I don't see my family getting along with my girlfriend's family. Need strong advice..
06-07-2011, 03:08 PM
#1
I don't see my family getting along with my girlfriend's family. Need strong advice..
Just want to say that I really am looking for serious and mature advice here, as me and my girlfriend just hit a little bump due to family issues; we did not get into an argument.
I have been dating my girlfriend for about 10 months and I can safely say that we are serious and have had thoughts about marriage. I am 24 years old and she is 22. I am Korean and she is Hispanic, although she doesn't speak an ounce of Spanish. How are we doing? Great. We haven't had a single argument.
Culturally, my parents are very traditional as some of you may expect, and ideally want me to marry a Korean girl with an established education, along with someone who has strong family value. I am a firm believer in that marriage is not only a coming together of two individuals, but their families as well. So right off the bat, I knew that this relationship was going to be difficult with respect to family.
I have met her family on multiple occasions. Her parents are divorced with some psychological problems because of it, and anxiety runs strong in the family. Truthfully, sometimes I withhold some anger against her parents due to poor parenting and decision making, for such a sweetheart. They love me, because I am well-mannered, have an established education with an optimistic future. But I do feel uncomfortable around her family because it's a very different dynamic than mine. I try not to get too close to them, since that is a very big step in a relationship.
My girlfriend has never met my family. Is she scared? Perhaps. I have mentioned her to my parents and they flat out said "No, you are not marrying her and that's final." Here is when I really started to panic, since I knew I loved her very much but as I said, coming together of families is huge for me. If I knew they wouldn't get along with not only her family, but also her, then it would yield very uncomfortable years in the future. I haven't even told my parents that they are separated with a couple of issues that run in the family.
My problem: I don't hold a single thing against my girlfriend due to her family issues and that's what makes it so difficult for me. She had no control of her parental outcome. I truly do love her and want to be with her, no doubt about it. But I do not see our families getting along.
Recently I told her all of the above, because I thought it was the right time, since it would only make things worse in the future. She started to cry and she told me that she would be willing to do anything possible to stay with me. We are confused at the moment, and are seeking a solution...
I know there really isn't any answer and believe me, I have heard the common response: "If you love her, then nothing should get in the way of your relationship." But if I don't see our families getting along, then it would make me unhappy as well.
What is the right thing to do?
I have been dating my girlfriend for about 10 months and I can safely say that we are serious and have had thoughts about marriage. I am 24 years old and she is 22. I am Korean and she is Hispanic, although she doesn't speak an ounce of Spanish. How are we doing? Great. We haven't had a single argument.
Culturally, my parents are very traditional as some of you may expect, and ideally want me to marry a Korean girl with an established education, along with someone who has strong family value. I am a firm believer in that marriage is not only a coming together of two individuals, but their families as well. So right off the bat, I knew that this relationship was going to be difficult with respect to family.
I have met her family on multiple occasions. Her parents are divorced with some psychological problems because of it, and anxiety runs strong in the family. Truthfully, sometimes I withhold some anger against her parents due to poor parenting and decision making, for such a sweetheart. They love me, because I am well-mannered, have an established education with an optimistic future. But I do feel uncomfortable around her family because it's a very different dynamic than mine. I try not to get too close to them, since that is a very big step in a relationship.
My girlfriend has never met my family. Is she scared? Perhaps. I have mentioned her to my parents and they flat out said "No, you are not marrying her and that's final." Here is when I really started to panic, since I knew I loved her very much but as I said, coming together of families is huge for me. If I knew they wouldn't get along with not only her family, but also her, then it would yield very uncomfortable years in the future. I haven't even told my parents that they are separated with a couple of issues that run in the family.
My problem: I don't hold a single thing against my girlfriend due to her family issues and that's what makes it so difficult for me. She had no control of her parental outcome. I truly do love her and want to be with her, no doubt about it. But I do not see our families getting along.
Recently I told her all of the above, because I thought it was the right time, since it would only make things worse in the future. She started to cry and she told me that she would be willing to do anything possible to stay with me. We are confused at the moment, and are seeking a solution...
