eve

Are you a jealous person? What triggers your jealousy? How do you cope with it? According to you, how much is too much – in a romantic relationship, friendship, family, workplace, etc.?

Crazy Bimmer

In the past i only became jealous if I didnt trust the girl.

If I trust them then I see no reason to become jealous.

BustedJack

During high school and college years, the hotter the girl or flirter they were, the more jealous I would get. But then, those dating/relationship never really lasted and I wasn't all that mature either.
Feelings of jealousy always appear to stem from one's sense that something about their life is not secure. But I find a little bit of jealousy in a romantic relationship is good. It shows you still very much love the person and wants that particular person all by yourself. But too much or constantly show signs of jealousy is a sign of serious insecurity within you.
Even though I have trust in my relationship/marriage, I still get a bit jealous when she goes out skiing with her male collegues. Or she gets a bit jealous when my employees show a bit of flirtation twoard me at my night job. Ultimately, if there's solid trust in your relationship and knowing that your significant other won't cheat, then there is no reason to become jealous constantly.

Friendship wise, I do have a few friends who are indeed jealous of my business. They often show signs of jealousy by saying things like "share the wealth", "let me partner up", or "show me your secrets to success." I tend not to be rude or show signs of retaliation. I tend to just tell them "hey, as long as you're with me, you're taken care of."

Workwise, it's tough. You will get people that wants what you have even though they just can't make it themselves. That's a tough one for me to resolve, I often end up in arguments with them or if they work under me, I fire them lol..........

sasha

I used to hide my jealousy with past boyfriends. But with the current one, I let him know whenever I feel insecure. I guess I feel comfortable showing him all my feelings and that it's ok if he knows my deepest fears.

I don't think it's bad to get jealous. What matters is how you respond to it. It really helps to talk about it with your partner so that he/she can understand you and hopefully reassure your fears.

DarkSithCL

iTrader: (1)

u dropped it right Sasha!
my current relationship has been just awesome with her telling me and me telling her straight up when the we are feeling uncomfortable with something...anything for that matter....glad to see you don't have to get my age to figure that out

Papa_Sean

My ex girlfriend's "best" friend was some guy she used to sleep with before she met me (or so I thought at the time). I would only get jealous if I caught her talking to him on the phone, emails etc. If some random guy in the street would start hitting on her it wouldnt bother me, I would just laught it off. I knew she would just keep walking and ignore it. But when it came to someone I knew she had feelings for I would feel threatened. Other than that specific situation I wouldnt annoy myself with insecurities

RaviNJCLs

iTrader: (4)

I use to get really jeolous when I was younger. I had some trust issues. The older I got, the less you seem to let get to you.

It also helped having an ex that was really jeolous and that made you realize how retarded it is.

Scottman111

As long as your partner is mature enough to be able to talk about it with you.

Costco

I'm by nature a jealous and spiteful person at times. Not a good combo. I usually don't act on those feelings, but sometimes I do. When I was a freshman in high school I wouldn't even want the girl to talk to any other guys, but I noticed that I'm not as bad as before.

I also saw the issue come to light when a friend I know who was so jealous he made his girlfriend delete ALL of the numbers in her cell phone that belonged to guys, including cousins. Happen to know them both, they are still together, the guy has changed, but he kinda avoids letting her sit next to guys at movie theaters.

From that point on I realized how stupid it was, just like you guys did, and I think it really is mostly insecurity.

Street Spirit

That sounds more like he's controlling, not jealous....insecurity at its max.

RMATIC09

If my GF has a brother, shes gonna get beat, cause there aint no other man in her life but me.

Whiskers

Im jealous of Dom's wife....

synthetic

In today's society and with such low moral standards encouraged by mainstream media alongside Hollywood, not all the blame goes to the jealous type.

I'm far from a conservative old fart. In fact I'm the most liberal person I know, but when I see TV commercials like the "Ashley Madison" one, I start boiling.

is300eater

I'll admit... I have some insecurity issues... it doesn't help that I've been cheated on in the past. Just the other day, for example... this computer guy was working on our computer at the gym... when I walked by, I remember he kinda gave me "a look"... I figure... maybe I knew him from somewhere, but nothing came of it, we didn't talk or acknowledge each other verbally. So, later... I find out through the front desk girl... that he knew my "ex" -Sarah... and she tells me that he knew a bunch of stuff about Sarah I mean, things about her that happened when we were still together.

