How to graciously end a "relationship" with a friend of a friend
#1
Burning Brakes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 1,202
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
How to graciously end a "relationship" with a friend of a friend
Ok, here's the fine mess I got myself into. I made 2 big mistakes, 1) I hooked up multiple times (including sex) with a girl who is a friend of a guy friend of mine 2) my guy friend sort of likes her.
Well, we met while going to a bar together, we fooling around the first night and graduated to having sex 4 nights in a row. Well, after my little head was satisfied, my big head figured out what a fine mess I was in. She' very emotionally needy (calls and text mgs ALL the time), has a 9 yo daughter (she's 34), and my friend sort of still likes her. I'm in no mood for a relationship and just want a no attached fling but somehow girls just don't like this set-up as much as I do. So a week ago, I talked to her and said "I think it'd be best if we didn't hang out together for a while." Anyhow I thought that would be the end of that.
Yesterday she text msg me "Hey, I was wondering how you are doing." I did't msg or call back. Today she text msgs me "You are so polite SDCGTSX!" (My name anyhow). I want to call her and tell her to stop calling or msging me but she still hangs out with my friend and I'm afraid I'll run into her again. And I don't want an enemy, I just want her to lose all interest in me without being mad. I don't like having people mad at me. It's a little HS of me but not sure what to do.
What can I do to diffuse the situation? I'm usually just good at making a mess and then leaving it a mess. I usually never see these girls that I hook up with again after the fact. I don't do so good at gracious endings to these situations nicely...
Well, we met while going to a bar together, we fooling around the first night and graduated to having sex 4 nights in a row. Well, after my little head was satisfied, my big head figured out what a fine mess I was in. She' very emotionally needy (calls and text mgs ALL the time), has a 9 yo daughter (she's 34), and my friend sort of still likes her. I'm in no mood for a relationship and just want a no attached fling but somehow girls just don't like this set-up as much as I do. So a week ago, I talked to her and said "I think it'd be best if we didn't hang out together for a while." Anyhow I thought that would be the end of that.
Yesterday she text msg me "Hey, I was wondering how you are doing." I did't msg or call back. Today she text msgs me "You are so polite SDCGTSX!" (My name anyhow). I want to call her and tell her to stop calling or msging me but she still hangs out with my friend and I'm afraid I'll run into her again. And I don't want an enemy, I just want her to lose all interest in me without being mad. I don't like having people mad at me. It's a little HS of me but not sure what to do.
What can I do to diffuse the situation? I'm usually just good at making a mess and then leaving it a mess. I usually never see these girls that I hook up with again after the fact. I don't do so good at gracious endings to these situations nicely...
#4
Banned
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: NYC and Tysons
Age: 44
Posts: 4,578
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by Edr0e
Id be careful. Sounds like this girl will try to turn your friend against you...
Desperation leads to many things.
Desperation leads to many things.
#5
Burning Brakes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 1,202
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I'm not worried about him hating me (maybe secretly he resents my action. I regret having done it myself). But he still wants to hang out with her since I think he wants his turn. So I'm not so worried about him so much as I want her to go away.
The best ideas I had so far is to just fart a lot in front of her. Nothing like grossing out a girl 3rd grade style to turn her off from you forever.
The best ideas I had so far is to just fart a lot in front of her. Nothing like grossing out a girl 3rd grade style to turn her off from you forever.
Trending Topics
#9
Registered Abuser of VTEC
Originally Posted by SDCGTSX
I'm not worried about him hating me (maybe secretly he resents my action. I regret having done it myself). But he still wants to hang out with her since I think he wants his turn. So I'm not so worried about him so much as I want her to go away.
The best ideas I had so far is to just fart a lot in front of her. Nothing like grossing out a girl 3rd grade style to turn her off from you forever.
The best ideas I had so far is to just fart a lot in front of her. Nothing like grossing out a girl 3rd grade style to turn her off from you forever.
#10
Banned
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: NYC and Tysons
Age: 44
Posts: 4,578
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by youngTL
If you're ever at the same place at the same time, ignore her as she talks to your face, and talk about the hot girl "over there" (pick some random girl you think is hot...there's no better blow to a woman's self esteem than to tell her that you find another girl hotter). Say, "wow, she's way hotter than you!" Then start making sexist comments. That will piss her off royally, and she'll forget about you soon.
#11
Registered Abuser of VTEC
Originally Posted by Xenogen
Is that how you piss off gay dudes too?
#12
Banned
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: NYC and Tysons
Age: 44
Posts: 4,578
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by youngTL
No, it's more difficult than that. Tell a gay guy that he's such an ugly fag that he'll never get to have sex and should spend the rest of his life dressed in drag. That'll do it. The bad thing is, that a gay dude is still a dude and could potentially kick my ass. I'm not afraid of most women and some men, but some of the butch lesbians and some gay guys are very scary. There's this one guy I know named Brendan. About an inch taller than me, and 245lbs of solid muscle. I don't want to insult someone like that!
#15
sumbdy gettin used 2nite!
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Baltimore
Age: 42
Posts: 594
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by Xenogen
Dude...you should know this...act like you dont know her. Shes not even your friend...who gives a shit if she gets mad at you.
"(chicks name)" I'm sorry for misleading you thinking that I wanted the same thing you wanted out of this, but the truth is clear now that I don't want any part of you. We need to let each other go at this point, and there will be no more communication between the two of us. There isn't anyone here to blame, it was just a few nights of fun. So again, please don't call me or send me any more messages and I'll refrain from doing the same.
Thank you in advance for respecting my wishes.
#16
Chris
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: New Orleans, La.
Age: 58
Posts: 23
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Let me see if I have got this correct......
You are trying to tell a woman that you had sex with that you don't want her anymore and you are looking for a way to do this WITHOUT her getting upset about it.
Sorry pal. Its not going to happen. She is going to be upset about it because she will feel used. Part of the problem is that she is a single mother. Single mothers generally look at guys in a different way. Hooking up for a single mom carries a lot more meaning.
To quote Rod Tidwell (Cuba Gooding) from Jerry Maguire... You hijacked the pootie. There is no way you will be able to tell her to buzz off with out her getting upset. Therefore, you should be blunt. Something along the lines of:
Thanks for the good time that we had, but I really don't want to see you any more.
Good luck.
You are trying to tell a woman that you had sex with that you don't want her anymore and you are looking for a way to do this WITHOUT her getting upset about it.
Sorry pal. Its not going to happen. She is going to be upset about it because she will feel used. Part of the problem is that she is a single mother. Single mothers generally look at guys in a different way. Hooking up for a single mom carries a lot more meaning.
To quote Rod Tidwell (Cuba Gooding) from Jerry Maguire... You hijacked the pootie. There is no way you will be able to tell her to buzz off with out her getting upset. Therefore, you should be blunt. Something along the lines of:
Thanks for the good time that we had, but I really don't want to see you any more.
Good luck.
#18
Burning Brakes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 1,202
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by crb-silver-tl
Let me see if I have got this correct......
You are trying to tell a woman that you had sex with that you don't want her anymore and you are looking for a way to do this WITHOUT her getting upset about it.
Sorry pal. Its not going to happen. She is going to be upset about it because she will feel used. Part of the problem is that she is a single mother. Single mothers generally look at guys in a different way. Hooking up for a single mom carries a lot more meaning.
To quote Rod Tidwell (Cuba Gooding) from Jerry Maguire... You hijacked the pootie. There is no way you will be able to tell her to buzz off with out her getting upset. Therefore, you should be blunt. Something along the lines of:
Thanks for the good time that we had, but I really don't want to see you any more.
Good luck.
You are trying to tell a woman that you had sex with that you don't want her anymore and you are looking for a way to do this WITHOUT her getting upset about it.
Sorry pal. Its not going to happen. She is going to be upset about it because she will feel used. Part of the problem is that she is a single mother. Single mothers generally look at guys in a different way. Hooking up for a single mom carries a lot more meaning.
To quote Rod Tidwell (Cuba Gooding) from Jerry Maguire... You hijacked the pootie. There is no way you will be able to tell her to buzz off with out her getting upset. Therefore, you should be blunt. Something along the lines of:
Thanks for the good time that we had, but I really don't want to see you any more.
Good luck.
#19
Burning Brakes
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Saskatchewan, Canada
Age: 42
Posts: 995
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Yah she's gonna be upset no matter what you say....
But if you're straight up and not a dick about it, she'll eventually cool off and will get over it...
*as a girl who has been in that situation, yah i was steamed when it happened to me...but eventually i was able to look back and think of the guy positively as he was honest and wasn't a jackass...it was just my own hurt feelings and bruised ego...
But if you're straight up and not a dick about it, she'll eventually cool off and will get over it...
*as a girl who has been in that situation, yah i was steamed when it happened to me...but eventually i was able to look back and think of the guy positively as he was honest and wasn't a jackass...it was just my own hurt feelings and bruised ego...
