Well...it appears as though I've been ditched. Here's the story: understand that we text in case someone is at work or school.

I go to geophysics field school on Sunday, August 27. The Tuesday before I leave (on the 23th), my bf Ryan sends me the following message:
"I'd like to see you before you leave is it cool if i call you thurs and we make plans then?"
So I say yes to that and ask if he wants to go out or spend a quiet day in. He says a quiet day in would be nice. So I'm really excited about that. We end up spending the day together and get intimate twice (once was while trying to watch The Craft; he goes crazy and starts touchin me all over...and you know what happens).

So then I drop him off at cheer practice, and that's the last I've seen of him. I go to field school, and was all excited to see him when I get back. So I come back on Sept 4th. School starts on the 6th. I sleep all Labour Day. Then I send him a text cause I know he's at work and ask if he want to do something later. So he says back,
"Im @ Work ill call you later. hope you had a good trip"
The next message the next day was "yup ill call you later"

Then, Sept 8th, he says, "When are you done school on friday?"
So I tell him. He tells me he might come to the beer gardens on friday afternoon. But it rains, and then he got sick at cheer practice and was sick all weekend and says he was really sorry he missed me. Okay, that's fine with me.

So the next weekend I ask if he wants to do something. He says, "Cool once i confirm some stuff for this weekend ill call you. hope school was fun"

So then no call happens. Then I ask him what's up saturday night. He says, "hey i work till 6 tonight and them i have a bday didnner for my mom i should be back sun evening i'll talk to you soon : ) "
His mom lives out of town. So I'm cool with that.

So this monday I left a message asking when it's okay to call. No response as of today. He was at the bar the past 2 nights though. My other friend saw him there and asked him how I was doing. He says,
"um, I don't know... I haven't talked to to him in a while..."

This is what makes me think something else is up or he's avoiding me. The thing is, I totally don't understand why. Things were so good, even right up until I dropped him off at practice that one day.

What do you guys think is going on? Is he trying to reserve me while he dates someone else just in case it doesn't work out? Or is he trying to ditch me first? Or maybe he legitimately thinks that I'm really busy with school? Or maybe I wear my heart on my sleeve a bit too much for him. I don't know what I did wrong. Maybe nothing. I'm so confused. I told myself that if we don't communicate this weekend, I'm going to have to call it off and save myself the heartache.

 

So you guys really are officially a couple, or not ?
If not, then he might just be out having some fun, or might be feeling smothered or something.

In a way, by responding to the messages, he is still keeping in contact, which makes me think he still wants to keep you in some way.
Not quite clear.... He might be confused, but like I said, he's not totally pushing you away, or else he wouldn't even respond to your messages.

 

Yeah, I agree with Chops, if he was going to actually ditch you, he would most likely just not respond to your messages, or initiate contact like that. He's probably busy, too. School just started for him, he's been sick, he has cheer practice (and I'm assuming games to attend as well), so don't give up hope just yet.

But next time you see him, don't say "Oh I'm SO GLAD YOU CALLED ME! I THOUGHT YOU WERE BREAKING UP WITH ME!" Because that will scare him off. Just be cool, like you didn't notice he wasn't around, really.

 

I thought only girls were this confusing.. males are supposed to be simpler

 

Apprently we think we're easier than we really are

 

So you guys really are officially a couple, or not ?
If not, then he might just be out having some fun, or might be feeling smothered or something.

In a way, by responding to the messages, he is still keeping in contact, which makes me think he still wants to keep you in some way.
Not quite clear.... He might be confused, but like I said, he's not totally pushing you away, or else he wouldn't even respond to your messages.

 

^^ sounds good meat

 

He just copied and pasted yours! That's rich!

But yeah, something interesting happened tonight. I'll get to that soon. It's 5:50 AM right now.

To answer your question chops, we should be an official couple. One night while I lay in bed with him, we were discussing how friends of ours had open relationships and how much they suck. That was the night his friend asked us if we were going out with each other. We both didn't say anything to her. I told him I wasn't sure what to say. He was like "what would you have wanted to say?" and I told him "I'd like to have said we were." After hearing that he smiled at me and said that I could say that. So was he being ambiguous from the start? At the very beginning he kept saying "are you trying to get rid of me?" in a half-joking way whenever i said I had to go, so it seems like it was him worried about me breaking up with him.

