So there's this girl that I know very well and I've had a thing for for about 3 years now but we've always been friends but now it seems like she's starting to maybe like like me. The biggest sign of this is thursday was my b-day party and the plans were go out to eat and then hit up the strip club afterwards. Well she was there for dinner at Carrabba's but then didn't attend the strip club because she couldn't watch another girl give me a lap dance. Now I know this girl has gone to strip clubs with other guy friends before she's told me so why I if she was just interested in me as a friend would it be any different?

But on the other hand it's very hard to hangout with her, if I call her up to hangout with her she's always busy but if anyone else asks her she almost always can. If I ask it's an almost instantaneous no and if someone else asks it's almost an instantaneous yes. But maybe that was the old her and I should try to hangout out with just her again and see where it goes. I've always been of the belief that if I could get her and I alone and we both had some drinks in us then something would happen. This is just the thing I've never been able to do maybe cause she knows it too. Also this girl is very secretive and the topic of her and I dating is just about off limits with her and anyone else and especially her and I so I can't even bring up the fact of her not attending the strip club I'm supposed to act like it never happened. It's weird, there's always some sort of sexual tension in the air between us but I always thought that it was just me feeling that but maybe she feels it too now. IDK as you can see I'm pretty confused about the whole situation, mainly cause she doesn't show her feelings for me and if she does it's only when she slips up. Like when she slipped up and made the comment that she couldn't watch another girl give me a lap dance. I'm still very suprised she said that but I'm happy she did.

 

ugh too long. sorry

 

Move along, you are on the friends ladder and always will be.

She didn't go to the strip club simply because she didn't want to go out with you.
She is never available to go out when you call. That just reinforces my first observation.

 

I had a very similar situation when I was younger. A girl and I had gone to school together from 1st grade through college. We were great friends - often attracted to eachother but were never both single at the same time. Most people though we'd ultimately wind up married - so did I. We finally got together when I was 19 and it didn't last 3 weeks. Sometimes, being friends is how it's supposed to be.

I look at it this way - if you were meant to be together neither of you would have these reservations and it would happen (without having a few drinks either...). Something is holding her back, and whatever it is, if she's not over it by now it will always be there. I never felt that someone having to "get over" an issue to be with someone was a good thing. Either she likes you that way or not. Seems to me not.

There's one possibility though - that she's being reserved because she does like you but does not know now you'd react, so she's being guarded. You can always lay the cards on the table and see what happens. Sure, she doesn't talk about her relationships, but if you come clean with her about how you feel and she evades you again, then you know for sure. If she can't handle that kind of honesty then she's not the one you want to be in a relationship with anyway.

BTW, two weeks after that girl and I broke up I met my wife. Been together 21 years.

 

I guess I should clarify that I do hang out with just her and I often but she usually seems busy when I call but she is a very busy girl always doing something, she has 3 jobs and runs a lot of errands for her dad so it's not like she's lying to me when she says she's busy.

 

You get bruised too quick playa...you did clarify:

"...But on the other hand it's very hard to hangout with her, if I call her up to hangout with her she's always busy but if anyone else asks her she almost always can. If I ask it's an almost instantaneous no and if someone else asks it's almost an instantaneous yes...."

I will use myself for this problem so you can understand...

I have a gal pal that is a friend. We actually started out dating once or twice. I met her to go out with her for that purpose. She didn't appeal to me in the date way, so I put her on the friend ladder. She tried hard as hell to get off, using mutual friends, family members, etc...nope, I wasn't having it. Now, 9 years later, I am on her friendship ladder. Whenever she and another friend of ours jokes about dating, she says nah, I'm just a friend and she can't look at me like that.

Now, the go-getter in me would be inclined to believe that all I have to do is pull my dick out and that would change...but it probably won't. And it shouldn't. She looks very nice, and I am sure that she would be good in bed, which is the foundation for any good relationship, but I wouldn't go there because I like having her as a friend, and now that she is sold on that idea, she thinks the same. Works for me.

Your ass is on the ladder. If she wanted you, there is no rule that would stop her from coming after you. She doesn't want you like that, maybe a little, but not a lot. Not enough to compromise the friendship you have now. Either that, or your game is weak as shit playa! No matter what...fuck elsewhere...if you can "Stunna"...why sweat this one if she ain't having it?

 

Dark, I see this a bit differently.

Stunna:

From what you've written, she may be interested in "more" - HOWEVER, and this is a big however, you have to actually make an effort to figure that out. A real effort, not this complicated covert game playing.

The reason why MOST guys end up on the friend's ladder is because they don't communicate their interest soon enough. Dancing around it, being nice, will very quickly put you on the friend's ladder - you're like a girlfriend.

The good thing is, judging by what you've written of course, is that she doesn't seem to exhibit typical "friend" behaviors. She doesn't seem to be spilling her guts to you about other guys, for example.

There may be some cultural things here we don't know about.

With all this said, I think a smart move would be to ask her out, 1 on 1. If she obliges, cool. Escalate accordingly. If she doesn't, don't sweat this anymore. But if she truly thought of you as a "friend" and was just going to hang out with you as a "friend" then she would oblige the date offer. This is when escalating, i.e. making a move, is going to be key. If she accepts your advances then maybe there was some longing for you that she couldn't express (or whatever) - if she looks at you and says "ewwwwww, we're just friends, you're like a little brother to me." Then you're screwed and you're wasting your time.

 

^ I guess that is a natural assumption based on the "I don't wanna see you get a lap dance", but I thought he said he made some moves already and she was no go.

Your response was actually what I was going to tell him to do at first, but decided against perpetuating another long thread of a guy on here stringing us along while he builds up the nerve to ask a broad out! Don't you get tired of those?

Go for it Stunna...if you can...