I know there really isn't any answer and believe me, I have heard the common response: "If you love her, then nothing should get in the way of your relationship." But if I don't see our families getting along, then it would make me unhappy as well.
What is the right thing to do?
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bforbrian (06-07-2011)
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bforbrian (06-07-2011)
06-07-2011, 03:38 PM
#4
I feel you bro, I'm asian myself with fairly traditional parents. I've never had any real serious relationships like you are now but I know that they disliked non-chinese girls that I was just dating.
I know that if the time come when I'm in your shoes, it will be a struggle. I just hope that they can see my side with some convincing.
Do your parents speak good english? Because maybe if they met your girl and saw how nice and sweet she is and how much you like her then that could change their mind some.
I know that if the time come when I'm in your shoes, it will be a struggle. I just hope that they can see my side with some convincing.
Do your parents speak good english? Because maybe if they met your girl and saw how nice and sweet she is and how much you like her then that could change their mind some.
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bforbrian (06-07-2011)
06-07-2011, 03:40 PM
#5
Team Owner
At this point you are building up all this tension about marriage and your family not liking her family unnecessarily IMO. The poor girl has been with you 10 months and hasn't even met your parents and now you have her all freaked out about it. Get the girl to meet your parents ASAP. No need to talk to your parents about marrying this girl at this point since you've only been with her 10 months. Give them the opportunity to accept the fact that she is your girlfriend. You can work on the fiance part in the future. There's also no point in telling your parents the negative things that you don't like about her family.
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06-07-2011, 03:43 PM
#6
Having been in a similar position, I can say that at the end of the day - and you'll hear many people share the same sentiment in different ways - you have to do what's best for yourself. What's best generally means, imo, what gives you fulfillment. You love the girl and you love your family, there's a balancing act to do there... wait 'til you have kids, things get even more "interesting"... Seriously though, life is short. You will have to make a choice. Your parents love you unconditionally and will be happy you're happy when the storm clears... and it will, believe me. My wife and I went through our own battles when we were on/off bf/gf in our teens and in college. And as I think back on those arguments (which are genuinely fading), they are further behind us than time would suggest.
It's weird the way things happen. I know this time in your life can sometimes make it hard to breathe, as if you have no other choice but to choose between your fam or the girl. In some cases, you do have to choose. I hope it's not like that for you. But, even if it is, you need know in your heart you've made the right decision for you - take solace in knowing you're your own man, take pride in your decision as a man, and live your life bro.
It's weird the way things happen. I know this time in your life can sometimes make it hard to breathe, as if you have no other choice but to choose between your fam or the girl. In some cases, you do have to choose. I hope it's not like that for you. But, even if it is, you need know in your heart you've made the right decision for you - take solace in knowing you're your own man, take pride in your decision as a man, and live your life bro.
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bforbrian (06-07-2011)
06-07-2011, 04:21 PM
#7
Three Wheelin'
I say just forget about everything and do whatever that makes the both of you happy...since >50% of marriages these days end up in divorces anyway. Who cares......
But I'm Asian and I believe in strong family ties and I also don't believe in divorces (unless it's absolutely necessary) so here's my take on your situation....and I don't claim to be any expert in marriage or relationship....
Respect and dignity, family values.... words that run very high in Asian blood.
Since you're the guy, you'll be bringing her into your family and your side of the family. Thus, if your family can accept her, give her the love and support that they give you, and if she can accept you, your family, give you and your family the same love and support that you give them, marry her.
If any of those things are not aligned, don't marry her. It'll be chaos! Most likely, you'll end up losing her and your family.
Some may say..what about the girl's side of the family? Though having both sides happy would be ideal, as a guy (in Asian culture), it's more important for his family to get along with his wife.
Thus, set your priorities and align your family values. If the both of you are willing to make some sacrifices to be together, it may work.
But I'm Asian and I believe in strong family ties and I also don't believe in divorces (unless it's absolutely necessary) so here's my take on your situation....and I don't claim to be any expert in marriage or relationship....
Respect and dignity, family values.... words that run very high in Asian blood.