Now we get to tonight. I go to the bar. I see him and his best friend (female). They're a little drunk (but not too drunk). And I'm SO glad I wasn't stupid and I took Adrienne's advice! I didn't totally confront him about it. After we said hi to each other and hugged (good sign), I asked him what he was doing this past month. It turns out he had been really busy, legitimately. His friends confirmed this (I didn't ask but they were talking about it). So it basically comes down to him asking me if I'm leaving at the same time as him. I say yeah. So he asks if he could have a ride home. I say yes. So then he doesn't want to go home. Instead we go to some deep bushes type park near where he lives and park my car.

He uses the bushes to piss and comes back in, but in the back seat. We end up "christening" the back of my 2.5TL. He wants to go further sexually but I'm not comfortable doing it there. He says that's cool with him but presses me a little past where I wanted to go, but not too far. He asks if I have a condom there. I don't, so I say no. He's kinda surprised I don't carry them around after I say (again) I only had intercourse once. I promised him next time I'd have them (big mistake on my part, I just gave up my leverage). I told him that I want to do 'it' but here is not the place and now isn't the time. And worse yet I wasn't even that horny the whole time cause I was tired. I felt like a big disappointment. He kept assuring me it was fine. After the whole 4 hours was said and done, I told him I really missed him this past month. He held me and kissed me on the forehead.

The end of the night was a bit better. I asked him if I was going to see him again (wow don't I sound like a retard?). He says "of course you'll see me again." Then I ask what he's doing next weekend. He asks the date, and when I tell him, he says he's not sure. I told him to just let me know, or I can call him on Friday. He said "sounds good" and went back up to his apartment. And now I'm going to bed! Thanks for your help guys...I'm closer to finding out what's up.

 

eh something sounds odd here

 

It does. I don't trust what's going on entirely. This is hella confusing. I've never encountered anything like this from a guy before.

 

I was drunk and couldn't really out the two together, but I knew something sounded familiar.

 

well, he could have been drunk and horny and pressing the issuea about intercourse... Has he ever done it before ?
Other than wanting to do it in a better place... Your interior could have gotten...ummm... messed up

EDIT: sounds like you guys are heading in the right direction for your resolution to your worries.

 

Yeah he's done it with about 5 different boyfriends. I've only done it once, so I wasn't ready to take that big of a step so fast. I'm still questioning whether I should do it with him.

 

I wouldn't rush into anything...esp if you dunno how he feels yet...seems like he was just getting what he wanted

 

Yeah, I'm pretty in tune to being used. But then again, I'll have to see what happens next weekend when we go for a movie.

 

Play it by ear Jordan, you'll do fine.

 

he's fishing you along.

he really doesn't want the bf/gf title, but, will tell you otherwise when you bring it up. when he is with his friends, he will be vague, or ignore the question altogether.

i think his fondness for you is genuine, but, at the same time, he doesn't want the strings associated with a committed relationship.

lastly, he goes to cheer class. i think he may be bi-sexual, since you also said he's had sex in a car with 5 different bf's...

 

^^ yeah he may not want the commitment... Or like I've been saying, he may have some inner demons to work out, that are unrelated to youngTL.
Besides, he, and friends have confirmed his busy schedule as of late.
How does cheering and having sex with 5 different guys make him Bi-sexual ?
I don't think Bi-sexuality plays into this at all, honestly.

Also he said been with 5 different guys, not "been with 5 different guys in cars".

 

youngTL said "...he's done it with about 5 different boyfriends." when youngTL says "it", i assume "sex."

i assumed the other guy is bi-sexual b/c:

1. i assume youngTL is a female, and
2. "...he's done it with about 5 different boyfriends."

unless i am incorrect about condition 1, i am only led to believe that the other dude is bi-sexual.

i agree with Chopper, the dude has some inner demons. he is confused, trying to play out his route in his head, trying to answer difficult questions he has asked himself, etc...

 

the force is strong in this one^^

 

maybe the time apart made him rethink some shit. for your sake, i hope not

 

nope

 

my bad...

he's fishing you along, dude. he will sweet-talk/fondle you to death till he gets what he wants...

but, what is it that you really want? you want the official title, right?

 

I guess I have to ask him directly what he wants, and watch carefully if he's lying to me. The thing is when we're together, he's awesome. It's just getting a hold of him that's difficult. He KNOWS he can't sweet talk me forever. He's got a psych degree and I know he knows his shit. He's just gotten a new job and is busy putting all that together, so I can see why he's not got that much time. But still, i'm not willing to do intercourse UNLESS he can prove to me he's going to stay with me. The problem is, how do I do this without looking like a cling-on? I want the official title and I want to be officially recognized as his boyfriend. He hasn't yet introduced me as such. When he introduces me he says, "this is Jordan". But then he does boyfriendly things like holding my hand in the theatre or mall and grinding and dancing with me at the bar, ignoring other guys. It's SO confusing!

