amisconception

- My words in italic

This is why America is full of such relationship discontent.

Want a second date? Pay for the first

Men, pay attention. Women place a high value on how a potential partner treats them right at the start. Generosity will go a long way.

Potential partner = slave.

By Kris Frieswick, MSN Money

It was our first date. He was handsome, tall, educated, thoughtful and funny. He had a British accent and a great body. We sipped martinis and nibbled on perfectly seasoned tenderloin in a gourmet restaurant in downtown Boston. To say he was a catch would be an understatement. Yet the deal was not fully sealed until the dinner check came. He reached to pay it without hesitating.

It wasn't good enough that he was a potentially great father, smart, funny, thoughtful, good looking - no. He had to be willing to pay. In other words, the only important item in that whole list is whether or not he was willing to pay for her time.

Reader, I married him.

She was able to convince him that she was worth every penny he was going to pay for her sex.

There was, of course, more to it than that. But one of the things that most attracted me to my husband was his boundless generosity when it came to me.

The only thing she really cared about was his willingness to buy her things. Love? Loyalty? Nah, what really mattered was that his credit limit on his AMEX was high.

Me -- the feminist, the aggressive professional, the battler of gender inequality wherever it lurks.

The woman who is never home, the woman who feels offended cooking you a meal, the woman who hates the fact that men have opinions and feelings, the woman who desires superiority and power.

Me -- the woman who thinks the man should pay for the first date.

Wait, what happened to battling gender inequality?

F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote, "The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function."

I must be a genius. A hypocritical genius.

One of my many sisters in this hypocrisy is Donna Spangler, a former model and author of "How to Get a Rich Man." She says she simply wouldn't go on a second date with a man who didn't pay for the first. "There's something about the strength of a man who pays," says Spangler. "If a guy doesn't pay for you, you're not being treated like you're special. . . . A woman shouldn't gravitate toward that kind of man."

A man who pays for a woman's time simply because she is a woman with makeup and high heels is a fool and one who could be dominated and forced to pay for all of her unquenchable material desires.

The feminist in me cringes at those words, but, God help me, I agree with her. I have many devoutly feminist friends who agree as well. Some might say that our position on this matter is inconsistent with feminism, but I'm not ready to hand in my NOW card just yet.

Any doubts still about feminism's "have your cake and eat it too" reality?

Still, I have seen the enemy and she is me -- and Donna, and my friends, and every other woman who is appalled when asked to go Dutch on the first date.

Being treated as an equal, appalling!

Perhaps we can rationalize that our desire for a man to pay is the modern version of an age-old evolutionary urge. The female of any species gravitates toward a mate who can provide for her and any potential offspring, says Boyce Watkins, a finance professor at Syracuse University and author of "Financial Lovemaking 101."

Prehistorically, man provided food and shelter to show a woman he was interested. Millenniums later, that dynamic is re-enacted at Italian restaurants every Saturday night. Video: The 95% solution

"Paying for the first date is one way to show that there is an allocation of valuable resources to your significant other," says Watkins. "And let's face it, I don't care if you're a human or a bear in the woods, no female wants to mate with a wimp who can't provide."

No wonder men are perplexed by the modern woman. We're actually prehistoric hypocritical geniuses.

"A lot of men are confused by gender equality," says Watkins. "They hear a woman is equal to a man, but the minute you try to apply this to dating, you find she doesn't want to go out with you anymore."

It's not only men who are confused. Women can't seem to come to a consensus, either. Struggling to maintain a semblance of integrity, they come up with a compromise: Whoever invites pays. Video: Always the guy … or whoever asked?

"It's a host or hostess thing," says Jacqueline Mitchell, a writer for an alumni magazine at Tufts University in Boston. "If you ask someone to your house for dinner, you know you're footing the bill."

But there's just one tiny hitch.

"I'm never going to ask a man out for the first date." Mitchell admits. "It's not that I think it's wrong; I'm just too shy."

i.e., "I'm a coward"

Fortunately, it seems, many men want to pay for the first date.

No, not really. Men don't WANT to pay for anything. Men just feel obligated to do so. They don't know that they don't have to or that they actually should NOT.

