Okay, getting depressed. I'm 22, and I swear all of my friends are getting engaged or married and I know I'm years away from it. Am I doing something wrong? I want to be married by the time I'm 26, is that too late? Will I be old by then? I've talked to my SO about it and he's not ready yet, I suppose I could be, but I'm not going to rush him - too badly. Is it my SO, what the heck is wrong?

 

That's 4 years from now...and I don't think it's too late at 26. And why rush into a marriage wth your BF if he's not ready? It's better to be sure than anything...

Heck, I'm going to be married this summer and I'll be 31 by then...

 

you're the problem. get over it.

 

take your time.

 

Oh, I don't know, perhaps this psychotic babble might have something to do with it?

That or finding a ring sized large enough to fit your schnoz is one hell of a task.

 

Marriage isnt the greatest thing in the world. It sucks sometimes. So quit whining. You'll wish you were single when you get married and you have disagreements. if you want sympathy go to a marthastewart forum or somethin.

 

You're 22, I'm assuming he's around the same age, he's not ready = let the boy grow up and start his life a little.

Personally, I don't know what will be different for you if you get married at 27 vs. 26 or even at 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 (get the point?), but for some reason you seem to be fixated on a certain deadline with really no meaning behind it. In fact, most people's priorities, perhaps personality traits, goals, and lives change dramatically during their 20's. So, regardless of how long you've been together, keep in mind that ultimately, you two may not end wanting the same things as your lives start to change and you both mature -- you'll have to see where the future takes you.

I think it's more important to get married when you're both ready than to simply set a random deadline. I understand not wanting to wait around forever for someone, but it doesn't seem like you're at that point yet, so give the boy some space. If further down the line you become antsy about getting married and it's still really important to you, but he's still unsure, well...you'll have to decide whether you're going to wait around and for how long. If you're not at that crossroads yet, don't push it. I don't see what you will gain by pressuring him right now.

Anyone who is ready, has the same goals and beliefs, and wants to marry you as much as you want to marry him will not need any coaxing....when the time is right.

 

Making unrealistic personal deadlines like this doesn't solve anything. You marry when you're ready to do so. You wait for the right person at the right phase of life.

 

You're only 22, and you think you're waiting too long? I got married at 24, and still felt I was too young. In retrospect, I know I was.

And yes, getting married because of an arbitrary age or length of time you've been together or any other preset designation reeks of "not ready" and wrong reasons.

 

Noooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

You're 22 and you want to be married by 26.
That gives you 4 more years to be depressed.
What's the rush?

 

Oh My God!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOO! Hate to be the one to say it, but at your age odds are you and he will be long over before your 26-7!!! Yes, yes, yes you're too young! You have no real need to rush. You're too young to be havin a family, sooooooo.......... WAIT! Go explore the world, and even a few more men before you do that.

 

Well said, this is suposed to be a life long commitment, no something that y ou feel you have to do to get it out of the way. I think the feeling is that young couples have to make taht first step in order to "move up" to the next stage in life.

Soemhting that was googled: http://www.divorcerate.org/
Age at marriage for those who divorce in America
Age Women Men
Under 20 years old 27.6% 11.7%
20 to 24 years old 36.6% 38.8%
25 to 29 years old 16.4% 22.3%
30 to 34 years old 8.5% 11.6%
35 to 39 years old 5.1% 6.5%

 

All of what Street Spirit said...I do not believe marriage is about how old you are at all...but about the reasons...

At least all of the reasons you mentioned are totally irrelevant as far as understanding marriage, let alone being ready for it. How can you possibly even want to marry someone who is like your bf in the first place if you did understand what marriage was about?

DO NOT make the mistake of attempting to marry someone and hope they will change by the experience. More often than not they don't. And someone should never change just because you want them to anyway. You can give them your views, and then you step back and let them take stock of themselves. If they feel the same way or recognize that their ways warrant change in order to become more compatible with you, then they can change. Otherwise, they will just regret it later when they argue with you and long for "yesterday".

I really don't feel this guy loves you as much as you love him. You probably don't make that easy either with your constant pressure and seemingly demanding ways. What you need to understand about having a mate whether he is married to you or just a bf, is that he is who he is, and may never change. Not to mention that he doesn't HAVE TO change. Take a good look at him. Weigh the pros and cons. You have put in enough time with him to do it. If the good outweighs the bad, hang in there. But be prepared to, no, EXPECT him to be who he wants to be and that being that probably works for him. It doesn't mean it necessarily is right for YOU, but you have to be second in that vote because he has to like himself and not live up to your version of who he should be. But you can be first in your own voting in deciding what's best for you, and move on if necessary.

