darksom1

As I often tell people on here who think I claim to be, I am not perfect...so an epiphany or moment of clarity if you will of my own...humility, arrogance, or both...you make the call...as I know you will...

I responded to a thread previously about the OP's choices in breaking up with his girlfriend since it held no true future in it for him. I gave little thought to my own situation when I did it. That I'm actually giving him advice - that I should take myself!

I've been dating two women now for a little over a year. One since January '08, and the other since May/June '08. Both were good for different reasons, but the common denominator was, of course...sex. I knew I wanted no future with the both of them from the very beginning. They had nothing that I needed in a mate. That the sex we enjoyed would determine how long I stayed with them. Was it selfish, inconsiderate and arrogant of me to string along their feelings to sustain my sole interest...yes. But arrogance and trust issues prevent me from scrutinizing my own actions enough, and I lean harder on prospective love interests than I probably should. So the average woman gets downgraded to "strictly sex" rather quickly with me if she doesn't have enough working in her favor.

In the cases of these two:

1) Has 3 kids, is on welfare, lives far away and will probably never be an "addition" to the household if I married her, always needy

2) Has 4 kids, good government job, but is damaged goods by previous relationships and is therefore a work in progress that I don't want to put the work in for

Long story short, I should have stopped seeing them both after a few tosses in the hay. But I love sex and if I find someone who can do that well, who cares about the rest if I am not interested in more than that? I definitely don't think I'm wrong in reducing them to sex. I just think that I should have let them go or at the very least made it clear that they were just sex. My actions should have done that, and I actually did let them know that, several times, but it was always during an argument that left an ambiguous thought as to what my real objective was for saying it. So I always had an out. Meh...

So, since I am so inspired by that thread I mentioned, I will be releasing the other one from sex bondage. I say other one, because one of them pulled the trigger on me the day after Valentine's Day, before I could pull it on her at the end of the winter, when I usually reset my stable from year to year. She would have been gone because of her neediness and the distance anyway, though. The other I will do sometime this week. After one or two more selfish rolls in the hay, of course.

Before the "holier than thou" crowd starts flaming, I never pretend to be something I'm not on here. My motives and my actions with women can be viewed as pretty selfish by some, and they would be correct (sometimes). I assure you I am as arrogant and self-centered in real life as my posts are on AZ. I know I need to change to accomodate a true relationship, but for now, every woman I've dated has been measured and found wanting.

That they never think the same of me is not my fault...that's why we date...

Discuss or disgust...take your pick...

gr8ness97

iTrader: (5)

Well, you know what you want, so as long as they dont fall into having uncontrollable feelings, you're seeming in the driver's seat.

We are all human man, it happens to the best of us. It's easier to give others advice than to take our own advice. Comes with the territory. Even when we know the answer to our questions, sometimes we dont want to do it. AZ is that jolt that brings us back to our senses

Guys have needs too lol. I would be a little concerned about messing with a chick with three kids (or four )

darksom1

I see your point with the kids thing, and I actually agree with it. But as I said, it didn't matter to me because all they were ever going to be was sex anyway. I'm emotionally aloof when it's just sex, and oblivious to the other person's "needs", so it never was a problem...that may be a cold answer...but it's the real one...

gr8ness97

iTrader: (5)

No no, I agree with it, especially when you're only there for one thing. It's just that you know if you slip up that she aint goin to no clinic

But of course, you wouldnt let that happen

darksom1

Trust me, if a woman I was with got pregnant...it ain't mine...snip, snip...

gr8ness97

iTrader: (5)

^ Dang I forgot you mentioned that before....

Welp, I see why you treat them that way

I just wouldnt want to trigger emotions that would make it harder for them to come to grips with me leaving. Sex tends to have that kind of effect on women

Eggplant-EX

hey, I think you know what you want and that is fine. As long as you are not putting them in a worse situation than there are in now. They benefit too as I am sure that they are also after the sex too. Not sure what your age is or theirs, but just don't make babies with them....

dallison

whatever makes you happy

RMATIC09

word, gotta do what makes you happy man. If you don't see any potential future with either of the women...then your doing the right thing.

txlancer

were you in relationships with them, or just dating? If just dating, did they think it was a relationship? Did they know about each other?