"Men don't want things to be too easy," says April Masini, a dating advice columnist and author of "Date Out of Your League" and other relationship books. "Men are hunters. When it comes to a relationship, the man needs to pursue the relationship. When it comes to romance, it's not the same as the boardroom."

Another woman's misconception. Men don't want things to be hard. We want life and everything that comes with it to be easy. We naturally choose the shortest path between two distances. Women play hard to get because of an illogical and misunderstood fact about the nature of men.

Paying for dinner is a man's way of signaling that the date is romantic, as opposed to platonic, she says. If a woman offers to pay, men feel pursued, and the thrill of the hunt evaporates, making a second date unlikely.

A woman offering to pay has absolutely no bearing on whether or not a second date is inevitable. You know what guys like? That you're HOT, fun, and easy-going. What are feminists typically? Ugly, fat, bitter, and bitchy. Not my idea of a good time

Evolution is only partially to blame. We can point to the usual suspects -- TV, Mom and Dad, and "society," says Dr. Molly Barrow, a relationship expert, psychologist and author of "Matchlines." Thanks to brainwashing from this Terrible Trio, "most men feel that their job and their earning power equates with their self-worth," says Barrow. "Women do not equate their self-worth with their income. They do equate their self-worth with how their partner treats them."

Gold-digging women with no sense or character, or soul, equate their self-worth to how much money men spend on them. The sad reality? This is entirely shallow and doomed to failure. Looks fade and there is a direct correlation between how much money men (chumps) typically spend on women and how attractive they are.

Put the two together, and guess who's paying for dinner?

[i]Men that believe they're only as worthy as the size of their wallets.[i/]

"Giving stronger female role models to children will help us break out of this pattern," says Barrow. "Men will eventually disengage from the money equals power equals self-worth thing and as they do that, females will learn to define their own self-worth differently."

Men will eventually disengage from the money equals power equals self-worth thing eventually. They feel the pangs of trying to be everything they think women want and thinking they finally found someone who loves them for them only to realize that once they lose their job their women equate them to bums on the street. Worthless.

However, there is a long way to go.

Fat chance, says writer Spangler.

See what I mean?

"I don't care what the feminists say; a man is a man," she says. "He's got a sex drive and he doesn't value the girl that pays. There are some things that are true, whether you want them to be or not."

These typical feminists, the modern American woman, believe that as long as men are driven sexually, they are up for sale to the highest bidder. Incredibly insulting, isn't it?

Story of my hypocritical life.

We gather that. And once your looks fade, and your husband finds you unattractive, and he cheats on you with a younger woman who really cares about him for who he is and not his net worth, it'll be too late for you.

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com...x#pageTopAchor

coconut

cliff?

LSBoogie

Cliff notes by Boogie=Most women are money grubbing whores. End Cliffs.

Mike 350Z

^^^And they want still want to be treated as an "equal."

PillsburyChoboy

I'm beginning to think there is an awful amount of truth in rap songs about bitches and hos

stright-(paint)balling

hey i can't complain about my g/f she pays for when we go out 1-2 times a week. and it's not like Burger King or Micky D's it like Outback steakhouse like last week.
now i pay the rest of the time we go out. but she hooks me up with other stuff.

LSBoogie

According to the article, You're not marriage material. According the the first thread you started, I would agree....



Just playing.

mypoorTSX

dang if i were a money grubbing whore i'd have a TL instead of a TSX.

fdl

I didn't read the article, but I believe the same doctrine which dictates that men pay on the first date also dictates that women provide a blowjob (or greater depending on meal value) the same night. Whats fair is fair.

LSBoogie

Boogie say, woman who drive TSX instead of TL chose poorly those men of which to grub from...

LSBoogie

x 100000000000000

KCPreki11

Everyone's asking for cliff's because the OP bludgeoned the whole article with comments.

Python2121

Cliffs: she is a feminist and wants equality but at the same time embodies the anti feminist trophy wife, spoiled whore values.

Jwalsh

i read the article and i agree 100% with the Op.

and for those of you who asked for cliffs...here you are...

