Vector02

Another bare with me thread here in the begining...

I met a girl about 1 1/2 years ago. We clicked, hit it off, have MASSIVE chemistry...etc. Only thing is, she is young. I'm 24 and she's 19. I won't go into too many specifics, but this girl is INCREDIBLY special to me. I see so many things in her that I've never been able to find before, and I can't help but care about her a TON.

Here's the problem: In the begining, we wanted eachother bad, but seeing how she was so young, I told her that we shouldn't be together cause she needed time to "sew her oats" and find her own path in life. Of course I loved her, but I could let myself tie her down. It just didn't seem right. So, after her chasing me around for a while, and me chasing her around for a while, her ex came back into the picture. (lost her virginity to him...etc). She didn't know what she wanted and didn't treat me too well for a month or two, so I pretty much figured it wasn't worth my time, & left.

After that, she put the ex behind her (or so I thought) and tried hard to be with me. But, at that time, all i could think about was her treating me bad and making me feel like crap, so I never let her in. Another few months go by, and she starts to move on from me.

Rememberig all the reasons I loved her in the first place, and knowing that I really could lose her, I decide that if she's still willing, I'll give "us" a shot. But by this time, she's already kinda moved on. She say's she was often physically ill over me, and just couldn't take it anymore and have to let herself move on.

SOOOOOO, here we sit. We never totally let eachother go, and we both know how special our relationship is, BUT, we can never seem to decide to be together at the same time! The times that she's worried about me, and getting sick over it, i'm emotionally unavailable. And the times I'm worried about her, she's unavailable. Her ex has been back in the picture lately, but she says they're just friends...etc. And I guess I trust her on that...

Hopefully this is all just bad timing, and age differences...etc, but I wanted to see what ya'll thought. I think i'll just stick it out. Be the best guy I can be for both me and for her, and just see where it goes. Keep encouraging her and being there when I can, but not let myself get too close until I know she's whole hearted.... I guess I just worry a little too much about it sometimes. Deep down, I know that she might be "the one" and I just need to be patient. Either way, I care alot about her, because I do, she'll get my best. Doesn't make any difference if I get hurt or not....I just want to have a clear conscience and know I gave her all the heart and love I could give.

Do you think its possible to open up to someone really, but still maintain enough distance so either of us isn't tied down??? After all we've put eachother through, do you think we could ever move past our past and focus on a future???

Suggestions from ya'll? Shouuld I do anything different??? Ladies???

Here are some pics of us over the past 6 months...

wipe0ut

hmm i think i've seen this before.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0146882/

i forgot how it ends.

wipe0ut

hmm i think i've seen this before.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0146882/

i forgot how it ends.

GeishaGirl

u guys look cute together, especially in that last pic In any case though, I guess the best you can do is try to work something out that you can both live with. Sometimes if circumstances are always wrong, there may be a reason for it. I don't know if you believe in fate or not though. Good luck

evilone

my advice let her go she is so young she has not been with to many people (i assume) and she will more than likely end up with some one else. if she has only been with you and her ex im sure she isnt done sewing her oats. it sucks i know i have been some what in your spot except i was the first guy and i wanted to marry her( we were together for 4 years) but she didt see it that way in the end see saw it as me tie'n her down. and she went on to some one else. she is soo young there is now way she is done yet. if i was you i would let her move on but dont lose touch with her if she is specal to you. in a couple of years you never know. good luck brother i hope this helps some what. but in the end you need to do whats best for you

supermegaglossy

wow, you guys are so cute!

i'm 19, and honestly, i wouldn't mind dating a 24 year old. too many young immature guys lately. let HER make that decision. if you ahve a problem with it, that's fine, but don't end it because you think it's not in her best interests.

people say and do things they don't mean. if you can forgive her for the bad things she said, then i say go and be with her. if it's drawn on this long and you both still love each other, by all means, what are you waiting for?!?!?!

Vector02

Thanks for the advice ya'll. Its always so good to get other opinions of those who aren't directly involved....or family...etc.

I'm confident that things will work out for the best for both of us. Patience is the hard part...

Thanks for the compliments on the pics too. Its hard to look anything but cute when Jen is in a pic with you...lol

Keep the suggestions coming....

Gilgamesh

*cough* *cough*

SooDARK

Damn bro she looks sexy! If she's "fun" in bed,.. try to marry her... If not let her go

I know this sounds stupid, but I'm being serious. I've dated alot of girls, and honestly, no matter how much you love them... if they aren't real good in bed... you'll end up 1)cheating on her. or 2)loosing interest.

