alrite, i know at least some of you have been in this, 3 of my homeboys have

my GF doesnt like my drinking, and basically said i quit cold turkey or shes gonna dump me

1. i drink every week
2. im never beligerant (i have a high tolerance so its pretty hard for me to get really wasted)
3. its part of my life, cracking open a 40 with homies is something i love

i think its pretty fucked up for her to ask something like that.....but this shit is serious

what should i do, besides drink and never tell her, cus she sees me everynight (college)

 

how old are you

 

Is it having a huge negative impact on your life that would give her a reason to be concerned? If its not I don't see the real problem. A lot of guys like to drink with their homies, as long as it doesn't get out of control it should be fine.

 

Sounds like compromise might be the key...

 

I doubt she's telling you to never drink again. Maybe more like take it easy, you know? Maybe she's doesn't like the kind of behavior usually associated college drinking. But if she's saying pick drinking or pick her, you decide what you want and tell her. You wanna drink every week, tell her and break up with her. Don't drink behind her back and tell her you quit though.

 

How long have you been with this girl?

As long as you are not an alcoholic and don't get nasty when you are drunk, what is the problem?

 

Is she religious? Have you ever said/done anything stupid or hurtful while drunk?

 

Start smoking crack! Then that way she won't be so annoyed by the drinking!

 

Does she come from a family where drinking has been an issue? (mom, dad, uncle crazy, whomever.......). She may be projecting her anger about someone closer to home than you whose drinking she cannot control......that may be especially the case if her relative is not defined as having an issue, but the family is still in some stage of functional denial about it. Most young folks garner some sense of the dysfunctions of their family only when they achieve the perspective of age and distance that college (even if you life at home) can provide.

And, you can't overlook the potential that she does see a concern. I would note that the first symptom of serioconversion in those who become chemically dependent upon alcohol is increased capacity, not decreased capacity..........

 

If that's not the sign of an alcoholic (or a future alcoholic) I don't know what is.

 

Easiest way to test the potential is to go without drinking for a month. If you don't miss the alchohol, you don't have a problem. If, on the other hand, you find yourself craving the stuff, "breaking the rules", drinking just wine or beer, which doesn't count (hah)..............then you may need to have a few sobering thoughts about your behavior.

Most folks who are chemically dependent upon alcohol never self-define, by the way, it is usually a SO, spouse, boss or coworker who sees the behavior and calls the bullshit.

 

I dumped my last boyfriend (not the psycho one in my thread but another one) over his drinking problem. But his was way worse than this guy's. He would go out every night and drink and get piss drunk with his boys instead of trying to make time for me. That showed me what he truly cared about. In addition, one of the last times I saw him he punched a wall to a bus stop and had the nerve to come crying to me the next day on how bad it hurt. Maybe I just have this tendancy to attact psychos

But as for your situation, I think your girl might be trippin because she senses the potential early alcoholic stages. Also she might be jealous that you drink more than spend "quality time" with her.

 

I've had family experience with alcoholic behavior. I agree, it sounds like you may be on the wrong road and not realize it. Do yourself a HUGE favor and stop for a while (COLD TURKEY, NADA, NONE) and see how you feel and if your personality changes (ask friends!)
Please believe that it's possible there is a problem, unfortunately alcoholism is not easy to recognize early and is almost impossible to self treat.

 

I've had my family experience and my own..... as much as I had read about and understood my parents' "issues", I was unaware of my own subtle long-term change in drinking patterns until my wife pointed out that my capacity had increased, and I was no longer a two-drink kinda guy..... Stopped cold for a month, it was a bitch, have stayed stopped. Caught it early, sober for about 15 years now, glad I caught it early. Would not have seen my own behavior if my wife has not pointed out the most obvious first stage sympton.

 

but I don't think that cold turkey is the answer, as someone stated, compromise. You will grow out of drinking ALL the time, unless you really are an alchoholic. However, my advice to you would be don't drink so much, and don't let her try to control you to NEVER drink, because then there is no compromise, only control

 

you ---->

 

Depends upon whether the pattern of behavior is a social drinking focus that is co-opting attention to the girlfriend, or the girlfriend's observation of early alchoholism. If it's the former, he's got some decisions as to whether his priority is to get stinky with the homies, or whether to spend time with the gf, which is pretty straightforward. If it's the latter, then cold turkey is it, and the best way to determine whether it is one or the other is to stop, and observe the dynamic internally. Virtually no recovering boozer sees themselves that way until a cogent outsider - gf, spouse, coworker or boss - points it out.