I think you love something about this guy and have latched onto that for some reason. Maybe you think you can't find that in another guy. The rest of what he lacks you can, but not that thing that keeps you there. He's not warm, not an over-achiever sexually, and doesn't fit what you would call an overall "astraub-man". So yes, there must be something about him that keeps you there. And its that thing that keeps making you accept "Groundhog Day". But you need to get over that thing if you have needs that aren't being met. Marriage is not one of your needs though. You need to build a bridge and get over that before you make a HUGE mistake.

Hopefully dude doesn't give in to you. Judging by recent posts, he won't...but maybe it's time you did. Of the two of you, he certainly seems to be the one, despite constant pressure, to have the courage to be true to who he is. Stop being afraid. Go find your kind of man instead of trying to fashion one into that kind of man. A man that has something that interests you, but is deficient/negligent in some major categories is not him. And oh yeah...stop whining...

 

Who cares what your friends are doing. If your guy caves to you pressing him and says ok now, he is whipped, do you really want to marry a whipped dude? Well maybe, lots of girls do!!!

 

My mom got married young, my sister did the same, and now I'm @ the point where I'm on my own b/c I've graduated. My mother and sister say "Yah, it's going to be more difficult now, but look, your dad and i did it, or jarrod and I did it, so you can do it too" But there were 2 of them, there's only 1 of me! I know he's not going to change, but if he knows what's good for him, he won't wait until I'm tired of waiting on him.

Oh, and I said nothing about having a family. Kids come later, I want to get married and travel a little with my husband before we have kids and I want to make sure my work-life is all set up, too.

I'm just a very goal-oriented person and I'm also very dominant, so I know what I want and how to get - in every case but this one, that's why it bothers me so much. My life is all planned out and it's no longer going according to plan.

 

Orrrrrr...perhaps it is not a good plan...so revise it. You are a human-being. You can adjust. You can adapt. No way are you reading what you are typing and don't feel the need to do so:

Need I say more...stop trying to keep up with the "Joneses" and make yourself happy in your own good time. Don't you want to be happy rather than "true to form"? There is a difference you know...good luck...

 

hasn't the average age of brides gotten older with each generation anyways?

a lot of my girl friends that are around the same age as me aren't married yet.

 

don't get married so early. after a few years, the guy will want to get out. wait til your BOTH ready

 

Marriage...is what brings us together, today.

 

There is absolutely no where to rush. Getting married is fast and easy. Getting a divorce is a nightmare... So I'll always have my chance to drown myself in sorrow of 'Hey where are you going?! Can I come?" =]

An example, I'm throwing a Superbowl party at my house, my best friend's wife does not want to go, so he is stuck in the middle, and he is hating every second of it... She is a selfish fuck, but whatever.

It's hard to find a girl these days that has real values, where she understands life and its hardships along with its wonders.. I need to move out of NYC.

 

Speaking of looking to get married fast for all the wrong reasons, you have to take a backseat to this guy astraub (read the whole thing):

https://acurazine.com/forums/dating-relationships-14/quick-need-advice-regarding-girl-707676/

 

christ, no offense to the OP, but chicks like you REALLY piss me off.

 

 

You have commitment issues my friend.....

 

mrs. dallison and i have been married 4 years this may, but together since oct 1995. There was no rush. We did not need a peice of paper to tell us how we felt about each other, but it was a fun day. expensive, but fun.

don't force your man unless you want him to turn out like....

 

The culture from where the OP is from is probably playing some role in it as well....All her friends are married at what, 22 years old? Doesnt happen tooo often in urban areas. Not knocking the area or trying to imply stereotypes (even thou i am....) but, South carolina = Rural for the most part. Different Value system, no? not any better, not any worse...just different. Urban areas, NYC, Chi, LA, etc etc, You dont hear of this happening to often. Careers come first for us up in these areas....Outta college, jump on the hustle, keep the girl, financially stablize, pop the question...Thats a common pattern i see in urban areas.....Rural friends....Married High school sweethearts and worried about everything else later, cuz well, they live in rural areas..

Well, Now that ive thrown a wrench in this argument...im walking away...

 

Thats your entire problem. You've turned this whole thing into a "goal" as opposed to an eventual milestone in life.