ChrisQ1980

It's hard when you aren't in the "I want a real relationship" state of mind. Obviously you just want the sex, or someone to hangout with when you feel like it, yet you don't want the whole package.

Sometimes it works when you are 100% honest up front with that, but sometimes they will just shut you out and say no thanks. (even though you still want to hit it) so that's why we "give in" and fake the real relationship with them. It can get dragged out and before you know it you're fed up and they end up getting hurt.

It seems that you realize this and it's time for you to tell them it's over. That's the right thing to do as you won't be stringing them along anymore. I feel like I wasted 5 years of my ex g/fs life because I was never fully commited to her. I also wasted a little over a year of my most recent ex's life because I was the same way.

Either way you look at it, it's a difficult situation because you still want the sex, don't want all that comes with a relationship, and it sucks to have to hurt someone for your own selfish needs. In the end you have to do what makes YOU happy and that's all you have to worry about. Maybe next time you just have to be a LITTLE more honest up front.

Good luck

darksom1

During the day I cant comment. I can only see it on my phone, but I cant respond. So if you see me lurking fellas, I am not ignoring you. I just cant answer til I get home (bout 7 EST). And I go something to say when I get home to shed some more light! Haha!

Gnate

iTrader: (10)

Are these women aware that you are sleeping with the two of them? You dirty man whore you.

nbennettksu

iTrader: (2)

Slowly insert anal beads (with lube, as if not to hurt her), and then pull them out quickly. That'll teach the bitch a lesson.

darksom1

I think it's misunderstood what I am trying to say...I'm not bragging about sleeping with or macking two women...I can do that standing on my head, and I would let them know as I have done in the past. I just simply said Im dating and Im not interested in being in a relationship when that happened before. That's not the case here, but I just wanted to point that out...bit more profound than that in this case, so to answer that would take away from my point, which is strictly about whether I should just move on. That's what I was getting at...nothing more...no badges of honor/conquest in this one...

RaviNJCLs

iTrader: (4)

What they said.

I can't say that these women will be happy about your decisions, but it is a lot better than stringing them along longer.

svtmike

It was a simple yes/no question. You were banging both of them for a year... did they know about each other?

darksom1

No they did not know about each other.

sasha

I don't have any problems about having sexual relationships (without commitments) as long as both parties know the rules of the game. But if the other person wants to change the rules and she now wants more than what you can give, it's best to end the sweet ride before someone gets really hurt.

txlancer

Well, in your first post you said that you give advice sometimes that you should take yourself so I was just trying to get more details about your situation.

I asked whether it was dating or relationships and whether they knew about each other because it is a totally different situation if you were in relationships with them/whether they thought it was a relationship even if you didn't. If you were clear and up front with them about it just being dating, then you really don't have to let them know about each other, even though some people would still argue that morally, you should. But if they thought they were in an exclusive relationship with you then lets face it, you were playing them both and cheating on them. Which if that is the case, it is hypocritical of you because I've read many of your posts where you take pride in not being a cheater and you give advice for other people to be upfront with their significant others.

I'm not trying to bash you or anything, I find a lot of your posts very spot on and very good. Coming from a fellow cocksman, I'm just trying to get the facts and be straight with you.

So were they relationships or fuck buddies? If you didn't have relationships with them, then they were just fuck buddies, you werent dating them. You dont just "date" someone for over a year.

Papa_Sean

^Why not?

Move on man. You didnt find what you were looking for anyway. The sex may have been good but there were no other redeemable qualities worth your while. You can find good sex somewhere else eventually.

Hapa DC5

Ray,

You said it yourself brah. You change the sheets about once a year, it's time. I know for a damn fact it's so much easier giving advice, but not listening to yourself and taking your own. My fault was that I came to this forum hoping to either change a woman, constantly looking for something that wasn't there. And now, guess what? More than a year later I'm still single.

Sometimes those girls aren't hip to game and live in some fantasy that if they continue to put out you will eventually like them and it grows into some beautiful relationship. We both know that ain't exactly how it goes. Having a FWB situation is a great thing, if you didn't lead either one on into thinking there was a future there is nothing to feel bad about.

I have a good feeling there will definitely be somebody who passes your tests. I don't even know Leona Lewis and she passes mine!