Since you're the guy, you'll be bringing her into your family and your side of the family. Thus, if your family can accept her, give her the love and support that they give you, and if she can accept you, your family, give you and your family the same love and support that you give them, marry her.
If any of those things are not aligned, don't marry her. It'll be chaos! Most likely, you'll end up losing her and your family.
Some may say..what about the girl's side of the family? Though having both sides happy would be ideal, as a guy (in Asian culture), it's more important for his family to get along with his wife.
Thus, set your priorities and align your family values. If the both of you are willing to make some sacrifices to be together, it may work.
Last edited by silver3.5; 06-07-2011 at 04:26 PM.
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bforbrian (06-07-2011)
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06-07-2011, 04:38 PM
#8
Suzuka Master
OP, just take it slow and introduce your GF to your parents. Take them all out for dim sum or something and keep it mellow. If your GF is as great as you say she is, and your parents observe how happy you are with her, then they may be more amendable to both of you being together. Stop worrying about marriage, you've only been together for 10 months, it's still the "honeymoon" phase. Worry about marriage 2 or 3 years from now.
I'm Asian, my mother is full-on traditional Thai, and she doesn't even like the Asian girls I've dated. As the only son, she's so protective of me it's scary. You can't change your parents so you have to reach a compromise.
I'm Asian, my mother is full-on traditional Thai, and she doesn't even like the Asian girls I've dated. As the only son, she's so protective of me it's scary. You can't change your parents so you have to reach a compromise.
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bforbrian (06-07-2011)
06-07-2011, 05:31 PM
#9
Race Director
iTrader: (7)
im asian as well, and when my grandparents found out i was dating a white girl, they werent too happy about it, especially my grandmother. she kept telling "oh, i know cute girl over at the resturant" (which happens to be my friends sister, and no she isnt cute)
but i told my grandma that like it or not, im dating her. She eventually came around and now she always asks for her when she isnt around for family get togethers and stuff.
Do what makes you happy. Everyone on my dads side of the family (asian) married another race and everyone gets alone perfectly fine.
just slowly bring her around, tell them she means a lot to you. i know some families are very traditional, but like justin said, this is 2011. times are different. do what makes you guys happy.
but i told my grandma that like it or not, im dating her. She eventually came around and now she always asks for her when she isnt around for family get togethers and stuff.
Do what makes you happy. Everyone on my dads side of the family (asian) married another race and everyone gets alone perfectly fine.
just slowly bring her around, tell them she means a lot to you. i know some families are very traditional, but like justin said, this is 2011. times are different. do what makes you guys happy.
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bforbrian (06-07-2011)
06-07-2011, 07:03 PM
#10
Safety Car
It's a tough situation and it's not just a single action/advice that can make it go away. Like others have said, take it slow, and show your gf to your parents in a casual way (although I can picture it's rather hard to even make the first meeting casual).
One thing I can say is that be bold about your feelings for your gf to your parents. I'm not suggesting you give impression of picking her over your parents. Just make it clear that they can see you know what you are up with. Also, no need to make it go all too far like marriage and stuff. You should give them a chance to build a bonding and possibly get more friendly down the road.
I am Korean myself and a lot of Korean families these days are getting more friendly with their children and their in-laws (myself and my wife included).
Good luck. Look on the brighter side and worry later. You only live once.
One thing I can say is that be bold about your feelings for your gf to your parents. I'm not suggesting you give impression of picking her over your parents. Just make it clear that they can see you know what you are up with. Also, no need to make it go all too far like marriage and stuff. You should give them a chance to build a bonding and possibly get more friendly down the road.
I am Korean myself and a lot of Korean families these days are getting more friendly with their children and their in-laws (myself and my wife included).
Good luck. Look on the brighter side and worry later. You only live once.
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bforbrian (06-07-2011)
06-07-2011, 09:32 PM
#11
mmmmmm....
Only advice I can give you is take things slow. You are only 24, and only been with her for 10 months! I went through what you are going through right now.... Long story short, we ended up breaking up and doing just fine. (thanks to typical bossy korean parents, right?)
I am not telling you to break up with her, but take things slow and easy. You are in no hurry to get marry right now.
