Well some of you may know I got back with my ex. Well we aren't "back together" officially but we kinda know we aren't supposed to be fucking other people or talking to other people. Weeeeelllllllll we had our first argument and I just want to see if I am a jackass for this. Well theres something that bothers me about her and that is she doesn't like anyone giving her advice or fixing things for her. For instance if we are walking in the street and I see a car and I start nudging her out of the way of said car she will argue with me. Saying "The car obviously wasn't going to hit me. why would you nudge me?"

What started this was I put WEP encryption on her internet and her roomate couldn't go online. I gave her the code but she was typing it in wrong so the whole time she was giving me attitude while her roomate was fine saying "don't worry about it."

She had gotten mad at me in the first place because I didn't want to call DLink because I told her I put WEP on about literally 20 computers before this and I know what I am doing.

Well basically anytime I do something for her or I see her struggling with something and try to help she yells at me...that is until what I do works then she apologizes but will do it again next time there is something going wrong.

Now am I wrong for trying to help out when she is obviously struggling to do something? I tell her that DLink is bogged down by retarded questions people could figure out themselves. She has to argue with me about it though. I mean anything! I tried walking on the outside of her on the sidewalk because she was walking on the edge on a busy street. I told her thats not safe and could she movie over...she argued with me that she doesn't have to do everything I tell her.


BLAH!

Cliff Notes:
I give my girl advice/help her when I see her struggling with something or if I see her about to be in trouble and all she does is argue with me that I don't have to help her. It's not like I do this with everything she does its random but everytime I can garuntee she will bitch at me for trying to help out. Should I just shut up and not help people or am I doing stuff normal people do and she is overly bitchy about it. (Ex. If you were dating someone and everytime you saw a car coming you nudged them out the way and they yelled at you that they saw the car and you don't need to do everything for them. By nudge I mean if we are holding hands I start moving towards a certain off course direction)

 

You don't want no drama.

 

A better summary...maybe more to the point of what I am asking since I can't edit it.

Everytime I try to help someone they give me lip. Kind of like if you were in a group project and every idea you come up with the leader shoots it down or doesn't pay attention to it. Now should I suck it up and stop trying to help or is this normal? I can take rejection from strangers but I think of a relationship as 2 people with 2 opinions and if one of us see the other doing something that could potentiallly hurt/frustrate the other and the other knows how to stop it or help them they should. OR should I just shut my mouth and not take it personal that she shoots down all my advice and gets mad at me. Since in her own words she is her own person and doesn't have to listen to me. I dunno would you get annoyed if your significant other said that to you when the only time you tried to help was when they were obviously struggling. Things she knows how to do I am not a backseat driver on...things she doesnt or when she is going to call tech support or if I see a car coming I am going to nudge her or help her. None of my friends care that I do this but she gets bitchy. Should I stop or do people normally do this in life?

 

Wait...Is this a girlfriend or wireless networking question

 

LOL its a girlfriend question...

Examples of things she gets mad at me for and why...

Fix her computer...why? Because if anything goes wrong afterwards its my fault and I shouldn't have gotten rid of those 10 trojans and toolbars off because now she can't open something or another...so she gets pissed.

Walking in the street with her...why? If she wants to walk on the edge of the sidewalk and I tell her "that's not a good idea seeing that cars are wizzing by you at 45 mph" she tells me no. Then when I try to tell her again she gets upset and tells me she doesn't have to do everything I say.

Walking with her in the street part 2...If I see a car coming I will start walking/forcing her to walk with me out of the way. She gets upset and says "the car wasn't going to hit me" I say "Well it might have" she says "Well in that case it wouldn't have" Then we argue.

Basically its like anything I do to help she gets mad about. Now should I just stop helping or is this normal stuff people do? Am I being irrational should I just let her be? Could you be with someone who does things that are potentially dangerous or watch them get frustrated with things you can easily fix but anytime you try they just get pissed and you have to sit and watch them keep doing it to no avail? I dunno it annoys the crap out of me I just want to know am I alone in this boat.

 

^^^

 

I knew I shouldnt have made this post. I don't know how to explain it plus it annoys the crap out of me so I should just take it as a sign.

 

take out insurance on her and let her walk where she wants?

 

Is there a past history of her being independant? Did someone leave her life incomplete or something? Maybe a parent left her and she is used to doing things on her own.

If she was hurt by you before you helping her is sort of letting you into her life further than she feels comfortable with at this point. Maybe she is just protecting herself from what she feels is going to be another breakup or something.

