Got Divorce Papers in the mail today...
09-20-2007, 05:29 PM
#1
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Got Divorce Papers in the mail today...
I thought I was doing everything right in order to fix myself, and save my marriage... but, I guess I was wrong....
Man, I can't even explain how I feel right now..
Sorry I've been posting my life problems on here, but... It helps me get them out...
09-20-2007, 05:40 PM
#2
Not a dude.
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You'll get through this, man. Be strong.
Use the tools you learned when you were getting clean and sober. Call your sponsor or someone else you trust and go do something with them. Now is not a good time to be alone.
Sending good thoughts your way.
Use the tools you learned when you were getting clean and sober. Call your sponsor or someone else you trust and go do something with them. Now is not a good time to be alone.
Sending good thoughts your way.
09-20-2007, 06:28 PM
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wow, sorry bro
i can't imagine what you're going through right now but like RT said...just stay strong and try to occupy yourself with good people around you.
if you don't mind me asking - have you talked to her lately??
i can't imagine what you're going through right now but like RT said...just stay strong and try to occupy yourself with good people around you.
if you don't mind me asking - have you talked to her lately??
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09-20-2007, 07:22 PM
#10
Racer
I am sorry about the change in life events.
Best of luck and keep your head up. This is a stepping stone to bigger and better things.
Azners have your back if you need to vent.
Best of luck and keep your head up. This is a stepping stone to bigger and better things.
Azners have your back if you need to vent.
09-20-2007, 08:00 PM
#13
Suzuka Master
Stay strong,keep your head up and stand your ground with dignity. +1 Try to occupy yourself because if you stay alone, you'll only keep thinking about it. I can't imagine what you're going through right now, but remember that good things are just around the corner. Good luck.
09-20-2007, 08:08 PM
#14
Earth-bound misfit
I'm so sorry Chris. Hang in there.
Keep doing the good things you're doing for yourself.
Keep doing the good things you're doing for yourself.
09-20-2007, 11:42 PM
#18
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Damn, sorry chris. If she blind sided you like this, then maybe you're better off just moving on, you turned your life around, and you are doing good for yourself, that's what counts
09-21-2007, 12:58 AM
#19
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this may be best thing that can happen to you. if she doesn't want to be with you, why want her to stay?
you got sober and re-enlisted and you feel that your life is changing for the better. when you get deployed, you won't have to worry about having a wife at home.
the best part? you get to take out your frustration and anger by blasting some tangos. i wish i could.
i don't know if what the hell i just said was coherent, but i wish you the best. i also wish for you peace during your difficult times. you will get through it all. just remember, it's all temporary.
you got sober and re-enlisted and you feel that your life is changing for the better. when you get deployed, you won't have to worry about having a wife at home.
the best part? you get to take out your frustration and anger by blasting some tangos. i wish i could.
i don't know if what the hell i just said was coherent, but i wish you the best. i also wish for you peace during your difficult times. you will get through it all. just remember, it's all temporary.
09-21-2007, 01:45 AM
#20
Go Giants
I thought I read that you didn't think you were getting back together....But, Im not sure..
Sorry man...Don't let this distract you from becoming the man you imagine you can be. Nothing is forever.
Sorry man...Don't let this distract you from becoming the man you imagine you can be. Nothing is forever.
09-21-2007, 08:26 AM
#22
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Oddly, a lot of marriages break up after one partner or the other sobers up and "gets clean". It turns out that the partner actually meshed with the dysfunction of the addiction, and that when that is gone, the partner has something "missing". She may not be styling it that way, bro, but it may be the root issue. On some level, whatever she says, she may have a neurotic investment in your having been a drunk.
I attend a twelve-step program that supports folks who were sexually abused as children. Most of us arrive there after dealing with a variety of addictions, including alchohol, gambling, food issues, overpsending - you name it. As we clean up our lives, and figure out how to live an adult life, sometimes, the parnters just don't make it... I am witnessing three marriages right now come unglued because my friends in recovery are now far, far more healthy than their spouses, and the spouse cannot really handle the healthy state that their partner has moved into! Sad, grievous, but the choice is to remain dysfunctional or separate. In each of these cases, counseling failed; the partner preferred to remain 'stuck' in their old stuff.
I don't know whether this is the case for you, but I throw it out as a possible explanation. In any case, move your sober life forward with the clarity, self-awareness and self-care that you used to get sober, and somewhere, you will meet someone who values you for those attributes.