98CLChick

I'm 19 and my boyfriend of over a year is 24. We've definitely had some issues over age diffs, maturity, cheating, etc. But, for the most part, things are pretty good.

If you love her, then find a way for you two to be together. Just remember that you can't be the only one putting forth effort...it takes 2 people to make a relationship work.

Vector02

This chick is incredible in so many ways. The sex is AMAZING. I've been with my share of girls, and sex with her is BY FAR the best i've had. I'm not a cheater, and I never will be....but even if I was, this girl could keep me in check! lol

agreed. She told me a few weeks ago, "When I look at you, I don't see a boyfriend. I see a man who could be my husband....and that scares me". I'm all about finding a way for us to be happy together, or happy apart... Its just hard to be around to watch her go through her "i'm 19 and in a sorority faze..." When i'm SOOOOOO far past that.....

BUT, she is worth my best efforts. So you bet i'll stick it out.

Waddy

It's gonna hurt, that's all I gotta say. Unless ya'll agree to get married in the next year or so it's gonna be a roller coaster ride.

You are going to have to deal with all the dramara and everything with the ex, and all the stupid shit that young girls do. Make no mistake it happened in the past and it will continue happening, unless she makes a concious effort to dedicate her life to you and your relationship.

Strap in, there will be good times there will be horrible times, and everything in between and you could end up losing her. But if you feel you can stand up to that for the next 3-4 years until ya'll are ready for marriage. (and when I say ya'll I mean SHE)

Personally i would bounce and let her have her wild college years and revisit her in 3 years.

BTW she's a cutie.

fuzzy02CLS

iTrader: (2)

My 28 year old friend just married an 18 year old.
Sounds to me your to worried about her feelings & not yours. If you want to get with her & she just doesn't know, then YOU move on. Plenty of woman out there. If she was the "one" you would have got together long ago. She's young & isn't sure what she wants. I'd just bail.

Vector02

Yeah, i guess I can see some of that coming. But one of the reasons we get along so well, is although she still falls into the trappings of being 19, she is a very emotionally mature woman. Even when things go very wrong, we are somehow always able to talk it out and see eye to eye. So, even in the worst of times, we've been able to become a little closer....

Again, very true. And thats how i've delt with like EVERY chick in my past. But I feel like if I bailed now, It would really get to me for a long time... I guess that sounds dumb, but I guess I want to know the good times and the bad with this girl. I can move on. Thats not the problem. If that time comes around, I'll do whatever it takes to be done with her...but I guess I'm just really not convinced that that time is now....

Miss iVTEC

I'm in a similar situation, but I can't blame mine on age. I spent 5 years with my now ex-boyfriend. He's 27 and I'm 26. He started his own business etc. etc. and just decided that a relationship is not what he wants right now. Every time one of us tries to move on we just find our way back to the other person. It's been SO painful....All my friends think I'm a complete idiot for still talking to him. Right now we're just "chillin" so to speak. We hang out and go places...he stayed at my house with me during the hurricane just to make sure I was safe. Sometimes I get confused and start to get caught up again and he tells me not to get carried away because the time just isn't right. I don't understand because he cares for me (I can see it in his actions), and I saw myself marrying this man.

All I can tell you is that YOU are the only person who truly knows how you feel. I know how it feels wanting advice and looking for the answer, but unfortunately there is no book or manual to tell you when is the time to finally give up and walk away, or when is the time to cut the other person off completely. I still love my ex with all my heart and soul. I have put myself in a VERY vulnerable position because I think he is worth it, and I truly believe that one day we will be together again. I know you probably are tired of hearing cliches, but if you are meant to be together you will be. It might be 3 weeks from now or 3 years from now. In the meantime I have gone out on dates, but I just can't really get into it because my feelings are tied up elsewhere. I try to make it clear from the beginning where things stand with me so I dont' lead guys on.

Just don't let other people affect how you truly feel for this girl. Don't worry about looking like a pussy or missing out on random ass. If she is "The One" then it will all be worth it in the end. And if she isn't, then the girl who IS "the One" will be so amazing that all this pain will be a thing of the past. (sorry this is so long...)

P.S. She's really cute! LOVE her hair!!!

