Hey everyone I just wanted to ask for some opinions and what not on the stuff I am going through right now. Me and my g/f been with each other for 3 years this coming April and things to me have changed since then

We both love each other and I know she will do just about anything for me, but there are things that bug me and just make me mad sometimes that she does. She doesn't come off being a "people" person so her making friends isn't that easy since she can't just start randomly talk to someone, even on vacations sometimes. Now having that said im totally the other way around, I can talk to just about anyone and make friends easy.

Now the part that makes me upset. I have a few people that I consider real friends and there are times that I just want to hang out with them and them only, without g/f, only fair right? Not to her most of the time because she always wants to be with me (don't live together) and have all of my time. But my thing is I want to be with my friends or family alone sometimes too. Now I have a bestfriend that is female that I've known longer than my g/f and my g/f knows that I used to have a lot of feelings for my friend Natasha. Natasha and myself agreed before I even met my g/f that we are just going to be best friends and thats how it is. Long story short g/f is very selft conscious(sp) about that.

Well things were going good with Natasha and G/F until aunt one day emailed my best friend and pretty much told her to stop talking to me and stay away, friend ignored it and I bitched at aunt. Aunt did it again and my friend defended herself and my g/f saw it and now my g/f is pissed at my best friend and doesn't want me to hang with her unless she is there and around, but yet my best friend doesn't want to see my g/f really. In all sense this sucks major a$$ and I want to see my best friend ( haven't seen since probably November or later) but yet not make the g/f mad.

The g/f also makes me upset in other ways now too, she gets upset with me now super easy if I am joking around with her because I am super sarcastic and she knows that, but yet I feel I can't even joke around sometimes with her anymore. I don't really like holding hands that much anymore or even kissing and sometimes not even feel like doing the hibby dibby with her also.

Am I getting bored? Has anyone missed me single? I just don't know what's going on anymore. Sorry for long post I have more to say but I'll stop now.

 

Obviously some trust issues, some issues of getting bored, and some communication problems.

Will your g/f even entertain suggestions from you regarding your own time and own space?

 

In this order...

dump girlfriend
get natasha
post pictures of both

 

Gotta love the lady drama..

From the sounds of it, you might have to make a choice. Cut off your best friend or your girlfriend. Unfortunately thats something your g/f has demanded.

I'd stick to my friend, nothing good can come out of a g/f who tries to dominate your life.

 

Usually 3 years is the make it or break it point. I got to that point and couldn't seem to get the relationship to work. We were always bickering to each other until one day she just called it quits. (oh that and she didn't like my best friends so that didn't help either). Needless to say I am actually glad it didnt work out because I found out that 6 months later she got pregnant and ended up getting married. Not saying yours is gonna be going the same route.

Pretty much you answered your own question and its time for you to make a move. Maybe you and Natasha can get together and maybe there is something there you never know.

 

The thing with Natasha is that I know that we probably won't be good for each other, other than friends. She knows the field I'm trying to get into and I'm pretty sure she wouldn't want someone that is in it. Law Enforcement. My g/f brough up the thing about getting rid of my friend and I told her I am not going to get rid of my friends, I've done that in the past (with ex g/f same issue with best friend) and I regreted it. I'll admit my best friend is beautiful so it makes it hard for the g/f.

I'll admit my g/f tries to dominate over me at times too but I don't always let her and those are the times she gets a little pissy at me. She is pretty demanding sometimes too. She will even sometimes get mad at me if I'm even texting on my phone while we are driving somewhere ( myself not driving) what the hell am I suppose to do while I sit there I told her.

My best friend never wanted any problems and tried to stay far from it and I guess it was my fault that they happened a little. I even tried asking Natasha if she wanted to hang out for like an hour for lunch one day and I just wouldn't tell g/f, but she didn't like that idea of sneaking around.

 

EDIT-Has anyone missed being single, not me single haha

 

Being single is fun but having someone there is always good too.

 

sometimes relationships run its course... move on

 

dude if you and this girl (natasha) have managed to be friends for so long and even when you are in a relationship with someone you still wont budge and at least distance yourself from her even slightly, then you obviously would do most anything to make it work with her. who cares what your job is going to be that should have no grounds in whether or not you date someone (unless they are a priest or something)

 

If you're not enjoying yourself in your current relationship, move on.

 

I'm not going to address the drama. Your situation has some similarities to mine, except I'm the anti-social one when out as a couple; alone I can be outgoing. Which makes me think you are doing what I do - living a double life. You're one person when you're with your SO and another when you're alone.

You're obviously different when alone because you want to hang out with your friends without her. You act differently and she either wouldn't get it or wouldn't like it. I have that problem too.

Sure, you may like being with her and you may like some aspects of how you are when you're with her, but your compatibility is probably at a close friend level. And that should be cool. When you're with your old-school friends, you act one way, when you're with her, you act another. But she and your friends may not be compatible.