I am not telling you to break up with her, but take things slow and easy. You are in no hurry to get marry right now.
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bforbrian (06-07-2011)
06-07-2011, 09:48 PM
#12
Suzuka Master
If you are really serious about your gf, you should stop the anxiety building up within you and just introduce her to your parents. You'll never really know if they will like her or not until you provide an opportunity for them to get to know each other.
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bforbrian (06-07-2011)
06-07-2011, 10:11 PM
#13
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Huge 
to introducing your parents to your girlfriend. It's very easy for your parents to say "I don't want you dating anyone Hispanic/non-Korean". It's not as easy for them to say "I don't want you dating Megan."
Introduce them, and let them get to know each other. I'm sure by now, her parents love you like a son. In all likelihood, your parents will love your girlfriend like a daughter in due time as well. It's a gradual step, and IMO one that grows with the relationship.
Even if your parents don't end up liking her, if you get engaged and show them you are serious about her, they will have to come around. You are their son. I think any parent would want to see their kid happy, even if it's with someone that doesn't necessarily fit their ideal picture for you.
Son's happiness > Family traditions. If not, you are royally screwed whether you marry this woman or not.
to introducing your parents to your girlfriend. It's very easy for your parents to say "I don't want you dating anyone Hispanic/non-Korean". It's not as easy for them to say "I don't want you dating Megan."Introduce them, and let them get to know each other. I'm sure by now, her parents love you like a son. In all likelihood, your parents will love your girlfriend like a daughter in due time as well. It's a gradual step, and IMO one that grows with the relationship.
Even if your parents don't end up liking her, if you get engaged and show them you are serious about her, they will have to come around. You are their son. I think any parent would want to see their kid happy, even if it's with someone that doesn't necessarily fit their ideal picture for you.
Son's happiness > Family traditions. If not, you are royally screwed whether you marry this woman or not.
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bforbrian (06-07-2011)
06-07-2011, 11:54 PM
#14
Thanks for the advice everyone.
Thought about it, and realized that what everyone has said thus far is true; it is too early to tell. She has never even met my rents yet.
I would find it hard to believe that they would rather see me miserable (being separated from my girlfriend) than happy (with my girlfriend).
Thank you all so much; I talked things out with my girlfriend and we are on great terms, as always was.
Thought about it, and realized that what everyone has said thus far is true; it is too early to tell. She has never even met my rents yet.
I would find it hard to believe that they would rather see me miserable (being separated from my girlfriend) than happy (with my girlfriend).
Thank you all so much; I talked things out with my girlfriend and we are on great terms, as always was.
06-08-2011, 09:52 AM
#17
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06-08-2011, 10:19 AM
#18
Three Wheelin'
I was waiting for this...lol just
Anyways bforbrian, like others have mentioned, 10 months is a long time for the gf to not have met your parents. I say take em out to dinner or lunch in neutral ground, some nice restaurant. That way both parents and your gf will be a little comfy-er, than bringing her to your parents house. And like what others have said its 2011 already, tell them to open up. There are so many people with different backgrounds in this country with different beauty. Otherwise, what did they expect? come to this country and have your mind set to one nationality?
Last edited by coykiam; 06-08-2011 at 10:21 AM.
06-08-2011, 11:53 AM
#19
Safety Car
Thanks for the advice everyone.
Thought about it, and realized that what everyone has said thus far is true; it is too early to tell. She has never even met my rents yet.
I would find it hard to believe that they would rather see me miserable (being separated from my girlfriend) than happy (with my girlfriend).
Thank you all so much; I talked things out with my girlfriend and we are on great terms, as always was.
Thought about it, and realized that what everyone has said thus far is true; it is too early to tell. She has never even met my rents yet.
I would find it hard to believe that they would rather see me miserable (being separated from my girlfriend) than happy (with my girlfriend).
Thank you all so much; I talked things out with my girlfriend and we are on great terms, as always was.
