How do you cope with deal breakers?
02-19-2012, 08:48 PM
#1
Safety Car
Thread Starter
How do you cope with deal breakers?
Suppose you were single and you met and got to know someone who was seemingly made for you, only to find out that they possess that one trait that's pretty high up on your personal list of deal breakers. How would you deal with it?
Specifically, let's say you met someone and you were really into them. You find that the one and only flaw with them is that they're a smoker. Myself personally I can't stand the stench. When someone comes up to me after taking a smoke break I hate the stench of it on their clothes and their breath. Don't get me wrong, I know plenty of people who smoke, and I'm not one to douche it up and try to educate people on the hazards of smoking. I just don't like the stench, even moreso if I had a girlfriend who carried such a smell
I know you can't go into a relationship expecting them to change for you, but what would you do? Would you just throw in the towel right then and there? Does anyone have any insight?
Specifically, let's say you met someone and you were really into them. You find that the one and only flaw with them is that they're a smoker. Myself personally I can't stand the stench. When someone comes up to me after taking a smoke break I hate the stench of it on their clothes and their breath. Don't get me wrong, I know plenty of people who smoke, and I'm not one to douche it up and try to educate people on the hazards of smoking. I just don't like the stench, even moreso if I had a girlfriend who carried such a smell
I know you can't go into a relationship expecting them to change for you, but what would you do? Would you just throw in the towel right then and there? Does anyone have any insight?
02-20-2012, 01:24 AM
#2
Drifting
It depends but like you, I will not cope with the smoking. That's a deal breaker. Either they stop or I'm out. I have asthma too so it's not like I can really compromise.
02-20-2012, 07:11 AM
#4
I miss my 03 CL-S :(
If it's something like smoking, tell her. I dated a girl for over a year who was a casual smoker (a pack a week at most). I told her it was a turn off for me, and she compromised saying she wouldn't smoke around me or when we went out. I never smelled/tasted it on her, so she kept up her end of the bargain.
If it's something like bad personal hygiene, or the fact they turn out to be completely dumb or insane, then it's best to make up an excuse and let it fade away (eg: don't call her, respond to text sparingly, say you've been busy with work or something). They'll figure out eventually you're not into them and move on.
If it's something like bad personal hygiene, or the fact they turn out to be completely dumb or insane, then it's best to make up an excuse and let it fade away (eg: don't call her, respond to text sparingly, say you've been busy with work or something). They'll figure out eventually you're not into them and move on.
02-20-2012, 12:11 PM
#5
Senior Moderator
Is she into you? If not, then its a moot point. If she is, then you could bring it up to her and see how she responds. Otherwise yeah, deal breaker.
I didn't sleep with a girl because she smoked. We weren't even dating or anything, but I could smell it on her and it was a turnoff.
I didn't sleep with a girl because she smoked. We weren't even dating or anything, but I could smell it on her and it was a turnoff.
02-20-2012, 12:32 PM
#6
bringin lead
People do the things they do because its what they do and who they are. That said, if there is learned behavior, it can be unlearned with the right motivation, however I find people don't want to be "changed." There is typically no harm in voicing your opinions - you are entitled to them after all and it may prove that there is a compromise or some other solution available. Hope this helps.
02-20-2012, 12:45 PM
#7
I had a similar situation, lucky for me, I liked her enough to stick around and she liked me enough to come clean and quit. Been almost 5 years now and will be my wife in the future.
A lot of "what ifs" to answer this question...
A lot of "what ifs" to answer this question...
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02-20-2012, 02:46 PM
#8
Tattoos and piercings are a deal-breaker for me. Current girlfriend is the best I've ever had and she has three large tattoos. I explained that it was a deal-breaker for me, but that I would accept her as she was right now and she couldn't get any more.
So far, so good.
So far, so good.
02-20-2012, 06:54 PM
#10
I smoke, my girl hates it.. I dont smoke around her. Once in a while I do...but it's a different level of a relationship..
Don't be selfish and get to know the person. She can always quit, eventually.
Don't be selfish and get to know the person. She can always quit, eventually.
02-20-2012, 08:35 PM
#11
02-20-2012, 08:40 PM
#12
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my ex and I both smoked when we met, I quit and she never did, and I hated it. definitely would not date a girl that smoked ever again
02-20-2012, 08:53 PM
#14
So the hot girl at work is a smoker huh? After a couple of drinks you wont care.
