So my lease on my house is up in May and the plan all along has been to move in with my bf, since I practically live with him already. I'm there 4 days out of the week at the least.

But I think I'm now getting "moving-in cold feet" (if you will). It just seems so final to me. And I always hear how it ruins relationships. We've been together a year and a half. I always swore I'd never move for a man until I was married.

I'm switching colleges, since I hate York. It hasnt been decided where I'll go next. It just depends on where I move to.

So anyway, what would you do? I'm having a really hard time deciding

 

You could always stay at my place for a while.

 

Don't move in with him. I know I sound like a hypocrite, but I wish that I had kept my own place instead of moving in with Joe.

 

Honestly, at a year and a half in the relationship I would try to avoid it. I don't think that's enough time together for a step like that in the relationship.

I'm 3 years in to mine and would still have doubts about moving in together.

 

Fine, then you can pay my tuition to Temple.

 

Oh yeah I forgot to say what my options are:
A- Move in
B- Stay in York and sign another lease, since I'm so close to a degree and my job is here
C- Move back to MD and go to Towson

 

Hmmmm........... ............... B is the answer I would choose.

 

If you can wait, then don't move in with him.

I moved in with my ex-bf after a year of dating. A year and a half later, we broke up. I could not live with that person. The first few months we were about to kill each other. However, that's how I found out he's not the one for me.

On the other hand, I know a couple who moved in together 2 days after they met. They've been together for 5 years now, got married last year. For some people it will work, for others it won't. It depends on your relationship.

 

Plan B.....then when you finish school you can try it out. Worry about getting your degree first!

 

I agree with finishing up your degree first. On the other hand, I don't see moving in together as a bad thing. Waiting until marriage sounds good on paper, but if you're already doing the things that married people do (i.e. ), then what's the reason you are avoiding it? Personally, I would rather find out how compatible I am living someone BEFORE getting married. If things don't work out, you can move out... without getting lawyers involved.

 

From some past posts i thought mrsteve was your boyfriend, but i guess if he was you wouldn't be posting this on here.

 

Moving in with him leaves you flexible since you won't be tied into a lease. You can always move out once you've decided where you want to go.

 

I don't know...
I was just talking about this with one of my good friends. He just recently got married, and he didn't live with his wife before they were married. He is SO glad they hadn't done that.

 

If you choose option C, I'm getting ready to buy a house and need a roomate.

But really, I wouldn't move in with him yet, even though it seems like you already live with him, Everyone needs their space sometimes. Moving in together is a good step to take if your planning on or about to get married, not just a way to save on rent.

 

He's glad? I've never heard that before.

It would seem to me that living together before your married proves the relationship is mutually compatible. How does he believe he is better off not knowing that?

 

I want to throw up just thinking about it. Aliie and I were talking on aim about this situation and I was ready to have a panic attack. I dont know if im psyching myself out or really am going nuts.

 

Don't jump to conclusions



MD > *

 

[QUOTE=mrsteve]Don't jump to conclusions



MD > * [/QUOTE
I know, you dont have to tell me twice...

 

You are still young...

 

Yeah, I know I'm young. Thats another thing thats getting to me

 

I big on space. I'm extremely independant.

 

It's just deciding where to live. There are MUCH bigger things in this world to freak out about.

 

Finish school. If you don't have much left, why not just get it over with?

 

Hardly, there is more to making the decision then just deciding where to live.

 

I think he feels that he at least saved one thing until marriage. Otherwise, most couples who move in together go in thinking, "oh if it doesn't work we can just move out". With that kind of fatalist mentality, you are SO much more likely to have the relationship fail. Just like couples who go into marriage thinking it's not finite, and a divorce is always an option usually get divorced.

When I talked to him about it, he didn't go into too much as to why he was glad, but I'm assuming it's because he didn't feel like he HAD to test their relationship.

 

The above statement + the comment about the panic attacks + your AGE = Keep your own place.

When you are ready to move in with someone, you will know it. Trust me, when you're ready, you're ready................and if you're not, you will have a mess to deal with once you find out.

 

What am i missing?

 

This is a tricky thing, If you guys are in love, why not give it a shot. Caliadria and I moved in barely knowing each other, things worked out great. However, she was in a tough spot, she dropped out of school, came out here dirt broke, and lived on pennies and dimes for 3 years. She is now living back home saving up cash for when we get married next summer.


Don't get me wrong, the first year was a living hell, but that's basically the newleywed stage and i've met very very few who didn't go through it. It's your ability to work things out that will show if you are compatable. It is difficult at times, but make sure you get a place w/ more then one bedroom so you have an escape room


I think living together is a must before marriage.






hopefully she'll chime in w/ her opinions in a bit

 

I've never been a fan of living together before marrying, so you know my answer..

 

You should always live together before getting married... the longer the better.... it disolves any illusions people have about married life.

As for your current situation, it's all based on how you feel. I've been living with my gf/fiancee for 2 years now... it's nice to know we can do it without killing each other. It's hard sometimes, and there are times I wish I had my own place again. But the pros far outweigh the cons.

My advice would be to move in together, but create the expectation that it's only temporary until you "find another place" or something like that. That way, if you do move out, it has nothing to do with the relationship. You can see what it's like, and if you can do it.

 

I moved in with my woman after almost 3 years of dating. We had both graduated college, and had lived apart for a year after graduation. It just seemed like the right thing to do. We've lived together for 8 months now, and things are still going well. Yeah there are some issues (cleaning, laundry, etc.), but nothing too major.

Personally, I would never marry a woman without living with her first. Better to see how things are before you're locked up and can't get out of the relationship (without a lot of hassle)!

 

What, you had to train her how to do the laundry?!

"DON'T IRON THE ZIPPER!!!!!!!"

 

I already have another place in mind.

I'm going to have a talk with him tonight. Basically I'm going to say "How would you feel if I didnt move in like we've planned and stayed in York at my place?" And go from there. I really appreciate everyone's input!

 

THose were our same fights, i'm a clean freak, she's not. Almost everyone i've talked to these are these are the issues that cause problems for them.










and i'm w/ you, there is no way I would marry someone w/o living w/ them. I think if everyone lived together for a year before hand the divorce rate would go down.

 

Choose option B...unless you are planning on him being the "one".

 

there is no decision to be made. move in with him if you love him. these days you have to live together first before getting married. trust me i have lived with different women in my life, and would have married each of them until i moved in with them. The relationship will either grow stronger or fade. but its the next big step before the big I DO.

 

on the flipside of that, i spent most of my time at my boyfriends place, and then we just got our own place together.

everything is much easier IMO, because youre not worried about how much time you have to see him or not. and really, its a good test if youre truly compatible or not.