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bforbrian (06-08-2011)
06-08-2011, 12:03 PM
#20
Don't go around spouting your gf's family business and personal issues to your parents...not only is it none of their business (especially without even knowing each other), it will also make them go into meeting them with pre-conceived notions. It's only fair to allow them to form their own opinions and feelings towards both your GF and her family without you putting ideas in their heads.
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bforbrian (06-08-2011)
06-08-2011, 01:20 PM
#22
Don't go around spouting your gf's family business and personal issues to your parents...not only is it none of their business (especially without even knowing each other), it will also make them go into meeting them with pre-conceived notions. It's only fair to allow them to form their own opinions and feelings towards both your GF and her family without you putting ideas in their heads.
06-08-2011, 01:45 PM
#24
Moderator
i can see why you fell in love with this girl..
my advice.. stay true to your feelings. show your parents that you truly want to be with this girl. and like you said, they rather see you happy then be miserable.. in situations like this, you cannot predict the out come but to just do it and see what the outcome is..
Do not back off just because your parents disagree with your choice. You only live once, don't let anyone hold you back because ultimately its your life, not your parents that your living. There is always room to negotiate.
my advice.. stay true to your feelings. show your parents that you truly want to be with this girl. and like you said, they rather see you happy then be miserable.. in situations like this, you cannot predict the out come but to just do it and see what the outcome is..
Do not back off just because your parents disagree with your choice. You only live once, don't let anyone hold you back because ultimately its your life, not your parents that your living. There is always room to negotiate.
06-08-2011, 02:12 PM
#25
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All that matters in the end is your happiness. Frankly, I can't really speak to your family issues, but you need to make them see that there's more to life and love than the color of someone's skin or background. If you tell your parents that you love the girl and want to be with her, it is up to them to accept that or not. I don't know that they'll ever accept her family or up-bringing, but I think the right thing to do is talk to your parents, tell them you love this girl, see if they will meet her, and go from there. Hopefully they can be accepting of her and YOUR happiness in the end. Good luck, and keep us updated
06-08-2011, 03:28 PM
#26
Corn-Fed Mule
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Wow, she's hot! You guys would probably make some nice lookin' bebehs...
Seriously though, awesome advice on this thread. Best of luck in whatever you choose to do and I hope you guys have a nice long life together...
Seriously though, awesome advice on this thread. Best of luck in whatever you choose to do and I hope you guys have a nice long life together...
06-11-2011, 07:35 PM
#28
hates potatoville
Brah, do not, I repeat, DO NOT let her get away if she's treating you how you want to be treated. I'm going to be blunt about it. Time to stand up and man up. Everyone have this gift called choice given to them at birth. Even though it's family tradition and blah, blah, blah, it's time to make your own BUT keep the traditional traditions. If you love her, and I'm sure you do, then you shouldn't care about what other people think about the two of you. Do you want your family to tell you get her pregnant just so to please them and they can have a grandchild? I don't think so. To her with you telling her that your parents don't like her makes her feel as though you're putting your parents first and no woman I know of wants to be second in a relationship. Time to tell your parents whether they like it or not, you're bringing her over, having dinner so they can get to know her. Don't let a blessing that's in your face leave because of what someone else say or feel. Your mind and your heart is yours and yours only. Tell your lady she's first always and make her feel that she's first always. I'm Black and dating a Colombian. Man up brah, man up and stand up for what you want in life. You're free. This goes for anyone reading this.
06-11-2011, 08:49 PM
#29
On a separate note, if you have NEVER had an argument with her then you are no where CLOSE to marriage. How you two deal with issues (whether you two can work together to compromise or you can't) needs to be figured out BEFORE marriage. I think that one big reason why the divorce rate is so high is because many couples get married without going through any problems and when the problems do come, they can't work together and they give up and get divorced. I'm of course not saying that all divorces are because of that, but I've seen this situation many times. So take it slow, REALLY get to know each other before you make a big decision like marriage.
06-12-2011, 09:05 PM
#30
Team Owner
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I'm Indian and I have NEVER dated an Indian girl. So I know what you are going through dating someone outside of your race and religion. It can be tough. So first off I will say hang in there.
