I've been dating the same girl since 9/10/07. Yeah, I remember the date and how it happened. Anyway, fast forward two years later, and I recently finished my degree in marketing. I currently live in Pittsburgh, and would really do ANYTHING to move to another city, specifically the dc/md/va area, more specifically Baltimore, MD.

Obviously, since I'm in a long term relationship, I have to take what she thinks, and what I think about the relationship into consideration. Something else to take into consideration is the fact that in January, she was diagnosed with non-hodkins lymphoma, or cancer. She went the natural route, but now will be taking chemo therapy every friday, starting this week.

So, I want to move out of town, but she doesn't want me to, and I don't want to leave her in general, and even more so because she's going to be taking treatments for her cancer for the next six months.

How do I feel? A lot of me feels like I should go and do what I want to do, regardless of what she thinks/wants. I almost want to be "single", although I like being in a relationship with her. I could go down to Baltimore, and have some of the freedom to do what I want. I'm not talking about cheating...I'm just saying feeling less of an obligation to be around and take care of things all the time.

There are other negatives to moving such as the fact that I own a house here, that I would need to find a job down there, and that the cost of living down there is MUCH more expensive than here in pittsburgh. Also, the job market is MUCH more competitive down there.

What should I do? Should I move and do the long distance thing? Should I stay?

I want to leave so bad, but there are A LOT of road blocks in my way right now.

 

are you aware its not even 9/10/07? so i dont know how you think you remember the date or how it happened..i'd look into that first before going any farther..

 

He's from the future!!!

 

 

9/10/05...sorry for the TYPO...

 

Sounds like you answered your own question

 

Your gf will going through chemotherapy and a part of you feels you don't want such a big responsibility?... Can't you wait until she is done with her treatments?

 

I think I'm man enough to handle her chemotherapy treatments. It will be difficult, and I'm expectiing her side effects to be pretty bad, and want to be there through those. I guess it's all about timing. I'm at a job now where if I could leave today, I would do that. Would it effect future jobs if I find a job here soon, and then leave it 6 months later?

 

Your career may or may not be affected by jumping around; at 25, most folks do. However, I would check out the greener grass comprehensively before deciding to camp out on a different lawn. DC is ruinously expensive, the suburbs around Balto are getting that way, and the only reasonable residential neighborhoods are likely to be ones that are 'gentrifying". Some folks can do that, some cannot.

You might want to think about your statement that you "almost want to be single". I suspect that behind that statement is a reluctance to deal with the messy aspects of a ltr, which include supporting your gf through chemo and AFTER. Cancer is an insideous circumstance, and the illness may choose not to respect your personal schedule. I am not forming a value judgement out of that statement, you are young, you are not, in fact married, and your gf is going to go through a protracted and demanding illness whilst living in a city that has her full support system present, and while you continue to live in a city that bores you to tears, apparently while working at a you could walk out of in a heartbeat.

If you are real about your desires to move to the Baltimore area, take six months to explore it. Even a year. What IS the job market, are the increased salaries goingto be commensurate with the increased costs of housing? Can you find the job that you want? can your gf, if she chooses, follow you and can you immediately plug into a good healthcaare setting to contine to support her needs? Take a look at the resale market in your neighborhood, and determine the real equity and fiscal position that you have in your current residence.

If you want this to happen, the preliminary planning can take six months to a year, if you do it right, unless you are looking for temp jobs in a cyclic industry. That planniing time might give your gf some time to deal with her health circumstances, and for the next chapter to unfold.

 

I've known several people to go through chemo and trust me she will really need you there. If you love the girl, I wouldn't leave, if you don't care, then now's the time to leave Do some soul searching and figure out what's better for you.

 

Really just sounds like you're worn out from the responsibilities/obligations etc... not a good time to make life-changing decisions in my opinion. Wait until things settle down with your girlfriend (While also making sure you're being there for her at a time she needs you most) and then evaluate what you want to do.

 

What you all are saying makes perfect sense. I do feel somewhat overwhelmed by everything. I'm in a relationship where I already feel like its almost run its course. We have good times and bad like everyone, but most of the time I feel like there is someone better out there for both of us. Well, maybe not most of the time but some of the time. On top of that, her cancer, which really does take priority over everything. This friday, when I get off of work at 5pm, I will drive to my girls house to find her in God knows what condition. That is some scary stuff, it really is. Then, my job situation. Just alot going on right now.

In the end, I probably couldn't live with myself leaving her (out of the city right now). We just talked about making sacrifices for eachother, and she's been with me through some tough times, and I will be with her for the next six months of her treatments. Its tough, but life's tough and I'm not going to leave her now when she needs my support the most.

I will take this time, also, to get a plan in place. Learn the job market down there, the housing market, figure out if I really want to live there, and if not somewhere else. Also, get my house together to sell or to rent. That way, if/when I do leave, I have everything in place, and I'm not rushing what really is a big decision.

 

Why do you want to leave town so bad?

