Well then why do you want to marry him with all of those detractors? He isn't going to change that overnight. Even if he agrees to get engaged, but doesn't make any progress in the other areas of his life, are you still gonna marry him if he is a bum?

I hear you on the family thing, but there just comes a time when you have to do your own thing. I certainly would not bend around your family's whims about living together. If you do now, you will forever. If they accept him as being your likely future husband, they will just have to get over it. My mom is old fashioned, so most of the things I did growing up and as a young adult did not meet her idea of what "to do", but do it anyway, they will deal.

 

Are you trying to describe me or your boyfriend?

 

Get the f out, I still rock my 360.

 

Doesn't sound like a winning relationship at all.

 

I've honestly asked him if I was wasting my time, and he said he's not going to promise me anything - which, should probably have been a red flag. He tells me he loves me and we've talked about kids, and he said that we can date for forever and have kids...I WANT TO GET MARRIED, but he thinks we'll get divorced if we get married, but stay together if we don't. His family has not have ONE marriage that has worked, and in mine, there has only been one that hasn't...so I see a lot of positives out of marriage and he sees all negative. He knows he can't do better than me, but I can easily do better than him - my big nose and all.

I'm not trying to control him, but I'm trying to support his shitty decisions b/c they're his decisions and to give him decisions about the future; I want to be the voice in his head saying "go back to school!" when he turns on the 360.

 

Launch, imo. If you think/know you can do better, then do it.

 

OK, so let's say you will get married....

What will change?!?! Now you are legally stuck together, doing the same shit you've done before. You bitch. He plays 360. FUN!

You both should have the desire to start a new life, and not to progress your current roller coaster one.

 

Well, there is the little fact that I'm in love with him...kinda holding me back.

 

If I had to listen to your ugly nagging ass 24/7 I think I'd be more inclined to turn on the oven, not the xbox.

 

Love, what a motherfucker (thank you Bernie Mac)

I've been engaged before, blindly in love, until I've started looking at my life as a third person... If I've married that girl, I would of been bold by now. I still care for her very much, but we are not compatible for a wholesome family. Love is not enough! (her effen words, but she is right)

 

i think the real question/concern should be why you're still with this guy. not why you're not married/engaged.

 

because she wuvs him, another sinking ship?

 

By any chance, are either of you the other "first" real boyfriend/gf? I get that impression.

Regardless, doesn't sound like he has any intentions of changing, and I don't fault him for that. Gotta do what you want to, and it sounds you both want to do different things. I'd move on if I were you.

 

then the real concern is why wuvs him so much.

 

Or she is exaggerating about how bad he is... Maybe she is only emphasizing his worst traits, I'm sure there must be something good to him...

Make a list, pro vs cons = everlasting, the forever, I Do... if it's worth it..

PS the cons list only grows with years...

 

sounds like you need to quit wasting your time and dump the chump

 

Oh, I fully understand that I haven't let you guys in on the pros of him, that's why I just say that I love him because there's quite a list of the good things he does. He really is my best friend.

Not my first bf and I'm not his first gf.

 

Ok, well bottom line is you can only move ahead as fast as the slowest person in the relationship(him obviously). So you can either just deal with it and stay with him or move on. Of course you can choose to stay with him and complain constantly, but I don't view that as a good option.

 

I just got married last year and I'm 31 y/o. It took me that long to find someone that was my perfect compliment to marry. If I married the girl I was dating when I was 22 y/o I would for sure have been divorced from her by now. You're young, espeically by the average age for getting married now-a-days, so don't stress it. It sounds like by the way you describe your S/O that you guys might not be right for each other anyway, so be thankful you're not stuck in a marriage now. I think after 4 years of dating and by the way you describe him, marriage is the last thing that should be on your mind. Marriage is not a solution to your issues, and if anything, it will magnify your differences 10 fold and make things worse. I'd re-evaluate your life presently and make a decision based on what's going on now, not what could be.

 

i do tooo.

I meant in addition too.....crap....

Im a fucking hypocrite, im sorry

 

Do not get married. There is no benefit to it. Marriage is an outdated, unsuccessful concept used to promote monogamy in order to reduce the spread of disease and promote a stable environment for raising children.