 

Her parents were divorced and her pops didn't keep in touch so she grew up with her mom since she was like 8 and she has a mother who nags her about not getting things done and being irresponsible. So I kinda figured that had something to do with it but jesus christ don't take it out on me.

 

Maybe she doesn't know she is doing it to you, and how it makes you feel. Have you ever mentioned anything about it to her? Even if you have, try and remind her a little bit if the situation heads in that direction.

 

i had an ex who did this as just as a way of starting fights.

i think it was her way of justifying in her head that "i" was doing something wrong.

 

Your summary and cliff notes are as long as the original.

She sounds very immature and you would be better off moving on to avoid the headaches.

 

 

Are you two really competitive with each other? Sounds like she doesn't want to appear helpless and is very independent. I don't see this ever getting better for you.

 

Dude, you are way too cool to put up with her attitude. Sounds to me like you are walking on ice around her.

 

^^ this guy knows what he's talking about

 

If you like her a lot try suggesting counseling at your church or something. This is not normal for someone to nag at you for no apparent reason. You seem like a nice guy that just wants to help out and you don't deserve that. If the relationship doesn't work move on because you wont be happy in the long run. Its probably stressing the hell out of you. That is not healthy either.

 

Well, I would say that she has some serious insecurities if she can't accept help from her boyfriend.

The only issue I'm having, because you mentioned group meetings, is whether or not this only happens with you and your girlfriend or with people in general. If it's with people in general, you may have a problem communicating with them your intent. Maybe you shoot them down or make them feel like idiots when you ask to help? Just a thought.

 

Don't do anything until you are asked, that will mean she wants your help, and you don't have to even think about whether or not you should step in and help.

 

Learnt that long time ago.

 

That makes sense, some girls are crazy like that. If she asks then help, let her struggle through something she will call you eventually.

 

Scott often tries to "help" me with little suggestions, and it drives me up the fucking wall. I'm not three years old, I can clearly see the car that's passing, and I feel that I am a safe distance from said car. If I haven't figured out by now how to avoid speeding vehicles, then I deserve to die anyway.

It sounds to me like she thinks you're nagging; when you shoot down her ideas by suggesting "improvements" to them, it sounds to her like you don't trust her to be smart or mature enough to make her own decisions, and often, her own mistakes. You can't wrap her in cotton batting, and you can't be with her 24-7. What do you think she does when you're not around? Goes prancing about in busy streets? I seriously doubt it.

She's a big girl. I know you're trying to help, I know you have nothing but good intentions, and that is why I deal with it when Scott really starts to piss me off. But you have to look at it from her side, too. She can take care of herself. She has a boyfriend so that she has a companion, not a daddy. If she wanted a daddy, she'd be dating older men. Trust me.

 

She's got a point. Girls get furious about shit like this. JesusJuice your best bet is not help her unless she asks.
Have a question though, does she like shivelry? Opening doors for her, pulling chair out for her, etcc...????

 

Well thats something I don't get. I only bug her with 3 things...computers, driving, shivery. Like she never wants me to walk on the traffic side of her on a sidewalk and says "No car will ever jump the curb" Driving, I calmed down on that even though she just started driving a year ago and to keep a constant speed she hits the gas then hits the brake then hits the gas then hits the brake...I want to kill her when she does that. As for computers she calls tech support for everything that makes me want to choke her too! Chicks are slow! I swear if I was correcting every aspect of her life then that would be one thing but I only do it where she obviously sucks at it.

Update: We got to the root of the problem. When I offer my help to random people they say "No thanks" she says "God just leave it alone" So I basically said you are rude and you have no respect when you speak to me and you act as if I am stupid and I am the only reason your computer is running right now. Then when I fix something and randomly change one of her settings she calls me pissed off. So I basically said you need to stop it or you are going to end up alone. She has finals right now so I didn't want to argue anymore and just told her to cool out and talk to me when they are done since school doesn't stress me nearly as much as it stresses her.

 

She does not appreciate the things you do for her. No respect. However, what is the tone you use when you say these things to her? Do you talk down to her?


She appears to be very insecure and feels threatened by others helping her. She also lacks trust in your words.

 

Nope. I thought about that and I don't speak to people that way. Never had a complaint from anyone about my attitude ever. I am a pretty calm person...she just pushes my buttons when she speaks like that.