Even though Sarah and I are no longer together, but we still talk every so often... it's killing me why this guy knows so much about her... I wouldn't be surprise if she hooked up with him behind my back...

evilstorm

my gf has a few friends over sometimes when i am not there that are guys and it kind of bothers me...but she knew the two guys before she was with me so... I trust her

amisconception

If a girl understands guys and is upfront with you about how she deals with them, then that's cool. If you trust her because you know how she feels about you and you have some confidence (real confidence), then there's no reason to worry.

However, I'm jealous when it comes to my gf not understanding how guys are some times. She's gotten a lot better and learned a lot. But the nature of aggressive guys, and their hormones, can motivate them to say or do whatever it takes to get in a girl's skirt. So, whatever the case, a girl that can recognize that is what matters to me.

This of course is in terms of girls who actually do love you and aren't looking to cheat and are just dealing with the opposite sex outside of when you two are together.

If a girl has a tendency to be flirtatious and deceiving, then well, I would be jealous (if I cared about her). Then again, I probably wouldn't be with her to begin with because she's probably not interested in the same thing I am.

is300eater

exactly, that "ex" I mentioned above... worked at a diner... and a couple times she received flowers from male customers... so I asked her if she thank them but let them know if she's taken... and she said "I thanked him but, no... I didn't tell him that I'm taken, what's the big deal?"

Mokos23

Are you writing a psychology paper Eve?

j/k

SuperTrooper169

iTrader: (2)

Jealousy isn't always spurred on by the issues you think cause it.

I was in a destructive relationship a few years back filled with jealousy. At first it was me getting jealous, so much to the point that I went to see someone about it. It was the one thing in my life that I felt I had no control over, everything else was great and overall I was a happy person.

When I went to my psychologist I opened up about my relationship and what was going on; I was Christian and she was Muslim, her parents didn't accept me and after 2 years we had still never met, plus she was a very secretive person which made me always question if she was hiding something from me.

I was surprised to find out what really was making me jealous wasn't the things that I thought they were. It WASN'T the guy friends, the secrets or the waiting around for the phone calls at night wondering where she was or with who. It WAS because I didn't believe someone could love me enough to not cheat on me. See my parents had an inability to show emotion, especially love, so since I never got the reassurance from my parents that no matter what happened in life they'd loved me regardless, I was unable to see how someone could truly love me. Once I was able to see I didn't trust anyone because of that my world changed.

Another thing my psychologist said was now that I had control over my jealousy and reactions to situations that previously could spark jealousy, she wouldn't be surprised if the girl I was dating at the time would start being jealous toward me, even though she hadn't show any jealousy previously at all. It's one of those balance things. Turns out she was completely right. All the sudden my gilfriend started showing signs of jealousy toward me. For instance, I was talking with an attrative co-worker about work one day and when my girlfriend saw this she got extremely jealous and started yelling at me and losing control over her emotions. I remained completely calm and tried talking to her about it but she just went off on me and later that night even threatened to jump out of my car.

It was so odd how my psychologist knew this would happen. She explained it in this way: You have a married couple where the father shows the disapline and the mother is the comforter. Lets say the father decides he no longer wants to be the disaplinarian, the mother will now take over since she doesn't want the child to be without disapline. It's a pretty simple demonstration of balance with in a relationship, but something we might not think about often.

I guess we're all more alike then we tend to think. I'm now in a very stable, loving relationship where we both trust each other completely and there's almost no jealousy at all. Just something to think about.

synth19

I want to know what you really said before you edited your post. lol

Scottman111

I had an ex do this once to me at a bar.

I was talking to one of my attractive lady friends and I guess she was jealous about it. Then my friend playfully grabbed my chin while we were talking. My ex comes storming over and grabs me and says something mean to my friend.


I went easy on her because she was pretty drunk, but I was still pissed. What pissed me off more was how she never apologized and admitted responsibility...she tried turning it around that it was my fault somehow. Like her guy friends never hit on her or flirted with her


Main reason why she is my ex now....I'm not the kind of person that puts up with that bullshit.

amisconception

Ya, I hate that.

What's the big deal? Flowers are usually a "romantic" gesture... Romantic gestures should be reserved for your S.O. Sorry, but I'm not cool with that either.

The most comparable scenario I could think of is having a girl that really digs you home-cook you a meal... And then never mention that you have a girlfriend.

is300eater

the funny thing was... if we went to a restaurant... and the waitress was cute... and if I tip 20%... all of a sudden... it's NOT okay, and I'm flirting

Agent 47

Serious talk here...

