so ladies, just curious...how many times would you let a man walk out on you...literally and figureatively? I have a friend and she has been trying to do right in her current relationship by trying to talk about things that bother her and not trying to keep it inside however, the man has a hard time communicating when things are going perfect. Otherwise, they have the perfect relationship. They fit together like a hand in glove. I wasn't sure what to tell her...so anyone have any advice...men feel free to offer some as well.

 

Can you be more specific? What sort of things are bothering her?

 

So she has some feelings she keeps inside because things are good between them and she doesn't want to fuck it up by saying something about it?

 

not necessarily...things like what is happening at work, about their relationship, mainly about his inability to handle the stressful times...she said she tried to talk to him last night and he basically blew her off because she was upset with him for promising to make time for them to talk and then breaking the promise.

 

don't get me wrong..their relationship is like the role model of all role models for a perfect fit...just these last few months their have been big changes in both of their lives...she is a role with the punches kind of person and thought he was also. He has had more changes than she has and she thought she was doing a good job helping him through them, but then again, maybe that's the problem..she has been doing too much. she isn't sure where to go from here..She did tell me that she doesn't want to lose him. Before now, she has always been able to draw up the faith to keep going and now it seems that place has moved somewhere else. I don't know if that makes sense...you know when things are not working right and you draw on something inside you to get you over the hump?

 

if he's having a problem with stess and communication now, imagine what it'd be like if they were married and had kids. it's not a good sign if she has to find some kind of faith to keep it going. relationships take effort, but that might be a little too much. also, if they don't meet each other's needs, it's probably not going to work out.

i assume the whole walking out thing means he keeps distancing himself from her. you said she may have been too involved, which makes her sound like the needy/smothering type, which may be putting him off. most guys prefer brevity and conversation w/o complaints.

 

she's not needy, but has been helping him with his kids and with some of his personal stuff...not clingy involved, secretary involved...and everyone has a place in them that they draw off of...whether it's faith, memories, or even fear...everyone does. Every need has been met except for this communication thing...they have the same sense of humor, similar likes and dislikes, basically the same child rearing philosophies, the same ideas on gender roles in a relationship. she just isn't sure what the walking out thing is about and the refusal to talk about problems.

 

Well, the problem right off the bat is men, by nature, are problem-solvers. (I'm speaking in generalizations since I obviously don't know either of these people.) So I can imagine his frustrations stem from the fact he has a problem he can't solve, whether at work or wherever. On top of that, his girlfriend appears to be trying to solve the problem, which is a blow to his ego. Add to that the fact that most men have a problem with communication, while women love to communicate and talk about their problems. So this is tricky. What I recommend is trying to help, but in an indirect way. The more she tries to directly help, the more upset and withdrawn he's going to become. So she should try to find ways to make him relax (and, no, not sex) -- cooking dinner, exercising together, doing something he enjoys, etc., basically anything that will relieve stress. Men are more willing to talk when they're relaxed.

 

I will tell her to give it a try..thanx

 

i wouldn't say any girl would LET a man walk out on her, it just happens. now if she takes him back over and over, she's just being a doormat. communication is the NUMBER ONE important factor hands down in a relationship. and it's also the number one reason why so many people get divorced in this country. if they can't communicate now, they probably won't be able to in the future. she has some serious evaluating to do.

girls put up with too much shit from guys that guys would NEVER put up with from girls.

 

Hmmm.. we might find ourselves arguing about the truthfulness in "Jerk Theory" which I think does not apply in all cases.

 

Sorry for a man intruding into the thread, but:

If this was a reversed situation (woman walking out on man). And I assume there are no "family" obligations like kids, etc...I'd let her walk out twice. First time, okay...we all make mistakes. The second time...she stays out. It's hell for both sides if it keeps happening.

Now this is part of the reason I'm both single and called a "bastard".

Aside from that, people just need to be adults about things. Be a friend, be a boyfriend/girlfriend, then be a husband/wife if need be. You have a problem...the S.O. asks, give an honest answer.

My $0.02.

And yes, I'm available for counseling by PM if need be! Hehe.

 

that is definitely true!! I keep telling her to seriously eval the situation...but its hard when you have spent the last years loving the same person with total forgiveness and abandonment

 

I will let her know!! thanx....and that was more like a nickels worth!

 

thanks to everyone for the advice..here is an update...they broke up...not b/c of the walking out thing....basically not being able to committ for whatever reasons...they are in two different places in their life right now...maybe somewhere down the road..who knows....but thanks you guys!