YoungCeo

That should be a MAN LAW...

amisconception

RaviNJCLs

iTrader: (4)

No way I'm reading all that.

noshow_nogo

this is why u find a rich girl


edit: plus sometimes theres that audience of guys that think that if the girl pays for them it's emasculating and they have to be the manly man. make up your damn minds. me? i pay for the first. then the second one I split, third i make believ nothing happened and wait til she pays

amisconception

A guy who feels emasculated because a girl bought him food does not know what being a man really is.

Who buys who food is petty.

RJANACONDA

iTrader: (1)

its been a while since i was single but i feel if someone, male or female asks, someone out then they should be prepared to pay for it unless specified during the asking out.

fdl

That works for a first or second date. But what about the next 5 dates. Who pays?

derrick

Weird to see this conversation. I am totally thinking the same thing what the OP said about the hypocracy of this "feminist" columnist. So you want equity but won't pull out your wallet when the check arrives?

To the author's defence, I think it's a caveman / cavewoman thing for the man to provide at the start. I've never gone on a first date where I didn't pay >50% of the total expenses (ie I dated one feminist who insisted we would go dutch but I had to pay for parking ... ) But I do like it when the woman pays for stuff for me unexpectedly, so I can see why a woman would wanted to be treated at first.

Honestly -- if that's how a woman perceives things (ie you're not special unless a man pays for you) -- that's a bunch of BS. So a guy's not special unless a woman gives him at least head on the first date ... is that a fair analogy? First impressions are first impressions. If you date a woman with that mentality ... she can take a hike. And if a guy thinks what I just mentioned above ... well, he's just being a guy.

RJANACONDA

iTrader: (1)

why would it only work for 1 or 2 dates? every time (not that it a huge amount) a girl asked me out they paid even if we went out a few time it was thier idea so why should i pay? Im not saying that to be a cheap basterd but that is my logic that like me saying hey lets go to a concert you go buy the tickets and pick me up in your car so i wont have to pay for gas. that is not asking for a date that is offering yourself to be treated that the equivalant to me comming home saying hey dear i have an idea why dont i sit down so you can rub my back. AFTER she stopped laughing she would be like what the hell ever. and on top of that i probably would get any dinner. now if a girls says i want to see this movie would you take me thats differant in that she is not assmuming the guy would pay. now if this was back in the day when women were not allowed to work or got paid less than a man doing the exact same thing then hell yeah the guy should pay

off topic FDL you always have the most disturbing to see yet cant stop looking avatars around.

MightySemen

AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I Aint Payin SHYT!!! I can cover myself and if I feel like being nice I might pay... But see the problem with paying all the time is that the bitch gets acustom to the shyt and then they take advantage of it and get pissed at you if you Stop.... SOOOO. Dont start the relationship that way and you'll find yourself happier than ever. Also that when you DO treat your girl out she appreciates it more and you're guaranteed to bust in her face later that night.. Play it smart and you'll have more in your pocket and less in your ball sack HAHAHAhAHAHAHAHA Plz dont give me neg. points if you dont agree... jus say you dont agree LMAO

and.... "I apologize for calling you bitches, I'm only saying that cuz I dont know your names individually; lets not get sensitive this evening, lets not..."

NetEditor

This is reason No. 1 why men get paid more in the workplace.

MightySemen

ERrr... Sorry have to disagree witcha on that one... we get paid more cuz this is a mans world.

NetEditor

Sorry, I should have said, "This is reason No. 1 why men SHOULD get paid more in the workplace."

MightySemen

Nice Come Back!!! LOL But yeah... you got it.

NothinButABlur

Have you EVER gotten laid before? I wonder if you know how rediculous you sound

Mokos23

thanks for the post, now i like to pay for the first date, but i detested this one girl i was going out with. we went out on 5 dates and she never once offered to pay, ugh. on the other hand i've had girls split the check or pay for certain things too when we're on a date.

hornyleprechaun

I haven't been on a lot of dates with girls other than my current gf, but we pay for every other bill accordingly. If the bill was like $25 at chilis though I wouldn't have a problem paying for it. Now if the 5th, 6th, & 7th dates were around $100 I wouldn't pay for all 3 myself, and would hope that the girl pay for at least 1 of the 3, if not split 2 of them.