02-20-2012, 10:18 PM
#18
Earth-bound misfit
Smoking has been a deal breaker for me in the past. I don't care how perfect you are, I don't want to lick an ashtray.
02-21-2012, 06:51 AM
#20
Suzuka Master
When I first met my husband, I didn't know he was a smoker (if I knew from the start, I don't think I would have given him the chance). By the time I found out, I was already really into him. I requested him not to smoke around me or if he knew he was about to meet up with me. Since he eventually realized how much I really hate the smell, he willingly gave it up.
It has been 5 years since he quit smoking.
I think a social smoker can easily give up smoking, but someone who's addicted to it might have a hard time. In the end, all you can do is express your dislike for it and hope that the other person will choose to give up smoking.
It has been 5 years since he quit smoking.
I think a social smoker can easily give up smoking, but someone who's addicted to it might have a hard time. In the end, all you can do is express your dislike for it and hope that the other person will choose to give up smoking.
02-21-2012, 06:57 AM
#21
The older we get the more "rules" we make that we're not willing to break...which limits some great potential relationships.
It's good to know what you like...
but once you start with a list:
she has to be tall
she has to have x size bubz
she has to have a masters
she has to make x amount of money
she has to be into sports
she has to not smoke
etc etc...until you're left with a small small pool of girls to choose from. Then you have to HOPE that you made it down their list and they're attracted to you too.
Better to keep yourself open...imagine you meet the love of your life (or that period of your life) and say NOPE, she smokes...and 2 months later she quits.
Personally, I'm in the best relationship of my life and the first year while we were establishing our boundaries...there were a lot of little "deal breakers" that I had to swallow and get over and eventually we compromised and grew together. I also had some deal breakers for her that I had to improve. Love isn't like American idol.
It's good to know what you like...
but once you start with a list:
she has to be tall
she has to have x size bubz
she has to have a masters
she has to make x amount of money
she has to be into sports
she has to not smoke
etc etc...until you're left with a small small pool of girls to choose from. Then you have to HOPE that you made it down their list and they're attracted to you too.
Better to keep yourself open...imagine you meet the love of your life (or that period of your life) and say NOPE, she smokes...and 2 months later she quits.
Personally, I'm in the best relationship of my life and the first year while we were establishing our boundaries...there were a lot of little "deal breakers" that I had to swallow and get over and eventually we compromised and grew together. I also had some deal breakers for her that I had to improve. Love isn't like American idol.
02-21-2012, 07:17 AM
#22
Go Giants
If she smokes she pokes....
02-21-2012, 02:00 PM
#23
Team Owner
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Smoking thread.
02-22-2012, 01:07 PM
#24
Chapter Leader (Southern Region)
What's the problem???.. buy some KY and some Summer's Eve and be done with it.
02-23-2012, 02:28 PM
#26
Team Owner
iTrader: (4)
I knew a girl once that could blow smoke rings out her ass...keeper.
03-06-2012, 04:42 PM
#27
Safety Car
Thread Starter
Is she into you? If not, then its a moot point. If she is, then you could bring it up to her and see how she responds. Otherwise yeah, deal breaker.
I didn't sleep with a girl because she smoked. We weren't even dating or anything, but I could smell it on her and it was a turnoff.
I didn't sleep with a girl because she smoked. We weren't even dating or anything, but I could smell it on her and it was a turnoff.
I guess I could still give it a shot. I mean, I'm assuming a lot of smokers have to deal with people who aren't into their habit. Maybe a guy not liking it isn't exactly new territory to them?
03-06-2012, 05:03 PM
#29
Safety Car
Thread Starter
Creedence Clearwater Revival? 
Nah, don't listen to them too much.
Nah, don't listen to them too much.
03-06-2012, 05:08 PM
#30
Three Wheelin'
I'm with you on the smoking issue. For me thats definately a deal breaker.
03-07-2012, 08:06 AM
#32
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03-07-2012, 11:36 AM
#34
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I love that movie, just seemed out of place
03-07-2012, 01:07 PM
#36
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03-10-2012, 02:32 PM
#38
AZ Community Team
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03-10-2012, 08:14 PM
#40
Safety Car
Thread Starter
Honestly? Before all this I would have agreed with you. What I'm getting at is if you were in this kind of situation, wouldn't you feel it'd be a bit reckless to just throw in the towel right then and there? Is it good to stick to the "deal breaker" mindset or is it really worth it to try and go through with it?