 

He did tell me straight up at the beginning, right after his friend's birthday party, that he had some baggage, if I didn't mind that. I left a message on his phone asking if he wanted to come to a frat party that my friend invited me to on Friday night.

 

So you knew coming in that there could be speedbumps. Remember to watch out for them, old luggage can always still show up at the airport months later.

RE: the party.. sounds good, showing you still want him to attend functions with you. That'll make him feel important (if he doesn't already).

 

That's an awesome saying!

 

there's more in the treasure chest that is my brain. Stay tuned
But I'm sure you know that .

 

Pure genius my friend! Now I just gotta wait for the call back from Ry.

 

he really likes you a lot. that's pretty obvious.

but, like others on this thread, he may have some excess baggage he doesn't want exposed to you.

he likes to do the bf/bf thing, but, he doesn't want that title. my guess, something happened to him in the past that is making him really reluctant to confirm a committment with you, but just doesn't want to share with you, right now...

i agree, when someone tells you he/she has excess baggage, BE CAREFUL...

 

That's it. He's toast! Last night, when we went to the frat party together, my good friend's girlfriend asked Ryan if we were boyfriends and he said, "I know Jordan". I excused it because he was drunk and so was I, but I haven't forgotten. And later he was all clinging to me. But it was impossible to talk to him while he was drunk. So me, him, and his roomate (a girl), went back to their place and I slept there as was the plan. We messed around a little bit, but I could tell it didn't mean a lot to him. We simply don't want the same things from each other. So I told him . It's not going to work, so it's back to the boyfriend drawing board for me...

 

sorry to hear it, man. I know how happy you were when you first met him. Best of luck finding a replacement.

 

Keep your head up TL. I am sure you will find the right one.


On a side note: You have a lot of courage. I have noticed that you have to "come out" in just about every thread you start or post in. That takes courage and a strong foundation. I commend you for those.

 

Thanks. I met a guy at the gym this week in fact. He's a gamer just like me, not the most physically attractive, so I think I might just be friends with him. Ugh, it's so hard to find a good boyfriend. Sometimes you realize you can't keep lying to yourself. That's where I'm at right now. My last boyfriend before this, the one I had for a year, was great, except for the fact that he couldn't handle being gay and I was his first boyfriend. Oh well. Shit happens, I'll be fine.

 

what a hussy you are! you just dumped your dood, and you are already setting your sights on a guy from the gym!

 

Well that sucks J.
Probably better off this way.
Good luck on the punt return.

 

so fast?!

what kind of lyrics are you spitting to these guys? your game is top-notch, dude...

 

I dunno, he looked like he was struggling so I asked if he needed a spotter. It must be something in the way I look or act because he just arbitrarily introduced himself and started talking about himself. I mean, I could tell he was gay from the first second (it's just a weird feeling I get, he doesn't look gay). I really don't think an average-looking, young gay guy like myself really needs game. Remember, it's very very easy to get into a guy's pants unless you're ugly. If I wanted, I could have had him already, but I don't think I'm going to date someone who doesn't physically live up to expectations. He's not hideous, but he's not cute either.

 

UPDATE!

Okay, so after all this time, I see him at my friend Aaron's birthday party. He was drunk (of course, having spent the previous 5 hours at a house party drinking). It also happened to be his birthday (which I forgot about, because I was trying to rid myself of all thoughts of Ryan), and he was alone except for one friend that walked away. Then he had the audacity to grab my hand and lead me around. I shook him off. Then he wanted me to drive him home because I was leaving, so I said okay.

On the way to his place, he asks me to pull into various parking lots. I just kept driving, and he thought I was mad at him. Then we get to his place, and he won't get out of my car. He talks and talks about how he has feelings for me but he's not sure what he wants. Then he tried to kiss me and I dodged it. I honestly felt a little sorry for him because he looked really hurt. But he also hurt me alot before, so I said I had to go home and made him get out of my car, but I let him hold my hand as I told him he could call me if he wanted to hang out or something. I don't know why I said that. I honstly felt like his backup plan.

He probably won't remember any of it anyway...ugh. So, I remain single, but I don't think that Ry is worth getting back with. Do you guys think I'm making the right descision?

 

See the date of the post you made before the update? you shouldnt have thought about him since then in all honesty. the guy is flaky and obviously emotionally unstable.