't be accepted"? If she's not a criminal, con artist, murderer, molester, or otherwise generally sleezy/rotten person, who cares?

If your happy, then let your family deal with it. It's their problem, not yours. Personally, I could give a damn if my family doesn't like a woman I'm with. I might take their advice into consideration, but would never let it affect my happiness in life.

 

First of all, I don't know why you are so afraid that your family will not accept her. How do you know? They haven't met her. And as saiko_cl_duck said, she's not a bad person. If you really like her, I say give her a chance. Try to get to know her better. From the way she (and her co-workers reacted), she really likes you and got really hurt by your disappearing act.

But if you don't like her that much, I think it's best that you should be totally upfront about your intentions. Don't be a dick and lead her on. It's hard to be courageous and honest, but that's the right course to take.

Good luck.

 

^ I agree here ... don't string the poor woman on. Hey, if she's OK with a fling ... she's aware of your intentions and you're good to go. But you *have* to tell her your feelings up front. (After that is all said and done, I doubt she would want to hang out with you much after that ...)

PS How was your stay in S'pore? Did you get a chance to go to the Malaysian Grand Prix? I'm missing the local food a lot ...

 

damn, dude must still be smashing. make sure you let her know it's not going to work out, even if is the last day you leave. unless you love her, then, then i don't know what. this is a sticky situation. i think everyone's chimed in good opinions and advice so far. good luck with this

 

Thanks for all your inputs.

So I went over last night and when I got there, she was crying!! At first, I was like whoa, I didn't even say anything yet, but it was because she was watching a sad movie :-). It was kind of awkward for the first hour or so. We were both sitting on the couch watching a movie, but weren't sitting very close and not talking very much. I wasn't sure if I should have tried to get closer to her, or if she would have thought that it was too soon to get back to how we were, and if she wanted me to show that she really mattered. I joked around a bit to get her to smile, which she did, and then she started getting closer to me. A few hours later, we ended up hooking up (she made the first move). I ended up spending the night there even though I wasn't planning on it. I think she knows that this is something that's not going to lead to something serious based on some of the things she was saying. I think she's just looking for some companionship, which I wouldn't mind either.

As I was leaving, she told me that she wants to hang out again tonight. Not sure if that means another night at her apartment or dinner.. I'd prefer to go out somewhere and chat with her for a bit to try and get to know her some more. Will post an update on how it goes.

Thanks again for all your inputs. It has definitely been valuable.

 

we need a pic

 

wish i could man! she looks so much hotter than she did before i left, too!

 

Strong work bro! keep it up.

 

Tap it. and i think everyone is still waiting

 

She invited me over to her place last night for some dinner. When I got there though, it still felt awkward.. She didn't say much at all - just answered questions that i asked. (it's been a while since i've been out on a date, so i probably wasn't asking the right questions). Anyway, after dinner, we sat on her balcony for a bit and chatted. This time, she was more open than earlier in the night. After that, we went for a walk and chatted some more. Chatting led to other things and I spent the night at her place again. :-)

 

Rockstar!

 

Ok, I went to watch a movie with her last night and that awkwardness is still not going away. During the movie, she was close to me, but afterwards, when we went to grab something to eat near her place, she was quite and I found myself stumbling for things to talk about. Maybe it's just me, but when things get quite, I start thinking that she's getting bored of me. It's probably me being paranoid again but I started thinking this because she told me that she has worked on many different desks at work, and that she moves around often because she gets bored easily. I figured that she does the same with guys she dates.

After eating, we went back to her place and, well, you know the rest.

 

Oh, and one more thing. Do you think that it might be because I have spent three nights in a row with her? Is that a bit much since we really just started dating, even though we have known each other for a bit? What are your opinions on this matter? Is it good to keep some distance?

 

^ Dating or just screwing around? There's a fine line here.

Where are you at emotionally with this? If there are feelings brewing and you are not going to be serious with this single mom with the history that you've described ... be careful. I don't want to hear about no Glen Close - Fatal Attraction thing on AZ one day ...

I would advise a little time apart -- spending every night with her makes you look like you have no life and that she's now the center of the universe. (ie false expectations) Don't brush her off but at least make a reasonable excuse (ie plans with a friend from out of town, etc) I was going to say work but she'd bust you on that lie.

One last thing: I will reiterate: