Ok so I started dating this girl my freshman year of college. We started dating right from the start her and her group of friends were like good friends with my group of friends from school. I dated her until about thanksgiving sophmore year (so about 1.5 years). I had too much shit going on and couldn't really deal with the whole girlfriend thing at the time. It came out of left field to her and she took it really hard. I talked to her a couple of times in the next week but after that never talked to her again until really recently.

But anyway I'm driving my friend somewhere about a month and half later when he drops the bomb on me. He said that he hooked up with my ex and asked if it was ok with me. I still felt like an asshole for breaking up with her so I said I didn't have a problem with it. He would occasionally hook up with her and Id keep saying I didn't have a problem with it, but deep down I did. Keep in mind this is one of my best friends at school. I kept telling myself she was doing it to get back at me but it still bothered me. So finally I confronted my friend about it this past weekend, and he said that he could tell I had a problem with it. So my question is has anybody else been in a situation like this and if I did the right thing. And do you think my friend is the asshole or I should have had the balls to say something sooner.

 

If this were a friend, and it sounds like it is, then you should have been comfortable telling him your feelings without fear or repercussions (sp?). But since you dumped the girl, and she is hooking up with your friends, there is nothing wrong there, and it shows that you still have feelings for her.

You have to let it go.

 

dude you broke up with her, she is to date who ever she pleases.

That said, I would think that your friend would run this by you before he started hooking up with her if he truelly is your friend and new why you guys broke up in the first place.

The bigger question is, if you still have feelings for this chick then why let some baggage get in the way in the first place?

BTW, how long has it been since you guys broke up?

 

I did confront him about it and he definitly knew where I was coming from and said he knew it bothered me. I don't really care if she hooks up with other people, it just kinda bothered me that he hooked up with her.

 

he did talk to you about it and you said it didn't bother you, you can't really blame him.

 

yea I know, but hes also lied to me about it before. He would say hes going somewhere else and will go to see her.

 

It sounds like you're taking it as a violation of your friendship. If you ever come across this kind of situation in your life again, be honest from the start and tell him it's definitly NOT okay with you. Be firm about it, then see how he reacts.

I think it's too late to change the rules this time though. Unfortunitly, you made your bed....

 

Just chalk it up as a life lesson. Every time I dumped a girl I was amazed at how fast she had a new guy.

 

heh, the rebound guy is usually a pathetic joke, so don't be so amazed by it.

emotionally vulnerable girls with lowered self-esteem are prime targets for beta-male orbiters thinly disguised as "friends".

 

...And your "friend" is now sleeping in it.

Bottom line: you dumped her. You now have no say in who she hooks up with, including your friend. Your friend is the rebound guy, and if, as you say, she took the breakup hard, then she probably still has some feelings for you that she is acting out on through your friend (i.e., if she can't have you, then she'll go for the next best thing: your friend).

The fact that your friend took advantage of the situation for an occasional piece of ass shouldn't surprise you. They will probably both move on fairly soon.

I wouldn't take it personally. I know it hurts, but you need to just take care of business and get on with your own life.

 

 

i have to agree with everyone here. you broke up with her. though i admit if the dude was your friend he'd have run it by you first, kind of like an fyi. but beyond that, its none of your business anymore.

 

I think it's a foul to break up with her and then be "not OK" with your friends hooking up with her. You lost that privilige when you broke up.

In HS one of my best friends and I dated the same five girls. Another very close friend and I dated the same 3. No one ever got bent out of shape over it - it's how life works if you date within your circle of friends. I think you're asking for unnecessary drama if you make this an issue with your friend. In fact, I'd reconsider your position. If she didn't mean enough to you back then to stay together, then she shouldn't mean enough now to create an issue with a friendship.

 

Yea that's why I never really said anything about it, cause I was the one that broke up with her. The reason it got on me so much I think is because I still had feelings for her, but at the time just had way too much going on in my life and having a girlfriend at the time was just adding to it. Looking back I wish I did say something to him when he asked, but I didnt want to seem like an a-hole cause I broke up with her. I also probably should have kept in touch with her so once I got everything back together we could just see what happens.

But you guys a right, I just gotta take it as a life lesson, and learn to tell the truth.

Thanks for the help

 

 

^^ Meh. Date, not sleep with.

 

oh ok. i was like you guys really like having each others seconds.

 

OP - He asked you and you said it was OK. I don't think you can be pissed at him,. Sounds like you're a bit jealous. It's a human response. You need to find a way to deal with it.

Everyone is someone else's seconds. Get used to that. Not counting rape....usually whatever you want to do to someone has been done before....and they liked it.

 

well duh. im talking about passing girls back and forth between you and your boy to fuck. dont mean to threadjack OP.

to your situation OP even though you broke up with her your friend should have still given you the courtesy to at least wait a while. but you told him it was ok so you have yourself to blame for that.

 

Agreed - that would definitely be I can safely say I've never had any friend's "seconds"

 

Friends don't mess with friends' ex's. Also, you should've been up front with him from the beginning.

 

Louder, you "bad boy". lol

 

Oh yeah, that's me.

:wink:

 

I think you should at least be happy that he came to you. How would you feel if he was doing it behind your back?

 

^Agreed.

So lets say the girl and your friend stop hooking up and stop talking all together...are you still interested in her enough to pursue a relationship with her again?

 

+1

 

maybe tell him that it does bother you and you'll work on getting over it.