Gixxster

oh yes I see the problem, you need to COMB YOUR HAIR!!!!!!
haha


Seriously, I think the age issue is a problem. If the two of you were 24 & 29, then no it wouldn't be. Like Waddy said it would be a roller coaster ride. Maybe at first things would be great but then once she turns 21 & sees all her other friends going out to bars & parties and having fun, she would feel like she is missing out on her college experience and want to go out to. Then what are you left to do but sit at home wondering what went wrong while missing her. Have you talk to her about this recently? What ever you do, goodluck. She's a cutie & y'all look good together.
btw, keep us posted on how things turn out

Smitty

Honestly, in this particular situation:... just ride it out....

Marriage scares alot of people now-a-days... because they see what their parents, best friends parents went through after 20+ yrs of marriage that suddenly ended in divorce...

I must be really stupid or really smart, but I DO NOT talk with any of my EX-girlfriends... the reason: if it did not work out the 1st time, it will not work out the 2nd, 3rd, 4th or 5th.....


So riddle yourself this:..... are you happy in life?.... YES or NO..... if your happy, do not change a thing... happiness is key....relax and enjoy life because it is alot shorter than you think... take it from me, I see loss almost every other day.

Vector02

And YES, I am happy in life! Even without her around I have SOOO MUCH to be thankful for! She just makes it that much better when she's around!

Update: she's spend 4 nights in a row over here! No pressure, no bitching....just us enjoying time with eachother. Looks like things are going in the right direction....

SilviaGTO

If you want to be with her tell her. from her point of view, you wanted her, and then you didnt want her (she may have not known your reasoning for not talking to her) and now you want her again, and shes scared.

just tell her you want to be with her.

Gixxster

Alright congrats, nothing like enjoying each others company, having a good time and get'n some action in the bedroom,or living room, or shower, or kitchen......
glad to hear that things are going good!

andy1

Ok, off the topic but I need to vent. What is with guys and not being able to do what they say they will. Like my B/F. Constantly saying he'll be home at certain time but not showing up til two hours later. I mean he usually calls, but I don't understand the fun in sitting at your friends house drinking beer and watching TV for 6-7 hours. I would bebored out of my skull. Can't you guys ever just hang out by yourself. I mean if I go somewhere I feel as if I have to make an effort to not get home before him and believe I have a hard time doing that. When he does this it causes me to get annoyed which causes tiffs and then it seems as if many-a-nights are definately not spent cuddling. I can't explain why it bugs me so much but damn.... And I know you guys will all say he's cheating. I know thats not it cause the friend whose house he goes to all the time is dating my friend. And unless thay are all playing me then he's for sure faithful.

evilstorm

being from SF and with andy1 as your handle ill have to assume you are gay. Most guys can hang out with friends doing nothing except bsing for hours...either learn to deal with that or find a woman?

andy1

I am def not gay, just a girl. If I was gay I would be a guy and understand why they do what they do.

evilstorm

well, there is a female and male type in every relationship rather it be gay or not, so

andy1

HUH?

Always Dirty

That's not all guys by a long shot. Sounds like you just lucky with yours...

andy1

Lucky me

I need to get drunk.

VeeralS05

go get her man! Just give it a shot!

Waddy

Guys like hanging with other guys, we can sit and BS and retell the same old jokes and stories that we know by heart for hours on end. If a PS2 and beer are prominently involved it will go on until somebody passes out.

We don't understand you women either BTW.

andy1

Killin me. .....I just wish it didn't bother me.

SiGGy

The younger the more unpredictable.... all i have to say.

I hope your a gambling man...

Mike 350Z

Waddy

You can't help it you're a woman, you like being the center of his attention and you are jealous of all the time that he SEEMS to spend with his friends, when the reality is he probably spends more time with you. It's just that when he spends big chunks of time with his friends it becomes acutely obvious to you, because you are suffering from boyfriend-time withdrawal.

There's nothing you can do about it bothering you, it's in your genetic code. What you can do is understand that he needs to hang with his boys not because he doesn't want to hang with you but just simply because he wants to hang with his boys. And you can appreciate and enjoy the time he spends with you more instead of thinking that it is his obligation to spend a lot of time with you, that way when he hangs with his boys you will resent it less.

Vector02

No shit....

andy1

Calm down you two, its not the end of the world.

andy1

Thanks for the input.

Vector02

Easy to say when its NOT YOUR thread....! If you look real hard, you might be able to find a "New Thread" button somewhere on one of these pages......

LOL, no biggy.

andy1

I'll look real hard next time. forgive me as you can tell I am new, give me some time to learn all the proper forum ettiquette.

Mike 350Z

HAHA I don't give a shit, I was just pointing it out.

rezurex

if she's a good girl man, dont let her go. good girls are hard to come by