The most important thing is for you and Vanessa (Very Cute BTW) to communicate openly. DO NOT keep things that your family say to you a secret and encourage her to be open with you as well. You MUST however never resent what they say and use it to argue. A lot of my failed relationships was because her family said a lot of stuff to her about me and she always felt that she needed to spare my feelings so she kept them from me. Eventually she started to believe them.
The other thing I can say is that you should be frank with your family. You obviously care for this girl. Tell them that you want them to meet her and keep an open mind. They raised you. Even though they may not agree with your decisions, they may still respect it.
If that doesn't work....I say go with the girl. Family will forgive. If not, then you don't need them controlling your life.
Good luck.
The most important thing is for you and Vanessa (Very Cute BTW) to communicate openly. DO NOT keep things that your family say to you a secret and encourage her to be open with you as well. You MUST however never resent what they say and use it to argue. A lot of my failed relationships was because her family said a lot of stuff to her about me and she always felt that she needed to spare my feelings so she kept them from me. Eventually she started to believe them.
The other thing I can say is that you should be frank with your family. You obviously care for this girl. Tell them that you want them to meet her and keep an open mind. They raised you. Even though they may not agree with your decisions, they may still respect it.
If that doesn't work....I say go with the girl. Family will forgive. If not, then you don't need them controlling your life.
Good luck.
06-13-2011, 10:07 AM
#31
Dude, if you and her break up, can I get her number? 
Okay seriously though...first things first...baby steps. Like everyone else has said...bring her around for some family dinners or gatherings. Thanksgiving, birthdays, Christmas dinner...etc. Work your way up from there. After they see her countless times, they'll eventually start to accept her little by little. Don't add any un-needed pressure on yourself or her by throwing marriage into the picture before you've even got a ring picked out. Talking about it between the two of you is okay....talking about it to parents/relatives...not okay.
If your parents ever ask about her parents, just try to deflect the question as much as you can. In fact, I'd say don't even mention it till you guys are engaged. By then if everything is working out, your parents will approve of you two being engaged and if they don't like the fact that her parents are divorced well...what's it to them? Does her parents being divorced affect their lives at all? Does it make them lose sleep? No..it shouldn't.
Like others have said, most important thing now is to expose her to your parents (not that way you perverts). The more they see her around, the easier it'll be to accept her. Just make sure she's super nice to them (sounds like she can't be anything but nice) and you'll be setting the groundwork for future more serious interactions between her and your parents. Good luck and keep us updated. (with more pics of her)
Okay seriously though...first things first...baby steps. Like everyone else has said...bring her around for some family dinners or gatherings. Thanksgiving, birthdays, Christmas dinner...etc. Work your way up from there. After they see her countless times, they'll eventually start to accept her little by little. Don't add any un-needed pressure on yourself or her by throwing marriage into the picture before you've even got a ring picked out. Talking about it between the two of you is okay....talking about it to parents/relatives...not okay.
If your parents ever ask about her parents, just try to deflect the question as much as you can. In fact, I'd say don't even mention it till you guys are engaged. By then if everything is working out, your parents will approve of you two being engaged and if they don't like the fact that her parents are divorced well...what's it to them? Does her parents being divorced affect their lives at all? Does it make them lose sleep? No..it shouldn't.
Like others have said, most important thing now is to expose her to your parents (not that way you perverts). The more they see her around, the easier it'll be to accept her. Just make sure she's super nice to them (sounds like she can't be anything but nice) and you'll be setting the groundwork for future more serious interactions between her and your parents. Good luck and keep us updated. (with more pics of her)
06-13-2011, 11:12 AM
#32
Chapter Leader (Southern Region)
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06-20-2011, 01:41 PM
#34
Old Man Yelling at Clouds
There is tons of good advice here already.
Right now, don't make things harder than they have to be. I think you are running the risk of building up an issue when there might not be one. As far as your parents are concerned, she's just a girl you are dating. As many have said, get them introduced soon.
Keep your gf away from this drama. Don't put her through this "I love you but my parents don't approve" scenario. Don't put yourself through it yet either, because if this is an issue you eventually have to confront, it will require that you and her are 100% in agreement on your future. And at 10 months, that will need some time to develop.