You'll be alright, happy hunting.

Dr. Colorado

^Hapa bank girl didn't pan out?

Hapa DC5

Rick,

The bank girl went to shit and the office manager went to shit. I'm just looking too hard so I'll kick back for a minute. Currently, it's just me and my left hand.... for now.

Dr. Colorado

Damn bro. You should be here with me in japan. These girls in tokyo are the bombizzle and would be all over your hapa-action like white on rice. No worries, doods like me with gfs have to live vicariously through your exploits lol.

kristy7911

I have to agree with Sasha. If all you want is sex, no relationship, you need to make that clear from the beginning. If you are dealing with a woman, not a girl, then she is an adult and she needs to be able to make her own decisions, knowing all of the information. There are women out there that want the same thing as you (not me, in a relationship, yes an actual relationship), so I hope that next time you will find one of those women.

Hapa DC5

^ agreed. I believe though when you have a year long + booty call then one party or the other will begin to develop feelings. It's best to always keep these relationships short so the pain is minimal.

darksom1

I can booty call for longer than a year and maintain my proper perspective thruout. I have. I wouldn't be so quick to say 'all" women have emotional tendencies to change, but I will say most of the ones I have encountered have. There are a lot of women, however, that don't have problems with this. They have: other things they are dealing with, conflicting wants, just like fucking, or psychological problems which in turn, permit them to be this way, but not a problem with this in particular. Its just keeping things in perspective and a matter of preference.

However, I am not saying this is what took place here. The emphasis is not on the women and their mindset, or if they are being played - but rather on what I should do with my time and my interests.

Hapa DC5

I gotta look into that. I just get bored after more than a few months. It probably just boils down to me looking elsewhere the whole time for something serious with another person or these girls just being too young (early 20s) to cope with an NSA relationship. They just aren't busy enough to keep their mind occupied with other things.

darksom1

Simply put...my view of a perfect relationship is one that allows me to be me, and the same for the other person involved. That could be a strictly sexual relationship, or a serious couple with marital goals. That's why chemistry is so important. It accentuates the aforementioned...

svtmike

Yes, and you being you means you get to be a scumbag. It's strictly a sexual relationship because you can't be trusted.

darksom1

You again? Hello "lil squirrel". Are you having a nice day?...

It's strictly a sexual relationship because I can't be trusted? So if I wanted a strictly sexual relationship, or if they just put me in the strictly sexual category because they can't trust me...I lose in that how?

It's good to be King and have to make these decisions!

svtmike

Why yes, I am having a nice day. You don't get to make the decision -- you are an untrustworthy scumbag and you don't have a choice in the matter. But you are free to think what you want!

kneedragger87

Just arrived from the (now locked) Fat Wife thread...

darksom1

Popcorn is not necessary, because although Mike will chime in from time to time in an effort to goad me into constant rebuttal, it won't work. I made my point so I will just ignore him. It's rough in the pros Mike. Drink milk?

As to my present situation, it is over-simplification to say that I am writing a thread about two women that I am banging and they are oblivious to each other. No, my story is about me and my thinking that if the situation isn't going anywhere, then perhaps I should move on rather than linger or treadwater. Not for their sakes, but for mine. This isn't about them being happy with me or unhappy. It isn't about them at all. If someone wishes to do a story about the unhappiness of these women and their rights, then feel free. But this isn't the one.

The "storyline" behind the two women mentioned and the reasons why such a decision was not made by me before now, is a different story altogether. And very noteworthy...

svtmike

I'll bet it will be required reading for years after your demise.

Or, more likely you're a shit nugget on the asshair of life and it's just another tall tale where the men are changed to women to protect the innocent.

nbennettksu

iTrader: (2)

Are you white?

txlancer

k, welp if you want us to look at it from your perspective, then yeah you should probably let them go. Is the juice worth the squeeze? Obviously there probably isnt room for your relationships to get more serious and so if the juice aint worth the squeeze, find some new women that are. Pretty easy answer.

txlancer

Cause dating implies you are in it for a progression to a relationship. You dont just date for a year, if thats the case then obviously you arent really emotionally commited and its more physical than emotional... which is why its just a fuck buddy. Which there isnt anything wrong with a fuck buddy, i love them. Im just getting the definitions straight.