So this is kinda like the "in love with your best friend" thread, but I just wanna know how many people think it's possible to be close friends with your ex.

Basically here's my situation... Met girl at my old job, started talking to girl, was secretly in love with girl for a year, made out with girl on beach one night, month later we both decide that the relationship wont work for religious reasons, we both want to be friends.

The thing that makes it so hard is the fact that she is one of two people alive in this world that I trust, and I truly consider her to be my best friend. As far as things are now I don't mind the situation, but my only fear is when we both start dating someone else. I know if the roles were changed up and I was the new guy in her life and there was someone like me in it, I would definitly feel threatened. I'm worried that our history with each other might hurt future relationships and one day we might have to decide between each other and the new people in our lives.

Any opinions? Btw if anything doesn't make sense, sorry, I've had a "little" bit to drink tonight.

 

Very possible, if both people have truly moved on.

 

That's gonna be hard. We were both each other's first love...not easy to forget.

 

I am still friends with mine. It did take some time though.

 

Not talking about forgetting, I'm talking about moving forward with your life and being open to opportunities with other people without regret.

 

nope not friends with the few i was involved with. Though we didnt all end on great terms. I am sure if you guys are really willing to move on you'll be fine to be good friends.

 

But do y'all think that it'll effect our future relationships with other people if we're still very close considering our history, whether we're over each other or not. Like I said, I know I'd feel threatened if I were in the next guy's shoes.

 

It can only affect future relationships if you let it.

Maybe you're not ready to move on just yet. You'll probably feel more comfortable with the future once you truly want the best for yourself and for her, which unfortunately, according to you, might not involve the two of you being a couple.

 

I'm good friends with mine. Took a little while but everything worked out. Pretty happy with the situation.

 

fukk religion.... better get at her or else u will regret that shit for the rest of your life..... u dont want life regrets........ it will haunt u..

 

My exboyfriend is honestly my best friend in the entire world. We see eye to eye on everything. I want all the best for him that the world has to offer, because he truly deserves it all and then some. I would truly love for him to find someone truly special, and I can only hope that he wants the same for me. It may be very hard to be just friends, but it will be for the best if it does.

 

x2

If I was his next girlfriend, I would be freaked the fuck out by the mere fact that he has a female friend who is so like him that it isn't even funny, down to shared interests and both driving the same type of car... and THEN it would be compounded by the fact that the girl and him once shared a very intimate relationship. But, the way we look at it, we simply can't be with people who don't understand our friendship.

The core of every relationship is made up of two elements; the friendship and the fire. Love is just friendship set on fire. And when the fire is done burning, you'll still be left with the ashes and it's up to you to determine what to make of it.

 

That is what I'm hoping for. I don't want to get back with her because I know the relationship would be doomed from the start, but I can't imagine my life without her in it. And I dont want us pining(sp?) over each other forever. I just want her to be happy and me to be able to find someone I love as much as I do her. I just have to make sure I back off some if the next guy feels threatened. I don't want screw up her next relationships.

 

Im still friends with my ex. It just takes time, and since we broke up a month ago its still awkward and we dont talk much. but we both insist on staying close friends, we both just gotta move on and then start from there.

 

I am in good terms with most of my exes but I don't hang out with any of them. As you already pointed out, it's not easy to maintain a friendship with someone you used to be intimate with once you are with someone else because of jealousy and sometimes insecurity.

 

Possible?
Recommended?

 

Not many people have a friend whom they can identify so closely, and it's perfectly natural to love those special friends in our lives. Things can begin to get complicated once that deep connection starts turning into something more like sexual desire.
What you should do is know how to observe if she has the same feelings for you. Remember, she might look at you as a brother-figure and be shocked when you tell her how you feel about her...this could ruin everything. Be careful about coming out too suddenly or openly. No matter what you have to say, there's always a gentle way to say it. You could talk to her gradually about your desire for something more and in case she doesn't feel the same, you two can still maintain your friendship if that doesn't work out.

