I am going to try to make this as short as possible.

First of all, i would like to say i had been through many breakups including a 7 years relationship break up so i know how it feels and what i should do. But this time it is different..

I had been with my ex girlfriend for 4.5 years and i broke up with her over some stupid shit 2 month ago. Then i asked her back after 2 days because i realized what kind of idiot i was. She said at that time don't feel bad because she has been thinking about it for a while so just think it is a neutral break up.

Things that she was not happy about me : she was getting bored (too routine), i didnt say "i love you" enough.. i didnt go out with her friends/family enough, and she always went to the places and do the things i wanted to do but never done anything she wanted (not true but i didnt argue with her)

So i tried very hard to get her back the first few weeks after we broke up (big big big mistakes i know), then she came to my bday party and slept at my house (2 weeks after we broke up) then she started to ignore me after that... for like over 1 month. i did not contact her until 2 weeks ago. I just sent an email and asked if she wants to have dinner and Just dinner, nothing more. She replied sure just let her know when.

since her work schedule is very weird, i told her to let me know when she has time. She always said Next week is ok? i said Sure just let me know when. She has done that twice already but she never let me know when.

I want her back because she s the girl i would like to settle down with. Finally..

So why is she already agreed to have dinner but now she is just lagging it and i know she has plenty of free time. She could have simply ignored my reqeust just like before..


Any advice guys?

 

There's another rooster in the henhouse.

 

You wanna get nuts? Come on, lets get nuts!

 

She is keeping control. This is a bad thing.

 

I know. But what its done is done. i am not going to ask her again about the dinner thing.

Also, i highly doubt there is another "rooster", news travel fast nowadays especially with facebook and friends. I would expect her to go out a lot more often if she is seeing someone else.

 

Stop asking her when - set a date, if she can't make it, and isn't offering a solid alternative (like Thursday, 7PM), she doesn't want to do dinner. Forget what she says, pay attention to her actions, they're telling you everything.

Her actions are pretty much telling you she's over you.

I would recommend dating other girls. Take this as an opportunity to find hotter, younger girls. If she comes around while you're dating them, and you still want her, then maybe you'll drop them for her. But in the meantime don't stress something as simple as her not committing to dinner with you, she's an ex, now on with the next.

 

You've asked her twice. She knows you want to see her. If she truly wants to make time for you, she will. You do not need to ask her again, nor should you. Either way, you cannot force someone to like you, to change their mind, or to have the same feelings for the future that you do...so regardless of what your intentions were for "just dinner" - keep that in mind. Actually...what were your intentions when asking her to dinner? And if your intentions were harmless, why ponder whether or not dinner will even happen? Perhaps that's something you need to figure out for yourself.

 

u fucked up. she is in a postition of power over you now. it seems as if this was the case throughout your relationship too and thats why it failed.

you had to be the leader and u failed. now she walks all over you and your conditioned to be emasculated in your approach.

game over.

move on and stop being a pusscake

 

also, i hope you feel better soon and realize that youre not missing much. you dont want a girl like that. you only THINK you need her because of your inability to see past her.

 

i was not going to bring up any "getting back together" speech during the dinner. Mainly just to see how she is doing... taking things slow and that was the 1st step of the "plan"

 

True she has more power now but that was not the case when we were together, which was one of the reasons she gave me "she followed me like a puppy"

BTW: we lived together for 4+ years..

 

Ouch... Sort of the same situation with my current ex... (although I still live with her.. FML) Look past it and date other girls.

 

Damn 4 years living together. Just play it cool and don't let your ex prevent you from meeting and dating other girls. Living together for 4 years is a long time and it may take months to even a year to truly get over her but that shouldn't stop you from running game. You can't force your hand with your ex and unfortunately at this point have to play by her rules.

 

yah i have other girls right now but somehow they are just annoying to me. I am not going to get into the rebound crap cuz i am not interested in anyone at this moment.

 

you still live with her? damn you would never get over her until she moves out.

 

Not only lived together for 4 + years. Also went to 2 colleges together and graduated together. That is why it is so hard to let go..

 

Yea man that's cool. Just hang with your boys and keep yourself busy. After my last serious relationship ended, I got into martial arts and it was one of the best things I could have done. Now I train 3 times a week which keeps me in good shape and I made a whole bunch of new friends.

 

Just checking my memory here...don't you guys have a baby together and that's why you're with her? Or am I thinking of somebody else?

 

Yah... It's pretty hard... situation is all sorts of complicated and annoying -__- I'm just trying to look past her and definitely stay away from the house as much as I can...

Lol someone else... damn if I already had a baby....