It is a tool used by the government to encourage breeding and overpopulation through tax benefits for "dependants". It is also designed by the tax code to encourage a "traditional" structure of one breadwinner and one homemaker. If the couple are of equal earning capacity, you are penalized through higher taxes. It is a legal contract that unfairly penalizes the breadwinner in the relationship when dissolved - that could be you - through alimony.

Fuck marriage.

 

Whoa. now there's something to think about

 

I just had a moment of clarity....

 

Marriage to save on taxes FTW!

 

I was thinking he might have had a bitter divorce, a shitty engagement that dumped him, or he was left at the alter.

 

The only way you're going to save on taxes is if your income levels are highly disproportional (i.e. Breadwinner/Homemaker). If you are near equal income levels, see what you get back when you each file Single.

 

I'm getting raped as a single..... and my future wife will be no homemaker... sheeshh... no freebies here.

 

This guy's definitely not ready for marriage. You seem to be more worried about what others think of you than how you feel yourself. What's the point if he's met your grandparents if you end up divorced 10 years from now?

Personally, I'd never marry anyone I didn't live with first, you test drive a car, why not a life partner? You're a grown woman, college educated - time to get out on your own and start living like a grown-up and not some kid, begging for everyone's approval. Your choice - wait for him or find someone else - in the mean time, though, you need to start living your life.

I married in 2007 to someone I met right out of high school - I'm 34. We lived together for several years, then got married in a simple seaside ceremony, just the two of us, it was wonderful, and what we wanted. He's a prince, literally. I knew I wanted to marry him, but neither of us was mature enough, so we waited(and, no, I didn't nag). My sister married at 22 to someone she knew for less than 2 yrs. He was a total jerk, slept around, mentally cruel and all. She is now divorced and wasted her 20's on a loser.

I wish you the best.

 

Actually, if he truly knows what's best for him, he'll do what's best for him! Who says that necessarily has to include marrying you right now because you have a random date set in your "life's plan" diary?

 

I don't know what's worse, you wanting to marry a lazy S.O.B like that, or trying to change a lazy S.O.B like that. You're not going to change him nor are you going to alter his decisions. He's going to do it on his own whenever he feels the need to or he won't do it ever.

By the way, you're trying to control him. You're just denying it, and by denying it, you're admitting it.

 

for the hills. This year, 3 of my friends are getting marry. The only person left is me and this other friend. We are the only single person....fack...

 

Do you even care WHO you marry, or is it just your goal that you have to be married by 27, period? Cuz it doesn't seem like you care much about who is it, just that it needs to happen or your life's plan will be thrown off.... So why not go out and find anyone off the street? Just check with the new beau first to ensure he's ready for the big day in 2014.

 

maybe one of the best shows evar

 

you've gotta remember, girls are usually ready for marriage before guys are. i know you don't want to be one of those chicks who gets married when you're old b/c then you might feel like you're settling, but you can't rush him. i guess that's why a lot of chicks end up marrying older guys

 

I don't even know where to start with this, so all I can say is don't do something like this because everyone else does. You say you are controlling, but you're letting everyone else control the one thing only you should control: your independence.

Furthermore, just think about half your friends that are getting married at 22 will probably be divorced by the time they are 26. So when you are all sitting around at 26 trying to figure out how to land a guy, at least you won't have 1 divorce already under your belt.

 

Me and my wife were together for 8 years before we got married. Don't get into a rush to get married dude. I bet you anything that the moment you stop focusing on the issue, you'll meet that person that's meant to be with you.

 

Mike 350 Z,

Not everyone suffers this fate. Some marriages are dreams comes true, all have their bumps and hills, but they last happily.

I never understood marriages that develop after 6-12 months of dating. What can you learn about a person in such a short time? But that's me, I don't believe in true love, there is no such thing. I've learned it the hard way. Any marriage requires commitment.

I have friends who switched job shifts just to be away from the spouses, they love each other, they just can't stop bitching about each other. Though we all told them, don't effen get married, you are not ready.

If I'm getting married, I want this to be a natural step. Not because my parents nag at me, that they want grand kids... Hrmm.. Another reason why I stopped visiting them so often, lol.

 

I know, that's why I covered myself with words like "half" and "probably."

 

^ You're just like a politician Yes=No=Maybe=Sure=Never

 

you remind me of this fat girl i knew from HS who ....well....yea...you remind me of this fat girl i knew from HS.