Many people choose to preserve their relationship as it exists by just ignoring the attraction toward their bestfriend, not addressing the feelings could, over time, create a tension in the friendship. If you can honestly give up your attraction and be happy with the strong platonic friendship you already have with your soul mate, then you could decide to keep your feelings to yourself. But If they won't go away or they may lead to unhappiness, however, then you owe it to yourself and to your friendship to be open and honest about them. That frank communication, though, has to happen with the understanding that the feelings may very well not be reciprocated, and that there may be a period of awkwardness in your relationship as your friend deals with this information herself.

It is important to take your time and pick the right moment to tell her. Don't tell her right away- say things like,"You know, we've been friends for awhile and I really like you, I think we should date." If you have patience and with some luck things should work out. Most relationships are made long in advance, and are just waiting to happen... like my sister and brother in law. They were friends since grade school but never really got with each other until college.

 

I only consider 3 girls my ex... the rest were just hookups, dating, or whatever.

I am friends with 2 of them... and see them once in a while when I am visiting in NY. One of them I remained fairly good friends with. We communicate on email once fairly regularly. We also see each other sometimes when we are in NY. The guy she married was actually my best friend growing up from like age 5 to 14 (and we were still very good friends afterwards, but in HS you hang out with more then just one person, and while we had many mutual friends, we didn't hang out as much in HS verses when we were young, but still hung out quite a bit). My parents and his parents are still best friends, so I see her whenever we have family gettogethers with his family. She also helped me through the breakup with a girlfriend who happens to be the one I do not talk to. We also share the same wedding anniversary. In fact, their wedding was on our 1 year anniversary... and yes, we were invited. Not only that, but at their wedding she had her DJ make an announcement for our anniversary and they played OUR wedding song and called us up to start the dance... all of which was a surprise to us. I mean, after all, it was HER day... but she did that for us in front of his and her family and friends.

Not many people can have this... and she is really the only one of the 2 that I still talk to that I have this relationship with... but it wasn't hard. We were together in HS... didn't talk for about 6-8 months after we broke up (summer after I graduated)... but have been friends since. So if you subtract that small time frame when we didn't speak, we've been friends for ~14 years and counting including the time we were together (about a year and a half).

So I guess it depends on your situation and the maturity of the people involved.

 

My wife and I are both good friends with my ex of 3 years before I got married. My mother in law had liver cancer and passed away a couple years ago- then my ex's mom got liver cancer... my wife was there for my ex when she needed it and they became friends... pretty awesome. Now my ex is married and pregnant and her husband doesnt care for the fact that we are still friends.

 

damn, they sound like some good women.

 

I was good friends with mine, but that's because we were still keeping busy if you get my drift. But after that wore down and I got bored of her, we stopped talking. Anyway, it depends, the problem with your case is you've ALWAYS liked her, so it'll be hard to stop. If you can honestly look at her as just a friend I think you guys will be ok.

 

I couldnt stay best friends with an ex girlfriend since it would bother me knowing shes dating other guys and telling me about them.

Even though im on good terms with most of my ex girlfriends, i still dont like hearing their stories. I guess that means i never moved on according to this thread but then again i would never go back to any of them.

With that said, i think religion is a poor excuse not to be with someone. Most great relationships start out as best friends first and carry on into the relationship. Talk to most married people, they will say their significant other is their best friend.

 

And that's exactly as it should be.

 

I suppose it's different for every person.

I've have an ex that I'm friends with, and don't have a problem, but being that it was somewhat of a fling, I didn't really care much, but my other ex, my most recent one, I truly loved her, and whenever I see her, I get these awful panic attacks, where I can't think and act. It's bad enough we live in the same neighborhood. I guess that's how life punishes one right?

It'll all vary, for some its hard, for some its easy.

 

More trouble than it's worth in some cases...