 

I agree with Street Spirit. Your intentions and feelings are known. I think she is giving you her answer through her (lack of) response to you. I would advise you to be objective about what you are seeing and disconnect what IS happening with what you WANT to happen. Don't keep hoping she'll act different. Evaluate things on how she is acting.

Any long term relationship or marriage takes hard work. My marriage is 19 years and counting, and no matter how much in love you are, a good marriage/relationship takes work. So my big red flag here is that she's stopped trying - she's not putting in any effort to reconcile. Only you are. This is bad, and IMO doomed to failure. You're not going to pull this out with effort on your part.

As hard as it is, if she's not in it to repair the relationship, time to move on. Save yourself the heartbreak. Better you know this now than 5 years of marriage and 2 kids from now. And really, if she bailed on you like that without wanting to work through it, she's either does not have the skills for to be in a long-term relationship or she's just moved on herself already. Etiher way, I think you time is better spent elsewhere.

Consider also: in high school sometimes when I was too much of a coward to just man-up and break up with someone, I'd do things to make them angry so that by the time I brought it up they wanted to as well (I felt less guilty if it was "mutual" ). Do you think she might have intentionally drove you to that break up point? Given that she was all "OK" with the breakup, maybe she had that in mind for some time...?

But since I try to be optimistic, the only way this has a happy ending is if a) she wants to be with you and b) is willing to do the hard work and repair the relationship. But really, you are better off with someone who whould have done those two things on their own, not because you had to ask them to.

Best of luck to you.

 

Stop being a puppy & following her around begging for attention. Do you want her to like or love you for all the extra things you do or for who you really are? If she's genuinely interested she wont be playing hard to get. Make yourself seem busy, occupied, progressing but open to her when she's open....dont beg to meet her. I fell into a trap in my college days where I wasted all my time on one chick who's now long gone. I wish I had gotten out there more or not wasted all my time, energy and money on someone who didnt really care anyways.

 

Possible.. OP does it bother you that she might be dating other dudes? If so, let it go. She's obviously not dying inside because she's not with you.. what does that mean?... she's happy without you!!

Move on.. stay friends.. if she wants you back that'll be her decision not yours. Just stop being so attached / clingy. That's not attractive to anyone.

 

Update:

Well i may *Feel* sad and everything but that s not how i act when i talk to her.

So we did have dinner last Friday. She made a reservation at a pretty high end romantic place. i was surprised because it thought it would have been just a *dinner*

We opened a bottle of wine and ate some good food. talked and laughed. I never mentioned about the relationship or ask her to get back with me. She kept on saying how much i changed and i go out too much. Also she said how lonely she has became lately because alot of the times she had to cook dinner for herself and eat by herself...

She called me after i dropped her off at her place but i didnt hear it until i saw the missed call after i got home. I called and she said No one was at home because there was supposed to be a bday party for her sister. She wanted me to go back to drink and watch movie but since i already got home it is too late already.

Today i said to her "thanks for having dinner with me and i had a great time"

She said she had a great time too and it was not awkward or anything


So NOW WHAT??

 

Just keep it casual like it is

If it was meant to be, you will get back together one day

 

i could do that .. that is what i have been doing since i started talking to her again.

But i know she will not ask me first even if she wants to get back. Simply because i dumped her.... i know that for a fact since i lived with her for almost 5 years...

i could understand where she s coming from.. i broke up with her for some silly shit and if she comes back easily then it only shows i would break up with her again (which i wont now)

So if i wanna get back with her. i will have to ask her sooner or later. I just dont know when i should.

 

u shouldnt

 

Do you want to marry her (unless marriage isn't your goal...)? But if it is, carefully consider your next move.

Because if you want her back, you need to go all in. Lay it out for her, apologize for dumping her, and they you'll have to live up to the promise that it will never happen again. If you've broken her trust like that, you can't break it again. So before you go there, is she it? Can you imagine a life without her? If she said no, would it break you or can you see yourself recovering and moving on in a week?

I'd do this: pretend in your mind that you went back to her, said all the right things, and she accepted. Now you're together. Walk around pretending that you've made that decision for a week. See how you feel then. Are you happy, or were you feeling sorry you lost the relationship more than you lost her.

Then imagine she said no. Walk around with that for a few days. How devistated are you, or are the girls you run into starting to look more and more interesting?

Anyway, I'd think this one through. It would make a great story to get her back but only if you two live happily ever after. Anything less wastes your time and hers.

 

I would say the answer will be yes, because there is no current alternative. I think OP needs a greater sample size for comparison. If after a couple of miserable other relationships, things still look rosy, give it another try. You both will be more experienced and in a way, you'll have an instant comfort level because of your past.