So I've been dating this girl for a little over two years now...and almost the entire time it has been long distance. I met her when I was in college, and she went to antoher school in the northeast (I went to school in Houston). We are both from New York originally, so we saw each other on breaks, which was fine. Now I took a job in Houston becuase coming out of school, this was the best opportunity and it was difficult finding jobs in NY. She's a year behind me and still and school, and we decided to stick with it. My job is really demanding....like 80 hours a week. She's looking for jobs, but not really making an effort to look in Houston. I told her that I want her to come to Houston for a few years, and then we can move back to New York. She has decent reasons for not wanting to come to Houston, namely that she doenst know anyone here besides me and some of my friends....anyways, she is under a lot of pressure with school going on and a job search. Is it unreasonable for me to tell her i want her in Houston? I want to be supportive, but I dont know how much more I can really take. I'm realy not excited about doing another year of long distance after she graduates in June, especially when the last 4 years of my life have been tied up with long distance relationships....I dont really know where I'm going with this, I guess i'm a sort of rambling. I just wanted to get this off my check becuase I feel like I'm at the brink of my current relationship

 

you can tell her you want her in houston but you cant make her go there. she has to think about whats right for her and you. not just you.

 

I hate having my g/f live an hour away, I can't imagine your situation. Tell her of all the opportunities in Houston and how much fun it would be to share this part of your lives together. If you love this girl, you have to make it work.

So how do you go without sex? That part would suck the most.

 

I have dealt with the same situation for over 3 years. My gf is currently even farther away from me now than she was in college.

In the end, you have to decide if this relationship is worth pursuing. My gf and I have both decided that our relationship is one that we are going to work hard to keep up and that we're not going to allow a little bit of distance to hurt our relationship.

And to answer Ashburner's question, the no sex part is hard, but we make sure that we make up for it every time we actually do see each other.

 

well does she have to finish school first?
you're telling her you want her in houston after the year of school or you want her there right now?

i'm assuming it's after the year of school, so...

at this point, there are too many variables to absolutely commit to moving anywhere, but i think the topic should be discussed lots between you two...like i said, lots of things could change (she might find a kickass job somewhere else, maybe you lose your job or something..) but if she just keeps saying she doesn't want to move to houston because "she doesn't know anyone there", she's being kinda selfish by either just not wanting to move there (or at least considering it openly for a year) , or else there's another reason she doesn't want to move there, which she's not discussing and not being honest with you..

 

I'm currently living 10 hours away from my fiance and have been for about 3 months now.


Anyway, I was in a very similar situation coming out of college. I finished grad school a year before she finished undergrad in Missouri. I got a job in Minneapolis and there was never really any question about her also coming to Minneapolis.

But we had the same problems. Nobody that we knew lived here. I moved for the job, and she was limited in her job search since she was going to school for teaching, and she didn't have certification for Minnesota. But we made due. Everything worked out in the end, but we are currently in the process of moving back down south (she's already moved for a teaching job, and I'll join her once I get my job situation worked out). However, we did enjoy our time together in Minneapolis.

Bottom line is, it's not unreasonable for you to tell her that you want her in Houston. My advice would be to propose it to her as a temporary thing, like for a year or 2 or 3. That way you leave the door open for changes later on that might suit her own desires a little better. But you have to be open to those. If your relationship is strong, then it shouldn't be a problem.

 

Thanks for the responses. The situation is further complicated by the fact that she sort of has a optential job offer at a bank in NY that she was able to arrange through connections. She looks at this job pretty faborably becuase she knows a bunch of the people there and likes the work enviornment (she had an internship with the company previously). So the fact that she has that going for her, combined with the fact that she thinks she'll never see me if she moves down here, makes her not keen on making the move. I think her vision of her sitting around all day and waiitng for me is a little extreme, but she seems to belive that, and she says that if that ends up happening, she'll be upset and thats not good for the relationship. I kind of gave her an ultimateum last night, telling her that I dont know if I could go on with this long distance thing if she stays in NY, and we kinda ended the convo in an angry and frustrated stalemate. Unfortuantely, a compromise can't be worked out....its either she moves down, I move up, or we bite the bullet for another year after she graduates. She has no problem with continuing the distance, but im getting sick of it. This is something I want to keep going, but its like I'm in a major commitment with someone who i've never lived with for more than four months. As far as the sex goes, its really difficult not seeing her. However, there is some irony. Assuming I see her once a month, I'd probably be getting more action with her than hitting the singles scene, especially considering the fact that I have almost no free time. Maybe something to think about.

 

I think I failed to mention a potential solution.....there is a chance i might be able to transfer to the NY office of the same company i work for. I was thinking about it over the past few hours, and it might be a good move professionally. Although i might face some resentmetn from the people currently in my office, it will be easier to get a job in NY a few years down the line when my tour of duty as an alnalyst is up if I am working in New York

 

Sorry if I'm being nosy, but what do you do that requires 80 hrs a week, and why can't you find a job in NY?

Who cares about the resentment you'll face from your current office-mates. Once you get the transfer to NY, it's to them.

 

If I had a choice, I'd rather move to NY than stay in Houston. Not only will it work things out between you two, but I think it's a better place to live overall.

 

investment banking. I just started a the 2 year analyst program. I don't want to switch banks, but I may be able to transfer to NY, hopefully within the same industry group (i have acquired a lot of industry-specific knowledge). In fact, i would only transfer if i could stay in the same group

 

I am currently in a LDR...it is very difficult. We have been doing it for about a year and half now. I feel like sometimes I am at the end..I know that he is in a different place than I am, both financially and emotionally. We have been together for awhile and I feel like it is time to move on. I would be the one to relocate and am totally ready for it. The way things are going we are going to be doing this LDR thing for another few years. I just have to keep telling myself that it is definitely worth it. Sometimes though you have to say enough is enough and either you are going to be together or you are not.

 

Real estate is waaay cheaper in Houston man.

 

I am actually in the beginning (very beginning) stages of a LDR with a very nice lady I met in Houston. She is a very beautiful lady with a great job. She's a agent for large insurance company and is about to be a stockbroker. I've only been down to see her a couple of times, and who knows where it can lead. I cannot relocate so I don't see us getting very serious. That's too bad because she is definitely "wife" material.

 

So what's the point in starting a LDR if there are no possibility of being serious?? I mean some people can date just to date, unfortunately, I don't happen to be one of them, but they are out there.


BTW...very happy for you...you deserve it!!

 

[QUOTE=DarkSithGirl]So what's the point in starting a LDR if there are no possibility of being serious?? I mean some people can date just to date, unfortunately, I don't happen to be one of them, but they are out there.

I know what you mean, I hate dating just to date because I'm not getting any younger. I would like to find someone around here. It looks like we both have our honeys down I-45. At least I know I have someone to drive down to H-town with!!

 

Yeah....you're right....YOU AREN"T getting any YOUNGER!!!!LOL

 

That was a low blow!!!!

 

You know Im just joshin ya!!! Men are like wine, get better with time

 

I hear ya, girl!!!

 

I hope things go well with your girl!! Keep us posted!!!

 

As a matter of fact, we are trying to decide when I can come down again. Maybe I'll get to see her in the next few weeks

 

the kids and I are going down this weekend. Maybe we will run into each other and we can meet the mystery woman!

 

I wish I could, but I probably won't be going down until the weekend of 12/10. You guys have a safe trip and say hi to the Houston guys for me!!