I attend a twelve-step program that supports folks who were sexually abused as children. Most of us arrive there after dealing with a variety of addictions, including alchohol, gambling, food issues, overpsending - you name it. As we clean up our lives, and figure out how to live an adult life, sometimes, the parnters just don't make it... I am witnessing three marriages right now come unglued because my friends in recovery are now far, far more healthy than their spouses, and the spouse cannot really handle the healthy state that their partner has moved into! Sad, grievous, but the choice is to remain dysfunctional or separate. In each of these cases, counseling failed; the partner preferred to remain 'stuck' in their old stuff.
I don't know whether this is the case for you, but I throw it out as a possible explanation. In any case, move your sober life forward with the clarity, self-awareness and self-care that you used to get sober, and somewhere, you will meet someone who values you for those attributes.
09-21-2007, 12:28 PM
#27
Suzuka Master
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Damn that sucks. I never would have thought of what ric said, but it seems plausible that she's not used to you being cleaned-up, and now she doesn't feel "better/more clean" than you anymore. Make sure you get a good lawyer.
09-21-2007, 02:40 PM
#29
is learning to moonwalk i
Sorry to hear. As others have said, things will improve and it sounds like you are on your way to improving yourself. Tough it out and stay strong. Good luck with this and re-joining the Corps.
09-21-2007, 03:36 PM
#31
Suzuka Master
Chris. sorry to hear your news. I have spoken about me before but in a nutshell, married 16+ years and wifey loved me but not in love with me. So we got divorced about 7 years ago. When I look back at it, I am so glad she had the guts to speak up and leave. I know now that I do not want someone in my corner that does not want to be with me. I am still on the hunt for that someone but would rather not find someone than live with someone that does not want to be with me.
Heads up and time heals.
Heads up and time heals.
09-21-2007, 03:56 PM
#32
In the Mid-South meow
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Sorry to here the news. Good luck and definitely keep your head up. I'm sure you know by now things can change in a heartbeat. I know it's easier said than done but keep focused on your goals and this will only make you a stronger person.
09-21-2007, 04:16 PM
#33
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Originally Posted by sasha
Sorry to hear this. If you don't mind me asking, did you see this coming? You guys have a kid together, right?
Yes, we have a son together... 18 months old.
09-21-2007, 04:18 PM
#34
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Originally Posted by LotusTracker
wasn't being sarcastic at all man....I figured she would stick it out considering your recent decisions (joining the service etc.)
09-21-2007, 04:19 PM
#35
Go Giants
Originally Posted by ChrisKelly5
I honestly didn't know for sure if it would ever happen, I guess I was hoping for the best because we still talk everyday and we get along fine so...
Yes, we have a son together... 18 months old.
Yes, we have a son together... 18 months old.
09-21-2007, 04:25 PM
#36
Suzuka Master
Originally Posted by ChrisKelly5
I honestly didn't know for sure if it would ever happen, I guess I was hoping for the best because we still talk everyday and we get along fine so...
Yes, we have a son together... 18 months old.
Yes, we have a son together... 18 months old.
09-21-2007, 04:26 PM
#37
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Sorry I can't respond to everyones post.. but, thanks so much guys... I actually feel like I get more support here then I did in my rehab meetings. I truly appreciate it.
The hardest thing really is not being able to see my little man every day... he is my pride and joy, and it sucks knowing that he will grow up in a "divided" family...
I am not sure if I have ever mentioned this but... I have NEVER met my father. Have no idea who he is, or anything... I don't want my son to have to grow up like that... so, I guess my best thing now is to be the best father I can to him.
Anyways, thanks again for all the kind comments and support -Chris.
The hardest thing really is not being able to see my little man every day... he is my pride and joy, and it sucks knowing that he will grow up in a "divided" family...
I am not sure if I have ever mentioned this but... I have NEVER met my father. Have no idea who he is, or anything... I don't want my son to have to grow up like that... so, I guess my best thing now is to be the best father I can to him.
Anyways, thanks again for all the kind comments and support -Chris.
09-21-2007, 04:29 PM
#38
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Originally Posted by sasha
Since you received the papers, have you talked to her and asked why she made this decision?
09-21-2007, 05:07 PM
#39
The sizzle in the Steak
Sorry to hear. Stay strong and stay on the path you are on now.
Try your damndest to keep the divorce civil....for your kid's sake.
Try your damndest to keep the divorce civil....for your kid's sake.
09-21-2007, 06:39 PM
#40
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Originally Posted by Moog-Type-S
Sorry to hear. Stay strong and stay on the path you are on now.
Try your damndest to keep the divorce civil....for your kid's sake.
Try your damndest to keep the divorce civil....for your kid's sake.
Does that sound half way decent?
I really just wanna make it easy, I don't wanna fight with her, or go through a messy divorce... I already have enough to deal with every day.
Thanks again guys.. you all make me feel half way sane.