You're making artificial reasons to get married (time constraints, your friends are doing it) rather than responding to an actual situation (love, friendship, commitment)

EVERY person I know (they're all girls) who imposes this silly little rule of getting married by a certain date has ended up miserable.

 

I hate you and love you at the same time.

 

You Rock! I'm doing a marathon of Married With Children, followed by the Super Bowl.. this is going to be an awesome weekend!

I grew up on that show, hrmm, maybe this is why I'm so messed up, lol.

 

No offense, but again, who cares what your mom did, and who cares what your sister did? Just cuz they did it doesn't make it the "best decision" for them or you. Things like this should not be dictated by someones "plan". If you don't plan on having kids real soon why do you need to be married? You can do all of the things that you want with your BF like travel and work regardless if you are married or not. If in a few years after being with each other either one of you decides it is time to end the relationship then there is no messy divorce to deal with. If you still want to get married in a few years, you will have that much better of a marriage going forward.

I just got married a little over a year ago, was with the girl for 7 yrs. I knew she wanted to get married a while ago, but she wasn't a big pain in the ass about it. If she was, I would have got rid of her. You keep talking about you and your plan, maybe you should ask him what "his" plan is. Maybe he doesn't want to get married while he is so young. If you pressure him you will either have a weak marriage or he will dump your ass. Neither of those sound very good for "your plan".

 

Maybe I should change it to wanted to get engaged and having a long engagement. His credit sucks, his job sucks, so it's obvious that I'd have to keep us going if we were married. He hasn't graduated yet and is the type who will "get around to it" whenever. I'm trying to find a full time job while he's screwing around on the 360. I know he isn't mature enough to marry me yet, but I just want to feel like he's going to get there.

My sis got married after dating the guy for maybe 6-8mos. and they were both still in college. My mom was financially set before she and my mom got married, so I can't say a "rural" thing was to blame there. None of us are rushing into having kids, but I can't say the same for my friends. You may be on to something with a lot of them.

And as bitchy as it sounds, I just want to know that there will eventually be wedding bells in my future with him, as it has been over 4 years now, and I'm getting nothing.

 

Hey amis.

OP this sounds like a lot of "control issues". I'm sure you don't like that, but "Damn it, he won't do what I have planned for us!!" doesn't go over too well.

RELATIONSHIP. The word in and of itself may just mean something along the lines of "to relate". You two just don't relate. Not only on this subject, but obviously on a lot of subjects.

Still think you should explore a few more so you can learn to share better. Try not to be too offended. It's all part of growing up. We live. We learn.

 

He has no plan! That's the problem! There's nothing solid in his life, he's not sure what he wants to do, he's not sure where he'd like to live, he's not sure if he wants to get married, he doesn't care when he graduates...I mean good lord!

I can't very well live with him if we're not married, my family would about dis-own me. I thought my mom was going to send me to a convent when she figured out we were having sex...it's that bad...and he's met my family, come on trips with us, and it's important that the guy I marry has met my grandparents, and, to be honest, I think that's part of my rush; they're not doing well and I'd like for them to be @ my wedding.

 

Doesn't sound like a marriage material guy, IMO.

 

ERM, ok... Steer away from people that to do not share your ambitions.. or in your SO other's case complete disregard for building HIS OWN future, if he can't take care of himself, wtf is going to do in a marriage? 360 won't purchase food, house...or support kids.

Marriage should be an icing on the cake... Create the cake first.

 

You:

a) have got to be the dumbest big nosed bitch in the country at this very moment

or

b) You know you're the dumbest big nosed bitch and you're trying to settle before you end up alone and cold with 40 cats.

Either way, you still lose as the dumbest big nosed bitch.

 

Why must you always be an ignorant idiot when I'm trying to be serious. Why bother posting if you're going to be useless?

 

Why bother responding?

 

Southern values at the helm.
Not that its a bad thing to have your grandparents at your wedding. Hell, im sure it is one of their dreams to see you get married. And its cool youre considering them (family is close, eh?), but damn, you gotta pick the right guy and time too. IM sure your grandparents will take that over you being unhappy cuz of immaturity issues , right?

Im with the attitude that if two people have been a couple long enough, married or not, they should have to right to call each other out, without any repurcusions (sp?)...With that said...Kick you man in the nuts, and tell him to get his act together, lol. 22...he should be thinking about some shit than a 360 at this age. And if you step outta line, he should be able to call you out too...(violence on females is unacceptable in this case....the opposite, thou...can lead to very fun sex...)


But for the love of god, dont become a controlling bitch...