I suppose it's theoretical there's someone out there that is just like you and things will never be dull or boring. I've heard people talk like that and I get jealous.

Good luck on getting back to your real self.

 

shit, sounds exactly like something that I'm going through minus the part where you having a best friend that's a girl... good luck..If you DO love her... There's not much of options available besides trying to motivate her..

But seems like you gotta understand your girl little more.. Having a female best friend while you have your love isn't a good thing to any girls that's in relationship with you.

 

And BTW, you ARE "allowed" to have friends AND a girlfriend. There's no reason to have to drop one for the other. Balance your time and spend time with everyone in various combinations or alone. Anyone who doesn't want you to enjoy yourself with those you care about just doesn't want you to be happy.

 

very well said, But unfortunately, some girls doesn't seem to understand that..

 

this was a very interesting post. it made me think about my current gf/ relationship

 

After reading this thread, I can definitely relate to it..

I was in a very similar position with my ex, minus the "aunt e-mailing." The problem is, keeping balance and maintaining trust on both ends. My ex, she was anti-social, couldn't make friends as easy and just relied on whomever she already had family/friends. Now, since I'm open to meet new people and make valuable relationships, she didn't like that. There came a point where me and my friends didn't hang out as much because of the issues with my girl. I would hang out with them, without telling her, or just going places without informing her. I didn't live with her, and my relationship would have lasted 3 years last October.

Anyway, she would get upset at mad at me by making new friends, or talking to random people (girls, in general). Now when I spoke to girls, I always had my limit and didn't cross the lines. I believe it's rude and immature for someone wanting to make communication with you, and you just refuse to because your girl might get mad. To me, that's total bullshit. But to make long story short, I let her break up with me (as in, I told her, you decide on this relationship because I can careless ) and she ended up breaking up with me. Of course, at first life was a bit slow but now it's great dude. If your relationship is unstable and nothing is being worked out, I say just leave.. Better to do it now, then later.. Good luck!

 

Sounds like it's done. She doesn't trust you, which should be enough. But also sounds like you don't have any kind of independence and she chooses not to have any independence. I know, for me, this is a big deal. Once in awhile, you both just need to do your own thing. Also sounds like you might not really be attracted to her anymore. Also, your friends will almost always be there, not necessarily the SO. You should never have to choose. Are you, maybe, just in the comfortable stage and just assume you'd be together? Might be time to step back and take a look at that.

 

thanks everyone for your thoughts on this and for the people that understand what I am going through. I don't pick sides and I won't and I told both of them that and if someone can't handle it than they can leave.

I am who I am all the time and pretty much not any different if I am with g/f or with friends. I can talk to anyone and my whole life I've been like that. I am a waiter at a restaurant so it just comes natural to me to be able to talk to anyone.

G/F trusts me just not anyone else. It's just sad, I'm the oldest brother out of 3 and I don't live with any of them ( they all live in differen't places) and one of my brothers I'm trying to be there for and hang out with a lot so I can be that big brother (hes 14). so there were two mondays in a row that he had off from school and I'm usually off work and g/f usually isn't busy and I told her I am going to hang with him all day while we have a chance. She gets upset because that is usually the day we would hang, but yet I can take that day to hang with my own brother without her bitchin and what not..

Now if I am hanging with her she is texting me with "what you doing" like all the time and if I don't answer her she gets upset, or if I don't call her most of the day. It's like WTF im playing games with my brother and hanging out give me a dang break. so yeah

 

wow just got off phone with g/f and this is what happen. Natasha left me a comment on my myspace a funny one and at the end she puts Love ya like we've always said. not I love you. Love ya and my g/f knows this. Just means I care about you and what not. Not like I love you that you tell your wife. I quote " if she says that again im going to smack her" seriously stfu. I just ignored it and she is like " i try to explain to you how i feel" I'm getting tired of that crap too. I never had a problem until my aunt started the shit, my aunt likes to pick fights too.

 

Honestly dude, my ex was just like that. I mean she wants to keep her end of the bargain but limit mines. Honestly dude, looks to me you and Natasha are good for each other but if anything, just dump who you got now. I mean she WANTS you to pick a SIDE?! Family vs GF? I see you made the right choice by picking your brother. Remember, don't ever let a girl come in between family. Keep family at family, and your girl at her level.

 

She doesn't want me to pick between her and familyk, sorry if I confused anyone. She wanted me to pick between Natasha and herself.

 

honestly unless she is salma hayek, nikki whelan, megan fox or adriana lima theres no reason to put up with dumb shit. My girls gotten jealous and tried to do dumb shit before and ive told her if she wanted to start acting a fool she can do it on her own cause i wont put up with the circus act.

if you wana be with her tell her whats up and that if the bullshit continues then you guys cease to exist.

 

Not that it's fair, but hypothetically, who would you choose?