#21
Yeah, my bet is when you tell her the truth, your buddy is gonna be up to bat.
Shes a single mother not many guys willing to take on that responsibility.
I wouldnt be surprised if your buddy dissapears for a while... '
If your buddy keeps it chill, and acts like nothing is wrong, then hes your roll dogg and shes a smart girl thats just as much of a player as you are
Worst thing that can happen, your friend gets sprung. Next thing you know he resents you guys ever knew each other etc etc... all down hill from there.
Shes a single mother not many guys willing to take on that responsibility.
I wouldnt be surprised if your buddy dissapears for a while... '
If your buddy keeps it chill, and acts like nothing is wrong, then hes your roll dogg and shes a smart girl thats just as much of a player as you are
Worst thing that can happen, your friend gets sprung. Next thing you know he resents you guys ever knew each other etc etc... all down hill from there.
#22
Originally Posted by Xenogen
Dude...you should know this...act like you dont know her. Shes not even your friend...who gives a shit if she gets mad at you.
#23
Originally Posted by bmoreTLS
"(chicks name)" I'm sorry for misleading you thinking that I wanted the same thing you wanted out of this, but the truth is clear now that I don't want any part of you. We need to let each other go at this point, and there will be no more communication between the two of us. There isn't anyone here to blame, it was just a few nights of fun. So again, please don't call me or send me any more messages and I'll refrain from doing the same.
Thank you in advance for respecting my wishes.
Thank you in advance for respecting my wishes.
That's better than most replies I've seen. Although you could add..."I'm sorry I used you...I wouldn't want that to happen to my sister...maybe I'll grow up a little and start respecting others more.."
#25
Banned
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: NYC and Tysons
Age: 44
Posts: 4,578
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by Secret Agent
Would you want someone to treat your "sister" like that...probably NOT..
#27
Safety Car
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Philadelphia, PA USA
Age: 75
Posts: 4,246
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
aw jeez, just be straight-up with her, tell her you thought you were having a no-strings attached fling that was sweet for a few booty calls and that if she thought it was a romance leading to a white picket fence and a matching bedroom set, you're sorry. You did "use" her rather inadvertently, and an apology is in order.
The challenge you face is that if she is as "needy" as you describe, she may not give up so easily, and you may be faced with her random efforts to recharge the relationship from time to time.
The challenge you face is that if she is as "needy" as you describe, she may not give up so easily, and you may be faced with her random efforts to recharge the relationship from time to time.
#28
Burning Brakes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 1,202
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I took the cowards way out by ignoring her and it seems to have worked. No messages or phone messages in the last 5 days. She did creepishly come by my friend's house a few times which is 2 blocks over from mine and snooped for a few minutes and left. During the time we were hooking up, she would call my friend to check up on me if she called and I didn't call back.
#29
Burning Brakes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 1,202
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
On a side note, I went into the bank today to do some banking transactions and was chatting it up with the asst. manager who is a pretty cute blonde girl about my age. Got her to waive like $100 of fees that I've accumulated over the last month. Gotta love getting freebies for flirting.
I do have a decent but not that big of a bank account there so she had some ulterior motive but I thanked her and told her that I'd have to repay her by buying her a few beers and she said "yeah that'd be nice" so I think I'm in the door. Her job's gotta be a good way to meet guys with money that come in the bank.
I do have a decent but not that big of a bank account there so she had some ulterior motive but I thanked her and told her that I'd have to repay her by buying her a few beers and she said "yeah that'd be nice" so I think I'm in the door. Her job's gotta be a good way to meet guys with money that come in the bank.
Last edited by SDCGTSX; 08-10-2005 at 01:16 AM.
#32
Burning Brakes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 1,202
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by Edr0e
Shes knows your account balance of course...
#33
Suzuka Master
Originally Posted by SDCGTSX
Yeah, now you understand my cynicism when it comes to women. They do treat you differently when they know you have a little money. I swear, all the girls at the bank know me by my first name and some of them I have never talked to in my life. Those girls talk about their customers it seems. And whenever I'm making a deposit or whatever, they want to know what I do for a living, what kind of business my company is, etc. I have to make sizeable cashier's checks in the 6-7 digit range out from my company when we purchase buildings and all of a sudden I start looking "hot."
Fair trade when men just look at women as sexual objects.
#34
Burning Brakes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 1,202
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by sasha
Fair trade when men just look at women as sexual objects.
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post