(Never been to Pittsburgh)

 

Forget for a moment that you are her boyfriend, and be her FRIEND. That's what she is going to need. I would not be able to leave someone I was dating in a time like this. Even if you both walk away from this relationship at the end of this, I think you being there will be a big comfort to her and yourself.

 

Yeah, you're 100% right. Friend first, boyfriend second. It will have to be that way because I almost feel like her being able to be my girlfriend will definately not be (understandably) a priority. On top of all of this, she has a 3 year old daughter. Life...I'm in this situation for a reason though, and like I said I'm going to be as supportive as I possibly can. First treatment is on Friday.

 

yea my aunt is going through chemo and not to b funny but marajuana is the only thing that counteracts her vomiting, unwillingness to eat, muscle aches, and nausea....just a suggestion again not tryna be funny...as for moving just be there for u girl and when shes done with the chemo if u still feel the same way about leaving then at least u know u did the right thing by her and God by not rolling out during her time of need...and lastly DO NOT move to bmore...its probably one of the worst and dirtiest cities in the country (i live in DC metro area) and i cant stand going there...SOME parts of the suburbs are nice but they are very expensive and its not worth it unless u are making decent money...glad to see ur hanging in there...u 3 will b in my prayers

 

I'm still trying to figure out why "life is funny..."

 

man, if you love her, you can't leave now. It's one thing to leave someone you love, but to leave someone you love that is really counting on you to be there simply can't be done. You will find that there are times in your life that you just simply can't do what you want to do, this is one of them.

 

Life is funny because so many things are happening in life at the same time. I'm in a relationship that I think if I saw a way out, I'd leave. NOT because of the cancer. I've been with her for the past six months with the cancer, and will be there throught the chemo. It just so happens that the treatments are starting right now, when the relationship is taking a turn for the worst. You have to "get along" with your partner right? You have to have good interaction right? You can't get into arguments everyday right? Honestly, I think I've taken my level of patience to another level BECAUSE of her situation, and because I know I'm not free of any fault in this thing either. Life for me is "funny" because alot of stuff is going on right now, but I'm sure there are better days ahead...

 

From the movie Blow, I love this quote.

"Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again, but life goes on. "

 

9/10/07? are you a time traveler?

 

Welcome to post #3

 

 

Wow.... getting out of hand.

 

Who me?

 

haha i like that you admitted your own mistake. good luck again and i hope you and your gf will have great times ahead

 

Thanks I do appreciate it. I think I'm really starting to get a hold of life, or at least whats going on in mine right now. My gf and I went through a couple MAJOR things in the span of two weeks. Two of the worst things that a couple can go through. Forgiveness was given, and the other thing kind of wrecked my finances for the month and I haven't been able to recover. These things on top of our relationship issues, and on top of the cancer.

I think this is a tough spot in my life. Maybe I'm about to come out of it, or maybe its just the beginning. But a tough spot. I'd like to think that during those tough spots, I'm being prepared for good things to happen. That is what I'm hoping for.

I'm actually typing this at work, after not having not done ANY work for the past three days. Monday, I made a few phone calls, Tuesday I worked on my resume, and today I haven't done anything. I almost, ALMOST, wish they would let me go. But I'm sure my financial troubles would get much worse. If anyone would like to "give" me some $...send me a PM. I know there are some ballers on here and it will go directly to my electric bill, phone bill, gas bill, the weekly payment for the TL that between now and tomorrow, I have to figure out how to get enough in my account to cover the automatic withdrawl...I've kinda screwed my own finances up a bit, and I'm with someone who isn't working at all, so I guess thats life and I'll suck it up and move on.

 

Man...its been a long time since I updated this thread...my gf (once ex, and now back again)....was deemed almost cancer free last year. She went through some natural remedies, spending time at a clinic somewhere in va, and also took one round of chemo...it was pretty difficult at the time, but I have to thank God that he watched out for her.....

its been like 3 months or longer since she's been to the doctor....was in between jobs, and didn't get her insurance information together for the gov't insurance....so I'm a bit nervous of what the small amount of remaining cancer could have done during that time. I'm also thinking long term....we've been together almost three years (minues 2 months of breakups) and its probably that time.....I would hate to marry someone who dies a couple years into teh marriage, but then again, you marry because you love someone and want to spend teh rest of your life with them, through thick and thin...so I probably wont even think about that, unless the doctors report is crazy.

Thanks to everyones thoughts and prayers...she's doing way better

 

Wow, good luck to her....

 

https://acurazine.com/forums/showpos...1&postcount=92


I knew my flawless memory hadn't failed me

Good luck to her, and keep us updated

 

You know, I had typed up this reply to some of the earlier posts not realizing how old the posts were. Then I saw this (and fortunately could delete it). My advice would have been to stick with her through this and I'm so glad you did. Regardless of what the future holds, you will not regret it. Trials of this size are absolutely difficult, but they also teach you things that couldn't get into you any other way.

I'm very glad to hear she's doing well, and I wish you both all future happiness.