I used to be a very jealous person. It has destroyed 2 of my past relationships; both were with very good women. Granted, I can always blame the trait on the fact that I was cheated on once by an ex of mine, and it makes it very hard for me to trust girls I was with later on. But, then I realize that it's something I must also work on personally. Did some soul-searching after the last break up and came across a book. I'm not sure if it's going to have the same effect on you guys, but after I read this, for some reason, it made me deal with this strange emotion much better. With practice and understanding, I can control it in with a much more rational approach. Here's what it said:

Jealousy is a con-artist. Jealousy is to be admired from a standpoint of how clever it is. Your jealousy says to you "I'm on your side. I don't want you to share her with another man. I don't want you to lose her to another man. I hate that stuff." And actually, that's exactly what jealousy wants. It wants you to criticize her, show suspicion, complain and thus push her into another man's arms. That's exactly what it wants. So that you can have a dramatic excuse for your favorite hobby, which is poor, sad, miserable me.

Personally, I am not denying that we should restraint ourselves when some dude is grabbing our woman's ass. Shit, I don't think any reasonable human being would be able to be understanding of that and not act on his jealousy. But, use your own judgment. From my exp. most of the time when I'm jealous of a gf or someone I'm dating, it usually derives from suspicion over......nothing.

I do think that when we act upon our emotion of being jealous, it usually amounts to nothing good and, more often than not, it makes ourself look very unattractive. Hell, that shit not only make us look bad, it also hurts our own ego. Not worth it.
After putting things in perspective, I also think that showing someone that you're jealous and showing someone you care are two different things. I'd rather show through my action that "Hey, if you're not going stay faithful, it's your loss." Been practicing the above and controlling this part of my emotion for the last 3 years, and have been in a happy relationship ever since. My

synthetic

synthetic

Very brave of you to seek professional help for this problem. many people don't even acknowledge their most obvious weaknesses let alone a common thing like jealousy.

I have to say your psychologist was a genius to understand your problem like that and actually make YOU understand it and able to explain it in such simple words. Usually psychologists figure the root of the problem but never bother to make the patient understand the same thing.

Well done man.

SuperTrooper169

iTrader: (2)

Hey, thanks a lot sythentic.

It's sort of ironic that I have the ability to seek help from others since my parents are the type of people that try to solve everything on their own, specifically my father. I've been blessed with a strong inner-self but at the same time I know that the world is way to complex for me to figure out everything on my own. I personally think everyone should have a psychologist or a therapist with whom they can talk to when they are in need of advice and they don't want it to be biased. It was one of the best decisions of my life. I think a lot of people would be very surprised just how many people see someone.

Also I do agree that my particular psychologist was amazing at breaking it down to the root issue and allowing me to see it and understand it fully. It was like it was meant to be for me to see her specifically at that time for that reason. The weirdest part was she always told me that I had a gift for giving good advice and I should look into becoming a psychologist myself! Pretty cool.

Anyway, thanks again. I hope this helps someone with things on their mind that they feel they can't talk to anyone about. Someone is there you just have to accept that you can't deal with everything on your own.

Agent 47

Thanks for the story. In a lot of ways, I was able to relate to what you were saying. I, too, saw a therapist about this, but it was more focused on couple counseling. (Though the subject of jealous was brought up a few times). My parents were not very affectionate towards me as well growing up, but I think it has more to do with the culture of where I came from rather than them not loving me. In any event, good story and good to hear that you're doing much better now.

BustedJack

This thread has turned into a very good reading....

2 thumbs up!

youngTL

I don't get jealous very often unless someone is aggressively hitting on my guy, and then I'd expect him to act responsibly.

When it comes to friends, I get jealous if their girlfriends occupy all their time and won't let them hang out with me and our other friends. I hate controlling bitches.

Georgiapeach

No, I am not a jealous person at all, honestly I don't see the point of it. Only bad thing can come of it and destroy relationships, just my opinion though.

EuRTSX

Jealousy leads to anxiousness, anxiousness = downhill from there. When you've become too anxious of what you have, you'll know when you've gone too far.

MikeCLS6

In your terms does anxiousness=downhill from there.....does that mean wanting to see your gf to much?

EuRTSX

Looks like you got my history down quite well.

Phesto

Whats the name of the book.I think i would like to check it out...

good post

MikeCLS6

This discussion has alot of great info....I agree with BoostedJack, GREAT READ.....

Im sure everyone gets some degree of jealousy, some people tend not to show it though.

Agent 47

PM me your E-mail address. I'll send the book to you It's an eBook

S14 n Tsx

I used to be super jealous of everything. oh well, we broke up so time to find new mate to be jealous of.

MikeCLS6

Was your jealousy what ended the relationship? or just started it on the downhill slope?

BustedJack

man.......... that's deep...............