If this all plays out, you may be confronted with this issue. I would give you two things to think about:
- The idea that your marriage is the blending of two families is true, but the imporance you are placing on that and the influence that has over your decision making is your choice. Be mindful of the fact that you will make this harder on yourself (and her) by feeling that strongly about it. Consider that it does not have to be that way.
- All successful marriages must operate out from under the influence of the parents. If you are going to allow a situation where your parents influence your marriage, you are going to be in trouble. A successful marriage is about making your spouse the most important person in your life. You can't do that if you are allowing parents to place constraints on you and manipulate your life together.
Cross that bridge when, or if, you come to it. But it's between you and your parents. Don't get her in the middle of it.
Always stand in defense of what's in her best interest. Always.
Right now, don't make things harder than they have to be. I think you are running the risk of building up an issue when there might not be one. As far as your parents are concerned, she's just a girl you are dating. As many have said, get them introduced soon.
Keep your gf away from this drama. Don't put her through this "I love you but my parents don't approve" scenario. Don't put yourself through it yet either, because if this is an issue you eventually have to confront, it will require that you and her are 100% in agreement on your future. And at 10 months, that will need some time to develop.
If this all plays out, you may be confronted with this issue. I would give you two things to think about:
- The idea that your marriage is the blending of two families is true, but the imporance you are placing on that and the influence that has over your decision making is your choice. Be mindful of the fact that you will make this harder on yourself (and her) by feeling that strongly about it. Consider that it does not have to be that way.
- All successful marriages must operate out from under the influence of the parents. If you are going to allow a situation where your parents influence your marriage, you are going to be in trouble. A successful marriage is about making your spouse the most important person in your life. You can't do that if you are allowing parents to place constraints on you and manipulate your life together.
Cross that bridge when, or if, you come to it. But it's between you and your parents. Don't get her in the middle of it.
Always stand in defense of what's in her best interest. Always.
06-20-2011, 04:46 PM
#35
I came in here hoping to add some advise, the word Korean has me running right out of here.
I will say that if you love her, fight for her, even if it means problems.
I will say that if you love her, fight for her, even if it means problems.
Last edited by jupitersolo; 06-20-2011 at 04:49 PM.
06-20-2011, 04:47 PM
#36
Much easy for us to say that, first and second generations in America, very hard to break that family bond as to what kids are allowed to do in dating and marriage.
06-30-2011, 01:00 PM
#38
Moderator
iTrader: (3)
Brian I'm sorry to hear about your struggle with this situation.
Your parents have to realize that you have to make yourself happy first. Of course you love your parents and the rest of your family, you don't want to separate yourself from them, but at the end of the day it's your life. If Vanessa makes you happy then they should be happy for you. Parents always WANT certain things for their children but they don't turn their back to them when their life goes in a different direction.
Back to the difference between the families, that's bound to happen. Every family has different beliefs and ways of doing things so even if you were to marry into a Korean family, it's not guaranteed that the two families would see eye to eye on EVERYTHING. Both my girlfriend and I are white and while that's something we have in common, our families do things totally different. Financially, religiously, etc. BUT just because I do things differently than my girlfriend and her family, doesn't mean they are going to forbid me to marry her later in life. People are different no matter their ethnicity and while it's going to be difficult, you need to open your parents eyes to it.
Your parents have to realize that you have to make yourself happy first. Of course you love your parents and the rest of your family, you don't want to separate yourself from them, but at the end of the day it's your life. If Vanessa makes you happy then they should be happy for you. Parents always WANT certain things for their children but they don't turn their back to them when their life goes in a different direction.
Back to the difference between the families, that's bound to happen. Every family has different beliefs and ways of doing things so even if you were to marry into a Korean family, it's not guaranteed that the two families would see eye to eye on EVERYTHING. Both my girlfriend and I are white and while that's something we have in common, our families do things totally different. Financially, religiously, etc. BUT just because I do things differently than my girlfriend and her family, doesn't mean they are going to forbid me to marry her later in life. People are different no matter their ethnicity and while it's going to be difficult, you need to open your parents eyes to it.
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