I know that a woman is not supposed to ask you to do that, but sometimes they do. And put yourself in her shoes. If she had a male friend that she had feelings for...and is now her best friend...and they say Love Ya to each other...and someone mentions it to you as being crap....how would you feel?

As much as I want to say that she needs to grow up a bit, there are not a lot of women out there that won't be a little bothered by this. I think my wife is cool as hell, but every so often it would probably bother her.

If I were you, I would talk to the gf and see what really bothers her. Then tell the Natasha that she needs to lay off the "Love Ya" comments, etc.

 

i agree, i think a lot of chicks would be bothered by a best friend you had "a lot" of feelings for.

you probably shouldn't have told the gf you had feelings for Natasha b/c now she's always going to think those feelings are still there

 

You don't want a chick that is going to try and run your life.

 

I'd cut off the friend and if things don't improve, dump the GF.
That's just too much bullshit to be dealing with.
You friend Natasha, rejected you initially and then you settled for being friends with her, while still "having feelings". been there, done that. Now she's single handedly sabotaging your relationship with a woman that is actually attraced to you.

Your GF sounds like she has trust issues and is controlling. Both of which are big red flags IMO. So see if cutting off Natasha helps this situation. if not, dump her.

 

That is pretty funny that you have an aunt that gets involved in your shit like that. Not knowing your whole situation, all I can say is that people will do as much as you allow them to. Your aunt and your gf should KNOW that their behavior will not be tolerated, maybe you have not conveyed that, or are way to passive in your family and relationships.

You don't always need to "talk everything out" and make people feel good. Sometimes you just need to explain "this is how things are, and if you cannot get on board with that, than you are gone", especially when it comes to your own life. You are not inconveniencing your aunt or gf by hanging with who you want, when you want. Sounds like those two are used to getting their own way all of the time, and you can put a stop to that.

 

Time to put your girl and check and tell her if she doesn't stop this jealous ranting of hers that you are just gonna call it quits. I have learned that you do not drop your friends because your significant other doesn't like them because eventually if you do break up your friends will still be there for you.l

 

about the whole aunt thing.
if my aunt would of done something even remotely like that...well there would be some broken ties in my family

 

Your girlfriend has ISSUES that she needs to address, seriously. I've distance myself from friends in the past, but will never do again. You should be able to be you 24/7. Honestly, your girlfriend should take it or leave it. if you're not cheating and everything is on the table then it's all good. Considering that she is not a peoples person says a lot...she may have low self-esteem...or it can be a number of things. Either way good luck.

 

screw your stupid girlfriend, do you really wanna be with a bitch who says who you can/can't hang out with? Hell to the no.

 

Dude your best friend being beautiful has shit to with it. If your best friend was ugly your girl would still think the same.

My best friend is a girl as well and I have to admit she is pretty good looking but I laid it out to my girl and every other girl ive gone with (known best friend since I was 7) that this is my best friend, it is strictly plutonic, and she is like my sister. This is obvious when you see my best friend and I interact, although sometimes I could see why a woman would get jealous but no need to. Now I know your situation is a little different but for future prospective gf's you may need to lay that one out there off the break and if they can't deal with it they aren't right for you. There are plenty of other CONFIDENT full of self esteem women out there who could give 2 shits about your best friend as long as you keep them reassured. And judging from everything else she's doing i.e. trying to control your life, not wanting you to have free time, it doesnt sound liek this is the girl for you. Good luck man.

 

I almost did that's how mad she made me, but I am forgiving and got over it in a few weeks, which is a long time for me

 

She is not trying to sabotage anything, she is the one that always asked me, you sure it's ok and always being cautions about things.

 

i agree with the ugly, cute part because one night at my restaurant she thought I was flirting with one fo my co-workers who I am not AT ALL attractive too, shes engaged and also like 5 years younger than me. I was joking around with her and being my normal sarcastic self and she thought I was flirting/hitting on her and got all pissed off at me.she is not attractive and I don't know why she even would think that.

Yes she does have a low self esteem at times, and I always kept her reassured too, but most of the time I didn't help any.

 

I have addressed her a few times with things and they all haven't been worked out of fixed yet. Is it a bad thing that I sometimes think of myself with a girl I see walking around or maybe someone I work with or something like that? Or is that just the I miss being single thing, or since I am in a relationship I can't and it makes it harder cause " I can't"

It's like when someone was single and you didn't really want the but the second they get a boyfriend or girlfriend it's like you want them now because how they are taken. I don't know.

Sorry would of multi quoted but didn't think I would reply to so many comments haha

 

Well I think its time to decide if you want to stay in the kind of relationship or not. Do you want to be able to be yourself anytime you want without worrying if you are making someone mad or can you deal with her scrutinizing your every move.

 

Very well put and this is what I am thinking of. We have been together just about 3 years ( April) so it will make it a lot harder to do anything. Her whole family adores me just as my whole family adores her. So either way if I do decide to do anything it will be very difficult.

 

your girl is turning into your aunt. do you want to date your aunt? no, move on.