I would say that the one item that raises my concern is the notation that he has great capacity; most alcoholics develop truly stunning capacity, and as the body chemestry converts, tend to function better drunk than sober.

Folks who are alchoholic really cannot drink. There is a 12-step program that focuses on drinking in moderation, but the founder and leader is now in jail for manslaughter after downing a bottle of vodka, then driving her half-ton pickup down the wrong side of a freeway at dusk, killing an older gentleman and his granddaughter when she collided, without braking, at about 70 mph. The founder was said to be "rethinking" her position whilst in jail, where, of course, she has no access to booze and, of course, lots of time to think..........

 

I suggested cold turkey for some time to ascertain if there is a problem. Reaction to total withdrawl of alcohol will tell you volumes. I'm not saying there is a problem, I am saying you should find out early and hopefully prevent the certain death that unrecognized (in ones self) alcoholism will cause...

 

wow...cold turkey is out of the question. i dont think i could do that shit hahaah. maybe a week tops

yea iono i talked to her about this whole shit i tried telling her that i would tone it down and we would compromise on something.

the funniest shit about this is that she used to drink alot too, then all of a sudden she turned into some straight edge girl....and she expects me to do the same

maybe i do have a drinkin problem, it really doesnt feel like it though. i havent gotten drunk in 2 days cus my works been real busy and i dont feel withdrawels or anything. i still need a good 2 forties to feel a nice drunk going. btw im 19

 

umm I'd say you do. 2 days without drinking?? WOW my ex would only take Tuesdays off from drinking only because his favorite bar was closed that day. I'd have to say you're an alki, but since you're underaged, you might also be drinking because its still not "legal" for you to be drinking.

I'd say your girlfriend is more concerned about your well being as well as your relationship with her instead of just being a nag.

 

The trick about having a drinking problem is that it doesn't feel like it until you abstain long enough to disrupt whatever intake pattern you have...... that generally means about a month. And if your gf has come to some quiet resolution of her concern about her own alkie consumption, I can assure you that nothing is less pleasant than being sober when everyone else around you is sloshed.......

 

I'd try for a compromise. Show her that you can spend time with her more often than drinking, but let her know that you need some guy time occasionally . Good luck man

 

invite her drink with you. Duh.

no, really, just quitting drinking will not do the trick. Anyone who has been through substance abuse will tell you that you need to remove yourself from the environment that causes the abuse, so hangin' with your homies will have to end, too, dude, if you really want to kick the habit. And I got a feeling THAT ain't gonna happen. SO you might as well resign yourself to kill someone while DUI or to die from sorossis of the liver or a brain tumor at an early age because life as you know it, either way, is over.

 

Yeah but it's college If it screws up his life then yes. But if the alcohol isn't affecting his school, etc, who cares? the girl should lighten up then and maybe join in on the fun.

 

yea well she dumped me today. shes in korea right now so over the last week we've been exchaning emails and shit, and its her time of the month, plus shes really hating korea cus shes with traditional family and shit..... she must feel pretty bad that i was over having fun so she finally decided to cut it.

i just started working a job that goes from 6pm to 1am, so that basically kills all chance of me ever getting a drink for the week. i told her that and whatever, it really sucks now because now i cant get drunk and party to let off some steam and get over it....instead i just work the whole time reallly mad and depressed.

but if it ever came down to it, its bros over hoes i geuss...i would never give up the homies ive grown up with than the girl ive known for the last 6 months

 

^^^ Yah and most of the time you can find a girl that wouldn't mind chillin and drinkin right there with you, or going out and drinkin with her friends while you're doing the same with yours.

 

you need to decide how much she means to you; if she means a lot do what you need to do to make her happy. If you aren't willing to change for her, you don't love her enough to stay in the relationship. Her reasons may be stupid, but if it's something that means a lo tto her.

 

Just stop drinking and become a sexaholic, win-win

 

that's a work around

 

alrite so i made a compromise....drink allowed once a week

now i feel like a pussy whipped bastard.

 

I dunno I couldn't deal with a 3rd parent like that, but do what you want. Just don't tell your friends about the deal

 

 

man, any woman that controlling needs to be dumped ASAP.

that is NOT a good trait.