 

Your girl is a drama Queen. They all are. Some just express it in different ways. the reason she gets mad at you is because she sucks at those situations and its fustrating to her. She is actually jealous of your crazy computer skills because she doesnt know how to do that shit on her own. Next time in the street just nudge her closer to the traffic till she jumps back. She'll learn her lesson.







Oh yeah she cant drive worth shit either. Dont Let her drive you around.

 

get it right

Meh I think I have a solution to this shit

 

 

I maintain my previous statement. Scott only nags me about one or two things, too, and it's still frustrating as all hell. Lay off, just don't say anything. If you don't like the way she drives, then you should drive; I rarely EVER drive when I'm with Scott; he just automatically takes the wheel. When you're walking with her, just automatically step to the curbside. If she makes a big deal out of it, say, "fine, okay, get splashed by mud if you want, I tried." Also, if it makes her feel better to call tech support, why not let her? Does it cost money? If it's costing something then I can see the problem, but just because the call centers are overloaded with idiots doesn't mean one more can't call; that's what phone tech support is for. Those people are paid to deal with idiots. Consider it not your problem.

Basically, what I'm saying is that even though you may not think your tone is condescending, if she's insecure about these things (or more importantly, if she's sensitive about them NOW because they've been issues in the past, and especially if these are issues you mention frequently), she will take what you say the wrong way 9 times out of 10.

One major thing women need to learn is that men rarely use verbal nuances; it's very rare for a guy to say one thing and mean another. However, girls often say things they don't mean literally, and they expect everyone to speak in the same way, so if you say, "Hey, don't drive like that," she hears, "I feel very unsafe with you, you're a terrible driver, you suck at life, and I will never stop nagging you about it." What you meant was literally, "Hey, don't drive like that." It took me a LONG time to figure that out; I used to think Scott was just a total asshole, but I finally learned to take what he says with a grain of salt, or take it at face value, whichever way hurts me less.

Cliff notes: Even though you don't think you're talking down to her, she probably thinks you are, so my previous statements still stand.

 

Give one last piece of advice

"go fuck yourself" and walk away.

drama sucks the nuts.

 

?

 

^^

As for cali, you are right I will be leaving her alone. The thing is I have never had this problem with girlfriends or female friends. They usually laugh when I walk on the other side of the curb from them and if I nudge them they say "Aww you care." By the way don't take it too seriously she does have me do things for her and thanks me for it all the time. If she asks me to do something thats fine but if I take charge and do it or if she is trying to do it and I tell her a better/quicker way she gets offended. I dunno with everyone else they just take it as another suggestion and since I am usually passive with it, meaning I dont make them seem stupid while telling them they don't get mad. It's just weird that somethings just make her so upset or get on defense so easily when it needs to be done.

Meh I guess because most of my female friends are cutesy bubbley chicks who love everyone and she is kinda mean. But on the other hand my cutesy bubbley friends cheat on their boyfriends and flirt all the damn time while she doesnt...so Hmmm she seems to be the lesser of 2 evils.

 

Drop her - she is your ex for what sounds like a good reason. Too many fish in the sea. Unless she's on the Victoria's Secret underwear modeling show then screw that, too much drama.

 

This is insane. Imagine how bad it will be if you had kids. Just think about it for a minute. How would she treat your ideas (and you) then?

 

When you walk with her in the street, is it day or night?

 

Hey man been there - had a girl who would be really upset by stuff crying about some thig even - I'd try to help or give advice SHE asked for and in return I'd get yelled at or made out to be a bad person.

Methinks you are too cool a guy to have to deal with someone so touchy.

 

Well I knew "why your ex is your ex" would catch up to me eventually. So her ex wrote something to her on one of those online college sites and I acted like I didn't care at to one point I didn't but I know deep down she still likes him and the reason they aren't together is because of him. Well I decided to do something I promised myself I wouldn't do and that is check her online college site messages. I know it's fucked up but I needed to know. So she writes him a message saying how flustered he made her and how he still has that effect on her and how she wants to gobble him up like cheesecake. I don't know what to do here since technically I shouldn't know this information. I mean do I confront her and end it or do I leave it alone and see what happens? I dunno feeling like you are number 2 kinda sucks and I am trying to do the straight and narrow thing so I went back to her to see if we could fix it. But right now I am having mixed emotions.

 

Best way is to sucker her into spilling it to you. Basically make up some bullshit about her "seeming a little distant lately" and ask her if everything's cool. When she lies and says yes, go with Killer's earlier suggestion.